Fix Me

by Aubry, A

  “I’m fine, honey.”

  “Please don’t lie to me. We’re married now,” he slowly stepped towards me and brushed his fingers against my cheek.

  My eyes instinctively closed to his touch. Finn took advantage of that and pushed the door open gently, stepping into the bathroom with me. He closed the door behind us and locked it.

  “Will you tell me what is wrong now? It’s just you and me,” his arm snaked around my waist, holding me like the night we met.

  “Why did you choose me?” I whispered.

  “Because you are smart, beautiful, and loving. You put others before yourself, even though that gets on my nerves sometimes. Because of the way that you look at me, with all the love in the world. You push me to be better, you support me no matter what. Your sassy mouth with its comebacks is a nice refreshing experience,” he stopped and playfully glared at me.

  I giggled softly, looking up at him, our eyes meeting.

  “But most importantly, I chose you because you make me a better man. I have never wanted to tell someone I loved them a million times in one day. I have never wanted to kiss someone as much as I want to kiss you. I have never wanted to physically show someone how much I love them as much as I want to spend every second I can doing that with you. My world was turned on its head the day that I met you and I will forever be grateful for that night.”

  My lips pursed as I hugged him tightly, burying my face in his chest. His cologne mixed with his own personal smell was the most soothing smell in the world. It helped me through so many tough times already. Now I had the rest of my life to be comforted by it.

  “Why are you asking me that though?” He said softly, running his fingers through my hair.

  I stepped back slowly and held my arms around to my sides, “Because, look at me…”

  “I am looking at you. I’m looking at the most beautiful girl I have ever seen in my whole life. I’m looking at the woman that I love more than anything in the world. I’m looking at my wife.”

  My heart skipped a beat. He must have been reading romance novels to find out how to get into a woman’s heart. There was no way that this was real. I discreetly pinched myself.

  “Did you just pinch yourself?” He raised his eyebrow at me.

  “Um…no?” It came out as a question rather than a statement.

  He chuckled and pulled me back against him, “Is this proof enough that I’m real?”

  He covered my mouth with his as his lips coaxed mine open for him. Fireworks were shooting off left and right as my fingers fisted in his hair. His tongue massaged mine in the way that only Finn could as his hand skated down my back and to my ass. When the hell did he become such a lover of my ass? He lifted his lips away as his forehead rested on mine. I kept my eyes closed, watching the last of the fireworks go off in my head.

  “Is that enough proof?” He whispered.

  I lightly shook my head, “I might need a little more convincing…”

  “That’s my girl,” Finn laughed as he returned to our kiss, pushing the passion up a few notches as he lifted me onto the vanity.

  Whenever we kissed, I never knew how much time had passed. For all we knew, there could have been a line outside the door of people having to pee, but we didn’t care. I needed this moment, I needed to affirm that my dream man was in the flesh in front of me. When we came up for air, I swore I could still see the fireworks even with my eyes open.

  “Is this about Celeste?” He finally asked.

  I nodded, “You told me last night she was pretty, you failed to mention that she looked like she just walked off the set of a southern belle fashion shoot.”

  “And I told you that I had raging hormones as a fourteen-year-old boy. All I saw were big tits and a round ass.”

  My mouth fell open as I playfully hit his chest.

  He held his hands up in surrender, “I’m just telling you the truth.”

  I brought my gaze down to the way my dress fell over my body as I sat down on the vanity, “Some women were talking about how I must be pregnant. Do I really look that fat?”

  Finn lifted my chin, forcing my eyes to meet his, “You aren’t fat. That is Michael in your head talking. One of these days I’m going to show you just how much I love every square inch of your body. But until then, we both know you aren’t pregnant. You just had your period and you are on the pill. And sometimes we even use a condom.”

  “That sometimes is getting rather slim,” I laughed.

  “Well now we’re married, we can stop using the damn things.”

  Shaking my head in exasperation, I slid off the vanity, “Ready to get back to your party?”

  He took my hand, “If you mean our party then yes, I am.”

  Finn led me back through the house but stopped me just before we were about to walk onto the patio to join our guests. His hands cupped my cheeks as he gazed into my eyes.

  “Before we go out there, you have to answer a few questions,” he smiled slyly.

  “Okay, what are the questions?” I tried to take his hands off my face, but they wouldn’t budge.

  “First, who is the girl that I chose to marry?”

  I sighed, “Me.”

  “Good. Who is the girl that I love?”

  I rolled my eyes, seeing where he was going with this, “Me.”

  “Mhm. Who is the girl that I will spend every day of my life telling her how beautiful she is until she stops being so damn stubborn and starts believing it?”

  “Me.”

  “And who is the girl that I will fuck so hard tonight that she screams my name?”

  “Okay, okay I get it! It’s me!” I groaned loudly at his words.

  The elderly ladies by the door heard my last answer and turned to look at us.

  “Damn straight it is. Now get your beautiful ass out there and start talking to our guests.” He released my face and playfully smacked my ass as I turned to open the sliding door.

  “Oh, you’re gonna get it later,” I scowled at him as I stepped out onto the patio, giving the elderly women a polite smile before rushing off to a table that Cooper was standing at.

  Chapter Twelve

  The party died down after several hours of getting to meet most of the members of what was now my family. Finn, myself, his brothers and their spouses were all sitting at a table animatedly talking while Esme was asleep and Sofie was in the living room watching a movie. I was clutching onto Finn’s arm, his hand resting gently on my thigh as Ashton told a funny story about one of Violet’s false labor pains and his rush to get her to the hospital. As we all laughed so hard our stomachs hurt, Carol came around and sat at the table.

  “I think it is time for a family meeting,” she said once we all quieted down.

  Uh oh, well…I guess I could go sit with Sofie while she watches whatever animated movie she picked off Netflix. I let go of Finn’s arm and put my hands on the table as I started to stand up.

  “Julianna…where are you going? You are part of the family now,” Finn said as he eyed me skeptically.

  Oh, right. Duh Julianna, you got married.

  “Oh yeah…sorry. Force of habit,” I nervously chuckled as I took my seat again.

  Finn shook his head at me before he placed a gentle kiss against my temple. His hand returned to its spot on my thigh and my arms wrapped around his arm as I rested my head against his shoulder.

  “So, what’s the family meeting for, Ma?” Cooper asked, finishing off his beer.

  “It came to my attention this morning that none of my boys followed the rules of not having sex until marriage,” she said softly.

  All of us wives looked at each other nervously as Cooper and Ashton gave Finn the death stare.

  “You ratted us out to Mom?” Ashton asked as he crossed his arms over his chest.

  “I wasn’t expecting her to find an unused condom on my floor or walk in on me and Julianna fucking in the shower this morning,” Finn openly admitted.

  “Uh…Finn? You could ha
ve not added that last tidbit in there,” I scolded him.

  But it was already too late, his mother was scowling at him for dropping the F bomb and his brothers mouths were agape that we were stupid enough to 1) leave an unopened condom on his floor and 2) have sex in the shower while his mom was home.

  “Didn’t we teach you anything in high school, Finn? Always have sex somewhere else,” Cooper emphasized ‘always’ pretty intensely.

  “Does that mean I was the first girl you snuck into your room?” I asked. I’d be surprised if he said yes.

  “Yeah, I followed their rule to a T before I brought you home,” he looked at me.

  Cue the surprise. He acted like he had secret sex in his childhood bedroom all the time.

  “The condom wasn’t all that I found before I walked in on you two,” his mother said matter-of-factly.

  “Then what else did you find that was so incriminating?” Finn rolled his eyes.

  “The torn lingerie on the floor.”

  My eyes widened, I had completely forgotten about that.

  “Way to go, Finn!” Ashton raised his hand for a high five, but Violet pulled his arm down.

  I could feel my cheeks turn pink. Now she knew that I snuck into her youngest son’s bedroom in nothing but a lingerie nightgown.

  “What hurts the most about all this is that you are having unprotected sex, Finn,” his mother said sadly.

  “We aren’t having unprotected sex. Well, we weren’t but now that we’re married we will.”

  I hit his arm softly, “Hold back on the details, baby.”

  “Then how do you explain the unopened condom and the fact that there were no condom wrappers or used condoms in either trash can in your room and bathroom?”

  “Oh you mean like, condom unprotected sex? I thought you just meant like…preventing pregnancy unprotected sex. Because Julianna is on the pill for that.” My god, his brain to mouth filter sometimes made me want to kill him.

  I brought my head down against the table and groaned in exasperation as his brothers snickered, “Finn…just stop talking.”

  “I had the no sex until marriage rule for a reason but you all chose to break it. None of you ever bothered to ask why it was so important in the first place,” she took a drink of her champagne.

  “Then why not tell us?” Ashton asked, holding Violet’s hand.

  “It all runs back to when your father left us all. I was scared that something would happen and one of you would end up being an unwed father and would turn your back on that child just as your father turned his back on you.”

  “But, Mom. None of us feel that way about children. I have specifically had protected sex any time that I have had sex because I didn’t want to have children outside of marriage. My children deserve both a mother and a father who are in it one hundred percent.” Finn finally said something intelligent!

  “Well said, brother,” Ashton and Cooper raised their empty bottles to him.

  “I’m happy that you all feel so passionately about being there for your children. It is important. But there was something that Julianna said this morning that really struck a chord for me and made me think about my thoughts on the no sex before marriage rule,” she looked at me, her eyes softening.

  “Uh…what did I say?” I looked over at Finn, he looked just as confused as me.

  She took a deep breath, “You said, ‘that’s how Finn tells me he loves me in a way that words can’t express’. What did you mean by that exactly?”

  Finn nodded when I glanced over at him again, giving my thigh a light squeeze.

  “When I met Finn, I had just gotten out of a very emotionally abusive three-year relationship,” I paused, and looked back at Finn as tears welled up in my eyes, “The man I was with, he would put me down in any way he could think of. Calling me names, picking on the flaws of my body, using my body to relieve himself because he told me that nobody else would find my body or me attractive. He would tell me I was lucky that he loved me or else he wouldn’t have sex with me. Our intimacy was limited to one position because if he saw me in any other way, he complained about seeing how heavy I was and that it turned him off.”

  Finn leaned forward and planted a soft kiss on my lips as he rubbed my back, encouraging me to continue.

  “The second I met Finn, I knew he was different from the guy that I had finally just left. He even let me complain about the guy as we talked the very first night we met. He told me he didn’t see anything wrong with me and when we went on our first date, he told me I looked beautiful, that I took his breath away,” a tear rolled down my cheek at the sweet first memories of our relationship. I quickly wiped it away.

  “It was hard for me to understand that someone thought I was beautiful. After years of being put down every single day, you learn to believe what that person is saying to you. Shortly after we met, Finn made love to me. The way he looked at me, the way he held me…his sweet words…it made me feel like what he was saying was true. The further we got into our relationship and the more we disclosed about our past relationships and loves, I could feel myself feeling better, more confident,” I brushed the backs of my fingers against Finn’s cheek as he smiled at me. I happily returned his smile.

  “He does tell me he loves me, many times a day. And I love to hear him say it. But it’s when we have those few intimate moments together, where it’s nobody else in the world but us, that shows me that Finn truly loves me, body, mind, and soul.”

  Amelia loudly sniffled as she wiped her tears away. Her pregnancy hormones must have been kicking in.

  “Why did you two rush to get married at the courthouse this morning?” Violet asked.

  Carol looked like she was just about to ask the same question. I looked at Finn, it was his turn to answer.

  “Because I couldn’t imagine my life without this girl being mine for another minute. I almost lost her once, I swore to her that I would never let that happen again,” his eyes never left mine as he answered.

  “What do you mean you almost lost her?” Cooper questioned.

  “You want to tell them, or should I?” Finn asked me, his eyes searching mine.

  “I’ve already talked about it too much…it still brings back the nightmares when I do…” I said softly.

  “Nightmares? Over a near breakup? What the hell?” Ashton said before he was chided by his mother for swearing.

  Just the thought of the attack had triggered nightmares since Monday’s horrendous meeting with Michael and his therapist. Finn could see it on my face that the memories were going on in my head as my hand instinctively rubbed where Michael’s hand had left bruises on my arm.

  “Come here baby, I’ll tell them,” Finn held out his arms.

  I got up from my spot and sat sideways on his lap, resting my head against his chest as he cradled me to him.

  “Finn, seriously, tell us what you’re talking about,” Cooper ordered.

  “Julianna was attacked by her ex-boyfriend while I was out of town for preseason,” he started, only stopping to kiss the back of my head that I had hit on the coffee table.

  “She had a restraining order against him and we had been dating for almost three weeks. By that point, we were already saying I love you. The day I left for preseason, her ex, Michael, somehow got the order thrown out. He was a lawyer who had his father’s powerful name behind him, so he probably pulled some strings. The next day, he showed up at her apartment.”

  I shivered at the memory, Finn’s arms came tight around me, “It’s okay baby, I’m right here.”

  Everyone stayed silent until he continued, “He forced himself into her apartment when she accidently opened the door thinking it was her friend who had just left. He got pissed off that I started to FaceTime her like we had done the night before. Even though I was practically across the country from her, I still wanted to see her face before she went to bed. He figured out that I wasn’t in town and that is when he choked her, threw her back causing her to hit her head, and t
ried to rape her. Luckily, somehow, my beautiful girl found it in her to get away and run for help. He bruised her neck, her arm, and cut her cheek from slapping her…she was unconscious for three days.”

  “No fucking way,” Ashton said, his mouth hanging open. This time, his mother didn’t chastise him for swearing because she looked like she wanted to say the same thing.

  “Her friend Angie, who was her emergency contact, called me the second that she saw Julianna in the hospital, battered, bruised, and barely alive. She begged me to come back, told me that Julianna needed me. I hopped on the next flight that I could get after explaining to Coach what happened. I didn’t even hear the whole fucking story until the cops came in and told me what Michael had confessed to, Julianna filled in the rest for me when she woke up.”

  I felt his lips press against my head a few times, when I looked up at him, a tear was running down his cheek. I couldn’t remember if I had ever seen Finn cry. He was always so strong. My fingers brushed away his tear before my arms wrapped tight around him.

  “I sat at the hospital for three days, talking to her as she slept,” he paused. I hadn’t even heard this part of the story yet, we never discussed it.

  “I held her hand, kissed her bruises, willing her to wake up and come back to me. I promised her over and over that I would never let this happen to her again, that I would always be there to protect her for as long as I lived.”

  Some medical experts say that when someone is in a coma, they can still hear you. There are others out there who believe that that is a bunch of crap. When I woke up from being unconscious, I didn’t remember a thing from the time I passed out in my neighbors living room to waking up to see Finn walk into my room. But as he told his story about what he said to me, what he did for me as I slept? Suddenly, everything rushed back to me like I had blocked it out.

  “Julianna, if you can hear me, and the doctors say that you can, I just want you to know that I am here, that I came back for you.”

  “It’s late, the doctors and nurses are telling me to go home, that visiting hours are over. But your mom told them I can stay. I will be right here when you wake up, I promise.”