Fix Me

by Aubry, A

  His warm lips pressed against my arm, “Oh baby, I’m so sorry that I left. Please forgive me.”

  “You’re missing the snowfall that is happening outside. But I guess that is a good thing, you were saying just how tired you were getting of winter and snow. If you would just wake up, we could watch it together from the window.”

  I felt his lips press against my neck, small pecks tracing some type of pattern before his fingers brushed over where he kissed, “This is never going to happen again, I will protect you from this monster. Even if I have to spend my whole life fighting.”

  “It’s been three days…the doctors say that this is all dependent on you. Jules, please come back to me, we still have so much time left together. I love you.”

  “I told her… ‘If you come back to me…’” Finn started saying.

  “… ‘I’ll be with you forever’,” I finished for him.

  He pulled back and looked down at me, “How do you know that’s what I said?”

  A pain pierced my head as memories of everything anyone said to me and around me in the hospital came rushing back. The ambulance asking me if I could hear them as they flashed a light in my eyes, the police telling Angie that I was attacked by Michael and her worried sobs. Her phone call to Finn as she sat next to me, telling him to come as fast as he could. Her reassurances that he would be there soon. My mother walking in and her late-night talks with Finn about us. The nurses cheerily saying that they had a good feeling about today, assumingly in the mornings for daily checks. Finn’s confessions of never loving someone as much as he loved me.

  I grabbed onto my head and cried out, so many voices floating through my head I felt like I had multiple personalities taking over.

  “Coop, help her!” Finn called out.

  Cooper ran around the table and kneeled in front of me, taking my head in his hands. Thank god for having a doctor in the family, right?

  “Julianna, you need to tell me what’s wrong,” Cooper said as calmly as he could.

  “Make it stop!” I begged.

  “Make what stop?”

  “The memories!” I started sobbing as I could hear my mom telling Finn about my childhood, how my father had broken my little ten-year-old heart.

  “What memories is she talking about, Coop? She already had all her memories of the attack. What the fuck is wrong?” Finn was breathing heavily beside me.

  “This is very normal in patients who went through a traumatic experience that was paired with a brain injury…you said she hit her head, correct?” Cooper looked at my head before Finn pointed out exactly where I had hit it.

  “When she was unconscious, her brain likely blocked out many of the things from the outside world as it tried to process what was happening. Before today, have you ever told Julianna what you said to her when she was unconscious?” Blurrily, I saw Cooper kneel back down in front of me, his fingers checking my pulse in my wrist.

  “No, I never did. Why, what did I do?” I could feel his hand shaking on my back.

  “You helped her remember, Finn. Those are the memories she’s getting back right now. When they do come back, I have had patients say that they hurt like a bitch…especially if there are many memories that were repressed. In Julianna’s case, she had three days of her mind being aware of everything around her but pushing it off to process it at another time.”

  The pain started to decrease in my head, my vision finally starting to clear up. I was panting as though I had been running for hours. The last memories of my final moments of unconsciousness finally catching up with me.

  “I’m going to take a nap if you don’t mind, Finn,” my mother said softly from beside me.

  “No, you need your rest, Deborah. After her next checkup in fifteen minutes, I’m going to get a cup of coffee. I need to be fully awake if she wakes up,” his voice gave away just how tired he was.

  “Finn, you need to sleep as well. She is safe now. Why don’t you just go get some coffee and breakfast? She will still be here when you get back.”

  “No, that’s alright. I’ll wait another fifteen minutes, then I will go,” his hand clutched mine, his thumb skimming over the back.

  “Okay, wake me up if anything happens,” the sound of loud cushions moving followed.

  “Good morning baby, I’m still here, I’ll always be here,” Finn whispered, his lips pressing gently against my lips.

  “Good morning, Finn. How’s our patient doing today?” A chipper female voice asked from my right side. Had it been fifteen minutes already?

  “Hi Erica, she’s holding strong and steady. You know, I used to love how stubborn she was but now it’s kind of pissing me off,” Finn quietly joked as he gave my hand a squeeze.

  “I have a great feeling about today though, Finn. Why don’t you go get your cup of coffee? My checks will be done pretty quick.”

  The sound of the chair beside my bed scooting back told me that Finn stood up.

  “I’ll be right back baby, you know I can’t survive without my morning coffee,” his lips brushed against my forehead.

  No, don’t go…I need to see your face. I promise I’ll wake up, I’m coming back to you.

  God damn it body, stop being stubborn. Finn needs me, just like I need him.

  “You didn’t want to go…” I whispered, finally releasing my hands from my head.

  “What? Julianna, what are you talking about?” Finn turned my face to his before Cooper turned it back to him.

  I gently slapped Cooper’s hand away and looked back at Finn who chuckled at my hit, “You didn’t want to go get your morning coffee right away the morning I woke up. My mom, the nurse, they told you to go, that I would still be there when you got back. But when Erica told you she was going to do her checks, you finally went. I was screaming in my head for you not go to, that I was going to wake up…that I was coming back to you…”

  “Oh, Jules,” Finn groaned as he kissed me hard.

  Cooper cleared his throat, forcing us apart.

  “Mind if I do a few checks now?” Cooper asked, bringing my attention back to him.

  “You were right, those memories coming back, they hurt like a bitch. Remind me to never go unconscious again.”

  His family chuckled at my answer as Cooper checked some normal vitals and a few other tests.

  “For the last time, Coop. I can see the fucking light in my peripheral…now stop.”

  “You heard the girl,” Finn said as he hugged me close to him.

  Michael’s dark face loomed over me, “Little Mr. Perfect isn’t going to come save you now.”

  His hands ripping my shirt in two as he greedily licked his lips.

  “You are mine.”

  I sat up, my body covered in a thin layer of sweat, “FINN!”

  The door to the guest room swung open, why the fuck did I sleep in here alone again?

  Finn raced into the room, his boxers the only thing covering his body as he sat next to me on the bed and pulled me into his arms, “I’m here, you’re safe.”

  Burying my face into his chest, I breathed him in, “He was there again…he said you weren’t going to save me…”

  “I will always be here to save you, Julianna,” he whispered into my hair.

  “Why did I sleep in here again?” I looked up at him.

  “Because you are stubborn and felt bad about breaking my mother’s rules last night,” he playfully scowled at me.

  “Don’t leave me alone…” I quietly requested.

  “Okay, come here,” he said standing up from my bed and hoisting me up as he cradled me in his arms.

  As we walked past his mother’s room, the door opened, “Is she alright, dear?”

  Finn didn’t stop walking, “Everything is okay, she’s going to sleep in my bed tonight.”

  She didn’t object before she closed the door.

  We entered his room and he closed the door with his foot. Finn laid me down on his bed and tucked me in before taking his place beside me. />
  “You think you’ll be able to fall back to sleep? We only have a few more hours before we have to head to the airport,” he rolled over onto his side, facing me.

  I laid on my side and scooted so close to him that my nose touched his chest, “I think I’ll be all better now.”

  Finn softly chuckled as he placed an arm around my waist and rested his head above mine on the pillow. A welcome sleep dragged me back under with no Michael in sight.

  “Uh, why are you wearing sunglasses inside, Julianna?” Angie and Bo both asked me as I walked into the locker room with Finn, rolling my suitcase behind me.

  “Because she doesn’t drink coffee, that’s why,” Finn teased as he kissed my lips and walked over to his wooden locker area to get dressed for the game.

  We had landed just in time to head straight to TCF Bank Stadium via Uber, an hour before the game. The morning had been excruciating, my nightmare that woke me up last night must have had me tossing and turning for hours. I only assumed that because when Finn woke me up after my completely peaceful sleep, I felt like those few hours were the only sleep that I had gotten all night.

  “Were you able to grab that suitcase for me from Finn’s?” I asked Angie discreetly.

  “Yeah, Bo let me in and I found it right where you said. It’s in the trunk of his car, all ready for our drive to the airport,” Angie smiled, “I’m so excited!”

  Finn walked over to us, his gray uniform looking hotter than ever, “Did you tell them without me?”

  “Tell us what?” Bo asked quickly.

  “No, I didn’t tell them anything. I was just telling Angie and Bo that they could come in when they dropped us off after the game. You know, pizza and movie double date night?” I came up with something on the spot.

  “That sounds amazing, baby,” he pressed a light kiss to my lips.

  “Tell us what!?” Angie begged, reaching out for my shoulder and shaking me.

  Finn looked at me with a smirk before he called his whole team over. Once his head coach joined from the office, Finn and I stood by his locker as he stood up on the small bench within it.

  “As all of you know, I asked Julianna to marry me last week when we were in New York,” he said loudly, the room quieting down after they murmured their ‘we knows’.

  “Well, yesterday, we got married at the courthouse in Atlanta while we were visiting my family. I’d like to introduce you all to my wife, Julianna McAllister,” he held his hand out to me and I stood up on his bench with him as the team cheered loudly including my best friend in the back.

  During halftime, the announcer of the game announced to everybody there that Finn and I had gotten married yesterday, even bringing me up on the large jumbotron as I blushed and waved. The team’s twitter also posted its own congratulations to us. Shane had texted me that he wanted to run a story on mine and Finn’s relationship calling us Soccer’s own America’s Sweethearts, but I told him I had to talk to Finn about it. He liked to keep his private life private, which was understandable with how much he was in the public eye.

  Once the game was over, the team pulling out a win, Angie, Bo, Finn, and I all piled into Bo’s car as he headed toward the airport. Finn didn’t even question where we were going until we pulled into Terminal One of the airport.

  “Why are we back at the airport?” Finn asked, glancing out the window as Bo pulled into long-term parking.

  “This is your birthday present from me,” I smiled.

  “You bought me an airport?” He teased.

  “No, smartass. You and I…and Bo and Angie are going to Miami for the week. Consider this part one of our honeymoon.”

  He leaned in and kissed me, “You planned this all on your own?”

  I nodded, “Just for you. Happy birthday, Mr. McAllister.”

  “I love you so much, Mrs. McAllister.”

  That will never get old.

  Chapter Thirteen

  “Would you like another drink, Julianna?” Finn asked from his lounge chair beside me.

  “Maybe just some water, we’ve been in the sun for a while,” I looked over at him, his sculpted body had an amazing tan as his skin glistened thanks to the sunscreen he had let me rub on him. My eyes lingered a little too long on the blue swim trunks that he was wearing.

  “Shall we find a drunk to shove you into my arms?” He chuckled, recalling the night we met.

  I lowered my sunglasses on my nose, “I don’t think we will need that. I would willingly fall into your arms anytime.”

  “Guys, you need to go out in the water! It’s amazing out there today, very calm!” Angie smiled as she walked back towards us, hand in hand with Bo.

  “What do you say, husband? Wanna check out the water with me?” I stood up, closing my book and lying it on my chair.

  Finn had talked me into buying a few bikinis when we were shopping on Monday, and I wore one today just for him. By the time that we got back to our rooms the last few nights, Finn and I had been passing out from spending almost all day in the sun. But now that pent up steam that Dr. Miller told me to expel…it was reaching its tipping point. So, here I was, standing on a beach full of people in the small pink and blue bikini that my husband had talked me into buying. The only sign of interest that he showed was when he rubbed me down with sunscreen.

  “It sounds refreshing, let’s take a dip,” he smiled as he put down his sports section of the newspaper.

  Since Finn and I landed in Miami with our two best friends, we had put ourselves on a technology block. The only time we had access to our cellphones was when we were in our hotel room or were out on the town and needed to keep in contact with Bo and Angie if they separated from us. Thanks to this, Finn looked crazy every morning getting the newspaper just so that he could read the sports section to keep up on his competitors. I wasn’t complaining though, since we didn’t have our phones to distract us, Finn and I had bonded far more than we had over the last two months.

  Today marked the fifth day of our weeklong vacation. Being Friday, all the bars around town were having specials and since we were coming so close to the end of our vacation, Angie and I were going to tear ourselves away from our men and hit up ladies night. We had been spending a lot of time together in double date and beach day scenarios, but sometimes it was nice to hang out with your friend one-on-one.

  Finn stood up from his lounge chair and took my hand, leading us out to the water. My skin was now hot from both the sun and the touch of my husband. When my toes left the hot, dry sand and met the cool, wet sand that the water ran up to, a small chill ran down my spine. The water rushed up to cover my feet, feeling exponentially colder than if I took an ice cube and put it on my body. I squealed and tried to run away back to the warm sand, but Finn hooked his arm around me and held me in place. Goosebumps prickled up my arms and legs.

  “How many times do I have to tell you that if you run away from the water, you won’t get used to it?” Finn laughed as he kissed my lips, igniting the flame of desire that had been smoldering deep within me for days.

  “It’s j-just s-so c-c-cold,” I stuttered, my teeth starting to chatter as he slowly led me into the water.

  Soon it was up to my ankles, then my knees, before it finally hit my hips. Finn had been right every time, the more I moved into the water, the more my body adjusted to the temperature. While the cold water started to feel good against my now sun kissed, tan skin, it did nothing to put out the flame that burned inside for Finn. The water was finally up past my shoulders and I was wading as my feet could barely touch the sand below us. Finn, of course, was still standing straight up with his feet planted firmly on the ground. All because he was a foot taller than me, lucky bastard.

  I dipped my hair back into the water, the sun making my dark chocolate brown hair feel hot on my head.

  “See, I told you it would feel good,” Finn smirked at me as I wrung out the water from my hair.

  “I already know not to doubt you,” I stuck my tongue out and splashed
him with a small handful of water.

  He raised an eyebrow at me, “You really wanna start this war again? You got pretty wet the last time.”

  Let’s roll back. It was day three. Finn and I were swimming in the ocean, two newlyweds in love. I made one move to splash him as he swam after me, his movements made him seem like he was trying to act like a shark swimming after its prey. Next thing I knew, Finn and I were in a full-on splash zone war. His large powerful arms sending giant waves of water at me as I tried to swim away. When I finally called truce, my hair was dripping wet in its bun on top of my head and I was wiping saltwater from my eyes. Finn on the other hand, was dry from the neck up.

  I swam up close to him, putting my left hand on his chest before letting it slide down slowly over his shimmering torso, my engagement and wedding rings glistening in the sun, “I’m already wet because of you.”

  Finn groaned at my touch, as he looked deep into my eyes, “You are?”

  “Oh, Finn,” I shook my head as though I were about to chide him, “I’ve been wet for days.”

  His eyes flickered with lust as he processed my words. He licked his lips as he reached out and gripped my sides, “How have I not noticed?”

  Out of the confidence that only Finn made me feel, I put my right hand on his left that caressed my side and slowly guided it towards the apex of my thighs. We were so far from the shore that anybody who was lying there wouldn’t know what we were doing. But we would know, and it only made me get even more hot and bothered.

  “Because you haven’t touched me,” I whispered, easing his hand into the bottom of my bikini.

  Finn’s breath hitched in his throat, his fingers running over my clit. I leaned my head back and let out a small moan. The feeling that surged through my veins was the thing I had been chasing after for three straight days. He circled my clit slowly as he brought his lips down to my neck. I reached around his torso to his back, moaning into his chest.

  “I guess I have been neglecting my wife. Let me make up for that, baby,” he said quietly against my skin as his circles picked up speed and he put more pressure against the most sensitive part of me.