Tainted Love

by Jaimie Roberts

  Lust.

  I’m feeling it all. Lust. Hunger. Heat. Anger. Hurt. Jealousy.

  And I am jealous. I hate to fucking admit it, but as I watch her take him into her mouth and Charlie hisses with fucking pleasure, all I can think about is how I wish I was her.

  His eyes fly open, and I gasp, thinking he’s going to see me here watching, but he’s so engrossed in what she’s doing that he doesn’t spot me. He doesn’t look down for some reason, just pumps her head on his cock, making her take him deeper into his mouth. It’s ferocious but somehow erotic. She’s gagging, making loud, slushy sounds with her mouth, unable to take him in so deep. She doesn’t stop, though, just diligently keeps on going, trying her best to give him the pleasure he’s seeking. His forehead is crinkled like he’s in pain or something else. Could it be anger? Frustration? He grunts several times, my heart rate picking up a notch. I should leave, but my feet are cemented to the ground watching this disturbing but erotic scene in front of me. I’m so engrossed that I forget I should have left ages ago until the sound of Chris’s horn outside alerts me to his impatience. I gasp, looking back, but then remember Charlie could have heard. I glance a look back, hoping with all hope that he didn’t hear the horn or me gasping, only to see a pair of dark orbs staring at me in the darkness. He doesn’t say anything, just stares, but it’s enough to have me turning on my heel as quickly as possible heading straight for the door. I don’t bother with the bell this time, he’s already heard me, so what’s the point? I make sure to lock the door then turn to Chris who is by the bike, his arms out in question.

  “Sorry, I couldn’t find my bag at first,” the lie easily leaving my lips. “Charlie must have hid it out of sight in the cupboard, and it was the last place I looked.”

  He hands me the helmet, smiling. “No worries. At least you have it now. Come on, let’s get home.”

  I nod, securing the helmet on my head before placing my leg over and settling myself onto the bike’s seat. Just as we’re pulling away, I notice the woman who was just with Charlie walking swiftly out from the back, heading into the road, walking away. Now her skirt is pulled down to its original height just above the knee, her coat wrapped tightly around her. She wipes at her lips, causing another wave of jealousy to rush through me.

  As we pull away, her figure quickly fading, I have to wonder... She can’t be anything special to him as no woman he would have respect for would be on her knees in a hallway one minute then sent on her way the next. Could she be a prostitute? She didn’t look like one, but what does a prostitute really look like? All these questions and more whirl around my head, but the one that tops all the most is… why did that sexual act make him seem so… I don’t know… irate?

  I dread the day ahead as I get ready the next morning. Chris and I spent the remainder of the evening—as he suggested—talking of nothing else but our upcoming holiday and basking in nothing but orgasmic, angry sex. The scene replaying in my head of that woman with Charlie fuelled my frustration, causing me to ride Chris’s cock like a madwoman, digging my nails into his flesh until he bled. Although Chris hissed, he never made a move to stop me. In fact, our orgasms came hard and fast, causing me to collapse in a heap on his chest until our breathing calmed. Afterwards, I licked the blood off his chest, an act Chris found so erotic that he flipped me over and fucked me into oblivion once more. I quickly zonked out and didn’t wake until my alarm did.

  “I have a free day,” Chris says, biting into a piece of toast and handing another to me. “Why don’t I drop you off and pick you up later? It saves you bringing the car and parking in that—most of the time—uninhabited car park.”

  I shiver, still thinking of that day. “Okay, sounds like a plan. I’ll message you once I know what Charlie says.” I crunch into my toast, grabbing my bag and placing my phone inside.

  “As soon as you let me know I’ll book the flights.”

  “Where would we fly to?”

  “Gibraltar is nearest, but we’d have to cross the border into Spain. Malaga is the next. I’ll go for whatever’s the most available and more convenient.”

  I nod my head, grateful for this opportunity to get away for a bit. I think after yesterday it’s necessary. Maybe it was even fated.

  A set of arms wraps around me as I bite into the last piece of my toast. “You were an animal last night,” he whispers softly into my ear, causing goosebumps to rise.

  I smirk, my head resting back against his chest. I ignore the pang of guilt as to why I was an animal, as he put it, and, instead, bask in the safety of his arms.

  “If I can get home early today, I will.” If I could avoid going in at all, I would, but I have to in order to get the permission I need to take time off, and also to get the last week or so’s accounts in order. I haven’t been keeping on top as much as usual because my head hasn’t been in the right place. But today, I will have no excuse. It’ll be a good thing as it will allow me to put all my concentration into that and not all the other shit I have to deal with. That’s if I don’t have many customers today.

  A deep pain in the pit of my stomach causes me to close my eyes. What if Pete shows his head today? It’s not a question of if but when that day will happen. He knows my secret, which can only mean one thing. He’s going to use it to blackmail me. And I have a feeling it won’t be for money. My gut twists at the thought of what I will do if faced with that scenario. I’ll have to protect my secret at all costs, but not with sex.

  Please, God… anything but that.

  “Anytime you’re ready, baby, I’ll collect you.”

  And just like that, all dark thoughts leave my head as I twist around in his arms to face him. His twinkling, light blue eyes dance over my face with nothing but love as I place both arms around his back and pull him to me.

  “I love you,” I whisper, closing my eyes and breathing in his sweet, citrus scent.

  His hand brushes my hair as he bends down, kissing my head. “I love you too, baby. Always have, and always will. Till my last breath leaves my body.”

  I hate that Chris brings up death so often, but today I don’t scold him for it. In his early days with me, all he ever talked about was death. He saw so much of it that it became a primary aspect of his life. Over time, when with me he would speak of it less and less, but there are still occasions where he brings it up, causing me to wince, remembering back to those days when he was in such a dark place. I am his light, as he tells me.

  A swift pat on my bottom snaps me out of my trance. “Come on, beautiful. The quicker we can get you to work, the quicker you can get home, and we can start to pack.”

  I don’t argue with that. I jump into action, gathering my things, but all the while dread pools in the pit of my stomach. It grows the nearer we get to the shop, and then it becomes almost unbearable by the time I’ve said my goodbyes to Chris, and I walk the few steps towards the door.

  I take in a much-needed breath, closing my eyes as I place the key in the door and push it open. I exhale when I don’t find Charlie in the room. I close the door, swing the CLOSED sign to OPEN like normal, approach the counter, and set my bag down. The moment I’m in my seat glancing at the paperwork in front of me, a steaming mug of tea is set down on the counter.

  My heart rate picks up. I don’t want to face him, but I have no alternative now. “Thank you,” I whisper softly, swirling in my seat to face him, shocked at the dark, weary circles under his eyes. For a moment I waver, completely forgetting everything that happened yesterday. He notes the concern in my eyes, but before I can say anything, he cuts me off.

  “You’re welcome.”

  He turns to walk away, but I know that if I don’t grab this opportunity now, I never will. Besides, I imagine that Chris will be waiting diligently by his phone, expecting my call or message that lets him know we can go on Saturday.

  “Charlie,” I call, flinching slightly when he stops still, his shoulders rigid. He turns to face me, his indifference causing a pang in my stomach.<
br />
  “I have an opportunity to go on holiday for a couple of weeks, but if I go it’ll mean today will be my last day as we’d fly tomorrow. I know it’s short notice, but…”

  “Is this about last night?” he asks, shocking the hell out of me.

  I swallow hard, my nerves kicking in. “I didn’t mean to spy, I only came to collect the handbag I had forgotten when I came across… never mind,” I say, closing my eyes and trying to shake that mental image out of my head.

  “You didn’t answer the question,” he barks, making me jump. “And I wasn’t talking about that.”

  Shame and dejection wash over me again as the attempted kiss slices through my mind, a never-ending loop of torture.

  “No, it’s not that,” I answer, turning away in shame. “I just need to get away.”

  “I think it’ll be a good thing… to create some space, clear your head. Plus, you’ve had hardly any time off since you started here, so two weeks off might just be the thing you need.”

  Hurt at the undertone of his meaning hits me hard. He wants space between us. With a sad smile, I nod my head. “Okay, thanks. I’ll make sure all the bookkeeping is up to date, so all you’ll have to do is manage the shop whilst I’m away.”

  His face wears the stone cold expression I was used to up until a couple of weeks back. “Good. Once you’re done, you can leave. Just let me know when that will be.”

  He makes a move to leave, but I halt him in his tracks with two words. “I’m sorry.” His shoulders are rigid, but on an exhale, he relaxes them, his head down. I wonder if he will turn, but all he does is stand for a second or two and then walk away.

  Closing my eyes, my stomach twists in knots. I’ve ruined everything, and I don’t know how I’m going to fix it. My head is in such a muddle right now. Maybe this two-week holiday will help me figure out some issues and come up with a plan. Maybe that plan will include admitting defeat and handing in my notice altogether. Maybe it won’t be a bad thing to talk to Chris and ask him if the money he’s saved is enough to start a new life—especially with Brandon’s family asking questions and now Pete.

  I take a deep breath and send a message to Chris that the holiday is a go. He replies back that he already bought the tickets as soon as I left. I roll my eyes. Typical Chris. He sometimes likes to make out that I have choices when really, I have none. If Charlie had said no, Chris would have found a way to convince him.

  I message back that I’ll let him know when I can come home then get to work on the bookkeeping. Around half an hour in, I’m interrupted by a couple of customers, but soon they’re gone, and I can finally get back to it. My phone pings with a message, but I ignore it. Another few minutes go by, and it pings again, but again, I ignore it. I manage to have an hour of uninterrupted bliss when another load of customers come in. This goes on until around three when I finally manage to close the books and put my pen down.

  I pick up my phone to message Chris when I see I have a message request in Facebook. I have an account, but I try not to use it too much. I deliberately changed my surname, and I’m unsearchable, but that doesn’t stop the odd pervert who sends a friend request to one of my friends and then sends me dick pics. It doesn’t happen often—thank God—but it’s not pleasant when it does.

  I click on the message request from some guy named Liam Payne, which I laugh at as I had a crush on Liam Payne when I was a teenager. This Liam is friends with a guy named Samuel who I used to go to school with. I can’t even remember the last time I spoke with Samuel.

  I click on the message, and all the colour drains from my face.

  Did you like my card?

  There’s a second message below the first one.

  I know you will try to avoid me, but pretty soon you will have no other choice but to face me and face the choices that you have made. I think you know what I mean.

  Under that is a photograph that has my head spinning. There’s definitely no denying now that he knows. My heart skips ten to the dozen as I block him then delete my profile altogether. He may try to intimidate me further, but he’ll find it hard to do when I’m almost fifteen hundred miles away. It’s easy to delete it all now and pretend it’s not there when I’m running away. Two weeks of not having this constant dark cloud hovering above me will feel like bliss. I just need to get home. Once I’m there in the safety of Chris and my packed bags, I’m confident I’ll feel better.

  I send a quick message to Chris to let him know I can come home then I head to the back, searching for Charlie.

  “Charlie?” I shout, heading towards the door of his office. He’s at his desk, hunched over, his head in his hands. “Charlie?” I ask again when he doesn’t flinch an inch. I place my hand on his shoulder to rouse him, and before I can blink, he shoots out of his chair and pushes me up against the wall, his arm pressed into my neck and a gun pointed to my head. His eyes are wild, but when he realises it’s me, he grits his teeth.

  “Fucking hell, Bri, don’t you dare sneak up on me like that again. I could have killed you!”

  My initial panic at being manhandled subsides, but he still has me pressed against the wall. “I… can’t… breath.” He releases his grip and with it a breath. “I’m sorry,” I gasp, still a little scared. Where the hell did that gun come from?

  “Will you stop fucking saying that?”

  “Why are you so angry at me?”

  He places the gun down on his desk, closing his eyes and holding the bridge of his nose. “I’m not angry.” He perches himself on the edge of his desk, an exhausted sigh leaving his lips. “I’m just tired.”

  From the dark circles under his eyes, I did gather that. It still doesn’t take away from the fact that something’s changed between us. It’s my fault, and only my fault, but when I see him suffering like this, for whatever reason, I can’t help but care.

  Without thinking, I take a step forward until I’m right in front of him then place my arms around his shoulders, pulling him in for a hug. For a moment he resists, his arms rigid with tension. But after I’m snuggled against him, his shoulders relax, and he hugs me back.

  “That woman last night. She was just someone I met at a local pub. I don’t normally pick up random women like that. I really don’t know what got into me.”

  I have no idea why he feels the need to explain his actions, but I’m glad he did. The relief of knowing she’s no one special courses through me—despite how fucked up that sounds.

  “You don’t owe me an explanation,” I whisper back, inhaling his musky scent and feeling on top of the world in his arms.

  “It kind of felt like I did,” he responds, stroking my hair. After a beat, I pull back, a perplexed look on his face.

  “What was that hug for?”

  I shrug, a small smile curving my lips. “I don’t know. I guess sometimes people just need a hug every now and then.”

  He snorts out a laugh. “Even after I’ve just treated you like shit all day?”

  “Especially because of that.”

  Charlie rises from his position on his desk and steps forward, surprising me when he brushes a piece of hair away from my face. “Why do you have to be so nice, Bri?”

  I frown at his question, but I’m also locked in place by the way he’s staring into my eyes. At first he searches my face, his eyes dancing around every pore, until they land on my lips. My breath hitches, and he senses it, his eyes widening with something. Is that… lust? I so want to ask what he meant by the question, but I also know I can’t stop this moment from happening, even if I tried.

  Ever so slightly, his face leans forward, our lips literally an inch apart. My heart freezes, my mind races. Everything comes to a stop… until the sound of the bell chimes, alerting us to a customer.

  Charlie snaps his eyes away from mine, the moment lost. “Are you done for the day?” he asks, his demeanour completely changed again.

  “Yes,” I whisper, my breath still getting away from me after that near kiss—or at least what I thi
nk was a near kiss.

  “Well, then. Gather your things, and go home to pack. I can take over from here.”

  Without another word, he walks around me, never glancing my way, and leaves me like a heaving mess in the middle of his office. My heart races, my mind whirls. Am I just imagining all this? Am I really reading into something that’s not there?

  I’m stuck in his office for a few more seconds, trying to gather my wits about me, before I turn and walk out to where Charlie’s dealing with Lottie. I put on a big smile as she comes into view. She loves Charlie, so she will no doubt be in her element having him deal with her and not me.

  “Afternoon, Lottie. How are you?”

  She reluctantly turns her eyes to me, causing a tiny snicker to leave my lips. Lottie doesn’t notice, but the swift turning of Charlie’s head towards me lets me know he heard it.

  “I’m doing very well, Bri. Just thought I would have another look around to see if I can pick up a bargain. It has been a while since I…” she turns her head back to Charlie, her eyes scanning his body, “looked at the goods.”

  I cover my hand to hide the snort leaving my lips, but Charlie’s glowering at me. I give him a knowing smirk and wink at him, a silent message conveyed. Yes, Lottie the Lover is at it again.

  “Well, I shall be going.”

  Charlie scowls at me. “You can’t leave me alone now,” he whisper-hisses under his breath.

  I flicker my eyelashes at him. “My boss told me I could go home now and pack.”

  “Pack?” Lottie asks, obviously picking up at least that word.

  I smile sweetly at her. “I’m going on holiday to Spain for two weeks tomorrow.”

  “Ah, Spain,” she replies, raising her hands up, pretending to hold castanets. “Olé!” She clicks her heels on the wooden floor a few times. I clap my hands, but Charlie grabs one, holding me in place.

  “Don’t encourage her,” he whispers, gritting his teeth. When she stops and gazes back at Charlie, he beams back at her, causing another giggle to erupt from me.