Treading Water

by Marie Force

  Chapter 29

  Clare was transferred to the rehabilitation center at Newport Hospital, and the doctors marveled at her speedy progress. She was eating solid food and beginning to regain some of the strength she’d lost, although it would be months before they’d know for sure about any limitations. Until then she was confined to a wheelchair and worked for hours each day with physical and occupational therapists.

  The girls spent as much time as they could with her and even participated in her therapy. Clare allowed Jack to visit with the girls, since they were so delighted to have their family back together, but she’d yet to speak to him again about Andi. In the meantime, she tried to cope with the fact that he’d brought another woman into his life and had two children on the way with her.

  She’d had several sessions with her psychiatrist and discussed some of her feelings about her husband with him. While the doctor was sympathetic to her plight, he urged her to remember how much can happen in three years’ time.

  The psychiatrist wanted to try hypnosis to jog her memory of the accident and the months leading up it, hoping to find something that might explain why she’d failed to act on the most human of impulses—to get out of the way of imminent danger. Clare promised to think about it, but for some reason, the idea frightened her.

  After a few weeks in rehab, she asked to see Jill and Kate alone, and they came in together on a Sunday afternoon—the one day off she had from the grueling physical therapy sessions.

  “Why did you want to see us, Mom?” Jill asked.

  “I want to know more about what happened when I was…sick. I don’t know who else to ask, so I’m asking you.”

  Kate and Jill exchanged glances.

  “I want to know about Andi.”

  Kate shifted in her seat. “What about her?”

  Clare felt guilty for putting them through this, but she had to know more. “What does she look like?”

  “Um, she’s tall and has long, dark, curly hair, and brown eyes.” Jill described a woman who was her mother’s physical opposite in every possible way.

  “She sounds very pretty.”

  “She is,” Kate said. “And she’s nice, too. She was nice to us.”

  “I’m sure she was. She wanted your father, and the three of you came with the package,” Clare said in a bitter tone that stunned her daughters.

  “It wasn’t like that,” Kate said in a whisper.

  “What was it like, then?”

  “I’m not sure what you want us to say,” Jill said, glancing at her sister. “We liked her, she was nice to us, she was good to Dad, and her son’s adorable. He’s deaf, and we learned sign language so we could talk to him.”

  Clare’s heart broke all over again as she listened to Jill describe the family they’d created—with someone else playing the starring role. “Where’re they now?”

  “We haven’t seen them,” Kate said. “Andi moved to the hotel. She’s the manager there, and she told Frannie she doesn’t want to see us.”

  “She said that?” Clare asked, amazed by the other woman’s gall. First she moved in with her children and then she rejected them?

  “She wants us to focus on you,” Jill said. “She never took your place, Mom. We wouldn’t have let her, and besides, she never tried.”

  “She took my place with Dad,” Clare said sadly. “Does he love her? Really love her?”

  The girls exchanged nervous glances again, and Clare realized she’d put them in an awful position. She could also see the answer to her question on their faces. “Never mind. Don’t answer that.”

  Jack walked into the room and was surprised to see the girls. He’d hoped to find Clare alone. He hadn’t had the chance to talk to her alone since the day she asked him to leave her room. She’d only been civil to him since then because of their daughters.

  “Hi there,” he said as the girls got up to leave. He noticed how uncomfortable they seemed when they kissed their mother and told him they would see him later at home.

  “I feel like I interrupted something,” he said to Clare when they were alone.

  “We were just talking. What’re you doing here?”

  “I came to see my wife. Is that all right?”

  She shrugged. “Free country.”

  He sighed. “How long are we going to do this?”

  “Well, let’s see, your lover hasn’t even had your twins yet, and you’ll have eighteen years to raise them, so maybe by then I’ll be used to the idea.”

  “I haven’t seen or talked to her in weeks.”

  “Where’s your heart, Jack? Is it here with your sick and broken wife? Or is it with your beautiful mistress who’s pregnant with your twins?”

  She’d caught him off guard with the question, and he had no easy answer. How could he explain his heart was in both places?

  “I can tell just by looking at you where your heart is, and it isn’t here. Why don’t you go to her and leave me alone? I’m sorry I ruined all your plans by waking up.”

  Jack fought to control the burst of anger that blazed through him. “I’d do anything to change what happened to you, but I can’t. I couldn’t then, and I can’t now. I waited years for you to come back to me. I’m here with you because it’s where I want to be, and it’s where I belong. But I won’t be here for long if you keep this up.”

  “That’d be a nice easy way out for you, wouldn’t it? You could tell people your wife was different after her long coma. She didn’t want you anymore.”

  “It doesn’t seem like you do want me anymore, Clare. Andi’s gone. She’s moved out of our home.” He paused to absorb the burst of pain that came with that statement. “I’ll play an active role in the lives of her son and our babies when they’re born. If you can accept that, we have a chance to move forward together. I don’t want to throw away more than twenty years of marriage like it meant nothing to me, because it did. You know it did.”

  “Does it still?”

  “Of course it does. But you have to decide if you can live with everything that happened while you were sick and the fact that those three children are in my life to stay, no matter what.”

  “I don’t know if I can do that. I just don’t know if I can.”

  “Be sure to let me know when you decide.”

  “Would you go back to her if things don’t work out between us?”

  “I don’t know that she’d have me.”

  “But you’d try?”

  “I’m not thinking about that right now. I’m focused on helping you get well and trying to save our marriage.”

  “I need some time to process it all.”

  Hands on his hips, he studied her. “I’m so sorry I hurt you, Clare. I wish there was some way to convey to you how very lost I was without you.”

  “Until you met her.”

  “Even then… I never stopped missing you or thinking about you or wishing for your wisdom with our girls.”

  “I have a lot to think about.”

  “No matter what happens between us, we have three amazing kids to consider. I understand you’re angry with me and hurt by the choices I made, but they’ve been through so much. Can we please try to be civil to each other for their sake?”

  “Yes,” she said softly. “Of course.”

  “Whenever you’re ready to talk about what’s next for us, I’m here.”

  “Okay.”

  Andi threw herself into her work and taking care of Eric. She kept her days long and busy so she’d drop into bed exhausted every night. More often than not, though, the pain she’d run from all day would catch up to her at night when her yearning for Jack would leave her breathless.

  As she moved into her sixth month of pregnancy, the babies were more active than ever, and she knew she needed to take it easy. But she couldn’t imagine having all that free time to think about how badly her life had gone off course. So she kept up the frenetic pace. She also needed to find a permanent place for them to live, but she and Eric had settled i
nto a routine at the hotel, and she was too tired at the end of every day to even think about house hunting.

  Eric lived for his weekly visits with Jack. Andi set up the visits by email and arranged it so she didn’t have to see him when he picked up Eric or dropped him off. Until one day, about a month after she moved out, she wandered upstairs to the window in her suite to watch the parking lot when she knew Jack would be leaving with Eric. She was hungry for just a glimpse of him, and her heart raced when she saw him holding hands with her son on the way to the car.

  Jack opened the passenger-side door for Eric and helped him into the backseat. He shut the door and then looked up, as if drawn to the window.

  She gasped when he caught her watching him. Frozen, she couldn’t bring herself to move and was startled to feel the overwhelming connection to him even from a distance. The pain of losing him sucked the air from her lungs, as fresh as it’d been the day she left him. Unable to bear the sadness she saw on his face, she moved away from the window and let the drapes fall back into place.

  Still rattled by the encounter, she returned to her office off the lobby. She was walking fast and not paying attention to anything around her until she heard her name. She spun around and suppressed a groan when she saw her mother and Aunt Lou.

  “Mom! Auntie Lou! What are you doing here?” Oh, dear God. She hadn’t told her mother about leaving Jack or anything that’d happened.

  “We decided to surprise you,” Betty said.

  “Well, you did.” Andi forced herself to be cheerful as she hugged and kissed them.

  Betty stood back to pat Andi’s pregnant belly. “Let me get a look at you. You’re so big!”

  “Gee, thanks,” Andi said with a dry chuckle. “There are two of them you know.”

  “Should you still be working?” Lou asked as she took in the hustle of the busy hotel lobby.

  “I’m fine for another month or so. Why don’t you come on back to my office so we can catch up?” Andi’s stomach churned with anxiety. How will I ever tell her that she was right all along?

  They followed Andi into the office where she offered them coffee or sodas. They both chose diet sodas, and Andi opened the cans for them. “I can’t believe you guys are here.”

  “We wanted to see where you’re living, dear,” Betty said. “I hope you don’t mind.”

  “Of course I don’t. You’re staying here I hope.”

  “We are,” Lou said. “We wanted to check out your new hotel, too. It’s so lovely.”

  “Where’s Eric?” Betty asked.

  “With Jack.” Andi felt a pang at the sound of his name rolling so easily off her tongue, as if everything were normal. “He’ll be dropping him off here in a while.” She paused before she added, “There’s something I need to tell you…”

  “Is something wrong, honey?” Betty asked. “I knew you didn’t look quite right. Is it the babies?”

  “Everything’s fine with the babies.” She took a moment to summon the courage to tell her mother the truth. “I’m not with Jack anymore.” It hurt to say the words.

  Betty gasped. “Since when? Why?”

  “His wife’s medical situation improved. She’s recovering, actually. I moved out about a month ago.”

  “Oh, honey. Oh God, I’m sorry—not that his wife is better, but what it means for you…”

  “You tried to tell me,” Andi said with a shrug that did nothing to betray her true feelings. “I didn’t listen.”

  “You followed your heart.”

  Andi looked at her mother with surprise.

  “I have to give you credit for that. But what’ll you do? You’ll have three children!”

  “I’ll keep doing what I’ve always done. I’ll work and take care of my kids and do the best I can. That’s all I can do.” She still found it hard to believe she’d be doing it all without Jack and the girls. She missed them almost as much as she missed him.

  “Will you come home to Chicago?” Lou asked.

  Andi shook her head. “My children’s father is here, and he’ll want to be involved with them—all of them.”

  “He still sees Eric?” Betty asked.

  “Every week. He won’t let Eric down, and he won’t let these children down, either.” Andi ran a hand over her pregnant belly. “That’s the one thing I’m sure of.”

  Betty reached out to caress Andi’s face. “Are you all right, honey?”

  The loving gesture put a lump in Andi’s throat. “I’m better than I was. I miss them all so much. But sometimes I think I’ll die from missing him.” Tears spilled down her cheeks, and she swiped at them, refusing to give in to the helpless grief again.

  Betty hugged her daughter. “I’m so sorry.”

  “It’s such a mess, and you told me it would be.”

  “Not another word about that,” Betty said. “We’ll get through this together. Don’t you worry.”

  Andi spent a lovely week with her mother and aunt. Eric was thrilled to see them. They spoiled him rotten and insisted on pampering Andi, too.

  They left promising to be back to help when the babies arrived. Andi appreciated that her mother offered only support and never came close to saying, “I told you so,” even though Andi wouldn’t have blamed her if she had. Who could’ve predicted just how big of a mess she’d find herself in?

  Andi was working in her office the day after her mother and aunt went back to Chicago when the front desk called to tell her she had a visitor. She walked out to the lobby and was surprised and thrilled to find Kate waiting for her.

  “What’re you doing here?” Andi asked as she hugged the girl.

  Kate gaped at the round bulge under Andi’s black dress.

  Andi laughed at her reaction. “I know. I’m explosive.” The babies seemed to get bigger by the day, and she found herself frequently out of breath as they squeezed closer to her lungs. “Come on back.”

  “I know you told Frannie you don’t want to see us,” Kate said as she followed Andi to her office.

  “Oh, sweetie, it’s not that I don’t want to see you. I just think it’s better for you to focus on your mother. But I’m so glad you’re here.” Andi patted the sofa. “Come, have a seat.”

  “I’m glad I came. I’ve missed you. We all have.”

  “I’ve missed you, too. But I’m so happy for you girls that your mother’s getting better. You must be thrilled to have her back.”

  “I guess,” Kate said with a shrug. “I mean, we are, don’t get me wrong. It’s just that she’s…well… She’s different. She seems mad a lot of the time.”

  “I’m sure she’s very angry to have lost so much time with you all. I can’t imagine how that must feel.” Andi didn’t mention the far more obvious reason for Clare’s anger.

  “I wanted to tell you that Dad has agreed to give me a year to pursue my music. He’ll even pay for me to have an apartment in Nashville. I have to wait until I’m eighteen in November, and then I’ve got a year to get a recording contract. If I can’t do it in that time, I have to go to college.”

  Andi was proud of Jack and knew how far he’d had to bend to reach such a compromise with Kate. He’d never have the animosity with his daughter that he’d experienced with his own father. “That sounds very fair. Are you happy with it?”

  “It was hard for him, I get that, but I can do it. I know I can.”

  “I have no doubt. You certainly have the talent. What’ll you do until November?”

  “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. I was wondering if I could work here. I know you planned on outdoor entertainment in the summer, and it’d give me a great chance to practice before a live audience and to try out some of my own songs.”

  “Have you talked to your father about this?”

  Kate nodded. “He said I have to ask you, that it’s your decision.”

  So he put the ball in my court, Andi thought. Kate would be a terrific draw on the verandas, each of which had outdoor bars in the summer. She decided to hi
re her to work during the day when the crowds at the bar were less likely to be rowdy, since she was still only seventeen. However, Andi wanted Kate to believe in her talent and not see the job as a favor.

  “My assistant manager, Jen Brooks, is in charge of hiring the entertainment. You’d have to try out for her. Is that okay?”

  Kate’s eyes widened. “Now? I have my guitar in the car.”

  “Do you have something ready?”

  “I’ve been working on a few new things—well, really they’re old things, but you know how I love the old stuff.”

  Smiling at Kate’s enthusiasm, Andi walked around her desk to open the door. “Let me find Jen and see if she can do it now. Go get your guitar and meet me back here.”

  She surprised Andi with a hug. “Thanks, Andi.”

  Kate went to get her guitar, leaving Andi staggered for a moment by intense longing for Kate, her sisters, and their father. She shook it off and went to find Jen, who was happy to be brought in on Andi’s plan to hire Kate but to make it look like it was Jen’s decision.

  “Wait until you hear her play,” Andi said. “It won’t be any decision at all.”

  They escorted Kate into the deserted lobby lounge, which wasn’t due to open for another hour. Kate set up her guitar and plugged it into the amplifier on the small stage while Jen flipped on the power to the microphone.

  Watching Kate tune her guitar and do a quick sound check on the microphone, Andi was startled by her professionalism. She hoped Jack was prepared for his daughter’s success.

  “This was originally done by Carole King,” Kate told them.

  As Kate began to play, Jen looked at Andi as if to confirm she’d been right about the young girl with the powerful talent. She played “Now and Forever,” a song about a perfect love that had gotten away and the memories it left behind.

  As Kate played the last notes of the song, Andi stood, muttered an apology, and rushed from the room. The song had pushed its way past her stiff resolve and punctured her broken heart by summing up exactly how she felt without Jack.