Anxious Hearts

by Felicia Tatum

  “How are you handling it?” she asked, taking my hand in hers.

  Shrugging, I smiled. “I’m dealing. What else can I do? I’m not putting the baby in danger.”

  Squeezing my palm with her fingers, she said, “Spoken like a true mother.”

  My heart soared at her compliment. I searched the room for Dad, who still hadn’t returned, and I redirected my attention back to her. “What do I do about Dad?”

  She patted my leg, then reassured me. “I’ll take care of him, don’t you worry. Now stand back up and let me see your side. I want to see your bump.”

  Selene shouted in agreement, and I obliged. My tummy barely stuck out, a small round circle against my clothing. Rubbing my hand over it, I grinned, and looked back at them.

  “Can I touch it?” Selene asked.

  I nodded, laughing.

  She rubbed my stomach, an odd feeling to say the least, and bent to talk to her niece or nephew. “I’m your auntie and I can’t wait to see you. I just know you’re going to love me, I’ll be your favorite.”

  My mom pushed her out of the way, and laid her hand on me. “My grandbaby.” Then turning to eye my sister, she shook her head. “And you will not be the favorite, that spot is reserved for Grandma.”

  They argued halfheartedly for a few moments before I interrupted them. “I love you both, but I really need to go. I’m house-sitting for Francesca and her cat is probably going insane being alone.”

  Mom stood, nodding. “Ok, darling. How was the wedding? I’m so sad we missed it.”

  “It was gorgeous, as we knew it would be. They’re in Ireland for two weeks on their honeymoon.”

  Her eyes bulged. “Two weeks? How in the world are they doing that?”

  “It was a wedding gift, actually,” I explained. For some reason, telling them Zander was a kazillionaire didn’t seem like the right thing in the moment.

  “How kind!” she exclaimed.

  I nodded, then continued my goodbye. Becki wanted me to tell one person about my baby, but I’d told multiple. And it felt amazing. I wasn’t ashamed and upset about it anymore, though my father’s reaction could have been better. Francesca was going to flip and I absolutely couldn’t wait to tell her and see how delighted she would be.

  Zander

  The private investigator’s office was small and cramped, but I shouldn’t have expected more. Jayce James, a fake name I was sure, wasn’t one to sit behind a desk. Using his profession to come and go as he pleased, he was often out doing fieldwork and investigating.

  After hiring him immediately, he’d been working on finding my father and the woman he’d had my other sister with. It’d been weeks and he’d called last night with news of developments, so here I was, waiting for him to show up and let me know what was going on.

  Papers were thrown all over the tables and floor, leaving very little room to sit, so I gathered a pile and threw it out of the way. Sitting back, I waited for the man to arrive as I checked my emails. I no longer worked for Francesca, though I vowed to check in on the new girl while she was in Ireland. The renovations to the building where the music shop would be were almost finished, so I was in the process of buying stock to sell and figuring out operating hours.

  The apartment above had me perplexed. Originally, I was set to live there, but now…I didn’t know if that was the best idea. I was going to be a father and there wouldn’t be enough room for a baby in there. Children needed homes to live in, somewhere with a yard and plenty of room to grow and enjoy childhood. The more I thought of the situation, the more I realized a very scary revelation.

  Daphne and I needed to live together.

  I didn’t want to miss a moment of my son or daughter’s life. Tossing him or her back and forth would be detrimental to everyone, and while I hadn’t voiced this idea to Daphne, I thought she might go with it. It didn’t hurt that I was madly attracted to her and wanted to be around her all the time.

  Was it lust? Was it because she was having my child? I wasn’t sure, but I really hoped I figured it out before March.

  “Mr. McKinney?”

  Turning, I found myself face to face with a man not much older than I was, maybe thirty, with blonde hair and clothing that looked like it hadn’t been ironed since it’d been bought staring at me. “Mr. James,” I greeted, extending my hand.

  We shook, and he pointed to the makeshift desk. “I apologize. My secretary left me.”

  “Sorry to hear that,” I said.

  “Me too,” he grinned. “She was also my wife. One of the clients hired me to find out who her husband was cheating with, and it turned out we both were in for a surprise.”

  Blinking several times, I fumbled for words to say to that, but came up empty. “I’m sorry about that,” I finally said lamely. What the hell? Awkward situation indeed.

  “No matter,” he said. “I’m looking for a secretary, though, if you know of anyone needing a job.”

  Grinning, I clasped my hands together. “Ya know, my sister needs a job. She’s not interested in working for me, so maybe she would like this place.”

  “Tell her to call me,” he stated. “Now, I’m assuming this is the sister you grew up with since I’m still finding the other one,” he chuckled.

  It wasn’t that funny, but I gave a halfhearted smile anyway. “You are correct. Have you found her yet?”

  He pursed his lips. “Unfortunately, no, but I have found three women to investigate. Your father was a very busy man, Mr. McKinney. In the years you specified, I found at least ten women he corresponded with. Three of them have had children since, and all had girls.”

  My father was an asshole. “Wow,” was all I could muster. “You have their names?”

  He nodded. “Annabelle Daniels, Canna Hale, and Barb Fenders.”

  One of those women more than likely gave birth to my sister. “When will you know?”

  “It’s going to take some time,” he said. “Your father wasn’t a dumb man. He gave money, but it was apparently cash. I can’t find any bank records of transfers or checks clearing.”

  Dammit. “You can find out which one is my sister, though, right?”

  “I will,” he smiled. “I know it’s not a lot, but this is a huge step in finding your sibling. I wanted to have you come in to explain everything. I’ll call you when I have more information.”

  Thanking him, I stood to leave and was half way out the door when he yelled out, “And have your sister call me if she’s interested in a job. I’m desperate for help, Mr. McKinney.”

  Chuckling, I agreed, and was out the door. Zarina was my next stop, convincing her to stay. I’d even give her the apartment if she wanted, rent free. Then, the hardest thing of all.

  I had to tell Grammy she was going to be a Great-Grammy.

  “What’s your news?” Zarina asked, bored and staring at the TV.

  Did she not have any hobbies? Or anything to do? “Well, I have a few things. Zarina, I want you to stay in town. You can have the apartment over the shop that I’m supposed to move into. And the private investigator is looking for a secretary, so I told him about you,” I explained.

  “What?” she quipped, turning the tube off. “Where will you live?”

  “I’m going to buy a house,” I said, my heart beating faster as the revelation got closer.

  Snorting, she gave me a curious glance. “Why do you need a house?”

  “’Cause I’m going to be a dad in March,” I blurted.

  She straightened, looking over to me with mouth open and eyes wide as saucers. “You’re what?”

  “The girl I went to see? Well, turns out she’s three months pregnant with my baby,” I said, grinning. Pulling my wallet from my pocket, I took out the ultrasound photos. “Here it is.”

  She took them, hands shaky, and sat there. She didn’t seem to be able to tear her gaze from my child. “Do you know this girl?”

  And there it was. Closing my eyes, I shook my head. “It was a one night thing, Zarina. I�
�m not proud of it, but Daphne is pretty cool. And she’s gorgeous. I’m going to keep getting to know her.”

  “You’re sure it’s yours?” she questioned.

  “She wouldn’t lie about it, I don’t think,” I said. In actuality, I hadn’t really even thought of that. Something in my gut told me this baby was mine.

  She gazed at me then, not saying anything. “I’m going to be an aunt?”

  I nodded and she launched herself at me, something she hadn’t done in a while. Wrapping her arms around my neck, we held each other. My baby sister, only nineteen years old, was getting emotional over being an aunt.

  “Are you telling Mom?” she asked. She still clutched the pictures, looking at them every few seconds.

  “Ha,” I said. “No, I’m not. I’m going to Grammy’s tonight. Wanna go with?”

  She nodded, standing and reluctantly handing my child’s photos back over. “Yeah, I will. Can I meet the girl? Daphne?”

  My heart clenched at the thought. Would she get upset if we showed up? Was it too soon? Did it even matter? “Uhh, yeah,” I finally spat out. “We can stop by after Grammy’s.”

  Her face lit up like a Christmas tree as her grin grew wider. “Let me get dressed.”

  Grammy was surprised to see us on a weekday, but her face shone with joy over the unexpected visit. Zarina watched me thoughtfully as I talked about everything but the topic at hand, until finally she broke down and announced I had something to tell Grammy.

  I could have strangled her for it.

  “What is it, dear? Is it about the shop?” she asked. “Have you picked a name?”

  Shaking my head, I answered with, “No, no. Not yet. I’ve actually pushed back the opening date until late November. This news is different and may be surprising.”

  She looked at me intensely. “Is it about your mother?”

  “No,” I said again. “I…umm…this is really hard, ok, Grammy? And I’m sorry in advance if I disappoint you.”

  She clutched her heart and my blood pressure spiked. “What’s going on?”

  I fumbled with my wallet and finally revealed the pictures, not sure I could bring my voice to say the words needed. A picture spoke a thousand words, anyway, right?

  “You got someone pregnant?” she hissed.

  I nodded once.

  She sat back, staring at the pictures. Blinking several times, she seemed to be trying to figure out what to say.

  “Grammy?” Zarina said, her tone full of worry.

  “I’m ok.” She looked at me, tears glistening in her eyes. “You’re going to raise it?”

  “Of course,” I said more harshly than intended. “The mother and I are keeping it. We didn’t plan it, and we don’t know each other that well, but we’re going to be parents. I’m not going to make the same mistakes my father did, Grammy.”

  She took my hand, her wrinkly skin a stark contrast to my smooth, and smiled. “These things happen sometimes. I’m proud of you for taking responsibility, Zandy.”

  Grinning, I squeezed her fingers gently. “Thank you, Grammy. It was a shock to say the least, but I found out at my boss’s wedding and I wanted to tell you soon.”

  She looked back at the picture, then back and forth between me and Zarina. “I’m going to be a great-grandma!”

  Zarina laughed, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “And I an aunt. Crazy huh?”

  She nodded. “When is it due?”

  “March. I don’t know the date because I forgot to ask,” I admitted. “It’s been a lot to take in.”

  She patted my knee. “I’m sure it has been. I’d like to meet the mother sometime. Why don’t you bring her to one of our Saturday dates?” she suggested.

  Taking a deep breath, I nodded. “I’m sure she’d like that sometime. We’re still trying to figure everything out right now.”

  “Are you going to propose?” she quizzed. She finally released the pictures, carefully placing them back in my hands. “It’s the right thing to do.”

  Of course she would say that. She was ancient and in her day, it was what was done. Did I want to marry a woman I barely knew, even if I was insanely attracted to her? Did we have to be married to be good parents? My own parents had been married and look how well that’d turned out. “Grammy, I hardly know her. I’m more worried about my son or daughter right now.”

  She pursed her lips, but nodded. “It’s your decision. I’m sure you’ll do what you feel is right.”

  I would. At this moment, proposing simply because I got her pregnant seemed like a disaster in the making. Besides, I highly doubted Daphne would say yes. She seemed the type to run from commitment of that sort, since she’d lied about who she was in order to avoid whatever it was she thought she was avoiding. I didn’t even know, actually. She was so confusing.

  More so than any other woman I’d ever met.

  I saw her shadow moving through the curtains and my heart skipped a few beats. Showing up unexpected wasn’t my thing, but I figured it was best with Daphne. My family members wanting to meet her was going to be a lot to deal with, though I was sure her family would want to meet me at some point, as well.

  “Are we gonna go in or be stalkers and watch through the window?” Zarina asked, hand readied at the door to leave.

  “Shut up,” I growled. “She doesn’t know we’re coming. Just give me a minute.”

  “You didn’t text her or call?” she questioned. Rolling her eyes, she opened her door and shot out before I could stop her.

  Quickly I followed, wondering why she was such a pain in the ass, and reached her seconds before she knocked. “Zarina,” I hissed. “What are you doing?”

  “I’m meeting the chick you knocked up,” she grinned, pounding on the door with her free hand.

  Sighing, I let her go and stuffed my fists in my pockets. Here went nothing.

  The door opened, revealing Daphne in a revealing tank top and extremely short shorts. My body stirred at the sight of her, and I cleared my throat as I attempted to not lose focus. “Hey.” Lame ass.

  “Hey,” she said back, glancing at Zarina. “What’s going on?”

  “This is my sister, Zarina,” I said, pointing to her. “I told her about the baby today and she wanted to meet you.”

  Daphne seemed to relax and smiled widely. “Of course, come in,” she said, unlocking the screen door and pushing it open.

  We entered, and Zarina started babbling. “You are gorgeous, and ohmygoshlookatyourlittlebabybump,” she squealed, all the words rushing together as she reached for Daphne’s stomach.

  “Dude, don’t just touch her,” I snapped, grabbing her wrist. Turning to Daphne, I apologized. “I’m sorry, she’s a tiny bit excited about becoming an aunt.”

  She nodded. “So was my sister,” she said, then looked at Zarina. “I don’t mind if you touch. You can’t feel anything, yet, though.”

  I released her wrist and she basically started petting Daphne. My sister was insane. I left them to the squealing, sitting on the couch next to a sleeping Hamlet and petting him instead of the girl I slept with. They finally parted, Daphne directing Zarina to the restroom, and then she plopped down beside me. Her shorts rode up, revealing even more of her smooth, tan legs, and I groaned inwardly.

  “Zander?” she asked. “You ok?”

  I nodded, forcing myself to look back and only keep my eyes on her face. “Fine. How are you feeling?”

  “Good,” she grinned. “I didn’t get sick today. I think it’s stopping.”

  “That’s great!” I exclaimed, taking her hand in mine then dropping it. What was I doing? “Sorry to just show up. I told my family today and she insisted.”

  “My family wants to meet you, too,” she said, leaning back and resting her hand on her belly. “I told them a couple of days ago.”

  “Are they ok with it?” I questioned.

  She shrugged. “My dad won’t talk to me, but my mom and sister are excited.”

  “I’m sorry,” I said, taking
her hand and not throwing it back this time. “Anything I can do?”

  She shook her head. “Nah. He’ll come around before March. There is something I wanna talk to you about, though.”

  “Is the baby ok?” I asked in a panic.

  Laughing, she said, “Yes! Fine. I want to tell Francesca and the rest of my friends the night she comes back. It’s killing me, her not knowing.”

  “Ok,” I drawled out, not sure what she wanted from me.

  She looked down, rubbing a circle around her belly button. “I was thinking we could tell them…together.”

  Grinning, my heartbeat sped up. Again. This woman might be the death of me. “Sure. That would be great.”

  She blushed, something she did so often I wondered if it happened all the time. “Ok. Next Monday. Be here around four-thirty if you can.”

  Chuckling, I said, “I’m working on the shop. I can be here.”

  “Shop?” she quizzed.

  Zarina chose that moment to come back in the room. “Zander is opening a music shop. He’s having some issues decorating it, though. He won’t let me help,” she pouted, throwing her body in an empty chair.

  “She wants everything to be pink,” I explained. I didn’t want her to think I was an ass.

  Daphne giggled. “I’m a designer, you know. I’d be happy to help.” She stood, bending over to get in her bag and I lost myself in staring at her body.

  Her wondrous body that was growing my child. How could it still look so incredibly sexy? Maybe even more sexy?

  Turning, she sat back down, attempting to hand me something. Gaining my senses, I reached and took it from her.

  “My card,” she grinned.

  Thanking her, I stood as I thought about the grossest movie I could think of, the blood and guts pouring out of some dude and a million people eating it. Anything to get her body off my mind. “We should go.”

  She stood, bidding goodbye. Zarina awkwardly hugged her, but she was receptive, and I lamely walked out without doing anything. How did I treat her? We weren’t dating, but we were having a baby…how was I supposed to act? Was touching her ok? I probably shouldn’t while she was in those barely there pajamas.