Believing in Tomorrow

by Kimberly Rae Jordan

“I’ll give it some thought.” He heard Jeff speak to someone then he came back to their call. “I’m off to get the crew to their next site.”

  It wasn’t the worst employee situation Levi had dealt with in his years of owning his business, but it was coming at a bad time. He’d told Samantha to call him if she needed him, and now he wasn’t sure he’d be able to go to her if she did.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  In the end, it hadn’t mattered that his day had turned into something other than what Levi had planned because Samantha didn’t call or text him. He wondered if the worst had happened. If the family was grieving, Samantha wouldn’t need him for anything. Of course, maybe the worst hadn’t happened, and in that case, she wouldn’t need him either.

  The bottom line was that she didn’t need him. Period.

  Or maybe she did need him but chose not to call or text for some reason. After the way he’d left her abruptly the night before, he could hardly blame her if she believed that he wouldn’t truly be there for her. But she wasn’t alone, or at least he hoped she wasn’t. It had been something of a surprise to arrive at the hospital and find her alone except for Tristan. For some reason, he’d assumed that since the family was so large, some would have stayed with Samantha and some with her mom.

  Still, it was a good thing Samantha hadn’t needed him since his business had demanded his attention for longer hours than it normally would have. Or at least he told himself it was a good thing she didn’t need him. That made for one less thing for him to have to worry about.

  And yet, as he made himself something to eat once he finally made it home, Levi couldn’t keep from wondering about Samantha and her family. He sat down at the table with his plate of food, his phone right beside him. Throughout his meal, he kept glancing at the display, willing it to light up with Samantha’s name. A call or a text, he didn’t really care. He just wanted her to reach out and…need him.

  Since he hadn’t been able to make it to the care home for several evenings now, Levi called to find out how his mom was doing as he cleaned up the kitchen. Levi was relieved when they said she’d had a good couple of days, but he would still try his best to get in there the next day to see her.

  It didn’t dawn on Levi until he was in bed a little while later that he could try checking on social media for possible news about Emily Callaghan. Though he had a Facebook account, he rarely checked it. Once he was logged in, he went to Samantha’s page, grateful that they had friended each other shortly after he’d found out she was pregnant. It made it easier for him to see if there was any update on her mom on her page.

  He immediately found a post from her: Thank you to all who have been praying for my mom since her collapse last night. She went into surgery early this morning. After five hours in the operating room, my mom is still in need of prayer. The next few days are crucial ones. Please continue to pray for my folks. This is a difficult time for all of us, but especially for my dad. Thank you for your continued prayers.

  Levi was grateful to hear that Emily was still alive, but it didn’t sound like she was out of the woods yet. As he scrolled through the comments on the status update, he saw comment after comment of people saying they were praying, and there were even some who wrote out their prayers. A shiver swept up his spine as he read message after message of support being offered to Samantha’s family. No wonder she hadn’t called him. She didn’t just have the support of her family, but also of a church community in a way that Levi had never seen before.

  Even though he knew that Samantha wasn’t alone, Levi still wanted to be there for her. But then he reminded himself that he wasn’t a part of her life because he’d been invited or because she wanted him there. He was a part of her life because of a bad judgment call they’d both made. He didn’t want to intrude, asking her to share things about herself when that wasn’t his right. It felt wiser to wait until she reached out to him. That’s why he told her each time they parted ways to call him if she needed anything.

  He was glad she’d called him the night before, and even though she had said he didn’t need to come, there had been no doubt in his mind that he’d needed to go to her. It gave him a little bit of hope that she might call him again.

  With an exhausted sigh, Levi checked to make sure his alarm was set then put his phone on the nightstand before turning out the light. Maybe she’d contact him tomorrow.

  Sammi wasn’t sure she could remember a time in her life when she’d ever felt more exhausted—emotionally or physically. She hadn’t wanted to go home, but everyone had insisted until she’d finally agreed to let Tristan take her back to the house. The only consolation was that they had also insisted that Makayla go home. She and Ethan had left at the same time as Tristan and Sammi.

  It had been a super long day, but at least she’d gotten to see her mom even if she hadn’t been able to talk with her. It had been the hardest thing ever to see her mom so pale, lying in that hospital bed unresponsive. The next few days would be the hardest, but hopefully, the surgery would be successful, and her mom would come through the whole episode without any lasting complications.

  Sammi curled up under the covers, trying to think of something—anything—other than the current state her mom was in. She needed a chance to come up for air. To lift herself out of the swirling pool of pain, worry and fear that she’d been swimming in since her mom had collapsed.

  Her thoughts drifted to Levi. She hadn’t heard anything from him since he’d left her side the previous night at the hospital. For some reason, she’d thought that he would text her or even call to see how she and her mom were doing, but there had been nothing from him all day. She couldn’t count the number of times she’d typed a message to send him and then erased it. The last thing he’d said to her was to let him know if she needed anything.

  Sanmi hadn’t really needed him for anything but support that day, and she didn’t really think that was what he had meant, so she hadn’t called him. She had such a hard time trying to figure the man out. On the one hand, he’d showed up at the hospital and held her while she cried. On the other, he’d walked away from her a short time later and hadn’t bothered to connect with her at all the next day. His actions seemed both caring and yet distancing at the same time. Which one was the real Levi?

  As she lay there in the darkness, a realization came to her that perhaps he was both. Caring because he’d been concerned about the welfare of his baby, but then distant once it became clear that the baby was fine. It was a stark reminder that had there been no baby, that one night they’d spent together would have been the first and last time their lives would have intersected. The baby was the single thread that joined their lives now, and even though it was a strong thread, it wasn’t enough to pull them together in any way other than as unmarried parents.

  Sammi thought she’d shed all her tears. She thought she’d managed to find the strength to face what lay ahead. But clearly, she hadn’t. As tears flowed yet again, Sammi felt weak. Weak in her faith that her mom would pull through. Weak in her belief that there would be any sort of love and relationship for her in the future.

  Weak. Weak. Weak.

  No wonder Jayden hadn’t wanted her. No wonder Levi didn’t seem to want to be around her.

  Sammi was well aware that even though she was normally an upbeat person, her fluctuating hormones and the resulting emotional upheaval were causing her depressing thoughts. Unfortunately, she couldn’t seem to stop either. She wanted to think of herself as a strong person, but right then, all she wanted was to have someone to stand by her side through this difficult time. Like Makayla had Ethan, and Bennett had Grace.

  Finally, she closed her eyes and prayed—hoping that God would hear her prayer if it wasn’t for herself. She felt like she had no right to ask Him for anything personal, but she hoped that He would hear her prayer on behalf of her mom and dad. They deserved His help even if she didn’t.

  Sammi was grateful when she woke the next morning with only a little dizzine
ss that eased quickly and a lingering soreness in her hip and the bump on the back of her head. She desperately wanted to be able to return to the hospital to see how her mom was doing, but she knew she couldn’t do that if she wasn’t feeling better. The previous day had exhausted her, and she knew she couldn’t take a chance with her own health or that of the baby.

  Though she was feeling better, Sammi wasn’t inclined to moving too quickly just yet. She spent a few minutes reading through the update texts that had been sent through the night. The family had decided that one person would send out updates, and the overnight shift had been assigned to Ryan. He’d sent an update every hour or so. Sometimes it had been nothing more than letting everyone know their mom was still stable.

  After reading through the texts, Sammi took a shower and dressed in a pair of maternity jeans and a loose-fitting top, knowing that if she planned to stay at the hospital for any length of time, she needed to be comfortable. Downstairs, she found Tristan with Danica and Dalton. Even though it was a school day, the kids hadn’t gone for the second day in a row, and from the sounds of the conversation, they wanted to go to the hospital to see their mom.

  “I’m not sure that the hospital is the best place for you guys,” Tristan said, his voice soft.

  “Tris, please,” Danica said. “We need to see Mom. We need to be with the rest of you.”

  Tristan looked at Sammi as she walked in. “How are you feeling?”

  “A little sore, but other than that, I’m doing better.” She looked from him to Danica then back again. “I’m planning to head up to the hospital after I get something to eat.”

  “Can you take us with you?” Danica asked. “Please, Sammi.”

  Sammi knew why Tristan didn’t want them to go, but she also knew that if she were in their shoes, she’d want to go to the hospital too. “Tris?”

  He gave a sigh and shrugged. Sammi could see the toll this was taking on him. Of the four Callaghan boys, Tristan had shared a special bond with their mom, even before she’d become his step-mom. He’d been a quiet little boy, surrounded by loud, often boisterous brothers, but her mom hadn’t let him become overshadowed by everyone else.

  “Let’s go together, Tris. I think they need to see her.” Sammi didn’t mean it as a way of saying goodbye to their mom, but just so they could see that, for now, she was doing okay. “We would want to go if it were us.”

  “You’re right,” Tristan said after a slight hesitation. “We’ll take two cars so that if you need to leave, you can.”

  “Let me just grab a bite to eat. I’m not really hungry but…” She ran a hand over her belly.

  Within half an hour, Sammi had eaten a bagel and some fruit and had taken the time to pack a small bag with some bottles of water and snacks. She didn’t want to have to leave the family room to go off in search of food later.

  Dalton went with Tristan while Danica rode with her. They traveled in silence with only the music that she’d last been listening to playing softly in the background. She’d expected Danica to ask a bunch of questions, but the teen was quiet, her head turned to watch the scenery as they made their way through the city.

  When they got to the hospital, they proceeded to the boardroom that had been set aside for their family. She found that Makayla, Ethan, and Bennett were all back at the hospital, and it looked like they were trying to persuade the others to go home and get some rest.

  “I need to be here,” her dad said, pacing a few steps before spinning around to face them. “I can’t leave her.”

  “Dad.” Kenton laid a hand on his shoulder. “You need to rest. Mom wouldn’t want you to wear yourself out. She’s stable for now, so it’s the best time for you to go get some sleep.”

  “He’s right, Dad,” Bennett said, joining the two men. “Mom will need you rested and able to make decisions when she wakes up. The doctors said that might not happen for several more hours, so you need to get rest now while you can.”

  “C’mon, Dad, I’ll drive you home,” Kenton said, his tone firm.

  “You can take my car,” Tristan offered.

  Her dad looked around at each of them, then his shoulders slumped, and he nodded. “But only for a few hours, and you have to promise me that you’ll call if she wakes up.” He pinned them each with a hard stare. “You must promise.”

  “We will, Dad,” Bennett said. “I promise. I’ll send regular updates, so you’ll know if anything changes.”

  Sammi watched as her dad followed Kenton from the room. Once they were gone, the rest of them stood in silence for a couple of minutes. It was an odd feeling. Being there without either parent. In the past, whenever there was a difficult situation to deal with, her parents had been there, strong, leading the way, guiding them. Like when Franklin, Grace’s husband, had been injured and for days had lingered in a coma, her parents had been there, making sure that everything was taken care of. Or when Gabe had been injured, she’d drawn comfort in knowing that her parents were with him.

  But now… Now that role of leadership was falling to Sammi and her siblings. Their parents needed their children, and it was an odd—and scary—feeling.

  “Why don’t you sit down, sis.” Bennett took her by the arm and led her to one of the chairs surrounding the big table. There were bottles of water and boxes of donuts and muffins on the table. “Do you want something to eat?”

  Sammi shook her head. “I ate before I left the house.”

  “Ben, can you take us to see her?” Danica asked.

  Sammi looked up to see Bennett’s brow furrowed. “Take them.”

  Her brother met her gaze for a long moment before he nodded. Turning back to their younger siblings, Bennett said, “Okay. They won’t let us all in at the same time, so I’ll take Danica first, and then Makayla or Sammi can take Dalton. We aren’t allowed to stay long.”

  He waited for both the teens to nod before slipping his arm around Danica’s shoulders. “Let’s go.”

  Makayla sat down in the chair next to Sammi. “You can go with Dalton. I’ve been in to see Mom already.”

  Sammi reached out and grabbed a bottle of water. She didn’t open it right away, but sat, staring at the label, picking at the edge of it. “How did she look?”

  “If you take away all the wires and bandages, she looks peaceful.” Makayla’s hand slid down Sammi’s arm until she reached her fingers. Interlacing them together, Makayla held onto her tightly. “I never imagined something like this, ever…”

  “Me either,” Sammi said. “Never. She was supposed to be here for…everything.”

  “She will be here for everything” Makayla whispered fiercely. “We have to believe that. So many people are praying for her.”

  Sammi didn’t argue with Makayla. She knew that God could heal their mom. Could allow the surgery to be successful. However, she also knew of situations where people had been gravely ill, and others had prayed for their healing to no avail. It was possible that could be the result for their mom too.

  “Don’t doubt, sis,” Makayla said, pressing her head against Sammi’s. It was as if she had read her thoughts. “Don’t lose hope.”

  They sat in silence for several minutes. Ryan and Dalton were in seats further down the table with Mitch and Gabe, each of them staring at the table, no conversation passing among them. No one said anything, but they all turned to the door when Bennett and Danica returned.

  Seeing the devastated look on her sister’s face, Sammi took a quick breath then let it out, not wanting to fall apart yet again. Dalton stood up as soon as Danica had slumped down into a chair beside Makayla. Sammi looked at Ryan, and when he saw her expression, he gave a small nod before getting to his feet.

  “C’mon, Dalton,” he said as he took up a similar position as Bennett had, wrapping an arm around the teen’s thin shoulders. “We’ll be back.”

  Silence fell again for a moment, but then Sammi heard Makayla begin talking softly with Danica. Sammi felt like she should be offering support and answering a
ny questions Danica might have had about what she’d seen, but she just couldn’t bring herself to do that. Had the stress she’d caused her mom over the past few months brought this on? Because of her medical knowledge, Sammi knew—in her head—that wasn’t the case, but the guilt that existed inside her had already expanded to take on this situation too.

  So she sat in silence, wondering if the family blamed her for the stress she’d added to her mom’s life in the past little while. When they looked at her did they see the guilt she carried? Sammi squeezed her eyes shut and held onto Makayla’s hand more tightly. Her head began to hurt, and when she opened her eyes, the room spun for just a moment. She realized she was holding her breath, and slowly let it out before taking in another. Inhaling and exhaling with purpose.

  The room steadied, and Sammi tried to gather her emotions and thoughts together. She couldn’t keep falling apart like this. She couldn’t keep dwelling on what had passed. Not right now, anyway. Right then, she needed to focus on her parents and her siblings. To remember what her Mom had said recently about focusing on the future. To do what she could to support them.

  She reached for her purse and pulled out her phone, not realizing what she was doing until she found herself staring down at the text message screen holding the conversations she’d had with Levi. I need you. That’s what she wanted to type, but she couldn’t do it. Her emotional needs were not his responsibility.

  Dalton and Ryan came back into the room a few minutes later. Dalton didn’t look quite as wrecked as Danica had, but Sammi knew her little brother well enough to understand that he was struggling with what he had seen. Instead of going back to sit with his brothers, he came to Sammi, taking her hand in a punishing grip.

  Ryan was talking with Gabe and Mitch when the doctor appeared in the doorway. Sammi found herself holding her breath again.

  He looked around the room. “Is your father here?”

  “We sent him home to rest about an hour ago,” Bennett said. “We told him that if there was some significant change that we’d let him know right away. Do we need to call him?”