Believing in Tomorrow

by Kimberly Rae Jordan

  The doctor shook his head. “No. It’s good that he’s gone to get some rest. Your mom is still stable. I’ll come back in a few hours to give you another update unless something changes in the meantime.”

  Bennett stood up and shook the man’s hand. “Thank you.”

  “Is Levi coming by later?”

  Sammi turned to look at Makayla. “What?”

  “Levi. Is he coming?”

  She shook her head. “Why would he come here?”

  “I just thought…” Makayla began, her brow furrowing. “I mean, after the other night in the room. I just…”

  “He came because he wanted to make sure the baby was okay,” Sammi told her, looking away.

  When Makayla didn’t reply, Sammi didn’t bother looking back at her. She didn’t want to have any further discussion about Levi. It seemed that her emotions and thoughts spun out of control more quickly when she thought too much about him and the baby. So right then, she wanted to focus on her mom. Unfortunately, the emotions brought to the surface by the pregnancy meant that even thoughts of her mom were overwhelming for her.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Levi tried to keep busy, to do all the things that were part of his usual weekend schedule. He visited his mom on Saturday after work and then on Sunday, he did the things around the house that had gotten pushed to the side during his busy week. Throughout it all, he checked the Facebook app he had on his phone for updates on Samantha’s mom. So far it looked like Emily was stable, but after doing a little bit of research on aneurysms, Levi realized that the woman would most likely face a long and slow recovery.

  On Sunday evening, unable to concentrate on the work he was trying to organize for the week ahead, Levi pulled out his phone and sent two text messages.

  The first was to Keenan. Hey Keenan. This is Levi Weston. We spoke at the barbecue at the Callaghans. I was wondering if the invitation to the Bible study was still open. If so, I would be interested in attending.

  The next went to Samantha. Hi Samantha. How are you doing? How is your mom doing?

  Then he set the phone down and tried to concentrate on the information on his laptop screen. He and Jeff had decided to try to make it through the rest of the season without hiring anyone to replace Tom. It would mean putting their trust in one of the less experienced guys on the mowing crews, but it was necessary.

  His text alert sounded, drawing his attention from the laptop. Levi quickly picked up the phone and checked the screen.

  Keenan: It’s definitely still open. We’d love to have you join us. We’ve been meeting at Bennett’s on Monday night. That might change this week because of the situation with Emily. I’ll let you know.

  Thank you. Levi paused, uncertain what else to type. I appreciate the invitation to join.

  Keenan: I’ve been praying for you since we met. Your interest in being part of our group is an answer to prayer. I look forward to getting to know you better!

  For a moment, Levi just stared at the words and then chuckled. An athlete he admired from his favorite sports team was looking forward to getting to know him? He really couldn’t believe it. And the thought that the man had been praying for him was a bit…overwhelming.

  I look forward to that as well.

  Another message came through, this time from Samantha.

  Samantha: My mom has been stable since her surgery. We’re just waiting now to see what the lasting effects of the aneurysm might be. She’ll be in the hospital for a couple of weeks at least, barring any further complications. The baby is doing fine. Lots of movement, so she appears to not have suffered at all from my fall.

  Levi stared at the message, realizing, not for the first time, that Samantha tended to deflect his inquiries about how she was doing. It was as if she continually interpreted his queries as him only caring about the welfare of the baby and not Samantha herself. But he didn’t just view her as the incubator for his child.

  At first, perhaps it was true that he hadn’t been as concerned about Samantha. She’d seemed confident and capable of caring for herself. But as Levi had spent more time with her and had witnessed how she dealt with stressful situations, he’d come to understand that he did care for Samantha’s wellbeing just as much as he cared for their baby’s.

  I’m glad to hear that your mom is stable and that the baby is fine, but how are *you* doing?

  When her answer didn’t come right away, Levi wondered if perhaps he’d overstepped a boundary. Maybe her deflections of his questions about her well-being were because she didn’t want him to know how she was doing. He pushed back from the table and went into the kitchen to get something to drink.

  When his phone chirped again, Levi hoped it wasn’t Samantha telling him she didn’t want to share that with him. His biggest regret of late was that he’d left her at the hospital that night. Did she think he’d abandoned her? Would she have wanted him to stay?

  Samantha: I’m doing okay. Tired and still a bit sore, but no headache or dizziness for which I’m thankful. I’m off work for a couple of weeks as per the doctor’s orders.

  Do you have sick leave? If you have to take time off without pay, let me know.

  Samantha: I do have enough sick leave for this. Just hope I don’t have any other incident requiring sick leave before the baby arrives.

  Please let me know if there’s anything I can do to help. Like I’ve said before, I don’t expect you to shoulder all the burden—especially financially—for the baby. I want to help you.

  Samantha: Thank you. I appreciate you being so supportive in all of this. I’ll let you know if a need arises.

  After the conversation ended, Levi found that he was vaguely unsatisfied by this latest interaction with Samantha. He let out a sigh, wondering if he just had no idea how to deal with people in general. Maybe Caren had had a good reason for abandoning him and choosing Davy instead.

  Though he’d tried to be a good person, a good fiancée, a good son, a good brother, it seemed as if he was failing on all counts. Why would it be any different with Samantha? But he wanted it to be different with Samantha. She was his daughter’s mother, and he wanted things to be good between them. He never wanted Samantha to regret that he was the father of her child—at least not because he was failing as a father.

  On Monday evening, Levi found himself on his way to Bennett’s apartment. Apparently, the man was still willing to host the study even with the situation going on with his mom. Levi wasn’t sure if he thought the man was crazy or super devoted to his faith. Maybe a bit of both. But after Levi realized his own failure in being the good person he thought he was, maybe he needed some help. After all, not a single person who had met him in Samantha’s family had mentioned them getting married.

  Wasn’t that normally what religious people pressed for when there was an unwed pregnancy? If so, why hadn’t Samantha’s family done that? All Levi could think of was that they saw a failure in him as well. So what had started out as an attempt to get to know a man he admired for his athletic skill, was now turning into a quest to better himself. Even if it didn’t mean that Samantha changed her view of him, maybe it would mean that he’d be a better father. And that could only be a good thing for his little girl.

  Once he had parked in front of the address Keenan had given him, Levi sat for a couple of minutes. He hoped he was making the right decision, especially considering he could still be doing some work—it never ended. For the most part, the day had gone fairly smoothly, even without Tom there to lead the mowing crews. He could only hope that the rest of the week went as well.

  A knock on his window made him jump. He looked over to see Keenan standing there smiling at him. Levi turned the truck off and opened the door.

  “Didn’t mean to scare you, bro,” Keenan said with a grin. “You were off in space, apparently.”

  “Nah. Just thinking over the day.”

  “Everything okay?” the man asked as they walked across a nicely cut boulevard to the sidewalk leading to the g
lass front doors of the three-story apartment building.

  “Had a guy quit last week, so we’ve been running a bit short-handed the past few days.”

  Keenan opened the first set of doors and then walked over to press a button on a panel. “It work out okay?”

  “Better than expected,” Levi admitted. “But it’s been a long few days.”

  A buzzer went, then there was a click as the second set of doors unlocked. Keenan pulled the door open and held it for him. “Do you enjoy what you do?”

  Levi glanced at the man as they walked side by side to a wide set of stairs that led to the second floor. He hadn’t chosen his career because of what he’d wanted to do, it had all started because mowing grass and shoveling snow had been about all he could do at the age of thirteen. Fortunately, it hadn’t been something he hated, so the fact that it had turned into a career wasn’t a bad thing.

  “Yes, for the most part, I do. I can’t say that I really love mowing grass and shoveling snow anymore, but I do love designing gardens and landscaping.”

  “So you don’t do much of the mowing and shoveling anymore?” Keenan reached out to knock on one of the two doors on the second floor.

  “Not as much, but when there’s a need, I do what I have to do.”

  “Welcome, guys,” Bennett said when he swung the door open. “C’mon in.”

  Levi could see the strain on Bennett’s face and wondered why he had agreed to the meeting given what he and his family were going through.

  “How’s Emily doing?” Keenan asked as he gave Bennett a quick hug. “You hanging in there okay?”

  “Mom’s doing as well as can be expected, I suppose. She doesn’t recall what happened, but they say that’s not too unusual. Her overall memory seems to have also been affected.” Bennett led the way into a spacious open living-dining room area. He veered off in the direction of a large kitchen with a counter separating it from the dining room. “Can I get you guys something to drink?”

  From the drinks offered, Levi chose a cup of coffee, as did Keenan. Levi was a bit surprised that there were only three of them there. For some reason, he’d thought there would be more people attending.

  When another knock came, Keenan led Levi into the living room where they took seats. Ethan walked in followed by Mitch and then a couple of minutes later, a few other guys that Levi didn’t recognize joined them.

  Keenan got to his feet and greeted them with a wide smile, a handshake and a clap on their shoulders. “Hey, good to see you guys again.” The large man turned to Levi who got to his feet. “This is Levi. He’s a friend of Sammi’s. Levi, these are also Callaghan family friends. This is James, Finn, and Tennyson. No Forrest tonight?”

  The man identified as Tennyson shook his head. “No. He had a date.”

  “On a Monday night?” Ethan asked as he joined them, a cup of coffee in his hand.

  The three guys laughed before Tennyson said, “Any day that ends in Y is a day on which Forrest will go on a date.”

  “He’s a serial dater,” James added.

  Levi wondered if he was going to be the only one there who didn’t know everyone. Thankfully, all the men there so far were friendly and happily conversed with him, asking him what he did for a living.

  Two more guys arrived, one looking a bit uneasy about being there. Levi understood the feeling, and when the man who had arrived with him introduced him to everyone, Levi felt a bit of relief that he wasn’t the only newbie.

  Though unsure what to expect of the meeting, he trusted that, since Keenan knew a bit about his background regarding religion, it wouldn’t be something too difficult for him to participate in. As it turned out, Keenan made it clear right from the start that no one had to share or pray if they weren’t comfortable doing that. Hearing that eased a bit more of Levi’s tension about being there.

  After they’d all gotten drinks and found seats, Ethan opened the meeting with a prayer and then turned it over to Keenan.

  “In light of what’s happened this past week with Emily, I thought maybe we could talk a bit about how we deal with the unexpected curve balls that come our way. Sometimes they can be good. Sometimes they can be bad.” Keenan shifted in his seat, leaning forward with his mug cupped in his hands. “I have had several curveballs in my life. Most of you know that I’ve lost several family members to unexpected deaths. More recently, the curveball was career related when the Bombers traded me, then I was traded once more before finally being cut from the CFL altogether. I ended up back in Chicago trying hard not to be bitter about how my career had suddenly ended, questioning God about what possible good could come of the situation.”

  Levi remembered hearing about Keenan’s trade and subsequent cut. He’d been surprised at the trade, and then when he’d heard that the Bombers had called Keenan back after they’d had several injuries on the team, Levi had been pleased to see him play so well. There had been no shortage of people who had called Keenan a class act. He and Henry had been among them.

  “Obviously, you can see I’m back with the team, but I’ll be honest, those few months between getting cut and getting called back were some dark times for me. I questioned God a lot because I had always felt He’d led me to play football and specifically for the team in Winnipeg, so to be traded was bad enough, but then to be cut? I just couldn’t understand it.” Keenan smiled. “To be honest, I still don’t really understand it except that perhaps God knew I needed to strengthen my faith. Which, if I let myself think about it too much, is a bit scary because I’m wondering why I might need a stronger faith. What might be coming my way that would require me to have that.”

  Once others had shared, Bennett leaned forward, rubbing a hand across his face. He rested his elbows on his knees and stared at the floor. “I’ll be honest, guys, these past few days have been rough. In fact, the past whole year has been rough. First with Franklin’s death, then Olivia being born early and everything Grace and I have gone through. Then Gabe’s accident, Kayla and Ethan’s miscarriage and now this with Mom. It’s been hard to stay strong and trust God.” Bennett swallowed as Ethan reached out to rest a hand on his shoulder. “The verse I’ve clung to through all of this is Romans 8:28. And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. We do love God, so we trust that all of these things, that have happened to us, whether good or bad, will work out to glorify God. But I’ll be honest. It’s hard. What’s happened with Mom has been especially challenging, and a testing of the strength of my faith.”

  Bennett paused, his expression clearing for a moment. “I will say that there’s one other verse that has stuck with me through these difficulties. Jeremiah 29:11.” As he said the reference, a few of the men nodded. “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. It’s been such a good reminder that the Lord has a plan for us. It might not be one we can understand, but I am choosing to trust that if it’s God’s plan, it will all work out for His glory.”

  Levi felt as if he’d entered into a totally foreign world—and, in reality, he supposed he had. This was something he’d never experienced before. He listened to men talking about God in a way that spoke to a more personal relationship with Him. Levi had never considered someone could have that type of relationship with the God he always imagined Him to be. Distant. Disinterested in mortal men’s lives.

  These men obviously didn’t have the same outlook on God and the role He played in their lives. It was difficult to wrap his mind around it when he really hadn’t thought much about God for the majority of his life. When someone had come to visit his mom in the hospital after her accident and had mentioned God, she’d forbade them from talking about Him. After all, where had He been when her husband had abandoned her? When she’d been left with two boys she’d had to take care of on her own? Or when she’d had an accident that left her paralyzed and unable to take care of herself?

/>   Levi hadn’t been able to find fault with her logic at the time. He’d been with her through all of that. He’d seen her struggle to support the three of them which was why he’d gone to work. Now, listening to these men share, he realized that they had turned to God, stayed true to Him, in spite of their difficult circumstances. Or maybe because of their difficult circumstances.

  When there was a lull in the conversation, Levi chanced a sideways glance at the other guy who he had assumed was also new to the group. The guy sat with his arms crossed, leaning back in his chair with his legs stretched out. He was scowling, but his scowl appeared to be directed toward the coffee table, not at anyone in particular. Levi wondered what had brought him to the group.

  It appeared that he’d be left to wonder because after the men had finished sharing, Keenan led them in a time of prayer for Emily and other requests the men had mentioned, before closing the meeting.

  No sooner had Keenan said amen but the man who’d been scowling through the meeting said, “Ready to go, Lee?”

  The guy who had come with him, Lee, apparently, turned to him, a frown and slightly disappointed look on his face. “I guess.”

  “Hey. I fulfilled my end of the deal,” the guy told him. “You didn’t say I had to stay and socialize.”

  “True, but I thought you’d at least be polite.” Lee turned to Bennett. “I’ll talk to you later. Just know that I’m praying for your mom and your family.”

  “Thanks. We appreciate it.”

  After Lee and his friend left, a few of the others also left until it was just Levi, Keenan, Bennett, Mitch and Ethan. Levi felt like an outsider as he stood there, drinking the coffee refill Bennett had fixed for him, remembering that his only connection to this group had come about because of a decision made in a drunken, depressed state of mind.

  He listened as Bennett and Mitch talked about what was going on with their family. It seemed that Max Zevardi had stepped up in a big way once again, flying two of their brothers in from the US and doing what he could to get the family help in the hospital.