Believing in Tomorrow

by Kimberly Rae Jordan

  “I hear ya,” Keenan said. “I hope to be a father someday. Being around friends and family who have kids has made it even more appealing to me. Someday. Hopefully.”

  They talked for a bit longer and then, after Keenan made Levi promise to call if he needed anything, they parted ways. As he walked toward his truck, Levi wondered how Samantha was doing. What she was doing. Having to wait two days to see her seemed like forever. And he still had his dinner with Henry to get through. He had no idea what his best friend had thought of the service the night before, so that was no doubt going to be a topic of conversation over dinner. Surprisingly, Levi found himself looking forward to that discussion.

  CHAPTER THIRTY

  When they met at the steakhouse the next night, Henry slid into the booth across from Levi, a broad grin on his face as he greeted him.

  “Ready to head back north?” Levi asked once the waitress had taken their orders.

  Henry shrugged. “As much as I ever am. Do you know how much longer Amy is in the city?”

  Levi shook his head. “No clue. I haven’t talked to Samantha since Sunday. Well, she texted me about an appointment this week, but we didn’t talk.”

  “She kinda had a moment, eh?” Henry said, his gaze on the beer he’d ordered.

  “Yeah.” Levi paused, not sure how to broach the subject of what had happened that night. “That was all new to me.”

  Henry’s brow wrinkled as he looked at Levi. “It wasn’t for me.”

  “What?” Levi leaned forward to rest his folded arms on the table. “You’ve been to church before?”

  “Sure. Plenty of times.” Henry gave a shrug. “Until I turned eighteen and could decide for myself.”

  “Your family is like Samantha’s?” How had he never known that about Henry? They’d met when Henry had applied to work for him the summer after he’d graduated from high school. Levi had been almost twenty years old at the time while Henry had been eighteen.

  “Having not been around Samantha’s family long enough to know for sure, I have no idea. However, my parents were big on us going to church twice on Sunday and once on Wednesday. Oh, and youth fellowship on Friday night. Pretty much any time the doors were open, we were there.”

  “So why did you stop going?” Levi asked.

  “I was tired of being told what to do.” Henry took a sip of his beer. “Consider it my delayed teenage rebellion.”

  Levi had only met Henry’s parents a couple of times, but he hadn’t gotten an over-the-top religious vibe from them. Or any religious vibe at all, to be honest. “But you always see your family when you’re down here, don’t you?”

  “Yeah. I do. I’ve gotten past the need to rebel, but I’m still not sure I want to get back into church. I love my family, I just…I don’t know.” Henry scowled at his beer. “To be honest, the service the other night did give me some things to think about.”

  “Well, that makes two of us,” Levi said, then went on to share the conversation he’d had with Keenan. “I suppose you know about all that.”

  “I do, yep,” Henry said, sitting back from the table as the waitress approached with their food balanced in her hands.

  Levi waited until she’d set the plates on the table and left them to eat before asking, “Is he wrong? I mean, if you know all about it, and it’s right, aren’t you worried about not going to heaven?”

  Henry looked at him, his gaze uncharacteristically serious. “I guess I figured there was always time.”

  Levi frowned at him. “Given what you do, that’s a ridiculous supposition. It’s not like your job is without considerable risk.”

  “I know. You’re right.”

  The conversation took a deep turn after that, and by the time they’d finished eating, Levi knew that he was prepared to take the step. For all that Henry seemed to balk at living his own life that way, Levi found Henry’s excuses to be things that didn’t resonate with him as strongly as what Keenan had shared. He looked at Henry’s life and saw his pursuit of pleasure as shallow in a way he hadn’t before. Maybe it was having seen the depth of commitment from people like Keenan and Bennett that made Henry’s life choices seem so unappealing.

  As he drove home, Levi acknowledged that he wanted a life with more depth and meaning than what he’d been living. Shortly after he walked into his house, he placed a call to Keenan to share his decision.

  Sammi shifted from one foot to the other as she stood in front of the large windows that faced the driveway. Her first thought had been to meet Levi at the doctor’s so she’d have a way to escape if dinner didn’t go well. But when he’d texted the previous night to ask about picking her up, she’d decided to be brave and accept his offer.

  Since Sunday night, she’d spent lots of time thinking and praying. It had been hard to let go of any and all expectations where Levi was concerned, but she knew it was necessary. That didn’t mean her feelings for him were gone, but for the sake of being able to co-parent with him, it was important that the baby be her focus, not her feelings for Levi.

  Still, she couldn’t seem to keep butterflies of anticipation from coming to life as she waited by the window. She saw a car pull to a stop in front of the house, but it wasn’t Levi. A petite woman with light brown hair pulled back in a ponytail came around the car and headed for the house. She carried a bag in one hand, and as Sammi watched, she paused for a moment on the top step. She seemed to be gathering her wits around her, her shoulders pulling back slightly as she lifted her chin.

  When the doorbell rang, Sammi headed to answer it, curious about who was waiting on the other side. She pulled it open with a smile.

  “Hi,” the woman said, her expression reserved. “Is Steve Callaghan in?”

  “Yep. C’mon in,” Sammi said as she stepped back, keeping a hand on the doorknob. “My name is Sammi McFadden. Steve’s my dad.”

  “I’m Avery Walker.” The woman held out her hand which Sammi shook. “I’m here to work with Emily.”

  “Oh, it’s great to meet you.” Sammi motioned for her to follow. “I’ll take you to Dad. I think he’s in with Mom at the moment.”

  “Thank you.” The woman held herself very straight, almost as if she was trying to make herself appear bigger or taller than she really was.

  When they reached the open door to the master bedroom, Sammi knocked on the door frame. “Hey, you guys.”

  “Hi, sweetie,” her dad said as he got up from the seat beside the bed where her mom lay and came to where they stood in the doorway. It seemed that her mom spent a lot of time in bed, even though bedrest was not required of her now that she was recovering.

  “Dad, this is Avery Walker. She’s here to work with Mom.”

  “Oh, yes. Of course.” Her dad held out his hand. “Nice to meet you, Miss Walker.”

  “You, too,” she said as she took his hand.

  “Well, I’m off for my doctor’s appointment and then out for supper.” Sammi leaned forward to kiss her dad’s cheek. “I’ll see you later.”

  With a final look at the petite woman following her dad into where her mom lay, Sammi headed back to where she’d been waiting for Levi. Before she got back there, the doorbell chimed. She veered to the front door and opened it once again.

  Levi stood on the porch, wearing a pair of dark jeans and a white button-up shirt under a black jacket.

  “Hi,” Sammi said with a smile, trying not to show how happy she was to see him. It had only been three days since she’d last seen him, but for some reason, it felt much longer.

  “Hey.” He returned her smile, though his looked more reserved than hers had felt. “Ready to go?”

  “Yep. Just let me get my stuff.” She turned to grab her jacket from where she’d left it earlier, but before she could jam her arms into the sleeves, Levi took it from her and held it out. “Thanks.”

  Once her jacket was in place, she picked up her purse and followed him out of the house. She pulled the door closed behind her, noticing as she did that another
car was coming down the driveway. This one she recognized as belonging to Maya. She and Gabe got out of the vehicle as Levi and Sammi reached Levi’s truck.

  “Hey, you two,” Sammi called out as Maya handed Gabe the crutches that he was using to get around most days. Particularly after having physio, which inevitably left him exhausted and sore. “Everything go okay?”

  “Yeah,” Gabe said, a frown on his face as he steadied himself with the crutches. At one time, it had been odd to see him without a smile on his face, but since his accident, those smiles didn’t come as readily. “Just the usual beat-me-up session.”

  “You did great though, babe,” Maya said as she came to his side.

  Though they’d originally met her when she’d started to work for the family business, just recently, they’d hired someone else to work part-time to allow Maya extra time to help Gabe. That decision had turned out to be an unexpected blessing now that their mom wasn’t able to help Gabe the way she had been before her own health crisis. “Are you off for your appointment?”

  “Yep. Gonna go see how much weight I’ve gained,” Sammi said. “I didn’t gain anything for the first three months, but apparently I’m making up for lost time.”

  “Hope all goes well,” Maya said with a smile. “We’ll see you later.”

  Sammi turned to watch the two of them make their way up the steps to the front door. Their dad had made a wheelchair ramp on the side of the house that led to the wide veranda that ran from the front to the back of the house, but Gabe had only used it while he’d been completely confined to a wheelchair. Once he’d been able to stand with crutches, he’d refused to use the wheelchair or the ramp.

  “Is he doing okay?”

  Sammi turned to see Levi standing with the passenger door open. With a sigh, she climbed up into the cab of the truck. “Some days are better than others.”

  Levi gave a nod as he closed the door. He didn’t talk again until they were heading down the driveway. “I think that’s probably true for anyone who has had a life-changing health issue. Even after several years, my mom still has good and bad days—as I’m sure you know. Sometimes it’s just mental, but usually, it’s both physical and mental, but pretty much all of it is tied to her injury. Well, at least it was until I contributed to her baby being thrown into prison.”

  Sammi reached out to rest her hand on his arm. “I’m hoping she comes around completely with regards to that.”

  He glanced over at her and smiled. “Our relationship has gotten better, so I continue to hope.”

  They talked more about his brother’s situation as they drove to her doctor’s office. Once there, they found seats in a nearly empty waiting room. Sammi was glad to see the vacant chairs, hoping that meant that her wait wouldn’t be too long. They’d only been seated for about five minutes when the nurse called her name.

  Levi got to his feet then hesitated. “Did you want me to just wait here?”

  “Not unless that’s what you prefer,” Sammi said. “I’m fine with you coming into the office.”

  That seemed all the permission he needed because when she turned to follow the nurse, he was right behind her.

  “How are we feeling these days, Sammi?” the nurse asked with a smile as they joined her in the examination room.

  “Well, I don’t know about you, but I’ve been feeling pretty good. As long as the baby isn’t kicking my bladder, that is.”

  “Oh, I remember those days.” The nurse gestured to the scale in the corner with the file she held. “Time for the weigh-in.”

  Sammi turned to Levi who was still hovering near the closed door and pointed to the two chairs next to the desk. “You can sit there. I’m going to be up on the table.”

  Levi nodded and sank down on the chair furthest from the desk, looking very out of place. The fact that he was there, when it was clearly out of his comfort zone, endeared him to her even further. It occurred to her, as she slipped off her shoes and stood on the scale, that the man had never seemed to balk at accompanying her into any situation. If she expressed an interest or need to have him present, he was there.

  “Looks like you’re up a couple of pounds from the last visit,” the nurse said as she moved to the desk to record it in the file.

  “Really? That’s all? It honestly feels like I’ve gained about ten pounds.” Sammi moved over to sit on the exam table. “Even my loosest normal clothes are tight now.”

  “That’s why they make maternity clothes, dear,” the nurse said with a grin as she headed for the door. “The doctor will be right with you.”

  As she settled on the table, Sammi had a sudden memory of the first time she’d sat there after learning she was pregnant. Her mood then had been so very different. Very uncertain about the pregnancy and what it meant for her future. But most of all, she’d been feeling so alone.

  It felt completely different this time around. Her feelings about the pregnancy were much more positive and settled, and best of all, she wasn’t alone in parenting the baby.

  “Is there an issue with weight gain?” Levi asked, leaning forward to rest his forearms on his thighs.

  “Apparently not mine,” Sammi said. “Even though I have gained around twenty-five pounds so far. I think Makayla has gained about thirty-five, but she’s a month ahead of me.”

  “Isn’t twenty-five to thirty-five about normal?”

  Sammi grinned. “Someone’s been Googling.”

  A corner of Levi’s mouth lifted. “Well, I wanted to learn what I could. All this is really new to me. Like, I can’t even remember ever actually holding a baby.”

  “Really? I guess I had a lot of experience working in the church nursery and babysitting as a teen. More recently, of course, I’ve been holding Olivia Joy.”

  Before Levi could respond, there was a light tap on the door. They both looked in that direction as it swung open. Dr. Jensen stepped in, glancing between the two of them before smiling.

  “Hello, I’m Dr. Jensen.” She held out her hand to Levi who had gotten to his feet.

  He took her hand in a brief shake. “I’m Levi Weston. The…uh…baby’s father.”

  “It’s a pleasure to meet you.” Dr. Jensen turned to Sammi. “How are things going with you? Any concerns?”

  “Not really.” Sammi watched as the doctor put a cuff on her arm.

  Neither of them spoke as she went through the process of taking her blood pressure. When the doctor finished, she looped her stethoscope around her neck and smiled. “Blood pressure looks good.” She went to the desk and opened the file, jotting down the numbers. “Looks like your weight is still good too. Why don’t you lay back?”

  Sammi laid down on the table and waited for the doctor to come over before sliding her top up and the stretchy part of her pants down. The doctor measured her fundal height then got out the doppler. “Has the baby been moving lots?”

  “Yes. She seems to like to party when I’m trying to sleep though.”

  “Might as well get used to that now,” the doctor said with a smile as she palpated Sammi’s baby bump then squirted some gel on her stomach to the left of her belly button. Within a short time, a whooshing sound filled the room. Sammi turned her head to look at Levi. The sound of their baby’s heartbeat never ceased to quicken her own.

  It was odd that even though she hadn’t been overly concerned that something was wrong with the baby, something within her relaxed whenever she heard the baby’s heartbeat. From the look on Levi’s face, he felt the same way. At least she had the added assurance in between appointments of feeling the baby move.

  “Sounds good. Heartbeat is strong and steady,” Dr. Jensen said then grabbed a tissue to wipe the goop off her stomach. “So, you have no questions or concerns?” The doctor turned to include Levi in her question. “Are you planning to take birthing classes, Sammi?”

  Sammi pulled her clothes back into place and sat up. “Yes. Makayla has a place where she is going that I’ll go to as well.”

  The doctor
smiled. “I know you’re a nurse, and you did a rotation in the maternity ward, but it’s a good idea for you to take the classes as well. They’re much more focused on what you’ll experience rather than on what a patient is experiencing. Also, they are good for the fathers.”

  Sammi hadn’t talked to Levi about the birthing classes except in passing. She hadn’t been sure that he would want to go, but now that the doctor had mentioned that they were good for the baby’s father too, he would probably wonder about it. She wasn’t sure she was ready to go through birthing classes with him, let alone the delivery. That was something she’d been trying not to think about, but time was marching on, bringing her closer and closer to her due date.

  “If you have no other questions or concerns, I guess I’ll see you next month,” the doctor said. “And then we’ll be on bi-weekly appointments after that.”

  Sammi let out a little puff of air. It was hard to believe that she was over halfway through her pregnancy. So many feelings had changed over the past six months, and yet so many had stayed the same. The uncertainty of being a mother—a single mother—was still there along with the fear of not being strong enough to raise her baby girl on her own, but it didn’t consume her. The sadness of having lost a dream still lingered but was not as deeply felt as it once had been. Best of all, she knew, now, that she was forgiven for what she’d done, even if the consequences still weighed heavily on her at times.

  She slid off the exam table, aware of Levi’s gaze on her as the doctor left the room. Not for the first time, she wished she could read his mind. She wanted to know what he was thinking about her. About their baby. About the future.

  “Ready to go?” Levi asked as he got to his feet. “Or do you need to do something else here?”

  Sammi picked up her purse from the chair where she’d set it. “I’m ready. I just have to make another appointment with the receptionist.”

  It wasn’t long before they were back in the truck. Levi started the engine but didn’t pull out of the parking spot. After sitting in silence for a moment, he turned to her. “Where would you like to go for supper?”