Believing in Tomorrow

by Kimberly Rae Jordan

  “Somewhere with lots of food.” Sammi grinned. “The baby is hungry.”

  For a brief moment, a smile transformed Levi’s face, crinkling the skin at the corners of his eyes. “Buffet, it is.”

  They made small talk as they drove, lapsing into moments of silence at times that should have felt awkward, but didn’t. Though they weren’t dating, they’d still managed to get to know each other pretty well, growing a friendship she had never anticipated. And because of that, she knew that Levi would never be a man of many words, and that silence between them didn’t mean he was upset with her.

  In some ways, he reminded her of Tristan. He might never communicate in an abundance of words, but she knew he was always listening, always aware of what she said and what she didn’t.

  “Did you want to go to the birthing classes with me?” Sammi asked a short time later as she jabbed a fork into the cherry tomato that was part of the salad she’d felt obliged to eat before digging into the less healthy stuff she’d chosen at the buffet table.

  “I’m not sure,” Levi said, his gaze on his own plate.

  “Afraid it might make you queasy?” Sammi asked, trying not to smile at the idea. “I think they show birthing videos as part of the class.”

  Levi’s gaze shot up to hers. “Women really let cameras into the delivery room to film them giving birth?”

  “You’ve clearly never fallen down that rabbit hole on YouTube,” Sammi said, smirking. “I saw it all on my rotation in the maternity ward, but there are plenty of videos on YouTube that show deliveries too. You can check them out if you want to know exactly what’s going to happen.”

  Levi gave an instant and vigorous shake of his head. “Nope. Not gonna happen.”

  She grinned at his slightly nauseous look. “Are you sure?”

  “Very.” Levi gave her a pointed look. “Very.”

  “So that’s a ‘no’ to the birthing classes then?”

  “I didn’t say that.” He paused. “Maybe I can just close my eyes.”

  “So, you do want to come to the classes?” Sammi asked, still uncertain of what she wanted his answer to be.

  “I’m not the only one that has to agree to me attending the classes. I’ll only come if you want me there.”

  He took a bite of food off his plate, but Sammi stayed quiet, sensing that he still had more to say. She also took a bite, waiting for him to continue.

  “Am I correct in assuming that going to birthing classes is a precursor to being in the delivery room?” His gaze was on hers as he asked the question.

  “Normally. Yes.”

  “Who did you plan to have in the delivery room with you?”

  Sammi bit down on a forkful of lettuce, so she didn’t have to answer his question right away. “I hadn’t decided yet. I had originally thought of asking my mom, but obviously, that’s not going to work now. Makayla would have been my next choice, but she’ll be busy with her own baby. That kind of leaves Grace, Tami or Maya. Maybe Amy, if she happens to be in town.”

  “Have you talked to any of them?” Levi asked.

  Sammi shook her head as she abandoned the salad plate and started in on the piece of fried chicken she’d taken. “I haven’t thought a lot about that part of the pregnancy, to be honest.”

  “Would you even want me to be there?” This time, his gaze was on his plate as he forked up some mashed potatoes.

  Sammi sat back in her chair and picked up her glass and took a drink. “I…I…hmmm.”

  “Be honest, Samantha.” Levi looked at her, his gaze serious. “I’m a big boy. I can handle it if you don’t want me to be in there with you.”

  “It’s not that. Of anyone, you would be the one who had the most right to be in there with me.”

  “This isn’t about my right to be there.” Levi set his fork down on the plate. “It’s about what you want. I may not have watched any videos, but I’m not completely ignorant of what occurs in the delivery room. It’s important that you are comfortable. Well, as comfortable as possible while giving birth.”

  Sammi couldn’t meet his gaze. She didn’t want him to see how his words touched her. Again, she was filled with a huge sense of gratitude that for whatever reason, God had allowed this man to be the one who was seated at the bar when she’d ended up there. That in spite of making so many bad decisions, there had been some good that had come from that night. She just wished that her heart hadn’t gotten so involved, but when Levi treated her like she mattered, like she meant something to him, it was hard not to feel love for him.

  The reality was, having him in the delivery room wouldn’t make her uncomfortable. In fact, it would feel right. Of course, she wouldn’t want him at the foot of the bed while she was delivering, but the thought of Levi being there to welcome their daughter with her didn’t feel wrong.

  Hoping her expression didn’t reveal her feelings, Sammi decided to take a different approach. “Do you ever do what you want?”

  CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

  Levi’s brows drew together over his beautiful blue eyes. She didn’t think her question was all that difficult, and yet it seemed to have stumped him.

  “It seems that you’ve spent a good chunk of your life taking care of other people, doing what they want you to do.” She paused, tilting her head as she regarded his deepening frown. “So that’s why I asked if you ever do what you want to do.”

  Levi still remained quiet, his lips turned down in a frown. Sammi hoped she hadn’t offended him, but she truly did wonder if anyone had ever put Levi first. If anyone had ever made him feel like his opinion mattered. That his needs mattered. He had taken such care to make sure that her needs were met since the day she’d told him she was pregnant.

  “Do you want to be in the delivery room, Levi?” Sammi asked, determined that he would have a say in the most important part of this pregnancy—the arrival of the child they had created together.

  His frown hadn’t eased with her question even though that was what Sammi had hoped for. “I understand what you’re saying, but this is not a situation where my opinion or what I want should supersede what you want.”

  Frustration rose within her. He was probably right, but it still rankled her because she wanted him to know that she valued his opinion and cared about what he wanted.

  “Okay then. If you want to be in the delivery room, then I want you to be there. And if you’d like to be at the birthing classes, I’m fine with that too.”

  Levi nodded. “Let me know when and were, and I’ll be there.” With that settled, he turned his attention back to his food.

  This time, the silence was a bit awkward, and Sammi hated it. She had wanted to show her care for Levi, but instead, it had backfired. After she’d had time to reflect on things with Jayden, Sammi had realized that they really hadn’t cared for each other. Her conclusion was based on small things like Jayden refusing to even consider taking ballroom dancing lessons. Or bigger things like his work at the church always taking precedence over their time together.

  When they had been together, their times were usually okay, but when they were apart, they hadn’t been as concerned with each other as someone in a romantic relationship would expect. And it had been that way with both of them. She hadn’t been interested in doing some of the things with him that he’d wanted to do either.

  Though she wasn’t in a romantic relationship with Levi, Sammi wanted to do better with him. If he could take care of her the way he did, she could do the same for him. She had initially thought he was just acting that way because of the baby, but now, she had to wonder.

  “Samantha,” Levi said, then paused. Sammi looked up to meet his gaze, surprised to see a softness in his eyes. “Thank you. I do appreciate your desire to let me have a say. You’re right. It’s not often—particularly outside of my business—that I voice what I want. And most recently, when I did speak up about my brother’s theft, it made things worse. So…just…thank you.”

  Sammi couldn’t keep from smilin
g. “You’ve been so good to me. Don’t ever think I’m taking that for granted.”

  Levi gave a quick nod before asking about Sammi’s week so far, and then shared about his when she asked. Slowly the awkwardness faded as they continued to talk. The drive back to the house after dinner went by far too quickly for Sammi. Even though she knew it was once again playing with fire and would only pull her deeper into her feelings for Levi, Sammi wanted to spend more time with him.

  Once at the house, as usual, Levi came around to open the door for her. Sammi found that she was waiting for him now instead of opening the door herself, though obviously, she was perfectly capable of doing that.

  “Thank you for coming to the appointment and for dinner,” she said as she slipped out of the cab of the truck. “I realize it wasn’t a super exciting appointment.”

  Levi smiled. “I think dull appointments are better than those that cause excitement for the wrong reason.”

  “So true,” Sammi said. She looked at the house, its lights glowing warmly from the windows, but she felt a reluctance to go inside. From the outside, the house looked like it had for so many years, but inside…it felt like everything had changed. The warmth seemed artificial now that her mom wasn’t waiting to welcome her with a smile and a hug.

  “Hey.” She felt a light touch on her arm and looked over at Levi as he stepped closer to her. “Everything okay?”

  She gave a little sigh, and as he slid an arm around her shoulders, she leaned into his strength. “Yeah. It’s just hard to think about Mom.”

  “Such a sudden, dramatic change is hard to deal with,” Levi said, his tone gentle with understanding. “It will take time to adjust to your family’s new normal, but it will happen.”

  “Will it?” She rested her head on his shoulder, arms crossed over her waist. “I do see glimpses of who Mom used to be, but then she gets angry or starts crying, and it’s discouraging.” She swallowed hard. “And it’s so hard to think that my—our—baby and Makayla and Ethan’s will never know Mom the way she used to be.”

  “Did the doctors say she won’t ever get back to that point?” Levi asked, his hand tightening on her shoulder where he held her.

  “I know that the doctors don’t want to give false hope, so they’re not saying for sure how much she’ll recover. From my own knowledge, I know that the possibility for nearly full recovery is there, but it will take hard work on Mom’s part. Work that, so far, she’s resisting. Someone arrived to work with her as I was leaving earlier, so maybe this woman will be able to get Mom to do what no one else has.”

  “I’m sure people have told you that everything will be okay,” Levi said, continuing their quiet conversation. “And it will be, but maybe not in the way you imagine. The more willing you are to accept that, the more quickly things will be okay. Sometimes things being different can still be good.”

  “Like you,” Sammi said before she could stop herself. She lifted her head, meeting his gaze as he looked down at her. Her longing to be more than just Levi’s baby’s mama rose swiftly within her.

  “What do you mean?”

  There was no way she could tell him that she had come to realize how fortunate she was that she had gotten pregnant with his baby and not Jayden’s. “Just thankful that you were the one sitting on that bar stool that night when I decided to do the things that changed my life forever. I could have ended up in a much different—much worse—situation.”

  “I think we were both fortunate,” Levi said. “And hopefully our little girl thinks so too one day.”

  Sammi turned and wrapped her arms around his waist. “Thank you for your encouraging words. I needed to hear them before walking into the house tonight.”

  Levi’s arms tightened around her, and he didn’t let go right away. Sammi closed her eyes, drawing on his strength as she rested her head on his chest. When she felt a kick in her stomach, she grinned and opened her eyes. “I think the baby is agreeing.”

  “Is she moving around?” Levi loosened his arms and reached for her stomach. His hand hovered over it without touching her.

  Though she wasn’t sure if Levi would be able to feel it, she took his hand and pressed it to the spot near her waist where she’d felt the kick. When there was another movement, thankfully it was in a spot close enough to Levi’s hand so that he felt it.

  “Hello, little angel,” Levi said, bending down closer to her belly. “Mommy and Daddy can’t wait to meet you, but you just keep hanging out in there until it’s time.”

  Sammi smiled as she realized that this was a moment she hadn’t thought she’d get to experience since they weren’t married.

  When Levi straightened, he looked down at her for a long moment then stepped back. “I’d better get home. Hope you have a good night.”

  “You too. Thank you again. For everything.”

  Levi shut the passenger door as Sammi headed for the stairs leading to the veranda. Glancing over her shoulder as she reached the door, she found him still watching her. Sammi fought the urge to turn and go back to him. Being with him was definitely more appealing than the situation that awaited her.

  Once inside the house, she decided to see how things had gone with her mom before heading up to her room.

  “She’s asleep,” her dad said after she took a detour into the kitchen when she saw him there.

  “How did things go with that woman? Avery?”

  Her dad sighed. “Well, she was very patient, but your mom wasn’t sure of her. I think it will just take time for her to warm up to her. I really want this to work out as Avery came highly recommended by Max. The good thing is that Avery doesn’t seem to be put off at all by your mom’s attitude toward her.”

  Sammi hated to see the signs of strain on her dad’s face, but with everything that had happened over the past few months, it wasn’t any surprise. They all tried to help out where they could, but there were some things that their dad had to shoulder on his own.

  “By the way, are you okay with us planning a Thanksgiving dinner here?” Sammi asked, thinking back to the conversation she’d had with Makayla a couple of days earlier.

  “I want that,” he said. “I think it’s important. Makayla asked me too, and I told her that I want us all together here for the dinner. Whether or not your mom will join us, I just want us to all be together.” He paused, giving her a searching look. “Will Levi be joining us?”

  “I haven’t asked him. I wasn’t sure he’d be welcome.”

  “He is,” her dad said without hesitation.

  “Then I’ll ask him.”

  “You and the rest take care of all the planning, okay?”

  Sammi smiled. “No worries. Makayla is already in organization mode.”

  “No surprise there,” her dad said before draining his mug and putting it in the dishwasher.

  Sammi felt a sudden pang of sadness. Most nights, her parents shared a final cup of coffee together in the kitchen. It was a ritual that had been going on for longer than Sammi could remember. It was just something that they had always done. If she had needed to talk to one or both of her parents in the evening, she’d always known where to find them. But now…now her father was there in the kitchen alone which was how he’d been each night since her mom had come home from the hospital.

  Going to where he stood, Sammi went up on tiptoe and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Love you, Dad. Have a good night.”

  “Love you too, sweetheart.”

  Blinking back tears, Sammi left the kitchen and headed to her room, wondering as she did if love was worth the risk of possible heartache like her dad was facing.

  Levi pushed his mom’s wheelchair back through the door of her room after they’d taken a walk in the garden, enjoying the cool fall day. “Have you signed up for the Thanksgiving dinner?”

  “Yes,” his mom said, looking out the window of her room. “For both of us.”

  Levi was surprised but pleased at that news. In previous years, he and Davy would have joined her
for the dinner put on by the care home for the residents and their families. After all that had transpired this year, he hadn’t been sure that his mom would want him there, especially since Davy couldn’t be there too.

  “So it’s on Sunday at two, as usual?”

  “Yes.” She glanced at him. “You’ll be there?”

  “Of course.” Levi would have still had a Thanksgiving meal if she hadn’t included him since he’d received a surprising invitation to dinner with Samantha’s family, but he was thankful to be able to share the holiday with his mom too.

  The visit had gone well, and Levi was encouraged that things would go better from here on out with his mom. He hoped that they were over the worst of how their relationship had deteriorated after Davy’s arrest. Unfortunately, they had never fully discussed the situation with Davy. Maybe that would come with time, and hopefully, it wouldn’t lead to another downturn in their relationship.

  Levi glanced at the time that was displayed on the dashboard of his truck, not wanting to be too early or late to the meal at the Callaghan home. Samantha’s invitation the day after the appointment and their dinner together had surprised him, but he hadn’t hesitated to accept it. In the time since that night, they’d communicated in one form or another every day.

  Their relationship seemed to have turned a corner after the appointment. He’d been a bit concerned that Samantha’s experience at church the night Quinn and Cami had shared, might adversely affect things between them. He had yet to share with Samantha the decision he’d made after his conversations with Keenan. For some reason, he wasn’t sure how to broach the subject. He hoped that perhaps at some point during his time at the house that day, he might find the time to talk to her about it.

  There were quite a few cars in the parking area in front of the house when he pulled in. He tried to park in such a way that he wasn’t blocking any of them. After parking, he got out and opened the rear door of the driver’s side to lift out the floral arrangement from the box on the floor of the truck. He also grabbed the floral paper covered bouquet from the back seat with his other hand then used his shoulder to close the door.