Another Generation

by Roberta Kagan

  “It’s okay, Ab. I’m your sister. Let’s try to work things out between us. I need you too.”

  “Yeah, I guess we all need each other,” Abby said.

  “Especially now that dad is gone,” Haley said. “I always went to him when I needed advice. Now, you, me, Mom, and Mark have to stand together as a strong family. We have to be each other’s strength because we are all that is left.”

  “Mark said Dad finally accepted him as gay before he died,” Abby said drawing a deep breath.

  “Wow. That must have given Mark a lot of peace of mind,” Haley said. Then she added, “I’m glad Dad did that. It was just like Dad to make sure he tied up all the loose ends in his life. Knowing Dad, he probably couldn’t bear to think of leaving Mark without making sure he knew Dad loved him . . . ”

  “I’m going to miss your father so much,” Eidel said.

  Abby held the necklace in her fist. I hardly knew my father, she thought. When I was a kid I always thought he was too busy. Then, later in life, I never let him get close to me. I had been hurt too much by everyone in this family except Mark. It seemed like the right thing to do at the time. But I regret it now. Nothing I can do to change the past. It’s too late for me and Dad. At least it’s not too late with Mom and Haley.

  Eidel was weeping as she held each daughter’s hand.

  The Shiva continued for six more days. People came in and out of the house. Ida was there with Sam every day. Eidel was glad to have her, however, things were not the same since Ida and Sam were together. It had been Harry and Ida, Eidel and Dovid for so many years. Now Harry and Dovid were gone and there was another person in the mix. Things would never be the way they were before. However, even though Eidel didn’t feel that she could lean on Ida the way she had in the past, there was a closeness that was forming between Haley and Abby and Abby and herself that was giving her strength. And somehow, it was making the loss of Dovid a little more bearable.

  When all seven days of the Shiva were over, it was time for Abby and Mark to return to New York. They scheduled a flight out of O’Hare at eight the following evening. There would be no visitors coming to the Levi house to pay their respects. The family was now alone. They would hold each other up and cope with their loss together.

  The refrigerator was filled with food, as it was the Jewish custom that everyone who came to pay his respects at a house of Shiva must bring something to the house. However, no one was to take any food with them from a house of mourning. Friends and neighbors came and brought everything from large meat trays to cakes and cookies. And, as tradition had it, before they left the house of mourning they always ate something sweet to combat the bitterness of death.

  During the seven days of Shiva, the mourners were distracted by the endless line of visitors. But now that it was over, the true realization that Dovi would never be coming home set in.

  Mark arrived at ten that morning. Haley put on a pot of coffee while Abby laid out the cream cheese, lox, and bagels that were left from a fish tray one of Haley’s girlfriends brought the day before.

  They gathered around the table. “I am so glad you were all here. Life is going be so different without Daddy,” Eidel said as she held Julie in her arms.

  Someone had turned on the television in the living room earlier and the family could hear it in the kitchen. A popular comic sitcom was playing. Someone said something in the program that made Eidel laugh.

  “Let’s take our breakfast in the living room and watch the show,” Haley said. “It will take our minds off of things.”

  “Good idea.” Abby helped carry Eidel’s plate while Eidel carried Julie. The baby was quiet because she was chewing on a bagel.

  An actress in the sitcom said something about only liking muffin tops and how no one ate the bottoms of the muffins. They all laughed. It had been a good idea to watch a comedy.

  “We should open a muffin shop, Abby. We could call it muffin tops,” Haley said.

  “Yeah and we could sell tops and then sell bags of bottoms,” Abby said.

  “Muffin tops with a bag of bottoms,” Mark said.

  They all laughed. “That’s a great name for a little muffin bakery,” Abby said. “Muffin Tops and A Bag of Bottoms.”

  “You know . . . it’s not a bad idea. We could open a business. You and me, Abby. We are both down on our luck these days and what better time for sisters to work together? We could ask Ida to help us with the recipes, and we could do something really unique, like sell the tops and sell bags of bottoms. It’s kind of a catchy gimmick,” Haley said. “What do you think, Ab? Are you working, Ab?”

  “Well, I am not working. I just got out of a bad relationship. I was planning on looking for work and staying with Mark until I could afford to go out on my own.”

  “Mark, isn’t your apartment really small?” Haley asked.

  “Yeah, but we’ll make do,” he said.

  “Why don’t you just stay here? I would love to have you. Haley would too,” Eidel said. Then she hesitated. “Abby, I really would love to have you.”

  “Me too, Ab. I really would,” Haley said.

  “Really?”

  “Yes,” Eidel nodded. “Yes.”

  “Yeah,” Haley said then added, “And we really could actually open that muffin shop.”

  “I don’t have any money to invest in a business.” Abby shook her head.

  “But I do,” Eidel smiled. “And I would love to invest in my two girls.” Then she added, “You know, of course, that you are welcome here always, Mark. I don’t want you to feel that we’re leaving you out of all of this.”

  “I’m living with a partner. His name is John. We have been working on a show, a musical. It’s supposed to open at the end of the month. We have high hopes for this one.”

  “I have confidence in you,” Eidel said. Making peace with Abby had a profound positive effect on Eidel. She had lost her beloved husband, but she found her beloved daughter.

  “I have a little cash from my divorce. I would be happy to invest too.”

  “But it’s not fair if you two invest and I don’t. I would need to have some money to put in too.”

  “Nonsense,” Eidel said. “We’re family. I don’t mind putting in your share.”

  “I’ll pay you back,” Abby said reaching over and squeezing her mother’s arm.

  “You already have,” Eidel said wiping her eyes.

  CHAPTER THIRTY SIX

  “I have to go to New York with Mark to pick up the rest of my stuff,” Abby said.

  “He could ship it,” Eidel said.

  “No, I have a couple of things I have to do in New York before I can move. But I should be back by the beginning of next week.”

  “Do you need money for plane fare to come back?”

  “Mark offered to pay for a one-way flight back to Chicago,” Abby said. She didn’t tell her mother why Mark so desperately needed her to be with him when he returned to New York. Going to pick up her things had been nothing more than a lame excuse. She had a few personal items at Mark’s apartment, none of which were worth much. It certainly would have been less expensive to ship the few pieces of clothing she’d left behind. But that was not why she was going back with Mark. He was about to face the most terrifying news of his life and she was the only person who knew anything about it. Within the next forty-eight hours, Mark would know the truth. Was he HIV positive? And if so, what came next? And what about John? Mark told Abby he needed her for moral support. He begged her to return to New York with him to get his test results and he made her promise not to tell anyone about his test. She assured him, as she always had since they were very young, that he could trust her. No matter what the outcome, she would never be the one to share his secret. Not with John or anyone else. That was his information to share however and with whomever he chose.

  CHAPTER THIRTY SEVEN

  Mark and Abby sat side by side during the flight and talked about all that had transpired since they left New York.

/>   “Dad really surprised me,” Mark said with tears in his eyes. “I never expected him to say the things he did. He was an amazing man, Ab. My being gay went against his way of life. And, yet, because he loved me, he found a way to accept it.”

  Abby nodded. “This whole trip home was kind of life-changing.”

  “Mom shocked you, didn’t she?”

  “Yeah. I told you what happened. Can you believe that story about that woman who was her birth mother? The night Dad was buried was the first time I’d ever heard this story or the mention of that woman’s name. Zofia Weiss. I don’t know how Mom kept all those secrets buried inside of her. You know, I’ve met other kids whose parents were Holocaust survivors and lots of them say that their parents won’t tell them everything about what happened. It must be hard to live tangled up in all those tentacles from the past,” Abby said shaking her head. Then she touched the Star of David that hung around her neck. “This is the necklace I told you about. It survived the Warsaw Ghetto and God knows what else. I’m sure there is a hell of a story behind it. But if Mom knows the whole story, she’s only telling part of it. And, who knows, she might not know everything either. That was such a sick and crazy war. Jews being murdered by the millions. I can’t even fathom it. “

  “Yeah, I know. Can you just imagine what it must have been like for Mom and Dad to know that there were people who wanted to kill them just because they were Jewish?”

  “I can’t imagine. But it sure does sound terrifying. I can kind of understand why they were both a little messed up. But, in the end, Dad came around for you, and Mom is really trying to work things out with me. So, it looks like they overcame all the terrible shit they went through.”

  “Yes, it does. And you have to give them credit. If I had gone through what they went through I would probably be in a nuthouse.”

  “Yep, me too.”

  “You know, Ab, it sure has been one hell of a week. I wish I had gotten to know Dad better when he was alive. I was always afraid of him. When I was a kid, I was afraid he would find out the truth about me. Then after I came out, I was afraid he hated me. I’m glad he and I had that ten minutes before he passed to talk.”

  “I’ll bet. It had to be good for both of you.”

  “Are you really going back to Chicago to open a muffin shop with Haley? And . . . are you really planning to move in with Mom?”

  “You know . . . I am. It’s really weird, Mark. But for the first time in my whole life, I feel like I have a family. I feel like I am a part of something. I mean, you and I have always been close but I always felt like an outsider with Haley and Mom. But after that night when we talked, I didn’t feel that way anymore. I want to be there. I want to get to know my mother before it’s too late. And I need to be friends with my sister. You know the old adage . . . blood is thicker than water? Well, there might just be something to that.”

  “Yeah, there just might,” Mark said squeezing Abby’s hand and smiling at her.

  They landed at JFK late that evening. The flight had been delayed but John was at the terminal waiting patiently for Mark. They dared not embrace in public, but Abby saw the love in their faces when they looked at each other. Maybe someday a man will look at me that way, she thought wistfully. Then she remembered the test. Those damn results could change everything. Tonight Mark and John were two lovers reunited after a week apart. But after the appointment tomorrow, anything could happen. As they rode home in a taxi Abby looked out the window and felt a shiver run up her spine.

  CHAPTER THIRTY EIGHT

  “How are you holding up?” John asked Mark once they were alone in their bedroom back at the apartment.

  “Good. I worked things out with my dad. In the last ten minutes of his life, he accepted me. He accepted us.” Tears threatened to spill down Mark’s face.

  “That’s great. You have to feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders,” John said.

  Mark gave John a sad smile and nodded. Then he thought about the test results and felt sick.

  “I’m exhausted, though. It’s been a very long week,” Mark said.

  “I’ll bet. Can I get you anything?”

  “No, let’s just lay here and rest until we fall asleep.”

  John put his head on Mark’s shoulder and took Mark’s hand in his. “I love you,” he whispered.

  “I love you too,” Mark gently squeezed John’s hand.

  CHAPTER THIRTY NINE

  The following day before John awakened, Abby and Mark took the subway to the clinic. They walked in together holding hands and Mark gave the girl at the desk his name.

  “Take a seat please, and we’ll call you in a few minutes,” the receptionist said in a gentle, soft voice. Mark thought that the poor girl must deal with this sort of thing all the time. Every day, people must come into this office with their hearts in their throat to find out if they have been blessed or condemned to death row.

  Mark sat down beside Abby. He whispered in her ear, “This is the hardest few minutes I have ever gone through in my entire life. My heart is beating a mile a minute. Oh God, Abby. I am so scared.”

  A very pregnant girl walked through the door and knocked on the receptionist window.

  “Hi. I’m Doreen McCloud. I have an appointment.”

  “Please sign in and then sit down. Someone will be right with you.”

  “Thank you.”

  A nurse with a black and yellow scrub jacket opened the door. “Mark Levi?” she said.

  Mark got up. “Can she come with me?” he asked pointing to Abby. “She’s my sister.”

  “No, I’m sorry, Mr. Levi.”

  Mark gave Abby a look that told her that he was afraid he might faint.

  “It’s okay, Mark. I’ll be right here waiting,” Abby said.

  Mark nodded. His face was as pale and lined as crushed white porcelain. But he followed the nurse past several open examination rooms and into a doctor’s office.

  The office was very clean but not at all fancy. There was a metal desk with a chair behind it and one in front. Against the wall stood a bookshelf with several books lined up neatly.

  “The doctor will be right with you.”

  Mark could hardly catch his breath. He felt a terrible sense of foreboding. Within the next half hour, I will know the answer to the question that has been tearing me up since I first got the call about Gene White having HIV. God, please, I am begging you. Please make this test negative. I promise you that if you do, I will never be unfaithful again. I promise, please God . . .

  The doctor walked in. He was a tall, slender man with golden brown hair and milky-blue eyes.

  “Mr. Levi. I’m Doctor Straus.” The doctor shook Mark’s hand and then sat down behind the desk.

  Mark nodded. He could hardly speak.

  Dr Straus opened Mark’s file. Then he said, “They gave you a number that you must give me now so that I can give you your results. You see, I need that number for security purposes, Mr. Levi.”

  Mark’s hands were freezing and shaking as he took the tiny slip of paper with the number scribbled on it out of his wallet. Mark cleared his throat. He felt like he was going to vomit. Then he said “5673284.”

  The doctor repeated the number then he looked down at the file and then back up and straight into Mark’s eyes.

  CHAPTER FORTY

  Abby thought her nerves might ignite and start on fire if Mark didn’t come out soon. She was sick to her stomach with worry. Finally, Mark walked through the door. He went to his sister and put his arms around her and hugged her tightly. “Negative,” he said.

  “Thank God, Mark.” She breathed a sigh of relief. “This was intense.”

  “That’s for sure. I’ve never been so scared in all my life.”

  “I know.” She squeezed him tightly and then they left the clinic.

  It was early October and the air was brisk and refreshing. As Mark and Abby walked through Times Square on their way back to his apartment, he looked around. Th
ere were so many people, some walking, others riding in cabs and busses. He was just one small person in a sea of millions and yet today, he felt like he had been personally blessed. It was as if the hand of God had touched his shoulder with a gentle, forgiving caress. As a child, he always looked at life like it was a Broadway show. Well, if life were a musical, today I would be playing the part that Fred Astaire played in Singing in the Rain. I would be dancing and filling my audience with the joy that is emanating from my heart. I have been given a second chance at life.

  “Let’s grab some lunch,” Mark said to Abby. “Are you hungry?”

  “Yep.”

  “Perfect. What do you feel like?”

  “Pizza?’

  “You make me laugh. Same old Abby. You never liked the fancy stuff. You were always a pizza or burgers kinda girl.”

  “That’s me, Mark. And, I’m nuts about New York pizza!”

  “Well, I know a killer pizza place in Hell’s Kitchen that will knock you out.”

  “Sounds good to me,” she said.

  CHAPTER FORTY ONE

  After lunch, they returned to the apartment. John was awake.

  “Hey, where were you two?” he said. “I got up and you were both gone.”

  Mark was silent. He looked as if he’d been caught doing something bad. Abby knew that her brother didn’t know what to say to John. He didn’t want to lie anymore, but he couldn’t tell him the truth either. So she spoke up before Mark could answer.

  “Mark took me for pizza. I’ve been begging him to take me for some authentic New York pizza,” Abby said. “I love it. It sure is different from Chicago pizza. Which by the way, I love too.” She gave a nervous laugh. “The crust is much thinner here.”

  “Yeah. We have amazing pizza here in New York,” John said.

  Abby got up and pulled her duffel bag out from the closet. “I’m going home to Chicago, John.”