Another Generation

by Roberta Kagan

  “Why, did something happen?” John looked at Mark. “Is everything all right between the two of you?”

  “Yes, everything is great between Mark and me. But something did happen when I went home for the Shiva. It was like a miracle. I worked things out with my mother and sister. I am going back there to live with my mother for a while.”

  “Wow, this is a real change. It sounds like both you and Mark resolved some serious issues with your folks in Chicago.”

  “Yes, we sure did.” Abby smiled and began packing. “I’m going to try and get a flight out tomorrow. Can I use your phone?”

  CHAPTER FORTY TWO

  Mark gave Abby money to take a taxi to the airport. When the cab arrived at the apartment, he hugged her tightly. “Thanks, Ab.”

  “For what?”

  “For being here for me when I needed you.”

  “You have been here for me every time I’ve needed you. That’s what family is supposed to do for each other, Mark. And I have to say, I hope I am not going to be disappointed, but right now I am very excited about having a good relationship with Mom and Haley. I want to feel like a part of a family. I’ve been drifting far too long.”

  “You’re right. And don’t forget, no matter what happens, I am always here for you. You can always come back here to New York if you need me. John loves you too.”

  “He’s a great guy.”

  “He is, isn’t he?”

  “Yeah. You feel guilty about what happened, don’t you?”

  “How do you know that?”

  “Because I know you. You feel like shit because you’ve kept a secret from him and you feel like it’s coming between you.”

  “Wow, Ab, you’re like a fortune teller. But you’re right. I do feel that. I’ve never lied to him or kept anything from him before. It’s like we’re not as close anymore because of this.”

  “You still love him, don’t you?”

  “More than I can express in words.”

  “And considering that you write words for a living, that’s saying a lot.”

  “Do you think I should tell him?”

  “I don’t know, Mark. I can’t make that decision for you. You have to make that call yourself.”

  “He might leave me.”

  “Yeah, he might. That’s why I can’t decide for you. You have to do what you think is best. But, just like you told me, if you ever need me, just call and I’ll come here if you want or we can talk on the phone. I’m here for you, whatever you need.”

  The cabbie tooted his horn.

  “I guess I had better get going.”

  “Stay in touch, little sis.”

  “You too.”

  CHAPTER FORTY THREE

  That night, John was working but Mark was off. Being alone in the apartment gave him time to think about everything that had happened. He wished he had more time with his father to talk about things. They had finally reached an understanding and then Dovid was gone. There was so much Mark wanted to tell his father. Never once had Mark had an opportunity to tell Dovid about the things he respected in him. In fact, out of fear of being too close to his father, Mark had always given people the impression that he thought of his dad as an old-fashioned man who was backward. However, the truth was that Mark admired many of Dovid’s qualities. And now that his father was gone, he would never have the opportunity to tell him. I didn’t think I would feel this way. I thought that when he went I would be fine. But the strange thing is, I miss him. I miss what could have been between us. I wish I could have asked his advice on so many things but I just couldn’t bring myself to talk to him then. And sadly, he was uncomfortable around me. I guess he probably sensed that I was gay all along and it was his biggest fear. He didn’t know how to handle having a gay son. Mark felt tears sting the back of his eyes. So much opportunity for love and closeness between my dad and me is now lost forever.

  John was right. I should have come out earlier. There were too many secrets between us. Then when I did come out, I should have forced my father to talk to me even though he told me to go away. I could have persisted. I could have called the house every day. I should have found a way to make him listen to me. Too late now. And John. What about John? I feel like there is a giant wedge of iron standing between us. A terrible lie. Even though I know all is well. I am fine. The test was negative. I should be able to put it in the past. Even though I know all of this. That night with Gene, the HIV test . . . all of it . . . secrets. Secrets that are eating away at me like a cancer. I can’t even relax in John’s arms without thinking about the secrets that lie between us. If I tell him, I could lose him. If I don’t, then we could lose the wonderful love and trust that our whole relationship is built upon. I could call Abby tonight and ask her, again, what she thinks. She told me already to make up my own mind. But if I really pressed her for an answer, I know what she’d say. She’d tell me to bury the secret. She’d say to forget the whole thing. To put it out of my mind and never tell him. But for some crazy reason, it’s driving me nuts and I can’t do it. From the day John and I met, we both agreed that trust was the most important thing in a relationship. I’ve betrayed his trust. I tried to put that stupid night I spent with Gene behind me and I did until that call about the HIV test. It made me realize that lying to John is unfair and can really destroy what we share. I guess the only thing I can do is tell him the whole truth. That is the only honest thing to do. God, I really hope I don’t lose him.

  CHAPTER FORTY FOUR

  Mark waited for John to get home from work that night. Mark was sitting up in the bedroom reading when he heard the key turn in the lock. His stomach hurt. Then he heard the sound of John’s sneakers, squish, squish, squish on the hardwood floor. Before he knew it, John was in the bedroom.

  “Hey, what are you doing still awake?” John said taking off his clothes and tossing them into the hamper.

  “I couldn’t sleep.”

  “Your dad?” John asked, sitting on the edge of their bed in his underwear.

  “Yeah,” Mark said.

  “I know; it’s hard to lose someone,” John took Mark’s hand and squeezed it. “Is there anything I can do?”

  “No, not really,” Mark said. He had to tell him the truth. He knew it was the right thing to do. He was terrified. “John. I have to talk to you.”

  “Of course.”

  “It’s bad.”

  “Are you okay? Is it about your father?”

  “No, it’s about us. You and me,” Mark said.

  It was as if a mask of fear fell over John’s face. “Did I do something wrong?”

  “No. Never. Not at all.”

  “Talk to me, Mark. What is it?”

  Mark squeezed his eyes shut. Then he opened them and looked at John. “I love you, John.”

  “That’s a relief. The way you were sounding I was afraid you wanted to break up.”

  “NO, I don’t. But after I talk to you, you might want to.”

  “Come on. Would you please just tell me already? I have no idea what’s bothering you and it’s making me nervous,” John said.

  Mark looked away. He started folding and unfolding the edge of the comforter. “Do you remember the night we had a fight right after I got home from Haley’s wedding?”

  “How could I forget? You stayed out all night and I worried to death.”

  “Yeah,” Mark said. “I know. And I was wrong for doing that. But there is more. I did something that was just . . . deplorable.”

  John cocked his head to the side, but he didn’t say a word.

  “I cheated on you that night. I met some guy in a bar and I spent the night with him.”

  “Oh . . . wow,” John said, getting up from the bed. “Are you still seeing each other?”

  “No, I never saw him again. I never wanted to. The whole night that we were together all I could think about was you. I talked about you all night too.”

  “That was a year ago, Mark. Why did it take you so long to tell me?”
<
br />   “I really fucked up, John. I was never going to tell you. I was afraid of losing you. I still am. But, I have to tell you the truth.”

  “I’ve never cheated on you, not once,” John said crossing his arms over his chest.

  “I believe you.” He hesitated. “There’s more. Right before I left for Chicago, I got a call from a clinic. The guy I spent that night with tested positive for AIDS.”

  “Oh my God, do you have it?” John walked over to Mark and put his arm around him.

  “No, thank God. My test was negative. But I felt so guilty for not telling you. What if the test had been positive? I would have put you in danger. That would have been the worst part of it all. I’ve been torturing myself.”

  “I don’t know what to say,” John said. “I’m hurt. I’m hurt that you were unfaithful. But I am even more upset that you kept something this important from me. Our whole relationship is built on trust and honesty. I’d like to think that you would come to me no matter what.”

  “I should have. It would have been the right thing to do. But it was bad enough that I had to wait for the results. I didn’t want to put you through the misery of waiting with me. You didn’t deserve to suffer.”

  “No one deserves to suffer.”

  “I feel like I deserved it for what I did to you, for what I did to us. That night, I was mad at you for wanting me to come out to my parents. I wanted to punish you. I was a real jerk. I don’t know what else to say.”

  John was silent for several moments.

  “I’m going to go and take a shower. I am all sweaty from work,” John said. Then he got up and went into the bathroom.

  Mark heard the water running. He knew John needed time to think this whole thing through. But he had no idea what was coming next.

  Fifteen long minutes passed and John came out of the bathroom. He got dressed without looking at Mark. Then he took his suitcase out of the closet. “I think it’s probably best if I move out for a while,” he said.

  Mark felt like he might vomit. He wanted to beg John to stay, but he couldn’t find his voice. His throat was tight with emotion.

  Neither John nor Mark said another word. John finished packing, took his suitcase, and left, quietly closing and locking the apartment door.

  Mark was devastated. He didn’t sleep at all that night.

  During the weeks that followed, John was cordial but distant when he and Mark ran into each other at the playhouse. The musical they worked on together was playing to rave reviews. When Mark and John were interviewed by a local newspaper, Mark should have been excited and happy, but sitting across the table from John and knowing that their relationship was over took all the joy out of the success of the show.

  CHAPTER FORTY FIVE

  When Abby returned to Chicago, she and Haley began looking at storefronts to open the muffin shop. They decided they liked a lively young area in Evanston right across the street from Northwestern University. Because of the location’s proximity to the college dorms, they would get plenty of street traffic from the students and faculty. When they first started looking for a place, Haley and Abby debated whether or not to look for a costly space with heavy street traffic or for a less visible location with cheaper rent and spend their money on advertising. In the end, they decided on visibility. And so they chose a store that had been a small deli. It was in the center of a row of busy shops, surrounded by school buildings, sorority and fraternity houses, as well as freshman dorms. The stores in their small strip mall brought lots of local traffic. There was a small popular campus grocery store and a pharmacy, a trendy, but inexpensive women’s clothing boutique, and a reasonably-priced hair salon. For several days, Abby and Haley watched the businesses surrounding their prospective location to see if they were busy. Once the girls were sure that there was ample street traffic and each of their neighboring business had customers, they agreed on the location. They had decided that not only would they be a dine-in bakery shop, but they also planned to create baskets that could be delivered or taken out. Haley had a talent for designing clever and attractive occasion baskets that made great gifts for holidays and special events, like birthdays and baby showers. Ida, who had always been an exceptional baker, helped the girls to come up with unique recipes. They all agreed that it would be a good idea to offer unusual flavors that were not available at other bakeries. And so the three women spent hours brainstorming ideas while Eidel watched the baby.

  “How does macadamia nut, chocolate, peanut butter, banana sound to you?” Abby asked.

  “Let’s try it,” Ida said. She began measuring, sugar, flour, and all the rest of the ingredients that Abby suggested.

  And so the winter passed. Haley and Abby worked on their new enterprise for every available minute until they had a complete menu of deliciously different muffins.

  Abby negotiated with the owners of the building until they agreed on a decent price for the rent. As part of the negotiations, she convinced them to paint the entire shop and have the black and white-checked tile floors cleaned.

  Once all of the agreements were made, Abby and Haley signed the lease.

  “Let’s go out for lunch and celebrate,” Haley suggested.

  “Good idea.”

  “You okay with inviting Mom and Ida?”

  “Sure, tell Ida to bring Sam if she wants,” Abby said.

  They drove back to the house to pick Eidel up along with the baby. While they were at home they called Ida and Sam and invited them to join them.

  They all met at a restaurant called the Skokie Club and were seated at a private table in the back. They were greeted by a handsome waiter with a Greek accent.

  After they ordered, the girls were buzzing with excitement. “I can’t believe we are going to be business owners,” Haley said.

  “I know. It’s wonderful. Mazel tov to both of you!” Ida smiled. “I loved it when we owned the restaurant. May I make a suggestion?”

  “Of course,” Haley said.

  “I would offer sandwiches and salads for lunch. You might as well. You are paying rent on the place anyway. This will give you an even larger clientele. And you don’t need extra equipment to offer this. I wouldn’t put French fries on the menu because you don’t want to buy a fryer. Just maybe potato salad and coleslaw. You could even offer bags of chips as sides. Then you wouldn’t need anything more than you are already purchasing. You see?”

  “Yes, you’re right. Of course, we know that we need an oven for the baking and a refrigerator for the milk and eggs. Why not? Serving sandwiches and salads doesn’t require any extra equipment. We could start with just the muffins to get our feet wet then add the lunch items as soon as we are established. What do you think, Ab?”

  “I agree. It would increase our opportunity to make more money. So, yeah, why not?”

  “I hope I am not overstepping my boundaries, but I can give you some wonderful recipes for potato salad and coleslaw. I even have some special ones for salad dressing,” Ida said.

  Sam smiled at Ida and patted her hand. “You miss being busy, don’t you?” he asked her.

  “I do. I loved being a part of a thriving business. I was never one to enjoy sitting at home.”

  “But we don’t ever just sit at home. We are always doing something. Going out for dinner, taking in a movie. We travel. We go to bingo,” Sam said.

  “I know. And I enjoy our lives together. I am also so glad to be seeing you more, Eidel. I’ve missed you these past several months,” Ida smiled.

  “Well, Ida, I think you should do whatever you can to help the girls get started. I can see how happy it makes you to be involved,” Sam said.

  Eidel smiled at Ida. “Thank you for helping us with the business. You were always so good at this sort of thing. And, Ida . . .” she said. For a moment Ida hesitated and looked down at her hands. Then she looked back up and Eidel said, “I’ve missed you too.”

  CHAPTER FORTY SIX

  Muffin Tops and A Bag of Bottoms had a grand opening
on May 1st with helium balloons, free samples of muffin tops, a $100 gift card giveaway to a popular restaurant, live guitar music, and free coffee. Mark flew into town to be a part of the new Levi business venture.

  It was a beautiful spring day. The temperature was mild and the sun was shining brightly in a cloudless blue sky. All of this helped increase the success of the opening. The little shop was full of students and faculty as everyone wanted to be outside on a nice day after the cold Chicago winter.

  Ida and Eidel were in the back of the shop with the baby. Mark worked the register while the girls filled orders. By the time they closed the shop at four in the afternoon, Haley, Abby, and Mark were exhausted but exhilarated. It had been a wonderful day.

  Mark couldn’t stay long because of his job and the play, which was doing well. However, he and John were careful to avoid each other when they attended the show. If Mark knew John was going to be at the theater on a Wednesday night, he didn’t go. Instead, he would go on Thursday. But a day never went by that Mark didn’t think of John and miss him terribly.

  CHAPTER FORTY SEVEN

  November 1993

  It was a week before Thanksgiving and Abby and Haley were overrun with orders for fancy gift baskets. The muffins were delicious, the shop was trendy and popular, and many of the students who were going home for the holidays were having baskets made to bring with them. People who were invited to share Thanksgiving dinner with friends ordered baskets. Everyone seemed to agree that muffin baskets made the perfect dinner guest gifts. And because of all the extra holiday business, the girls were working well past closing time in order to get everything done.

  It had begun to snow. A light dusting of white powder was twirling around in the strong wind that came roaring off the lake. The temperature dropped and it was a chilly ten degrees Fahrenheit. It was seven o’clock and dark outside. The muffin shop was officially closed but there was far too much left to do for Haley or Abby to go home. They were both in the back assembling baskets and taking trays of freshly-baked muffins out of the oven. There was a knock on the door.