by C. A. Harms
I tripped over something in the darkness and cursed as I stumbled forward and braced myself against the wall. In doing so I pushed aside one of the curtains just enough to see the bright, beaming sunlight. It was well past sunrise.
Sudden panic knotted my stomach. I had a built-in alarm system that always got me up before the sun. But today of all days, that alarm hadn’t sounded. I yanked back the curtain and the sun flooded into the room as a sick feeling washed over me.
“What the fuck?” Dean grumbled as he pulled his blanket over his face. “Shut the curtain, you asshole.”
I ignored his protests and finally located my phone on the floor. I hit the Power button over and over, but it was completely dead.
“Shit,” I growled, practically ripping the door off the hinges in my hurry to leave. I almost fell down the stairs as I tried to take them two at a time.
When I burst through the back door of my parents’ house, I was met with four shocked faces. Mom, Dad, and the girls sat around the kitchen table sharing breakfast and staring at me.
“What time is it?” I asked, looking around the kitchen, my heart in my throat.
“Daddy, what are you wearing?” Vivian said with a giggle.
“The time?” I asked again, ignoring the strange look my dad was giving me.
“It’s ten thirty-two,” my mother said.
That sick feeling I had before was nothing compared to what I now felt.
“Daddy, your pants have tongues on them.” Violet had made her way over to me and was now poking my legs.
I looked down at my sweet little girl and did a double take.
Yes, the pants had tongues. And what they were licking was even worse.
I hung my head and cursed the fact that I had a brother as fucked-up as Dean.
Who the hell bought pajama pants with dicks on them? Dicks of all sizes, being licked and stroked. And, ah fuck, was that a…? Motherfucker.
I spun around and hurried back out the door in search of my own damn pants.
***
Hours later I sat just outside my parents’ house on a swing my father built for my mother on their twenty-fifth anniversary. My head was hung as I held on to the phone tightly, my mind racing and my heart aching.
Greer’s words rang over and over in my mind.
“I never intended to leave you and never come back. I planned to come back to you all. I’m just worried now that you won’t want me, and that thought hurts so much. I love you all.”
She loved us.
I was an idiot.
Instead of sitting in some fucking bar trying to drown out my pain, I should have been with her. I should have been telling her I loved her and I couldn’t go a day without her. I should have been holding her and spending her last night here together.
But I was an ass instead.
I jumped at the sound of the screen door shutting behind me. But instead of turning around, I continued to breathe in and out, doing my best to remain calm even though I was slowly falling apart inside. My eyes burned as I fought back the tears that threatened.
“What are you gonna do, son?” I looked to my left just as my father sat down at my side. He didn’t look at me, but instead stared out over the backyard.
“I don’t know,” I confessed. I had no fucking clue.
“Did I ever tell you that before you mother and I were married, she left me?”
I couldn’t even imagine that. My parents’ love was something special. Hell, they’d been married since they were nineteen. Dean and I harassed them about being so lovey-dovey, but honestly I loved seeing them share those sweet looks of devotion.
“We’d been together for a little over a year, and I told her I’d planned to join the military,” he continued, and that was another shocker. My father had owned his own restaurant for years. He’d never served in the military.
“I know,” he said with a chuckle, as if the confusion on my face asked all my questions for me. “I knew I wanted to marry your mother. I wanted to provide for her and give her a great life. At the time I thought joining the military would be the best way to achieve that.” He shook his head and chuckled again as if lost in deep thought. “Your mother was pissed that I had made that decision without consulting her. And we all know how stubborn she can be.”
“Her way or no way,” I replied, and he nodded.
“She left me,” he said again, only without humor this time, and in its place was a look of sadness, as if he were reliving that day. “I don’t ever remember feeling as lost as I did in that moment.”
I looked away and out in to the yard, taking in a deep breath. Lost. Yeah, that was a good way to describe my current situation.
“She was gone for two weeks,” he said, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. “She wouldn’t take my calls, and I felt like I was going crazy.”
I nodded, knowing just what he was referring to.
“So when I finally had enough, I booked a flight to Phoenix and gave her no choice but to hear what I had to say.” He squared his shoulders, looking proud, which only made me laugh.
“I bet it was a little harder than you’re admitting.”
He grinned and continued as if I hadn’t just hit the nail on the head. “Sometimes we Griffin men let our egos take over. We put our pride before our hearts.” He cleared his throat, and silence settled over us. The breeze rustled the leaves on the trees, and a wind chime pinged and clattered in the distance.
“So what are you gonna do?” he finally said again.
I turned my head toward him and found him looking at me, his face void of humor. The intensity in his eyes made my chest tighten.
“Lynn was like my daughter, and, Darren, I loved that girl so much. She gave you two of the most beautiful girls, and we will always love her.” The tears shimmering in my father’s eyes further threatened to break me. “All I’ve wished for since we lost her is to be able to see that same happiness in your eyes again. To see my son have that kind of love again. And that wish came true, Darren.”
My throat was so tight as I tried to even out my breathing.
“Greer sparked that part inside you that died the day Lynn left us. My biggest fear was that you’d never again be the man I knew you could be.”
A tear ran along my cheek, and I did nothing to stop it. I’d also feared that, but I did fall in love again. I could see a future with Greer—kids, grandkids, the whole thing.
“I’d hate for you to let the Griffin stubbornness keep you from having that kind of love again.” My father placed his hand on my shoulder, offering a firm squeeze. “So again, I ask, what are you gonna do?”
Taking in a deep breath, I met my father’s gaze again. “Can you and Mom watch the girls?”
He smiled and nodded.
“I have a flight to book.”
Chapter 30
Greer
I knew seeing my father’s things again would be hard, but I never could have imagined the depth of that hurt. It was devastating to walk into my parents’ bedroom to find his clothes lying across the end of their bed. He’d been planning to wear them out to “date night” with my mother, which they did every week. He insisted that just because they were older, it didn’t mean he couldn’t take his wife out for dinner, dancing, or sometimes just a movie.
When I lifted his shirt to my nose, I could smell his aftershave. That spicy scent never made me feel anything other than safe.
And then it hit me. In that very moment it hit me so damn hard.
I would never again hug my father. I’d never again hear his laughter. He’d never see me get married or be able to hold my children.
It was unfair. And suddenly I was so angry that I couldn’t control it. Screaming and thrashing, I yanked the covers off the bed and hurled them to the floor. I grabbed a pile of clothes that was sitting atop the dresser and threw them across the room. The loud sound of something breaking did nothing to stop me as I walked toward the closet and began yanking shirt after
shirt off the hangers.
A strong set of arms wrapped around me from behind.
“Let go,” I screamed as I flailed my arms and bucked backward. But no matter how hard I fought, they didn’t budge.
“Shh,” a soothing whisper filled my ear. “It’s gonna be okay.”
I stilled, and just like that my anger was redirected.
Mom and I had spent the entire day at the lawyer’s office going through form after form, and when I’d finally had enough, I took a cab to my parents’ house. I was exhausted, and the last thing I wanted was for Tucker to pretend I’d want his comfort.
I despised him. His touch made my skin crawl.
I spun around in his arms and shoved against his chest. “Let go of me,” I said through gritted teeth. “You have no right to touch me. You have no right to be here.”
“Greer,” he said as he finally released me. He had the audacity to look wounded, which only angered me further. Without a second thought, I slapped his cheek hard.
“Don’t you dare.” I wrinkled my nose in disgust. “Don’t you dare come into this house and pretend you belong, or that you have the right to be hurt by my disgust for you.”
He didn’t speak. He only stood there staring back at me.
“I don’t know why I ever thought you were a good guy,” I whispered. “Why I wasted so much time. I placed you in some fantasy world where you were the one to care for me and keep me safe, but I was so wrong. You thought I was worth so little that the minute you found the chance to, you hurt me.”
“Please—”
I shoved him in the chest again.
“I don’t want you here. And I don’t need you or your apologies,” I said as I stepped around him.
I needed air, and Tucker’s presence made me feel like I was suffocating.
Chapter 31
Darren
I took the first flight available and arrived in St. Louis just after five p.m. I hailed the first cab I could find and thrust a piece of paper with Greer’s parents’ address at the driver.
With Uncle Mark’s assistance, I was on the fast track to getting my girl back. He was hesitant to help when I arrived at the beach house to find him and Stella lounging on the back deck. But after I groveled and poured out my heart, he took pity on me.
When the cab slowed in front of a two-story brick home, I paused for a moment, imagining Greer growing up here. I could see a family living here, one that had so much love to share, and my heart ached for the girl I loved. I knew what it felt like to let go of a place you loved and the memories it held, and I cursed myself again for being such an idiot.
I’d expected her to let go of all this without a second thought and create a life with me. Instead, I should have offered her the support she needed and brought her here myself.
Movement caught my attention, and I looked over to see Greer hurry out the front door and jog down the steps. She stopped in the yard and bent over, placing her hands on her knees.
I yanked some cash out of my pocket and tossed it toward the driver without counting it. I had to get to her. I wanted to hold her. I needed to hold her.
I hurried out of the cab, ignoring the driver as he attempted to give me my change. I didn’t care that I’d most likely paid him double. At the sound of the cab door closing, Greer stood and her eyes locked on mine. We were only a few feet apart, and my hands ached to touch her. I could tell she’d been crying, and the thought of her suffering alone nearly broke me.
“Darren,” she whispered, her voice cracking with emotion. Fresh tears fell as I rushed to her and pulled her into my arms. She buried her face against my chest and her entire body shook as she went limp against me.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, her voice muffled against my shirt.
“I love you.” I had to say it. I couldn’t wait another moment. I should have said it so many times before, but I held back. I wasn’t going to hold back any longer.
She leaned back, tilting her head up to look at me. Her lip trembled as more tears fell.
“I love you,” I repeated. “I could never hate you, Angel. I’ll always want you.” I placed a hand on either side of her face. “I want you to come back to me whenever you’re ready. Come back to me and the girls, because we need you.”
My own emotions threatened to take over as she looked up at me, tears rolling along her cheeks and pooling where my hands met her face.
“You love me?” she asked, and I couldn’t help but smile.
“Yes, sweet girl. I love you.”
I pressed my lips to hers, and they trembled against mine. She fisted my shirt and pulled me closer, and I felt the weight I’d been carrying slowly fade. The tension in my shoulders gave way, and for the first time since I woke up, I felt whole again.
Someone cleared their throat, and Greer and I pulled apart.
Some fucking Bieber look-alike stood at the top of the stairs, looking at Greer and me with irritation. And the territorial caveman inside me growled.
Tucker the fucker.
“You must be Daddy,” he said with a cocky grin, which only made the tension from moments ago return.
“And you must the douche bag I’ve heard about,” I said with a matching smirk.
He moved down the steps and walked up to me, and I found myself chuckling. Did this glamour boy really think he could intimidate me?
“Tucker, you need to leave,” Greer said, but he didn’t move or take his eyes off me. The last thing I wanted to do was make things harder on Greer, but man, I really wanted to beat the grin off this asshole’s face.
“Yeah, Tucker,” I said, pulling Greer in closer, “you need to leave.”
He laughed. “This guy is gonna break your heart,” he said, looking at me but speaking to the woman at my side. His words only pissed me off more. “He’s gonna get tired of whatever it is you two call this, and you’re gonna wish you’d listened. You’re gonna wish you had your eyes open.”
He moved past us and I should have let it go. I should have let him walk away thinking he’d won, but it wasn’t the kinda man I was.
“You’re wrong,” I said, and he turned around to look back at us. “I’ll never understand how you let her go,” I continued. “You had the world at your fingertips. You had a gorgeous woman and a chance at one amazing life, and you threw it all away. But as I told you before, your loss is my gain. I’m a hell of a lot smarter than you, and I can guarantee you that Greer will never again feel as if she’s not enough. Because she’s everything. And while she and I spend the rest of our lives loving one another and building a life together, you can go on being the miserable fuck that you are.”
I could see the fight in his eyes. He wanted to say more, but I think he knew I was right.
There was no way in hell I was ever letting her go.
***
I placed the last of the clothes I’d picked up onto the chair next to the bed and turned to face Greer. She stood only a few feet away holding a flannel shirt to her nose as she breathed in the scent. I remembered doing that with Lynn’s clothes for weeks after she died. I found it soothing, like she was still there with us.
After Tucker left and Greer took me inside, she broke down and told me about her angry outburst and Tucker’s attempt at comforting her. I hated the thought of his hands on her, but I listened, doing my best to hide my reaction.
After I held her and allowed her to seek the comfort she needed, I helped her clean up the mess.
I stood watching her in silence as she lowered the shirt and slowly opened her eyes to take in the room around her.
“It’s just hard to imagine someone else in this room besides my parents,” she confessed. “I think if he was still here and they decided to sell, it would hurt, but not like this. Letting go of this house feels like we’re letting go of him.”
I walked toward her as I held out my hand. When she to me, I felt like I’d fucking won.
She was my girl.
I kissed her temple and held
her close, squeezing her tight.
“Someone once told me that our memories are all we have left of those we’ve lost. And that if we stop sharing those memories, then we stop remembering them, and that would be a shame.”
She tilted her head back and looked up at me. She’d shared those words with me once, and each day since I’d felt at peace knowing Lynn would always live on in my heart and mind. “It isn’t a place or even a possession that carries on the memory of those we’ve lost. It’s us. It’s in our stories, in the way we choose to live on.”
She closed her eyes for a moment as if taking in what I said.
“The memories you have of you father, the stories you tell my girls, or even me, those are the ways you carry on his memory. And the greatest gift you can give anyone is to allow another loving family to build the same kind of life your father built here for you and your mother. It doesn’t mean you’re letting him go, baby.”
She nodded without speaking, as if she were afraid she’d break if she talked.
“I knew he was a good man.” I jumped in surprise and turned to find Wendy standing in the bedroom doorway. She, too, had tears in her eyes.
I looked back at Greer to find her smiling at her mother. “Yes, Mom,” she said, finally looking at me, “he is.”
Chapter 32
Greer
Stepping inside my tiny apartment and looking around at the things I’d left when I went to Carolina Beach didn’t faze me. I felt no longing, or even an inkling of sadness. Because this was never a home. It was only a place that held my things and a place to sleep after a long day at a job I despised. I felt nothing like I did when I stepped inside the beach house or when I woke up in Darren’s bed with him at my side.
