The Day My Husband Left: An absolutely gripping and emotional page-turner

by Amy Miller

  Rosalind shook her head. ‘Heidi,’ she said. ‘I’m not meeting her. I can’t. I’m sorry, but it’s not going to happen. I’m an old woman now. My life is quiet. I don’t want all of this sudden noise.’

  ‘What are you scared of?’ Heidi asked gently.

  ‘I’m not afraid. It’s not fear,’ Rosalind said. ‘It’s choice.’ She stood and walked to the window, her hand resting gently on the windowsill. ‘My choice.’

  ‘But what about Tuesday’s choices?’ said Heidi. ‘She hasn’t had any power to make any choices about this. Can’t you see it from her point of view?’

  Rosalind turned towards Heidi. There were tears in her eyes, and Heidi knew she was wavering.

  ‘Since Johnny died, I’ve looked at life differently,’ continued Heidi. ‘Everything can change in an instant. Literally an instant. With that in mind, shouldn’t we be more open to things like this? I think you should meet Tuesday.’

  Rosalind turned back to face the window, wiping her eyes with a tissue, which she quickly stuffed into her sleeve. The sea was now a shade of deep navy blue, streaked with white froth.

  ‘What’s she like?’ she said quietly. ‘What is Tuesday like?’

  Heidi tried to suppress her smile.

  ‘Absolutely lovely!’ she said. ‘Funny and generous and outspoken and a vegan. I didn’t realise she was vegan at first, but she runs a vegan catering business from a vintage horsebox.’

  ‘Vegan!’ Rosalind said. ‘Horsebox!’

  ‘Yes, don’t be so shocked,’ said Heidi.

  ‘Poor farmers,’ said Rosalind. ‘How will they ever survive?’

  ‘They’ll have to adapt, I suppose, like the rest of us when things change,’ said Heidi.

  ‘I’m too old to adapt,’ Rosalind tried, but Heidi shook her head and checked her watch.

  ‘She’s waiting for you at my house,’ she ventured. ‘She’s expecting you today. This afternoon. Now. She’s baked some vegan brownies for you.’

  Heidi was winging it. Rosalind froze.

  ‘Heidi, this isn’t a game show,’ said Rosalind, her voice shaking. ‘I can’t possibly meet her today. I haven’t even done my make-up properly, let alone sorted out the baking cupboard, and I’m busy. You’re bullying me, for goodness’ sake. Stop it.’

  Rosalind’s mouth was set in a firm line, but Heidi wasn’t going to give up.

  ‘You can’t let her down,’ she said. ‘Just come with me for an hour.’

  ‘I can’t,’ said Rosalind, her voice breaking now.

  ‘You can,’ said Heidi. ‘Seriously, you’ll like her. Just meet her, once, and then if you don’t like how it goes, never mind.’

  ‘But… I’m…’ said Rosalind, her voice suddenly dropping to a whisper. ‘What if she hates me? Look at me – I’m an old lady. I’ve got broken veins and a saggy neck. I’ve got so used to… to… being this tough old woman, pretending that I’m not affected by things, when inside… Inside I’m… scared that I’ve done everything wrong.’

  Heidi crossed the room and put her arms around her mother. Rosalind’s shoulders shuddered as she released a sob. Heidi held her for a moment and felt her mother’s stiff body relax in her arms.

  ‘She won’t hate you,’ said Heidi. ‘Swallow your pride and confront your fears. Come on – let’s go now. Once you’ve met her, you’ll feel differently about the whole thing; I know it. It will no longer be this enormous unmentionable secret in your life. That will be a relief for you.’

  Rosalind stood in the middle of the room like a child that didn’t want to go to their first day at school. As vulnerable and fearful as Rosalind appeared, Heidi ploughed ahead with her plan.

  ‘Right,’ Heidi said. ‘You finish your make-up and I’ll get your coat.’

  Heidi fetched Rosalind’s coat and scarf from the hook in the hallway, realising her own hands were trembling.

  ‘Come on,’ she said in the most matter-of-fact tone she could muster. ‘I’ve got a lot of things to sort out today. I can’t hang around.’

  Rosalind looked confused. But unused to Heidi’s authoritative tone, she did as she was told. She quickly applied blusher and lipstick and followed Heidi out through the front door. It was only when they were at the top of the stairwell she realised she hadn’t put on her shoes.

  ‘I haven’t got my shoes on!’ said Rosalind, bustling back indoors and slipping them on.

  They walked down to the car without another word. Heidi’s heart cracked when she noticed Rosalind’s hand was shaking too much to lock the seat belt. Heidi helped, without making a comment, and they drove in silence to Heidi’s house, parking on the road a few doors down.

  ‘Right,’ Heidi said, turning off the engine.

  Rosalind gripped hold of Heidi’s hand and didn’t let go.

  ‘I can’t do it,’ she said urgently. ‘I can’t be any kind of mother to her. Not now.’

  ‘She doesn’t want a mother,’ said Heidi kindly and calmly. ‘She already has one that she loves very much. She just wants to meet you. Nothing more than that. It’s a matter of finding out where she’s from, who she’s from. The girls are there with her. Try to relax. I think, if you don’t do this now, you’ll always wonder what would have happened.’

  Rosalind was so pale, Heidi worried for an awful moment that she might be about to faint.

  ‘Are you feeling alright?’ she said. ‘You’re not going to die on me, are you?’

  ‘Of course I’m not feeling alright!’ said Rosalind. ‘But you seem determined that I do this. And no I’m not going to die. Good God, I wouldn’t want to inconvenience you!’

  Rosalind opened the passenger door, got out and slammed it shut. Heidi leaped out of the car and walked by Rosalind’s side to the front door and opened it.

  ‘Hello!’ she called out. ‘We’re here.’

  There was a hush from the living room, followed by the appearance of Scarlet in the hallway.

  ‘Grandma,’ she said, reaching out her hand to Rosalind. ‘We’re sitting in the living room. Come through and meet Tuesday.’

  Heidi smiled gratefully at Scarlet. ‘I’m going out,’ she said.

  ‘You’re going out?’ spluttered Rosalind, staring at her in astonishment. ‘You can’t go out!’

  ‘Come with me, Grandma,’ Scarlet said. ‘We’re having vegan hot chocolate.’

  Rosalind blinked. Heidi noticed that her whole body was trembling and, for a moment, she was tempted to stay. But before anyone could say another word, Heidi closed the front door behind her and returned to the car, consumed with anxiety. She instructed herself to calm down. Rosalind and Tuesday were adults. This was their story. She had simply put them together on the same page.

  Swallowing down the ache in her throat, she focused on the next stage of her plan. William. It was a risk, but she’d made a plan and she was sticking to it.

  Twenty-Six

  ‘I know I’m doing the right thing, Johnny,’ Heidi said as she drove to Poole, towards William’s flat. ‘I know he needs our help. You knew too. That’s what you were trying to tell me.’

  Pulling up outside William’s flat, parking on a double yellow line, Heidi’s chest was tight with anticipation. There was nothing she wanted more than to have everyone – Zoe, Scarlet, Rosalind, Tuesday and William – together in her home. Taking a deep breath, she walked up to William’s flat and knocked.

  Nobody answered the door, so after calling his name a couple of times, she tried the handle and, finding it unlocked, let herself in. Inching past a bag of rubbish on its way out to the communal bins, Heidi’s heart thumped.

  ‘Hello?’ she called gently as she entered the living room and found William, stretched out on the sofa, fast asleep, hugging a half-empty bottle of Jack Daniel’s like a hot-water bottle. She checked her watch. It was 1 p.m. His face was pale and his hair unwashed. Running her eyes over the kitchen counters, she swallowed. There were yet more empty cans of beer on the kitchen and a greasy empty pizza box. The curtains were close
d, and the air was stale with the smell of unwashed plates and something male… feet and armpits.

  ‘William,’ she said, shaking his arm. ‘Wake up. William, wake up!’

  He opened his eyes a crack and, seeing her face above him, immediately closed them again, groaning. She shook him again, noticing his mobile abandoned on the carpet by the sofa.

  ‘What are you doing here?’ he mumbled, pulling a pillow over his head.

  ‘Have a shower and grab some clothes,’ she said. ‘You’re coming with me.’

  William opened his eyes again, wider this time, frowned and moved into a sitting position, rubbing his eyes with his palms. Noticing the bottle of whiskey, he pushed it under the covers. He looked up at her, blinking, his dark hair flopping over his forehead. Irritation and anxiety ripped through her – she hardly knew William, yet she knew she had no choice but to take him under her wing, whatever the consequences.

  ‘Get up,’ she said more firmly. ‘I’m taking you to my house where you can have a decent meal and a proper bed for a couple of nights.’

  She paused, though she wanted to launch into a tirade of what he might contract if he stayed living in this flat.

  ‘But…’ he said, shaking his head. ‘Freddy… I’ve got to collect…’

  Heidi picked up William’s mobile and passed it to him.

  ‘Contact your partner and tell her you’re unwell today,’ she said. ‘You need to get yourself together. You’re not doing Freddy any favours by letting him see you like this. Children remember things. They notice things. You’d be better off taking some time out.’

  He glared at her, but Heidi remained resolute.

  ‘I mean it,’ she said, opening the curtains. ‘If you don’t tell Martha you’re unwell, I will. Go and have a shower and I’ll see you in a few minutes. Don’t be long.’

  William stood, squinting in the sunlight that was now beaming into the flat, dust particles shining in the light like bubbles. He rubbed his face. ‘Okay,’ he croaked. ‘Give me five minutes.’

  Silently, Heidi sighed with relief, collected her bag and started to walk out.

  ‘Heidi?’ said William, from behind her.

  ‘Yes?’ she said.

  ‘Thanks,’ he said. ‘I don’t deserve your kindness. I’m not normally like this.’

  Heidi smiled. ‘Neither am I,’ she said, before letting the door close behind her.

  Waiting in the car, Heidi sat in silence, watching people pass by on the street. Ordinary-looking people – in couples, on their own, with children – but what secrets were they carrying? Heidi and Johnny had carried their secret for their entire marriage. It amazed her how they’d managed to not talk about William – not even a word. It had been too painful, and there had been that question, that awful doubt in her mind, that Johnny resented her for agreeing to the adoption.

  She cast her mind back to their wedding day – there had been a tiny part of her that wanted to run away and disappear, because if she married Johnny, she knew they would have other children and would spend a lifetime saying they had two children, when in fact they had three. What if she hadn’t married him? Would it all have been easier to compartmentalise?

  Heidi put her head to one side, contemplating this, but was interrupted by the appearance of William at the passenger door, a rucksack on his back. He opened the door and ducked his head down. He looked brighter – scrubbed – now he’d showered.

  ‘Are you sure about this?’ he asked.

  Heidi nodded. ‘I’m sure. Do you have everything you need?’

  ‘All my things are still with Martha and Freddy,’ he said. ‘I’m mostly living out of a bag.’

  As they drove, Heidi tried not to think about what might be unfolding at home, but she wondered if Zoe had confided in Rosalind about her pregnancy. Rosalind would be feeling incredibly emotional, and bringing William into the mix now was a lot for everyone to take in, but the alternative was to wait longer. She’d waited too long as it was.

  ‘Will your daughters be there?’ said William nervously.

  ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘Scarlet and Zoe. Also, my mother and my half-sister Tuesday. They’re all there.’

  William tapped his feet in the footwell. ‘I’m not sure I’m up for that,’ he said, shocked. ‘I thought it was just the two of us. I don’t think I’ll know what to say to—’

  ‘You’ll be alright,’ she said. ‘They’re good people. Kind. Welcoming. Don’t worry. This is new for all of us. We can muddle through.’

  ‘I don’t think I…’ William said, pulling at the neckline of his jumper, then clutching his rucksack and unzipping a pocket before zipping it up again. He started to sweat. When she slowed down at the traffic lights, it crossed her mind that he might open the door and make a run for it. The Morris didn’t have a central locking system, otherwise she would have been tempted.

  ‘Honestly,’ she said kindly. ‘Try not to worry. They’re not scary. They’re your family, William. They’ll all welcome you.’

  She tried to sound confident, despite the doubt niggling her.

  After what felt like an eternity, she pulled into the street and parked up outside the house.

  ‘We’re here,’ she said, with a feeling of relief. ‘Let’s go and say hello.’

  William exhaled. He had paled to the shade of milk, and his forehead was coated in a film of sweat. He stared straight forward and held his breath.

  ‘Relax,’ she said, feeling utterly unrelaxed. ‘It’s just a few people, some food and a place to sleep.’

  William opened the car door and followed Heidi to the house. Heidi showed him in through the front door, welcomed by the sound of Rosalind’s laughter coming from the front room. Rosalind, who had been shaking with fear hours earlier! Relief washed over her – at least she was okay.

  Aware that William was lurking on the doorstep behind her, she gestured to him to follow. His demeanour changed from trying to be brave to sheer terror. She smiled encouragingly at him, despite her own sense of trepidation.

  ‘Hello!’ she called out, pushing open the door to the living room, where Zoe, Scarlet, Rosalind and Tuesday were arranged on the sofas. The fragrance of hot chocolate filled the air and there was a ginger cake, half eaten, on the coffee table in front of them. Someone had got out the photos – a cardboard shoebox stuffed with a muddled collection of old family photographs – and they were spread out over the table. The women all looked in her direction. Heart hammering like the percussion section of an orchestra, she turned towards William and reached out her hand. He didn’t take it but clung to his rucksack as if it was a life ring.

  ‘Hello,’ said Tuesday, smiling.

  Heidi lurked in the doorway, then took a deep breath.

  ‘I’d like you to meet William,’ she said. ‘I’ve invited him to stay for a couple of nights. Hopefully it will give us all a chance to get to know each other a little bit.’

  Silence fell. Zoe’s eyes widened and Scarlet’s jaw dropped. Tuesday was still wearing that welcoming smile and Rosalind forced one. Heidi immediately panicked. Perhaps this was a terrible idea.

  She twisted around to face William, but he was no longer there. He was leaving through the front door. Panic tightened across her chest and her throat burned.

  ‘William!’ she said, following him out onto the street. She called his name again. Behind her, bundled in the doorway were Scarlet, Zoe, Tuesday and Rosalind, all looking shocked.

  ‘You could have been more welcoming!’ Heidi chastised them. ‘At least said hello!’

  ‘We didn’t get a chance!’ said Zoe. ‘Of course we’d say hello.’

  Heidi felt guilty. Zoe was always so sweet. She was also pregnant. Her entire life was changing, and Heidi needed to be more sensitive.

  Shielding her eyes from the light, she scanned the pavement, left and right and, beyond some parked cars, saw William disappear around the corner in the direction of the sea.

  ‘Damn it.’ Quickly, she broke into a run and followed
him as he headed towards the beach. She picked up her pace to try to catch up with him, Zoe and Scarlet following closely behind.

  ‘He’s just going down to the beach,’ said Zoe. ‘Don’t worry, Mum. He can’t get far unless he’s a really good swimmer.’

  Waiting to cross the road, Heidi held on to Zoe and Scarlet’s hands briefly and pulled them with her over to the other side. It brought back a memory of years ago, when they were little and walking to school. Who had walked William to school? Who had held his small hand in theirs?

  ‘He’s over there.’ Scarlet pointed to a bench when they reached the beach. Someone had tied a bunch of carnations to it, which were now bedraggled and bent in the wind. Slowly, the three of them approached, wind whipping sand into their eyes. A golden Labrador sniffed William’s feet and he gently patted the dog’s head, not looking up.

  ‘William?’ said Heidi. Zoe was by her side, but Scarlet hung back. ‘Why did you run off back there?’

  ‘Why do you think he ran off?’ said Zoe. ‘I’d run off if you introduced me to a room full of strange women! Hello, William, I’m Zoe. It’s good to meet you. You look so much like Dad. You even have his dimple.’

  Zoe held out her hand and William gave her a small, wary smile. He stood from the bench and shook her hand briefly before letting go.

  ‘Good to meet you too,’ he said. ‘I’m sorry. I wasn’t expecting any of this to happen today, and when I got to the house and you were all there, I thought I should have bought flowers, or wine, or…’

  Heidi pulled Scarlet into the group. She was uncharacteristically quiet.

  ‘This is Scarlet,’ said Heidi.

  ‘Hi,’ he said, lifting his hand in a small wave.

  ‘Hi,’ she said, giving him a brief wave in return, before folding her arms across her chest. ‘You really do look like Dad. How old are you?’

  ‘Thirty-six,’ William said, rubbing his jaw nervously before he smiled – making him look even more like Johnny.

  Though he was smiling, his eyes blazed with something – resentment? Fear? Heidi’s heart and stomach turned somersaults as she grappled to work out how to handle him. A dark cloud positioned itself above them and rain began to fall.