Damaged and the Outlaw

by Bijou Hunter

  “What can I say? I’m a flake. Call it a blond moment.”

  “Which part? Where you said you wanted to hang or where you bailed?”

  “Both and neither. Why are you so upset if you aren’t clingy?”

  “If I wanted to have a guy jerk me around, I would date for real. I thought the cool thing about fuck buddies was that we could enjoy the fucking and hang out without all the damn games.”

  Rubbing the back of my neck, I sighed. “I dig you, okay? I like you more than some random chick, but I’m not looking to get involved.”

  Hands on her hips, she glared up at me. “I don’t want to get involved either. We’re on the same page, so what’s the fucking problem?”

  “I don’t know how to be buddies who also bang.”

  “What about you and Judd?” she asked without missing a beat.

  “You’re never letting that go, are you?”

  Shaking her head, she smiled. “Well, it was good seeing you.”

  Before she could return to Bailey and Sawyer, I grabbed her around the waist.

  “Let’s hang tonight. I’ll make it up to you.”

  “You sound like a boyfriend who cheated or forgot my birthday. Ick. Go away,” she muttered, breaking loose.

  Slipping a finger in the loop of her jean shorts, I tugged her back against me. “I’m still hungry after dinner.”

  “I don’t want to eat,” she grumbled, struggling weakly.

  “I don’t mean for food,” I said and whispered in her ear, “I still remember the way you taste and I crave it.”

  Raven glanced at Bailey then sighed. By the way her body relaxed against mine, I knew she was on the hook.

  “Let me ditch the Johansson sisters and I’ll meet you outside. Where are you parked?”

  “In the back.”

  “I’ll walk them out then come around and we’ll play in the dark.”

  Grinning, I leaned down and sucked at her lips. Raven smiled softly then glanced around.

  “Let’s go to your place again. I don’t want Bailey getting mad and interrupting on accident,” she said, air quoting “on accident.”

  “Hurry. My jeans can’t contain how much I miss being inside you.”

  Raven’s expression froze. “You are truly blessed to be so hot. Seriously, with those lines, I can’t imagine anyone would fuck you ever. Even hookers would laugh in your face.”

  Already thinking about how much I enjoyed being inside her, I ignored her insult. “Yeah, but I am hot, so I’ll be waiting for you in the back.”

  Running her nails down my chest, Raven smiled before walking to where Bailey and Sawyer waited. I watched the sisters frown at whatever Raven told them. As Bailey paid the bill and they headed to the restroom, I walked out to my Harley to wait.

  I leaned against my bike and thought about Raven. She was hot and fun, but I wasn’t falling for her. I was falling into her. Fucking was what I needed to help with the boredom and fucking her was better than fucking other chicks. Not because she was special. She was just hot and knew how to make a man beg. It was only sex.

  Except as I watched her singing, I had felt something more than horny. Maybe pride in her fearless behavior. When she caressed the back of Sawyer’s head in a gentle way, I imagined her as a mother. For a moment before I squashed the idea, I thought about her as the mother of my kids. It was ridiculous. I’d never be a father. Yet, Raven was mine in some way.

  Leaning against the Harley, I understood Raven. In fact, I understood her well enough to know she had ditched me. I also sensed she knew me well enough to know I would give chase. As the Harley came to life, I figured if she wanted to play that we could play. I intended to win though.

  Bailey’s SUV was a block up when I spotted it. Instead of taking the highway that led to her house, she screeched around a corner in the other direction. Lark and Aaron were about to get a visitor I suspected.

  Speeding through the evening traffic, I noticed Bailey turn into the alley towards Aaron’s place. As I nearly reached where the SUV idled, she screeched away. Raven wasn’t visible, but she easily could have gone through the back gate. I roared around to the front of the house and parked. While storming to the front door, I heard Aaron’s little Boston Terriers barking as if the house was under attack.

  I knocked once before Lark answered. A tiny chick to begin with, she seemed smaller than usual in her pajamas and Barney slippers.

  “Really, Lark? Barney?” I asked. “Oh, and tell Raven to come outside.”

  “I like Barney and Raven isn’t here.”

  “Bullshit. No one likes Barney and I saw Bailey drop her off.”

  “Fuck off, dipshit. I like Barney and I’m someone.”

  “Tell him, baby!” Aaron yelled from the couch. “Feel free to sic the dogs on him too.”

  Rolling my eyes, I pushed the door open a bit more then eased past Lark and her growing baby bump.

  “Where is she?”

  “I don’t know,” she said, running her hand through dark messy hair. “Probably with Bailey.”

  “I saw Bailey drop her off.”

  “Did you see Raven get out of the car or did you see the car stop then take off? I suspect you’ve been had, buddy.”

  Rubbing my face, I glanced around then focused on Aaron who sat eating popcorn while wearing only boxers.

  “You hooked up with Raven, huh?” he asked. “Awesome, man. I give her a week to beat you into submission.”

  “Fuck off.”

  Lark smacked my arm. “Don’t cuss in front of the babies!”

  As she and Aaron laughed at me, I checked around the house. Baby stuff filled the spare room. Wedding presents were stacked against the wall in what should have been a dining room. I saw a tiny house full of crap, but no Raven.

  “She tricked me,” I admitted.

  “Sorry, but you should know better than to have done whatever you did to make her trick you.”

  “She didn’t tell you?”

  Lark shuffled over to Aaron and sat next to him on the couch. “Why would Raven tell me about you two screwing? Is it serious? Should I be knitting booties for you too?”

  “You’re knitting?”

  “Yep. See?” she said, waving her hand towards bags of unopened knitting supplies.

  “She’s pacing herself,” Aaron added.

  “Well, sorry to interrupt your wedded bliss.”

  “Raven won’t make it easy for you. If she went home, she’ll hide in that big Johansson house until you leave.”

  “Seriously, dude,” Aaron muttered, mouth full of popcorn. “Try playing hard to get a little. This chasing after a chick makes you seem desperate.”

  Laughing at me again, they cuddled up with their dogs while I left them to be lame. Really, Barney?

  Revving my Harley, I considered chasing Raven down at the Johansson place, but I suspected she really didn’t want to be caught. A part of me didn’t care what she wanted. I was horny and she was the girl I wanted to nail. Screw her needs.

  A bigger part of me wanted to make my time with Raven mean something. I’d pissed her off and she’d punished me. We were even. Tomorrow, we’d start again.

  Chapter Seven – Raven

  Bailey was the only girl in the world who had East Bound and Down ready for a car chase. When we ditched Vaughn and ran for it, she hit a button and gave me a grin. She was still smiling when I jumped out of the car and ran for the back gate at Aaron and Lark’s place. As I unlocked the backdoor, I heard Bailey’s SUV screech away with the song still playing from the open windows. I suspected she and Sawyer would cause more trouble before the night was over.

  Once inside the house, I only had enough time to startle Lark coming out of the bathroom and beg her to hide me. She likely thought the cops were coming. Or maybe an irate loser I’d fought with in a bar. Despite her lack of prep time, she handled Vaughn perfectly. I’d never heard her lie so well. Marriage had apparently given her new skills.

  Crowded into a tiny co
at closet, I prepared for Vaughn to open the door and give me some irrational shit about how I was stalking him by running away. Instead, Lark opened the door and shook her head.

  “Vaughn? Really?”

  Climbing out of the closet, I hugged her. “I’m sorry he mocked Barney. I think the purple dino is pretty awesome too.”

  Lark grinned at me then took my hand and walked to her bedroom. The bed was a mess and I suspected recently used. Good to know the sexing didn’t end with the marriage vows.

  “Raven, what happened to giving up men?”

  “It was too hard,” I said, playing with her wild hair. “You need a haircut.”

  “I know, but Vaughn isn’t a man who will love you. He’ll cheat and dump you.”

  “He’s not that bad. He’s actually funny. I’ve never had a guy make me laugh like Vaughn does.”

  “I’m not saying he’s bad. I think Vaughn is great as a friend, but he isn’t what you need. He’ll disappoint you and it’ll be your fault for thinking he wouldn’t.”

  Sighing, I kicked off my shoes. “Can I stay tonight? I’ll sleep on the couch since the spare room is kidded up.”

  “Are you listening to me?”

  “Yes, but I’m not done with Vaughn yet.”

  “Why hide then?”

  “He was a jerk and needed punishing. We’re even now.

  “What do you hope will happen with him?”

  Lark looked tired and I worried about her. She was never good about complaining about her problems.

  “Are you feeling okay?”

  “I’ll answer if you answer me first about Vaughn.”

  “He’s like a vacation. I know he’ll leave me tired and grumpy when it’s over, but I have to enjoy my time while I have the chance.”

  “I assume he’s a good fuck.”

  “Hell yeah, but he’s really funny too. He says the most random shit. My life is ordinary and Vaughn’s not average. I want a taste of something special before I get too old to dream.”

  “You’re twenty two.”

  Sighing, I pulled a band from my jeans pocket and tied up my hair into a sloppy bun.

  “I want what you have, Lark. You know I want to be a mom and settle down. I can’t have that yet. Soon, I want to have a kid and it’ll be with some loser I hook up with and it won’t be special like you have with Aaron. It’ll mean nothing, but I want to have the most I can in life. I know men are bad news, but I can have the rest. Not yet though. Vaughn is like my last hurrah before I get serious about life and he’s the perfect guy for it too.”

  Scooting closer, I pulled Lark against me and she sighed in an exhausted way.

  “With Dex, I thought we were in love. I believed him even when he lied. I always believe their lies, but Vaughn is honest. He says he just wants to fuck and have fun. Even if I want to dream of more, he’ll keep me grounded. That’s why he’s perfect. He’s not pretending to care more than he does. I want romance and a man like you have. I want that, but I’ll never have it. With any other guy, he’d lie and I’d believe him. I’m desperate to have the lies be true. Vaughn is my chance to have fun without believing lies.”

  “I admit Vaughn tends to blurt out whatever he’s thinking. I can see why you’d like that. I also know he’s handsome and sexy and you’ve always liked bad boys. I do get it, but I worry about you.”

  “I worry about you too,” I said softly as I caressed her head resting against my chest. “You look tired.”

  Lark didn’t speak for a minute. When she finally looked at me, I saw a lot of different emotions swirling in those bright green eyes.

  “I feel like shit. I’m tired and dizzy. I can’t eat ninety percent of the food I used to eat. I feel awful, but I’m afraid to complain.”

  “Why?”

  “Maddy just had her baby and she was so tough about the whole thing. I’m surprised she didn’t give birth in the middle of the grocery store then go back to picking up things for dinner. Next to her, I’m a weakling. Also, Farah is going to be all brave and awesome too. I don’t want to be the whiner.”

  “First of all, Maddy’s got that natural breeder look about her. Some chicks are like that and you can’t let the exception be your rule. Besides, you’re having twins. You have more baby cooking to do than she did, so screw comparisons.”

  “I just don’t want people to think less of me.”

  “By people, do you mean Aaron?”

  “We barely met and got married and now I’m getting fat and I’m tired all the time. I don’t want him to lose interest.”

  “Oh, Lark, you’re so fucking stupid sometimes.”

  “Yeah, I know,” she said, grinning. “We have that in common.”

  “So true.”

  “Mom said that I’m like her and she had a guy like Aaron and she suffocated him and he ditched her. I know Mom sucks, but what if she’s right and I wear down Aaron and he stops loving me?”

  “Any man who would want Mom must be shit. Aaron isn’t shit.”

  “I know, but I get scared of messing up everything I have.”

  Kissing her forehead, I stood up and walked to the bedroom door. “Hey, Mister Clean, get over here.”

  Laughing, Lark followed me into the hallway where Aaron appeared, clearly loving his new nickname.

  “Listen up, Yule Brenner,” I said, sending Lark into giggles. “My sister is cooking up two kids that you stuck inside her. She needs more damn love than you’re giving. If you don’t do a better job of babying her, I’m going to have to replace you. Hmm, I just saw this guy Jake that I knew from high school. He’s ripped and works at the gym. The gym, Aaron.”

  My brother-in-law stared unaffected until I finished then he gazed down at his wife. Lark must have known what was coming because she started giggling.

  “My sweet muse,” he murmured and she laughed harder, “do you need more love than I’m giving?”

  Aaron swept Lark into his arms and cradled her like a kid. “Poor thing. I’ll just need to pay more attention.”

  As he kissed all over her, Lark stopped giggling and began moaning affirmations.

  “Good thing you obeyed because I think Jake might be gay.”

  After giving me a wink, Aaron gestured for me to go away. I was the one to obey this time. Leaving them to cuddle and more in the bedroom, I watched television and finished the popcorn. Professor joined me, but Pollack was wary. I think it was because I was always barking at her. In my defense, she started it.

  Chapter Eight - Vaughn

  Restless without a hot blonde in my bed, I stopped by Whiskey Kirk’s for a few drinks. I spotted more than a few possibilities for bedroom duty, but I wanted a particular chick and anyone else would leave me disappointed.

  In a different life where I hadn’t made a split second decision to derail everything, I might have a chance to make a real life with Raven. Of course, if I hadn’t made that decision years ago, I wouldn’t have ended up in Ellsberg and met her.

  Logic aside, if I could dig my way out of the hole I made for myself, I could go on a real date with Raven. Stop pissing around with the friends with benefits and be more. When she shared the shit about her dad, I saw how much more complicated and fragile she was than the badass bitch she showed me before. I wanted to know more. Hell, I wanted to know everything.

  While Cooper could fix things with the Devils, I knew doing what needed to be done might not be in his best interest. Calling in a cleaner from Memphis might make him look weak or unstable. A war when he was a newlywed and still in school wasn’t what the kid needed. Had Kirk been in charge as things deteriorated with the Devils, he no doubt would have spilt blood by now. He enjoyed luxuries Cooper didn’t.

  I wanted to daydream about Raven and the life we might share if I weren’t a dead man walking. Instead, the door opened to the bar and I saw the chick who made me into an outlaw.

  Harlow looked healthy and happy thanks to the Todds. The blonde teenager no longer hid behind others and her smile came easier, b
ut it froze once she saw me. Those blue eyes were like a deer in the headlights. Or an abused child faced with an angry parent. Harlow always stared at me like she was still waiting for me to kill her. Even when I made her laugh, she’d quickly flinch out of my way. I didn’t blame her for fearing me. Even hating me. I know I hated her a little bit too.

  Giving her a head nod, I turned away and stared at my beer. In the mirror behind the bar, I saw how Harlow arrived with Tad Todds and a few of his other charity cases. They sat at a back table and ordered. I knew Harlow was watching me without even seeing her in the mirror. Like we shared a mental connection, I could feel her accusations.

  My life in Tucson wasn’t a fairytale. It was ugly and rough, but it was better than I’d had in a long time. With the motorcycle club, I belonged somewhere. I had a family for the first time ever. My mom was safe and I found a level of respect. A good life even if I had to clean up the horrors left behind by my brothers. If I had cleaned up just one more, I could still be in that life. Hell, I’d probably be married to some pretty thing by then.

  If I had done my job, I’d have the life I wanted. Thinking back to the night in that room with a drugged Harlow staring up at me and crying for her mommy, I knew I’d change nothing. She ruined my life, but someone had ruined hers first.

  So my future wouldn’t involve a life in Tucson with a cute chick and a yard full of kids. Besides, Raven was better than those girls in Tucson. She understood me. Deep down inside, we were the same. I wasn’t sure why she was special, but I dug everything about her. Even when she was a pain in the ass like when she ditched me, I couldn’t imagine anyone better.

  My dream kids deserved someone great and they certainly deserved a father who didn’t murder teenage girls. If those children ever became a reality, they needed what I never had growing up. A man who would take Harlow’s life wasn’t a man I wanted to see in the mirror.

  Finishing my beer, I paid the tab and glanced over at Harlow. As I expected, she was watching me. Our eyes met again and she held my gaze. She was stronger now. Maybe she was really happy too. The Todds were good people and their love healed ugly wounds. Might even heal the horror of the night Harlow and I met.