No Second Chances

by Marissa Farrar

  He stared down at me. “God, you’re so beautiful.”

  I smiled, and his lips made contact with mine again, kissing away my expression. My hands reached for the bottom of his t-shirt, suddenly desperate to feel his skin against mine, to feast my eyes upon the man Cole had grown up to become. He helped me, breaking the kiss to sit up slightly and tug the t-shirt over his head.

  Cole sat above me. I reached up and traced my fingers across his chest, the lines and swirls of tattoos, my palms skimming the hard bulk of his biceps, shoulders, pectorals, and abs. I wanted to learn what each and every tattoo on his body meant to him, his reasons behind them all.

  He was the same boy I’d known all those years ago, and yet he wasn’t. He still had the small mole he was born with on his collarbone, still had the scar on his hip where he’d fallen off his skateboard when he was twelve. His hands were still the same, his fingers long and strong, the nails square. His eyes and features hadn’t changed. But that was where the similarities ended. The dark blond hair which had once been barely a spattering across his chest was now thicker, and ran in a line down to his navel, and then farther down again, disappearing beneath the waistband of his jeans. But mostly it was the muscles and tattoos that marked the difference. How he’d bulked out to a man.

  “Cole,” I breathed, as he leaned down to kiss me again, and then he began to pull my t-shirt up my body and over my head. I had scars from the bombing, twisted, raised lines across my stomach and hips, and after he ran his fingers over those lines, he dipped his head and kissed them. Then his fingers were at the button of my pants, yanking them undone, and I knew the time had come when I would have to show him.

  This wasn’t going to be a surprise to him. It wasn’t as though he didn’t know what he was getting himself into. But even so, I couldn’t help the churning in my stomach, worrying what his reaction was going to be.

  I had to do this.

  “I need to show you.”

  He understood exactly what I meant, and gave me a final kiss before moving himself to one side of the bed, allowing me some space. With my stomach in my throat, I rolled up the leg of my jeans, exposing the prosthesis. I undid the pin holding the prosthetic leg to my limb, and removed the sleeve and the extra socks I had over the stump to make the prosthetic more comfortable. Then I completed the job he’d started of removing my jeans. Sitting only in my underwear, I was exposed, and it felt like the first time he’d seen me naked. Of course, it wasn’t. Cole had seen me naked more times than I could count, but I’d been a slip of a girl then, and, like him, I’d filled out. Oh, and now I was missing a leg.

  “It’s okay, Gabi,” he said with an encouraging smile. “It’s not as big a deal as you’re telling yourself. Not for me, anyway.”

  I wanted to believe him. I had to believe him. I sat, rigid in bed, not wanting to look at him. Sudden tears filled my eyes, and instantly he pulled me into his arms again, kissing my tears away.

  “Don’t be sad. Don’t be ashamed,” he said between kisses.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “You’re still you, Gabi. Still as beautiful as the day I met you.”

  He kissed me again, lowering me back on the bed, so we lay side by side.

  His hands ran over my body, caressing my breasts and dragging a moan from my throat, my nipples crinkling into tight buds at his touch. His hands slipped lower, skirting over the front of my lacy underwear, and then onto my thighs. I realized where he was heading, and reached down to place a hand over his.

  “Cole …”

  “I want to get to know you, every part of you, and this is a part of you now.”

  I released his hand and he moved lower, getting to know the new landscape of my body.

  He lowered his head and kissed my stump, and I held back a sob.

  “You know,” he said, one corner of his lips tweaking, “I think I love this part of you even more than the rest.”

  I blinked. “Why? It’s ugly.”

  “No. You have this because you lived. You sacrificed your leg, but that meant you were able to come to home, to me. If this hadn’t happened, maybe we’d never have found our way back together again.”

  Could I let myself believe that? Everything happened for a reason. But no, the soldier I’d been with that day hadn’t died for a reason. Life was cruel and heartless, but sometimes we needed to focus on the good parts, however hard they were to find among the rubble.

  Cole’s attention left my legs and moved back up my body. He looked at me with a hunger in his eyes. “Now, where were we?”

  Feeling braver, I took his hand and placed it over the front of my panties. “I think about here.”

  He grinned, the desire in his eyes deepening. “Sounds good to me.”

  We wriggled down the bed together, to lie side my side. I reached for the front of his jeans, and was pleased to discover the sight of my limb had done nothing to make him lose his erection. The length and shape of his cock pressed tight against the denim, and I stroked him firmly. His hand slipped inside my underwear, fingertips raking through the patch of tight curls to find the fleshy bud, making me gasp. Then his fingers parted my lips, found me already wet for him. He pushed one finger inside me, and then a second, and finally a third so I felt like I was impaled on his hand. My back arched and I pressed down on him, feeling so impossibly full. With frantic need, I tugged at the button of his fly and then unzipped him. His erection met my hand, so long and hard, his skin silky soft and hot beneath my palm. The scent of male musk filled my nostrils, so achingly familiar, and once again my mind blurred, taking me back to when we’d been young and discovering each other for the first time.

  Cole shucked the jeans from his hips, toeing off his boots and socks, and kicking the whole bundle off the bed. He was commando, and gloriously naked. I wanted to feast on him, to lick and taste and nibble every inch of his skin.

  His erection, so long and hard, drew me. I wriggled down the bed, dislodging his hand from my underwear. I took him in my mouth, inhaling the scent of him. I slid my lips up and down his length, reached out to take his balls in my hand and gently squeezed. The smooth bell of his cock head hit the back of my throat and I swirled my tongue around him as I bobbed back and forth. His breathing grew ragged, his hand knotted in my hair.

  “Gabi …” he gasped. “Not yet. I want to be inside you.”

  I craved to taste his cum again, wanted more than just the salty pre-cum which coated my throat now. I was greedy for him. But I also wanted to give him what he desired.

  I realized I hadn’t been prepared. “I … I don’t have anything …”

  “Ah, shit.”

  Then I remember my wash bag. I was sure I still had a couple of old condoms in there. I just hoped they were still in date. I instructed Cole, and he jumped off the bed, completely naked, to grab the wash bag. I admired his ass as he walked, the strong, lean lines of his thighs. He truly was a beautiful sight, and my heart skipped.

  He was mine.

  He found the bag and checked inside and then pulled out a couple of condoms.

  “Check the date,” I hissed, realizing the fact they were ancient showed how bad my love life had been over the past few years. Cole checked and grinned. “We’re good.”

  Standing at the end of the bed, he took his cock in his hand and masturbated himself slowly. It was an erotic sight, this big, tattooed man with his erection pumping in his fist. He tore open the condom packet with his teeth, and, with my eyes glued to him, he rolled it down the length of his dick.

  Oh. My. God.

  Hurriedly, I rid myself of my panties, rolling them down my thighs and flicking them to the floor.

  Cole crawled back over me, pulling the cups of my bra from my breasts and drawing my nipple into his mouth. I wrapped my thighs around his hips, lifting my bottom, wanting him to impale me. I clutched at his back, trying to pull him down, but he was teasing me.

  “Not so fast, Gabs.”

  He took hold of my arms and presse
d them over my head, pinning my hands onto the pillow. Holding both my wrists in one of his hands, he reached between our bodies with his other hand and positioned himself at my entrance. A lift of my hips this time brought us together, and Cole thrust downward, penetrating me with one smooth, firm stroke.

  I cried out, my back arching. I wanted to touch him, to claw my nails down his back, but he held me writhing and gasping beneath him as he thrust into me again and again.

  Our movements grew faster, almost angry. I cried out his name as I exploded around him, my eyes squeezed shut, every muscle tensing as pleasure rippled through my body in waves, again and again.

  Seconds later, Cole thrust hard and held himself deep, and then pulled out and thrust again. He lowered his face to my throat, his body shuddering, and finally released my hands so I could wrap my arms around him and hold him tight.

  “You have no idea how much I missed that,” he said and kissed me again.

  I nuzzled my nose and mouth against his hair and skin. It felt so good to be able to immerse myself in the scent and taste of him again. I remembered how I’d always slept with his sweatshirt.

  I do know, I thought, I know exactly how much.

  Chapter Twenty-eight

  Cole - Eleven Years Earlier

  I knew something was wrong as soon as I approached the garage where we met for band practice. No sound was coming from inside the walls, and normally, if the guys weren’t jamming already, there would at least be music blaring from the stereo.

  I hadn’t wanted to go to band practice without Gabi, but she had an algebra test the next day to study for, so was spending time holed up in her room. I’d offered to hang out in her bedroom and quiz her, but she’d told me I should go and spend some time with the guys. I knew I shouldn’t be disappointed, but I felt like I was addicted to her in a way, wanting only to spend time in her presence. If she wasn’t with me, it felt like a piece of me was missing, yearning to get back to her. My body needed to be in some kind of contact with hers at all times, and I’d have kissed her all day if she’d let me. But I loved practice as well, and I couldn’t let the guys down. The band had meant everything to me before Gabi had entered my life, and I was aware that I was letting it take second place.

  Besides, I knew what Ryan would say if I said I didn’t want to go because Gabi wouldn’t be there. The usual kind of taunts would emerge—pussy-whipped, under the thumb, blah, blah, blah. Mike and Adam would join in and I’d be leaving with my tail between my legs. I didn’t want them to think that of me. I had a reputation I needed to uphold, and acting like a pussy was never going to keep me safe. If you showed any weakness in my world, it was guaranteed you’d end up with your ass handed to you.

  I swung the garage door open to find Ryan, Mike, and Adam all standing in a circle, their heads together as they discussed something that appeared important. They stopped talking as I walked in and looked my way.

  “What’s up?” I asked, frowning.

  “Hey, Cole,” said Ryan. “We were just talking about you.”

  Uh-oh.

  I tried to appear nonplussed. “You were?”

  “Yeah, no biggy. We were just wondering if we could make use of your truck again.”

  “My foster family’s truck,” I corrected.

  He waved a hand, as though to dismiss my concerns. “Whatever. We need to move something, and right now you’re the only one who has access to a vehicle.”

  I looked between them. “None of you do?”

  Ryan shook his head. “Nah, my car’s still in the shop, and Mike’s just lost his license for a DUI.” Mike gave an apologetic shrug. “And Adam is a pussy who never learned to drive.”

  “Hey, dude!” protested Adam, punching Ryan on the arm.

  Ryan just laughed.

  “So anyway, you’re the only one who has access to wheels and we need your help. There will be some cash in it for you.”

  That piqued my interest. “How much are we talking?”

  “Five hundred bucks.”

  My eyebrows shot up. “Five hundred? How far are we moving the equipment?”

  “That’s the thing, it’s not equipment exactly.”

  “It’s not?” A sense of unease settled in my gut.

  “No. We’ve got some guys who are after a decent amount of weed. We can get our hands on it, but now we don’t have any transport, we’ve got no way of getting it to them. Then your name sprang to mind, so we figured we’d ask you first.”

  My lips twisted. “I don’t know, Ryan. That’s not really my thing.”

  “It’s no big deal. Just a bit of weed. You drive for an hour, meet my guy, hand it over, and you get five hundred dollars in return.”

  Most people smoked grass these days, and even though I didn’t myself that often, I didn’t have any issues with anyone who did. Weed was practically legal anyway. I had to admit, the thought of five hundred dollars was tempting. I was only too aware of the fact I would be making my own way in the world in the scarily near future. Five hundred dollars would be enough to get me started. I’d be able to rent a room in town, and feed myself while I found other work. A couple of hours driving for that amount of money sounded like a good deal.

  But I wasn’t a total idiot. To get that money, I was essentially drug running, even if it was only a bit of weed.

  “I don’t know, Ryan. When do you need it moved by, and can I think about it?”

  “We need it done in the next couple of days, so there’s not much thinking time.”

  “I’d have to make sure I can borrow the truck, so I can’t give you a definite yes or no right now.”

  “You can ask your fake dad tonight, though, can’t you?” he pressed.

  “Yeah, I guess …”

  Ryan huffed air out through his nose. “If you don’t want the job, just say so, Cole. There are plenty of other people I know who would gladly do it, and I thought you would be in need of the money, especially now you’ve got that little lady around to impress.”

  My shoulders stiffened at the mention of Gabi. “What do you mean?”

  “Well, not being funny or anything, Cole, but she’s a little hottie. At some point, she’s going to realize she can do better than a kid like you. I know her type. They tend to date older guys—guys who have their own places, their own rides, and money to treat her right.” He laughed and grabbed his crotch. “Plus us older guys can show a girl what it’s like to fuck a man.”

  The other two laughed and punched each other.

  I wanted to lay out all three of them, starting with Ryan, for talking about Gabi like that, but I knew I’d come out worse off. Plus, they had a point. I always wondered what Gabi saw in a loser-guy like me, who had no prospects, and whose own family hadn’t even wanted around. We always went to her house, as I didn’t want to invite her around to mine, and her dad didn’t exactly think much of me. With that money, I could start looking around at getting my own place.

  “I’ll need to check I can borrow the truck,” I said, holding back my fury at Ryan’s comments about Gabi. “I’ll let you know if I can move the gear tomorrow.”

  “Nice one,” Ryan said, punching me in the arm. “I knew we could count on you.”

  ***

  I was able to borrow the truck without any problem, and so I told Ryan I would do the job for him. The whole time, I felt sick with nerves, but Ryan told me it would be easy. Just hand the bag over to the guy I was meeting on the other end, take the money from him, and get the hell back to Dodge.

  Norburn, the town I headed to, was located a little over an hour away. By the time I got there, the guy was already waiting—a greasy looking guy who reminded me of Ryan. Not much was said. He took the bag, checking the contents—not that he could see much as it was all wrapped in brown tape; I’d already checked—and then handed me an envelope of cash.

  I drove back to Willowbrook Falls, handed the money over to Ryan, who then gave me my cut.

  It was quick and easy money, but it had left
me edgy and nervous. For a couple of days afterward, I jumped at my own shadow and started snapping at Gabi. Though she asked me what was wrong, I could never tell her. Instead, I hid the money behind one of the wall panels in my bedroom and told myself I’d done it for the right reason. I had a matter of weeks, and I would be out of this house with nowhere to live. I’d had no choice but to do what Ryan had wanted.

  Hadn’t I?

  Chapter Twenty-nine

  Cole – Present Day

  As much as I didn’t want to leave Gabi for a second, I had a shift at work which I couldn’t afford to miss. My hangover was long gone, cured in Gabi’s arms. A smile felt like it was permanently fixed to my face, and I held her tight, never wanting to let go.

  We’d dozed together, talked, and kissed, and then made love again, slow and sensual. When I finally told her I needed to go to work, she groaned and buried her face against my neck.

  “No, don’t go.”

  I laughed and kissed her. “Believe me, I’d much rather be here with you than scrubbing out pots at Frankie’s grill. But I could do without getting fired right now.”

  “Well, since you put it like that, I’d better let you go. Will you come back after your shift?”

  “It’ll be late—early hours of the morning.”

  She shrugged. “I’ll leave a key out for you. I’ll hide it under the mat, and you can let yourself in.”

  “Are you sure? Won’t your dad mind?”

  “We’re not seventeen anymore, Cole,” she said, smiling at me. Her crazy hair was tousled around her face, and her lips were slightly swollen from all the kissing we’d been doing. I felt myself growing hard for her, but I couldn’t fuck her again. I literally didn’t have time.

  “Okay, I’ll come back when I’ve finished my shift.” It wasn’t exactly a difficult choice. Come home to Gabi in bed, or go back to my rundown rental to spend the night on my own. “But I should probably warn you that I’ll stink of grease and trash by the time I get back.”