No Second Chances

by Marissa Farrar

He took the other end of the ribbon and tugged it hard between his hands, as though testing its strength. He gave me a wicked look. “I might need that later.” Then he frowned slightly. “But I didn’t bring anything, you know, protection-wise.”

  “It’s okay. I’m fully prepared.” Truth was, I’d asked Jasmine to hook me up. I hadn’t been able to bring myself to go into a drugstore and buy condoms.

  He dropped the ribbon to the floor and then wrapped his hand around my narrow waist and pulled me hard against him. I could feel he was already excited, a hardness pressing into my stomach. He kissed me, and I melted into the kiss. His hands trailed up my back to the catch of my bra. I didn’t know how much experience he’d had undoing them, but this one didn’t seem to cause him any problems. Within seconds, it was hanging free and he pushed the straps from my shoulders.

  His kisses left my lips, trailed down my jaw and down the side of my neck.

  “Hell, Gabi, you’re so damn sexy.”

  I’d never felt sexy before I’d met Cole, but now I felt sexy every second I was with him. I wanted to share this with him. I was ready to have this most intimate thing happen between us, to connect our bodies as I felt our hearts were already joined. We weren’t kids anymore, and this felt like a completely natural progression.

  He paused kissing me to allow me to pull his shirt over his head. He was slim, but wiry with muscle, his chest only with a fine spattering of blond hair. I ran my hands over his skin, aware that now when we kissed, our naked torsos would be pressed together. But he moved me backward, the backs of my thighs bumping with the bed, and then he lowered me down, my back against the mattress. He stood at the end and undid his jeans, toeing off his sneakers and socks, his eyes never leaving me for a second.

  He kneeled at the end of the bed and reached for my very skimpy underwear. Hooking the sides with his fingers, he rolled the black lace down my thighs. I was conscious of what he’d think of me naked—would he think I was too hairy, too skinny? Too fat, even. He’d touched me down there before, just as I’d touched him, but we’d never been completely naked before.

  I shook the thoughts from my head. He loved me, and I was a girl, naked in bed, offering myself to him. I could probably have two heads and he wouldn’t even notice.

  Cole crawled back up my body and I got my first eyeful of him, erect and ready for me.

  He covered my body with his own, his hand slipping between my thighs. I opened my legs for him, and his fingers pushed inside me, readying me for him, and making me moan.

  “The condom,” I said, suddenly, reaching up behind me where I’d hidden it beneath my pillow. I pulled out the square packet, feeling awkward once more. Would he expect me to put it on him, to do something sexy with my mouth? I’d heard people talking about that kind of thing, but didn’t think I’d be able to do it myself. I’d probably end up ripping the latex with my teeth.

  “Here,” he said, taking the foil packet from me. “I’ll do it.”

  I almost wilted with relief.

  “Touch me while I open it,” he said, his voice growly.

  I did as he asked, happily wrapping my fingers around his erection. I loved the feel of him, so hard and silky soft all at the same time. I ran my fingers up and down his length, hoping I was holding him tight enough.

  “Slowly,” he warned. “I won’t last long if you keep that up.”

  His words caused a ball of warmth to swell inside me, loving that what I did to him turned him on so much. He tore the packet open and pulled out the condom. I released my hold on him to allow him to roll the condom onto himself.

  He kissed me again, holding himself above me on his elbows, his narrow hips between my thighs. “You sure you’re ready?” he said against my mouth, his fingers knotting in my curls.

  “I thought you weren’t going to ask me that.” I smiled against his lips, and kissed him again, lifting my hips to meet his. “Yes, I’m ready.”

  He kissed me, long and deep, and our hips met. His erection wasn’t quite in the right place, pushing against the outside of me, but not entering, but then he reached between us and steadied himself where he needed to be. We both laughed a little, but then he pushed harder and breached me, and the laughter died on my lips.

  He was inside me.

  This is it, my mind shouted. It’s happening. Your first time.

  And then a sharp pain speared me, and I sucked air in over my teeth, causing Cole to pause. “You okay?” He looked down at me, studying my face with the blue eyes I loved so much, his blond locks falling in his face.

  I nodded and dug my fingers into his hard shoulder. “Yes, keep going.”

  And he did.

  It took us a moment to find our rhythm, but as soon as we did, I felt the excitement inside me starting to build. But it was over too soon. Within a couple of minutes, Cole jerked inside me and let out a groan.

  He dropped his forehead to mine. “It was too quick, wasn’t it?”

  I held him close, pressing my lips to his shoulder. “It was perfect.”

  “I’ll make it better next time, I promise” he said. “Just you wait.”

  I gave a wicked smile. “When’s next time?”

  He pretended to look at a non-existent watch on his wrist. “Oh, I don’t know. In about thirty minutes.”

  I laughed. “Sounds good to me.”

  “I love you,” he said, kissing me again. “This is the best birthday present ever.”

  “I love you, too,” I replied. “Happy birthday.”

  And half an hour later, he kept his promise.

  Chapter Twenty-six

  Cole – Present Day

  The bright glare of sunlight pressed against my closed eyelids, demanding they open.

  I groaned and flung the back of my hand over my eyes. I wasn’t sure my eyelids would part if I tried—it felt as though they’d been glued together. My mouth was bone-dry, a disgusting taste lining my throat, tongue, and teeth. My dehydration was so intense, I’d been dreaming about downing long glasses of water. My head throbbed, and I worried if I moved it would explode. I also had the horrible feeling something bad went down last night, but right at that moment I couldn’t remember a thing. Was it the fight I’d had with Gabi? She’d told me to stay out of her life, so I’d gone and gotten drunk. That must be what was bothering me, though something else niggled at me.

  The sunlight continued to assault me, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to remain lying here. I needed water, and my bladder was full to the point of being painful.

  I forced my eyes open and cautiously sat up. The room spun and my head pounded, but I didn’t think I was going to throw up. I stood and stumbled over to the bathroom to relieve myself. Next port of call was the kitchen for water, and to find some painkillers.

  With both in hand, I dropped myself down at the kitchen table and knocked back the tablets with the rest of the water.

  I groaned, folded my arms on the table, and dropped my aching head onto their cushion. I needed to go and see Gabi. As soon as I started to feel better, I would march right over there and tell her she wasn’t going to get rid of me so easily. Maybe she did still hate me for what I did ten years ago, but that didn’t mean we couldn’t get past it. I didn’t think she’d pushed me away because she no longer had feelings for me. No one held onto that kind of anger for so long if they didn’t care about someone. If I wasn’t important to her, she’d have forgotten all about me by now, or at best she’d be apathetic. But no, she was heated, and passionate, and still as beautiful and vibrant as the first day I’d plucked up the courage and spoken to her.

  I pulled myself together enough to brew some coffee and fry up some bacon for a sandwich. I needed salt and grease to line my stomach. I ate and then took a shower to rid myself of the alcohol fumes from the night before. A couple of cups of strong coffee helped me feel more human.

  An hour later, I stepped out of my house, ready to drive over to Gabi’s and tell her I wasn’t going to give up. With a frown, I paused
and looked around. Where the hell was my car?

  Damn, I must have left it outside the bar. I figured it was a good thing I’d had the sense to walk considering I couldn’t even remember getting home. It didn’t matter. A walk back to the bar to pick up my car would help to clear my head and figure out exactly what I would say to Gabi.

  This time, I wasn’t going to take no for an answer.

  Chapter Twenty-seven

  Gabi – Present Day

  I woke the next morning emotionally exhausted.

  I’d cried myself to sleep, and then sprung awake after a couple of hours and cried again. I knew I shouldn’t feel like this—after all, I was the one who told Cole to leave—but I couldn’t help what my heart felt.

  A knock came at my door, and my dad pushed it open, carrying a cup of hot coffee. “Hey, sweetheart. I thought you could use this.”

  I forced a smile. “Thanks, Dad.”

  With my puffy eyes, and swollen face, not to mention insane bed hair, I was a total mess, but my dad only looked at me with sympathy. I took a sip of the coffee and smiled. He’d remembered for once that I no longer took sugar.

  “So,” he said. “Who do I need to go and kill for making my baby-girl cry like this? I can’t help but think this has less to do with your leg and more to do with the young man who was here the other night.”

  So he did remember Cole being here when he’d gotten stuck.

  I nodded. “The problem is, Dad, the two things are joined together.”

  “How’s that?”

  I hated saying my worst fears and feelings out loud, but my dad had always been good at getting me to talk, even when sometimes it ended up with bad results.

  “How can I ask him to take on this?” I gestured to my missing limb. “He doesn’t need to have a woman like me in his life.”

  “No? Seems to me that young man could do with someone exactly like you in his life.” He lifted up both hands in a stop sign. “I’m not going to say I approve, Gabi, but I figure I’m hardly able to take the moral high ground. I know things didn’t go the way you wanted with the two of you ten years ago, but you’ve both paid for it, and here you are, drawn back together again. Sometimes the universe has a way of making things happen, even when it feels like the worst thing in the world at the time.”

  I stared into my coffee. “I’m afraid of getting hurt again.”

  “Oh, sweetheart. We’re all afraid of getting hurt. Are you really going to allow fear to be the thing that controls your life?”

  Tears filled my eyes again and I pressed my lips together to hold back a sob. I wanted to thank my father for his advice, and tell him I loved him, despite everything, but a painful lump blocked my throat, and all I could do was blink and nod.

  He patted my knee. “Listen, I have to pop out for a while, but I’ll run you a hot bath. You can manage okay?”

  “Yes, Dad, I can manage.” I was practically an expert at sitting on the edge of the tub and removing my prosthesis, and then slipping over the side and into the water. Getting out again was more of an effort, but my upper body was stronger now than it had ever been, and I was able to haul myself back out again without too much of a struggle. “Where are you going?” I added.

  He smiled. “Just seeing a man about a dog,” and then he reached out and ruffled my hair as though I was ten again.

  The moment where I’d felt like I had my old father back again vanished and my stomach sank with disappointment. He was going out to get a drink.

  He left the room, and within a couple of minutes, I heard the thunder of water hitting the bathtub. I sighed and maneuvered myself to the side of the bed to put on my prosthesis, knowing I’d only have to take it off again when I crossed the hall to the bathroom. At some point I’d find the money to have the bathroom converted into a wet room, so I wouldn’t have the hassle of baths, but until then I would have to make do.

  I reached for my prosthetic leg and remembered I no longer had to go through the nightmare of putting the old leg on with the rubber sleeve. No, I had the new pin-lock leg, which was quick and easy to attach and detach again.

  I smiled for the first time that morning.

  ***

  I was out of the bath, dressed, and attempting to drag a comb through my corkscrew curls when the doorbell rang.

  I made it downstairs and opened the door to find Cole standing on my porch. He appeared even rougher around the edges than normal, dark shadows beneath his eyes, his cheekbones hollowed. He looked rough, but more than that, something about him appeared vulnerable, and I didn’t think I’d ever seen Cole Devonport vulnerable before.

  “Gabi,” he said, one hand out held. “Hear me out, please.”

  My father’s words echoed in my head. He’d told me I shouldn’t be ruled by fear. He was right. I wasn’t a coward; I never had been.

  I stepped back and nodded. “I guess you’d better come in, then.”

  He stepped into the entrance hall with me and glanced around. “Is your dad at home?”

  “No, he’s gone out, and I doubt he’ll be back any time soon. So what did you come here to say?” Just being in Cole’s presence sent my heart racing, and made me aware of my body in a way no one else did. My skin tingled when I was around him, and I felt like we were two magnets drawn together.

  “I came to say that I’m not giving up.”

  “On what?”

  “On us. Kissing you yesterday felt so right, and I won’t just walk away. I love you, Gabi. I’ve loved you since I was seventeen years old. There’s never been anyone else for me, and there never will be. You may hate me, and still resent me for when we were teenagers, but as far as I can tell, that simply means you still care. And that’s worth fighting for.”

  I stared at him. I wanted to give in and fall into his arms, but despite not wanting to be afraid, I was. I was terrified, and the sad thing was most of my anxiety came from my fear about how he would react when he saw my stump for the first time. Assuming our relationship went the same way most adult couples’ did, he would see me naked again, and my body wasn’t the same one he knew so well when we were younger.

  “What happened between us when we were teenagers isn’t the only thing holding me back,” I admitted. “I’m worried about how you’re going to react when you see what’s left of my leg.”

  He reached out and took my hand. “I don’t care about your leg, Gabi. I’m not going to pretend that I didn’t love your body—and I still love your body now—but it’s you I’m in love with. You’re the person I want to be with, not your leg.”

  I wanted to believe him, my heart longed for it, but the thought of showing him the result of the bomb explosion sent my stomach tumbling with nerves. I would be opening myself up to him completely, and being open meant exposing myself to being hurt again.

  I wanted him to understand exactly how I felt.

  “You broke me back then, Cole,” I started, “shattered me into a million tiny pieces, and for a while I didn’t think I would be able to come out of it, didn’t think I’d be able to see a future. But you know what? I fixed myself. I didn’t need any man rushing to my side to be a god-damned hero. I went out and became the hero myself. And if this had been a movie or something, I’d have gotten my happy ever after, just being strong for me, but instead God, or fate, or whatever other fucker likes to screw us over, decided I hadn’t dealt with enough in my life yet, so then this happened,” I gestured to my prosthetic leg, “and here I am having to fix myself all over again.”

  “But you don’t have to do it alone this time. I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.”

  I shook my head and pulled my hand from his. “And what happens if I let myself lean on you, and then one day you decide you’re not going to be there anymore?” He opened his mouth to speak but I lifted my hand to stop him. “I’ll tell you what happens—I fall down again, and one day I’m not going to be strong enough to pick myself back up.”

  “I’m not going anywhere, Gabi. Let me prove t
hat to you.”

  I searched his blue eyes. “How? How can you prove it to me?”

  He didn’t say anything else. Instead, he stepped in toward me, closing the gap between us, and then his hands cupped my cheeks, his fingers slipping through my hair, and he kissed me. His lips were soft but firm, gentle but insistent. I melted into him, forgetting all of my worries, focused only on the sensation of his mouth capturing mine. It did feel right. In fact, kissing Cole felt perfect, just as it always had when we were teens. We’d been able to kiss for hours back then, and I felt like I could stand here and kiss him for hours again now.

  His hands moved from my hair, slipping down my back to clutch my bottom and drag me against him so our bodies met. I could feel the beginnings of his erection pressing into my stomach, and the nerves I’d been experiencing joined with the first flutterings of excitement and arousal. I hadn’t allowed sex to be part of my life for some time, had wondered at times if it would ever happen for me again, or if I would die a dried up old maid, but it seemed my body had other ideas.

  His kiss transported me back to being seventeen again, and I forgot all of the pain and trauma of the last ten years. All that was important was how I felt in his arms—young, desired, and whole again. I didn’t ever want to feel any different.

  His kiss grew urgent, his hands skimming the curves of my body. My breath grew shallow, and he laced his fingers in the back of my hair, tugging back to expose my throat. His lips left my mouth and feathered across my jaw and down the outside of my neck. I shivered in his arms, a sudden slave to desire. I wanted Cole, and I knew he wanted me, too, despite everything.

  “Upstairs,” I managed to gasp, aware my dad might come home.

  He caught me up around the back of my thighs and lifted me so I straddled his hips. He was strong, his muscles bunching beneath his shirt, and lifting me in such a way he made me feel light and feminine and sexy. He carried me up the stairs with little effort and kicked open my bedroom door. Cole transported me to the bed and laid me down, before climbing on top of me, his knees either side of my hips so his big body hovered over mine.