No Second Chances

by Marissa Farrar

  But he ignored me. “I can see what Cole sees in you, but what do you see in him? You know you could have one of us older guys, if you wanted?”

  “Really, I’m fine as I am. Thank you.”

  Thank you! Where the hell did ‘thank you’ come from? I should be telling him to get fucked, not thanking him. And yet, I guessed part of me hoped if I just played nicely, he’d let me go without anything bad happening.

  I tried to duck under his arm, but he stepped in quickly, reducing the space between my body and his, so one more inch of movement and he’d be pressed right up against me.

  “He’s just a boy, you know. Me and the rest of the guys, we’re real men. I assume Cole has fucked you already?”

  My cheeks burned and I quickly glanced away.

  He laughed. “That’s right. You’re not a sweet little virgin anymore, are you? None of the girls your age are these days. You’re all just a bunch of sluts, spreading your legs for the first guy who comes along. If you’d waited awhile, you could have had me do the dirty with you instead. I’d have loved to have popped your cherry.”

  The tears I’d been fighting won the battle and spilled down my cheeks. I didn’t know what Ryan was going to do. Surely he wouldn’t try and assault me out here, in the middle of the street. Statistics about how you were more likely to be assaulted by someone you knew rather than a stranger ran through my head. What else was it they said? You should always put up a fight. A woman who screams and makes a nuisance of herself is more likely to be released than someone who does nothing. Cowards like Ryan only ever went for an easy target.

  I wasn’t going to be an easy target.

  I sucked in a breath and lifted my booted foot as high as I could manage. With all of my strength, I stamped down, making contact with the bridge of his foot. At the same time, I shrieked, “Fire! Help! There’s a fire!”

  Ryan automatically ducked down to grab hold of his injured foot, looking at me with utter fury in his eyes. “What the fuck, you crazy bitch!”

  But he’d moved away, and that was all that mattered. I ran, my arms pumping wildly, my only thought to put distance between me and Ryan. I didn’t think he would chase after me—he would know he’d be seen eventually and I was pretty sure he’d decide I wasn’t worth the trouble it would cause. Either that or he figured he would catch up with me later. I wondered if he knew who my dad was. Surely he wouldn’t try to pull this kind of shit if he did. Or perhaps he’d thought he was being seductive and sexy, and I’d taken it all the wrong way.

  I wheeled around the corner, barely staying on my feet, feeling as though they were flying out behind me. My tears blurred my vision, and as I collided with a strong, solid body, I let out a shriek of shock.

  “Gabi! Hey, Gabi! What’s wrong?”

  I realized Cole had hold of me and I crumpled in his arms, crying in fear.

  “I was just heading over to your house to meet you,” he said. “What’s happened?”

  With heartbreaking sorrow, I realized I couldn’t tell him. If I did, I’d ruin the one thing he had going for him, the one thing in his life he loved. He’d never forgive Ryan for upsetting me in such a way. In fact, he’d probably head right over there and punch the guy in the face. I didn’t think for one moment that Ryan didn’t deserve to be punched, but I didn’t want Cole to be the one to do it. He was in enough trouble for getting into fights with his foster brother.

  I untangled myself from his arms. “Nothing, Cole. Just leave me alone, okay.”

  Putting my head down, I kept going for my house.

  “Hey, Gabi, wait up!”

  His feet pounded the sidewalk behind me, and his hand wrapped around my arm as he pulled me back.

  “I said leave me alone!” I shrieked at him.

  It was too much. I knew it even as the words left my mouth, but it was too late to take them back. He dropped his hold on my arm and his mouth fell open, his blue eyes full of confusion and pain. He didn’t know why I’d reacted to him in such a way, and I couldn’t tell him.

  “I’m sorry, Cole,” I said, shaking my head and turning to run-walk toward my house. I just wanted to get into my bedroom and shut the door and not open it for a week.

  Though I knew I couldn’t have Cole follow me, for fear of breaking down on him again and telling him exactly what had happened, I wanted nothing more than to be pulled into his arms so I could sob against his chest. I was still shaking from my encounter with Ryan, and I wondered how I would ever be able to face the guy again. From now on, if Cole ever invited me to band practice, I would need to have some seriously good excuses on hand.

  I reached my house and fumbled with my keys, managing to unlock the door, despite my hands shaking. Dad was at work, and even though I was used to taking care of myself, right at that moment I wished he was home more than anything.

  But I shook the thought from my head. It was better I was on my own. Just like Cole, my dad would know something was wrong right away, and then he’d be full of questions, and would get the truth out of me eventually. One thing my dad was good at was asking questions.

  Despite it barely being evening yet, I took myself to bed, and climbed, fully clothed, beneath the covers. I ran the events leading up to what had happened over in my head. Had I done or said something to make Ryan think I was interested in him? I’d always done my best to be friendly toward him and the other guys, because I’d wanted them to like me. I’d thought Cole would like me even more if his friends had approved of me, and, because they were older, I knew they’d have more influence over him. How stupid of me. Had I taken things too far? Had what happened been my fault? Cole would be devastated if he thought I’d been flirting with Ryan.

  Heavy despair clutched my heart and dragged it into the pit of my stomach. What if Ryan said something to Cole? What if Ryan told him I’d been flirting with him? I wouldn’t put it past him to do something so low.

  Fresh tears sprang from my eyes and I buried my head beneath the cover, not knowing which way to turn, and I cried myself to sleep.

  Chapter Thirty-two

  Gabi- Present Day

  For the first time since Iraq, my life was starting to make sense again. For a while, I’d believed happiness was out of my reach, but instead it filled me once more—giddy, ridiculous happiness. Cole and I spent every moment we could together, as though making up for the ten years we had lost. My confidence about my leg was growing, and though I still felt self-conscious, Cole’s constant desire for me made me start to no longer care what other people thought. The only person who was important to me was him, and if other people didn’t like my leg, they could look the other way.

  My dad even appeared to be drinking less. I thought he felt bad about not being around the night of the fireworks. Cole had been unable to contact him all of that night, even though Cole had sat up with me, and called my father’s house every half hour. My dad confessed he’d been passed out on the couch from ten-thirty, and had barely even noticed the fireworks, never mind heard the phone ringing. He seemed to be getting better, though I didn’t know how long it would last. He’d gone through phases of getting a better control on his drinking before, only to relapse again at a later date, so I was taking each good day as it came.

  With my better state of mind, I’d also taken to walking as much as I could. I knew I wouldn’t be running again until I was ready to be fitted for a blade, but I figured I could still work on my fitness. Plus, now Cole and I were spending so much time in bed, I’d started to care about my figure again. Just because I was missing a limb didn’t mean the rest of my body couldn’t be smoking hot. Not that Cole seemed to mind what my body looked like—he loved me just the way I was—but I wanted to feel like I was looking the best for him, and all those months of being immobile hadn’t been kind to my waistline.

  I began walking each morning, or afternoon, when Cole was at work. I started with twenty minutes, and gradually built up to thirty, then forty-five, and then an hour. It wasn’t easy, but I felt
good doing it. I’d also discovered a fantastic little coffee shop about halfway into my route, and so treated myself to a latte midway. Okay, I knew that part wasn’t so good for my waistline, but I figured I’d been getting a lot of exercise in bed lately, too.

  That day, I ordered my coffee and then lurked at the end of the counter, waiting for my takeout to be made. My name was called, and I took my drink and headed back outside, planning to finish my route. I stepped out of the doorway, onto the street, and someone blocked my way.

  He had less hair than when I’d known him ten years ago, and had put on a little weight, but otherwise I’d have recognized him anywhere. It was the attitude surrounding him—the cocky, smug, superior air that followed him like a cloud of fog. He also had a graze beside his left eye and his lip looked swollen. I didn’t know what he’d been up to recently, but it appeared someone else had taken a disliking to him.

  Over the years, I’d played this moment in my head. I’d imagined exactly what I would say to him, about how he must have felt like such a big man, threatening a teenage girl. I’d imagined that when I ran into him again, we’d both be adults, able to have a heated, but mature conversation, and he’d see how I was now a grown woman—an Army Captain, no less—who wouldn’t be intimidated by some little weasel of a man. I’d put my point across concisely, with just enough edge and bite to make him feel pathetic, and then I’d turn on my heel and march away, leaving him shrinking into the sidewalk.

  The reality of that imagined conversation was very different. Just from his smile, and the way his eyes ran up and down my body, I could tell thirty-year-old Ryan was no different from twenty-year-old Ryan. Nothing I said to him would make an ounce of difference. Whatever he’d been doing over the last ten years, I didn’t think it had affected his personality a single iota.

  “Well, well, well. What do we have here? It’s the little prick tease Cole Devonport used to hang out with.” I could hear the sneer in his tone.

  I tried to shrug him off. “I don’t have time for this.”

  Glancing away from him slightly, perhaps hoping that if I didn’t engage him, he’d leave me alone, I moved to walk past him. He stepped into my way, blocking the sidewalk and forcing me to stop. I’d managed men like him plenty of times in the Army. Cocky young guys who didn’t think a woman belonged there, who would tell me I was only going to get myself and other people killed. I’d proven them wrong back then—perhaps I’d been a little cocky myself. I’d shown myself to be an equal by being fast, and strong, and smart. But that was before the incident where I’d lost my leg and a good man had died. Going through that had shaken my confidence to the core. I’d rebuilt myself after Cole had broken my heart in so many different ways, but I was still in pieces from the bombing. I’d quite literally left a piece of myself in Iraq.

  Plus, there was that niggling worry in the back of my mind which said those men had been right. I had gotten a man killed by not acting quickly enough, and I had almost gotten myself killed, too. How could I believe anything else about myself when my worst fears had come true?

  I forced myself to lift my eyes to his. “Get out of my way, Ryan.”

  “No chance. We’re having a little catch up.”

  “I don’t want to talk to you. Not now, not ever.”

  I willed for someone else to walk down the street, or for a car to pull up beside us and ask what was going on, but everything remained quiet. Perhaps I should turn around and go back into the coffee shop, but I didn’t want him to think I was afraid of him. I was in this on my own.

  “Now, that’s no way to treat an old friend.”

  “Old friend? You were never a friend. Not to me, not to Cole either. If he hadn’t known you and your buddies, he might have gone on to live a whole different life.”

  “Bullshit. He was old enough to make his own choices. We gave him an opportunity, that’s all, and he took it.” He studied my face for a second and one side of his upper lip lifted. “Don’t tell me you’re still hot for Cole? Does he know that?”

  I hated my face for coloring at his suggestion. “That’s none of your business. But I cared about him back then, and you screwed his life up. What are you even doing back in Willowbrook, Ryan? Surely you had bigger and better things to do with your life than hang around here?”

  “I heard Cole was out, and thought I’d see what the big guy was up to these days.”

  Sudden anger spurted inside me. “You stay away from Cole!”

  He laughed. “Aww, are you worried I’m going to lead your boyfriend astray?” His expression hardened. “Oh, but wait, he’s not even your boyfriend anymore, is he? He dumped you pretty hard, from what I heard. He’s also no longer a boy. He’s a man, and a fucking criminal at that, so I’m pretty sure he can make up his own mind about who he does and doesn’t want to hang out with. He seemed pretty pleased to see me the other night at the diner, shook my hand and everything. Perhaps he’s getting sick of washing up other people’s pots for a living, and is interested in something a little more profitable.”

  “Just stay away from both me and Cole,” I said, trying to sound braver than I felt.

  His nostrils flared. “Or what?”

  I opened my mouth to speak, but a different voice came from behind me. “You okay, Miss?”

  I turned to see an older man who’d also been in the coffee shop, standing behind me.

  “Yes, she’s fine,” Ryan snapped.

  “Actually, I was just leaving.” I turned to the man who’d come to my rescue. “Thank you.”

  “No problem, Miss. You take care of yourself.”

  I walked away, feeling Ryan watch me go.

  Chapter Thirty-three

  Gabi - Eleven Years Earlier

  I spotted Cole walking away from me down the hallway, so distinctive with his jaw-length blond hair and swagger. I hurried to catch up with him. We’d not seen each other yesterday—something that was almost unheard of—and he hadn’t returned my calls. I was worried Ryan had said something to him. I’d barely slept, worrying about what Ryan had said to me, and wondering if I should have told Cole the truth. I knew Cole would be furious, though, and I couldn’t risk him getting into a fight with Ryan. Ryan was older, and Cole would lose. Plus, it would mean he’d get in more trouble with his foster family, and I dreaded something happening which would get Cole sent away.

  “Cole?” I shouted as I got closer. “Wait up!”

  He glanced over his shoulder at me and slowed, but didn’t stop. “Gabi, I’m sorry, but I’ve got somewhere I need to be.”

  I frowned. What was going on? In the space of a few days we’d gone from being joined at the hip to barely seeing each other. I missed him horribly, but he didn’t seem to be missing me at all. Quite the opposite.

  “You do? Where?”

  “Just somewhere. I’m almost eighteen, Gabi, I don’t need someone keeping track of me every second of the day. You’re kind of smothering me.”

  I stepped back like he had struck me.

  “What?”

  His expression had turned hard, his eyes expressionless. I’d never seen this part of him before, and it frightened me. “You heard what I said. I need a bit of space. All of this …” he waved his hand in the air between us, “just has to cool down a little. I’m starting to feel like an old married man.”

  Someone, who must have overheard our conversation, sniggered beside me. I didn’t even care if other people were listening in. My world was crashing down around my ears, and right now I was in complete denial rather than accepting it.

  “What are you talking about, Cole? Is this some kind of joke or dare, ’cause it’s really not funny.”

  “I told you, Gabi. I just want to cool things. I don’t see why that’s such a hard thing to understand. I thought you were smart.”

  Tears filled my eyes, blurring the hallway around us, and the sight of his strange, stone-like face. “Well, you weren’t saying that two days ago in my bed! You told me you loved me, and we’d be
together forever.”

  He gave a cold laugh that pierced my heart. “Guys always say things like that.” He gave an almost apologetic shrug. “How else are we going to get what we want?”

  Why was he doing this? I knew it wasn’t the truth. Perhaps guys did tell girls they loved them to get them into bed, but that wasn’t the case with me and Cole. He loved me, I knew he did. I’d known it from the first moment he cupped my cheek with his palm and stared into my eyes. Love wasn’t just a word; it was a feeling, a connection. We had that, and something had happened to make him want to pretend it had never existed. Had Ryan told Cole I’d come on to him? Was this Cole’s idea of saving face? Had Ryan put these words into Cole’s mouth?

  Rage bubbled up inside me. “What the hell do you think you’re doing? I know this isn’t you talking.”

  He lifted a hand. “Sorry, Gabi, but yeah, it is. I’ll catch you later, okay?” And, with that, he turned from me and carried on sauntering off down the hall as though he hadn’t just blown my whole world apart with a couple of cold-hearted lines.

  As I stood, staring after him, I became aware of all the other kids around me, watching me and commenting behind their hands. Cole and I were known to be high school sweethearts, and that he’d just dumped me in the middle of the hall was going to be whizzing around the gossip mills within seconds.

  Unable to stand their scrutiny any longer, I ran for the bathrooms. I banged in, and hurried for a stall, slamming and locking the door behind me. The pain in my chest was so bad, crawling up my throat so I felt like my airways were closing over. I gasped between silent tears, certain I would die from heartbreak. I couldn’t believe Cole had just said those things to me.

  I heard the bathroom door open again, and then came a female voice. “Gabi? You in here?”

  Jasmine.

  With my hand shaking, I managed to undo the lock on the stall.