PS, I Love You: A Novel

by Cecelia Ahern

  Holly decided to drop in on Ciara at work, where she could have a bite to eat. She rounded the corner and entered Hogan’s pub and searched for a table inside. The pub was packed with people dressed smartly on their lunch breaks from work, and some were even having a few sneaky pints before heading back to the office. Holly found a small table in the corner and settled down.

  “Excuse me,” she called out loudly and clicked her fingers in the air, “can I get some service here please?”

  The people at the tables around her threw her looks for being so rude to the staff and Holly continued to click her fingers in the air. “Oi!” she yelled.

  Ciara swirled around with a scowl on her face but it broke into a smile when she spotted her sister grinning at her. “Jesus, I was about to smack the head off you,” she laughed, approaching the table.

  “I hope you don’t speak to all your customers like that,” Holly teased.

  “Not all of them,” Ciara replied seriously. “You having lunch here today?”

  Holly nodded. “Mum told me you were working lunches, I thought you were supposed to be working in the club upstairs?”

  Ciara rolled her eyes. “That man has got me working all the hours under the sun, he’s treating me like a slave,” Ciara moaned.

  “Did I hear someone mention my name?” Daniel laughed, walking up behind her.

  Ciara’s face froze as she realized he had overheard her. “No, no … I was just talking about Mathew,” she stammered. “He has me up all hours of the night, I’m like his sex slave …” She trailed off and wandered over to the bar to get a notepad and pen.

  “Sorry I asked,” Daniel said, staring at Ciara bewildered. “Mind if I join you?” he asked Holly.

  “Yes,” Holly teased, but pulled out a stool for him. “OK, what’s good to eat here?” she asked, looking through the menu as Ciara returned with pen in hand.

  Ciara mouthed “Nothing” behind Daniel’s back and Holly giggled.

  “The toasted special is my favorite,” Daniel suggested, and Ciara shook her head wildly at Holly. Ciara obviously didn’t think much of the toasted special.

  “What are you shaking your head at?” Daniel said to her, catching her in the act again.

  “Oh, it’s just that … Holly is allergic to onions,” Ciara stammered again. This was news to Holly.

  Holly nodded her head. “Yes … they, eh … make my head … eh … bloat.” She blew her cheeks out. “Terrible things are those onions. Fatal in fact. Could kill me someday.” Ciara rolled her eyes at her sister, who once again managed to take things way over the top.

  “OK, well then, leave the onions out,” Daniel suggested and Holly agreed.

  Ciara stuck her fingers in her mouth and pretended to gag as she walked away.

  “You’re looking very smart today,” Daniel said, studying her outfit.

  “Yes, well, that was the impression I was trying to give. I was just at a job interview,” Holly said and winced at the thought of it.

  “Oh yeah, that’s right,” Daniel smiled, then he made a face. “Didn’t it go well?”

  Holly shook her head. “Well, let’s just say I need to buy a smarter-looking suit. I won’t be expecting a call from them anytime soon.”

  “Oh well, not to worry,” Daniel said, smiling. “There will be plenty of other opportunities. Still have that job upstairs if you’re interested.”

  “I thought you gave that job to Ciara. Why is she working downstairs now?” Holly said, looking confused.

  Daniel made a face. “Holly, you know your sister; we had a bit of a situation.”

  “Oh no!” Holly laughed. “What did she do this time?”

  “Some guy at the bar said something to her she didn’t quite like so she poured him his pint then served it to him over his head.”

  “Oh no!” Holly gasped. “I’m surprised you didn’t fire her!”

  “Couldn’t do that to a member of the Kennedy family, could I?” he smiled. “And besides, how would I ever be able to face you again?”

  “Exactly.” Holly smiled, “You may be my friend, but you ‘gotta respect the family.’”

  Ciara frowned at her sister as she arrived with her plate of food. “Well, that has to be the worst Godfather impression I’ve ever heard. Bon appétit,” she said sarcastically, slamming the plate down on the table and turning on her heel.

  “Hey!” Daniel frowned, taking Holly’s plate away from her and examining her sandwich.

  “What are you doing?” she demanded to know.

  “There are onions in it,” he said angrily. “Ciara must have given the wrong order again.”

  “No no, she didn’t.” Holly jumped to her sister’s rescue and grabbed the plate back from his hands. “I’m only allergic to red onions,” she blurted out.

  Daniel frowned. “How odd. I didn’t think there was a huge difference.”

  “Oh, there is.” Holly nodded her head and tried to sound wise, “They may be part of the same family but the red onion … contains deadly toxins …” She trailed off.

  “Toxins?” Daniel said disbelievingly.

  “Well, they’re toxic to me aren’t they?” she mumbled, and bit into the sandwich to shut herself up. She found it difficult to eat her sandwich under Daniel’s glare without feeling like a pig, so she finally gave up and left the remains on her plate.

  “Not like it?” he asked worriedly.

  “No, not at all. I love it, I just had a big breakfast,” she lied, patting her empty stomach.

  “So have you had any luck with that leprechaun yet?” he teased.

  “Well, actually I found him!” Holly laughed, wiping her greasy hands on her napkin.

  “Really? Who was it?”

  “Would you believe it was my brother Richard?” she laughed.

  “Go away! So why didn’t he tell you? Did he want it to be a surprise or something?”

  “Something like that, I suppose.”

  “He’s a nice guy, Richard,” Daniel said, looking thoughtful.

  “You think?” Holly said, surprised.

  “Yeah, he’s a harmless kind of a guy. He has a nice nature.”

  Holly nodded her head while she tried to digest this information. He cut in on her thoughts, “Have you spoken to Denise or Sharon lately?”

  “Just Denise,” she said, looking away. “You?”

  “Tom has my head done in with all this talk of weddings. Wants me to be his best man. To be honest, I didn’t think they would plan it all so soon.”

  “Me neither,” Holly agreed. “How do you feel about it now?”

  “Ah,” Daniel sighed. “Happy for him in a selfish and bitter kind of way.” He laughed.

  “Know how you feel,” Holly nodded. “You haven’t spoken to your ex lately or anything?”

  “Who, Laura?” he said, surprised. “Never want to see the woman again.”

  “Is she a friend of Tom’s?”

  “Not as friendly as they used to be, thank God.”

  “So she won’t be invited to the wedding then?”

  Daniel’s eyes widened. “You know, I never even thought of that. God, I hope not, Tom knows what I would do to him if he did invite her.”

  There was a silence as Daniel contemplated that thought.

  “I think I’m meeting up with Tom and Denise tomorrow night to discuss the wedding plans if you feel like coming out,” Daniel said.

  Holly rolled her eyes. “Gee thanks, well, that just sounds like the best fun ever, Daniel.”

  Daniel started laughing. “I know, that’s why I don’t want to go on my own. Call me later if you want to go anyway.”

  Holly nodded.

  “Right, here’s the bill,” Ciara said, dropping a piece of paper on the table and sauntering off. Daniel watched after her and shook his head.

  “Don’t worry, Daniel,” Holly laughed, “you won’t have to put up with her for much longer.”

  “Why not?” He looked confused.

  Uh-oh, Holly
thought, Ciara hadn’t told him she was moving away. “Oh nothing,” she mumbled, rooting through her bag for her purse.

  “No really, what do you mean?” he continued.

  “Oh, I mean her shift must be nearly over now,” she said, pulling her purse out of her bag and looking at her watch.

  “Oh … listen, don’t worry about the bill, I’ll take care of that.”

  “No, I’m not letting you do that,” she said, continuing to search through all the receipts and rubbish in her purse for some money. “Which reminds me, I owe you twenty.” She placed the money on the table.

  “Forget about that.” He waved his hand dismissively.

  “Hey, are you going to let me pay for anything?” Holly joked, “I’m leaving it here on the table anyway, so you’ll have to take it.”

  Ciara returned to the table and held out her hand for the money.

  “It’s OK, Ciara, put it on my tab,” Daniel said.

  Ciara raised her eyebrows at Holly and winked at her. Then she glanced down at the table and spotted the twenty-euro note. “Ooh thanks, sis, I didn’t know you were such a good tipper.” She pocketed the money and headed over to serve another table.

  “Don’t worry,” Daniel laughed, looking at a shocked Holly. “I’ll take it out of her wages.”

  Holly’s heart began to pound as she drove down her estate and spotted Sharon’s car outside her house. It had been a long time since Holly had spoken to her and she had left it so long she was embarrassed. She contemplated turning the car around and heading off in the other direction, but she stopped herself. She needed to face the music sometime before she lost another best friend. If it wasn’t too late already.

  Thirty-five

  HOLLY PULLED UP TO HER driveway and took a deep breath before getting out of her car. She should have been to visit Sharon first and she knew it, now things just seemed far worse. She walked toward Sharon’s car and was surprised to see John stepping out. There was no Sharon to be seen. Her heart began to pound; she hoped Sharon was OK.

  “Hi Holly,” John said grimly, banging the car door behind him.

  “John! Where’s Sharon?!” she asked.

  “I just came from the hospital.” He walked toward her slowly.

  Holly’s hands flew to her face and tears filled her eyes. “Oh my God! Is she OK?”

  John looked confused. “Yeah, she’s just having a checkup, I’m going back to collect her after I leave here.”

  Holly’s hands dropped down by her side. “Oh,” she said, feeling stupid.

  “You know if you’re that concerned about her you should call her.” John held his head high and his icy blue eyes stared straight into hers. Holly could see his jawline clenching and unclenching. She held his stare until the force of his gaze caused her to look away.

  Holly bit her lip, feeling guilty. “Yeah, I know. Why don’t you come inside and I’ll make us a cup of tea.” At any other time she would have laughed at herself for saying that; she was turning into one of them.

  She flicked the switch on the kettle and busied herself while John made himself comfortable at the table.

  “Sharon doesn’t know that I’m here so I would appreciate it if you didn’t say anything.”

  “Oh.” Holly felt even more disappointed. Sharon hadn’t sent him. She didn’t even want to see her; she must have given up on Holly altogether.

  “She misses you, you know.” John continued to stare straight at her, not blinking for one moment.

  Holly carried the mugs over to the table and sat down. “I miss her too.”

  “It’s been a while now, Holly, and you know the two of you used to speak to each other every day.” John took the mug from her hand and placed it in front of him.

  “Things used to be very different, John,” Holly said angrily. Didn’t anybody understand what she was going through? Was she the only sane person in the whole entire world these days?

  “Look, we all know what you’ve been through …,” John started.

  “I know you all know what I’ve been through, John; that’s blatantly obvious, but you all don’t seem to understand that I’m still going through it!”

  There was a silence.

  “That’s not true at all.” John’s voice was quieter and he fixed his gaze onto the mug he was twirling around on the table before him.

  “Yes it is. I can’t just move on with my life like you’re all doing and pretend that nothing has happened.”

  “Do you think that that’s what we’re doing?”

  “Well, let’s look at the evidence, shall we?” she said sarcastically. “Sharon is having a baby and Denise is getting married—”

  “Holly, that’s called living,” John interrupted, and he looked up from the table. “You seem to have forgotten how to do that. Look, I know that it’s difficult for you because I know it’s difficult for me. I miss Gerry too. He was my best mate. I lived right next door to him all my life. I went to playschool with the guy, for Christ’s sake. We went to primary school together, we went to secondary school together and we played on the same football team. I was his best man at his wedding and he was at mine! Whenever I had a problem I went to Gerry, whenever I wanted to have a bit of fun I went to Gerry. I told him some things that I would never have told Sharon and he told me things he wouldn’t have told you. Just because I wasn’t married to him doesn’t mean that I don’t feel like you do. And just because he’s dead doesn’t mean I have to stop living too.”

  Holly sat stunned. John twisted his chair around in order to face her properly. The legs of the chair squeaked loudly in the silence. He took a deep breath before he spoke again.

  “Yes, it’s difficult. Yes, it’s horrible. Yes, it’s the worst thing that has ever happened to me in my whole life. But I can’t just give up. I can’t just stop going to the pub because there’s two blokes laughing and joking on the stools Gerry and I used to sit on, and I can’t stop going to football matches just because it’s somewhere we used to go together all the time. I can remember it all right and smile about it, but I can’t just stop going there.”

  Tears welled in Holly’s eyes and John continued talking.

  “Sharon knows you’re hurting and she understands, but you have to understand that this is a hugely important time in her life, too, and she needs her best friend to help her through it. She needs your help just like you need hers.”

  “I’m trying John,” Holly sobbed as hot tears rolled down her cheeks.

  “I know you are.” He leaned forward and grabbed her hands. “But Sharon needs you. Avoiding the situation isn’t going to help anyone or anything.”

  “But I went for a job interview today,” she sobbed childishly.

  John tried to hide his smile. “That’s great news, Holly. And how did it go?”

  “Shite,” she sniffed, and John started laughing. He allowed a silence to fall between them before he spoke again.

  “She’s almost five months pregnant, you know.”

  “What?” Holly looked up in surprise. “She didn’t tell me!”

  “She was afraid to,” he said gently. “She thought you might get mad at her and never want to speak to her again.”

  “Well, that was stupid of her to think that,” Holly said angrily and wiped her eyes aggressively.

  “Oh really?” He raised his eyebrows. “So what do you call all this then?”

  Holly looked away. “I meant to call her, I really did. I picked up the phone every day but I just couldn’t do it. Then I would say that I’d call the next day, and the next day I would be busy … oh, I’m sorry, John. I’m truly happy for the both of you.”

  “Thank you, but it’s not me that needs to hear any of this, you know.”

  “I know, but I’ve been so awful! She’ll never forgive me now!”

  “Oh, don’t be stupid, Holly, it’s Sharon we’re talking about here. She’ll have it all forgotten about by tomorrow.”

  Holly raised her eyebrows at him hopefully.


  “Well, maybe not tomorrow. Next year perhaps … and you’ll owe her big-time, but she’ll eventually forgive you …” His icy eyes warmed and twinkled back at her.

  “Stop it!” Holly giggled, hitting him on the arm. “Can I go with you to see her?”

  Butterflies fluttered around in Holly’s stomach as they pulled up outside the hospital. She spotted Sharon looking around as she stood alone outside, waiting to be collected. She looked so cute Holly had to smile at the sight of her friend. Sharon was going to be a mummy. She couldn’t believe she was almost five months pregnant. That meant Sharon had been three months pregnant when they went away on holiday and she hadn’t said a word! But more important, Holly couldn’t believe that she stupidly hadn’t noticed the changes in her friend. Of course she wouldn’t have had a bump at only three months; but now, as she looked at Sharon dressed in a polo neck and jeans, she could see the swelling of a tiny bump. And it suited her. Holly stepped out of the car and Sharon’s face froze.

  Oh no, Sharon was going to scream at her. She was going to tell her she hated her and that she never wanted to see her again and that she was a crappy friend and that …

  Sharon’s face broke into a smile and she held her arms out to her. “Come here to me, you fool,” she said softly.

  Holly ran into her arms. There, with her best friend hugging her tight, she felt the tears begin again. “Oh Sharon, I’m so sorry, I’m a horrible person. I’m so so so so so so sorry, please forgive me. I never meant to—”

  “Oh shut up, you whiner, and hug me.” Sharon cried too, her voice cracking, and they squeezed each other for a long time as John looked on.

  “Ahem,” John cleared his throat loudly.

  “Oh come here, you.” Holly smiled and dragged him into their huddle.

  “I presume this was your idea.” Sharon looked at her husband.