The Silent Sounds of Chaos

by Kristina Circelli

  He was thinking about the day he first walked into Infinity when he waltzed in the back door, heading straight for Charlie’s office. Chix, the bouncer who’d guarded the club for as long as anyone could remember, offered a single nod as he passed by before resuming his typical arms crossed, eyes narrowed pose. Though it was early, the club out front was already packed—a benefit of Infinity being one of the only places in town with cheap alcohol, good music, and a firm “don’t ask, don’t tell” stance.

  Caught up in the music as much as he did the glimpses of scantily clad women, Finn collided with a figure exiting the women’s bathroom. “Whoa,” he said with a laugh, reaching out an arm to steady the girl, then turning his grin into a playful smirk when he saw who he was holding. “Well, well. We meet again.”

  The girl, the most beautiful one he’d ever seen, smirked right back. “What’s up, loverboy? Got another pickup line for me?”

  Not to be deterred, Finn edged a step closer, then another, until her back was against the wall and he had one hand pressed up behind her. She let him drift a hand up her arm, amused, enjoying his efforts. They’d been playing this game for a while—a game she continued to win.

  “So,” Finn began, ducking his head toward her, “when you gonna agree to that date?”

  The sound of her laugh was better than any music Infinity could ever offer, even if it was directed at him. “When you gonna give that up? You know I’m too old for you.”

  “Only by a year. Doesn’t count,” he argued back. They’d had this discussion many times. And, just like every conversation in the past, he wasn’t going to let his age determine their date. The only thing separating them was her ability to get her driver’s license.

  In so many other ways, their lives intersected and mirrored. Her father was a known heroin addict, his mother to anything she could get her hands on. Both bought their supply from Charlie. On that, they could commiserate, and often did. Finn had grown up with the girl with jet-black hair, his childhood filled with memories of basketball games and snowball fights and late nights keeping each other company in the cemetery garden when things got too loud and rough at home.

  And yet, despite their connection, she still refused him their date.

  “I have to go.” The hand pressed against his chest lulled Finn out of his thoughts. “Dad’s waiting. You know how it is.”

  She slid out from beneath his arm, offering a wave. But he wasn’t done with her yet. “Remember when we used to build snowmen?” he called after her, waiting until she turned to continue. “How cold you used to get? And I was always there to warm you up.”

  “Yeah,” she scoffed back, her expression as bemused as it was saucy, “because you were the one shoving snow down my back.”

  Seeing his opportunity, Finn followed her down the hall. “Don’t act like you didn’t enjoy it. So … how about that date?”

  She crossed her arms and asked, “Give me one good reason why I should say yes.”

  Dozens of replies came to mind. Some dirty suggestions he’d heard guys around the club say, some genuine thoughts, some completely bullshit reasons he hoped she’d fall for.

  Just tell her how pretty you think she is. Jeez, Finn. It’s not that hard. Quit with the dirty stuff and just be honest.

  Snow’s voice popped into his head. Finn waited, but she didn’t add anything else. What could it hurt, he figured, and replied honestly, “Because I think you’re the most beautiful girl in the world, and all I want is one date to prove it to you.”

  The confession surprised him as much as it did her. Just as it surprised Finn when she smiled and even blushed a little. “Fine. One date, loverboy. Meet me at Nero’s Pizza at eight.”

  “I’ll be there,” he said smoothly, waiting until she had disappeared around the corner to blow out a relieved breath. Thanks, Snow, he added, feeling her acceptance of his gratitude as a gloating punch to his gut.

  Grinning to himself, Finn got back to business and resumed his trek to Charlie’s office. They were waiting for him when he stepped inside.

  “About time you showed up,” Joe said from the desk, where he was sorting and counting money.

  “Bite me,” Finn replied. He dropped his backpack next to a table set up in the corner, where one of Charlie’s assistants was preparing the evening’s deliveries. “Got caught up.”

  “With Leo’s daughter, we heard.”

  Ignoring Charlie’s second hand, Finn headed over to his boss, who was looking down at the club’s bar and dance floor through the two-way mirror lining one entire wall. He’d never once seen the older man out there, even when the club was closed to do any inspections or meetings.

  “Girls are looking good tonight,” Finn commented as he came up beside him. “None as good as my girl though.”

  Charlie spared him a look out of the corner of his eye. “Your girl is the daughter of one of my clients. If your intentions are anything less than honorable, I would advise you to end your pursuits. We do not mix business with pleasure. You know this.”

  “Relax, I got this,” Finn said before he could catch himself. The glare Charlie directed at him was cold, cold enough to have the boy’s insides twisting. “I mean … I really like her, Charlie. I don’t have dishonorable intentions.” When the glare turned to amused pride, he lifted his chin. “That’s right. I know some big words.”

  “So you do.” Charlie turned away from the window. “See that your romantic pursuits don’t interfere with your work.”

  “Right, about that.” Following his boss to the desk, Finn prepared himself for his next request. He came to a stop across from where Joe sat. Thousands of dollars were spread across the smooth wood, though by now the sight was so commonplace, the teenager didn’t bat an eye. “I was thinking, maybe you could give me some bigger jobs. I mean, the runs are good and all and I appreciate the money, but I think I’m ready for more.”

  Taking a seat next to Joe and reading over a spreadsheet, Charlie didn’t look at him as he replied, “More? What kind of more?”

  “Well, like this kind of stuff.” One hand extended, gesturing to the money. It was a big job to be trusted with the club’s cash flow, one typically reserved for a select two or three. As expected, Charlie’s brow rose and his expression told Finn there wasn’t a chance in hell of that happening. “Okay, so maybe not this stuff. But you know what I mean. Something bigger. More responsibility.”

  Bundling a wad of hundreds, Joe scoffed. “You’re a kid. You can’t handle more responsibility.”

  “Yes, I can.”

  “What, in between math class and recess?”

  “Joe,” Charlie cut in before a fight could begin. To Finn he ordered, “Go. You have deliveries to make. And, maybe next year when you officially can drive more than the streets here in town, we can talk about this more you want to do.”

  Knowing better than to protest, Finn bit back a sigh and retrieved his bag from the woman in the corner. She had packed it quickly while he spoke to Charlie, and handed it over with a quick nod of acknowledgement.

  The bag secured on one shoulder, Finn left the office, not sure if he should feel hopeful or disappointed. He was tired of these runs and wanted to take on the bigger jobs now, but supposed he understood why he had to wait. Technically he shouldn’t even be allowed to drive, and only Charlie’s influence in town kept him on the road. Bigger jobs meant cops in other cities, where the pull didn’t go quite as far.

  “Fine, I’ll wait,” he muttered, taking his keys from his pocket.

  A hand gripped his shoulder, breaking Finn from his path to the Mustang. His back hit the wall before he saw who had approached. “What the fuck? What’s your problem?”

  Joe stood in front of him, fingers digging in his shoulder painfully. “You’re my problem, punk,” he replied, his voice dangerously low. His hold loosened, only to have his forearm shoved against Finn’s chest. “Let’s get one thing straight. You’re just the help. You ain’t one of us.”

  Never
one to back down, Finn set his jaw, eyes narrowed. “I bet Charlie would beg to differ.”

  “You go runnin’ to Charlie and see what happens.” They both knew the end result would be one of them bloody and on the floor—and that person wouldn’t be Finn. “I’m tellin’ you this now, so you listen good. You ain’t takin’ my place.”

  Even against the hard arm digging into his collarbone, Finn couldn’t help but grin. “What’s the matter, Joe? Feeling a little threatened?” As he knew it would, his suggestion had the other man snarling. He expected more, an attempted punch or kick, and was surprised when he was released.

  “Watch your back. We both know what happens to people who get in my way.” The threat delivered, Joe turned and stalked away, leaving the teenager staring after him, speechless.

  After a moment, Finn adjusted his shirt and left Infinity. Yes, he knew what happened to people who got in Joe’s way all too well. But he wasn’t going to let some asshole like Joe push him around. Finn had goals in life. And putting Joe in his place some day was one of them.

  The sun had long set over the horizon when Finn came to a stop outside a bright-green trailer. He had to make this quick, in and out and back to the club. Even though he hated it, he had to study for a test on Monday and prove to Charlie he’d been completing his schoolwork over the weekend. School was Charlie’s one condition for working with him. No school, no job. No diploma, no more money.

  “You quit, you get kicked out on your ass. I don’t need deadbeats working for me, ya hear?” He could still hear Charlie’s voice in his head the day he’d tried to convince the man to let him drop out.

  Shaking his head at his memory of a cocky kid and a boss who couldn’t be fooled, Finn jogged up the three steps and rapped on the door, tossing his hair out of his eyes. The sandy-blond locks had gotten long over the past six month, falling around his face in a way the women at the club said would have all eyes on him in a couple years.

  Like they aren’t already, he thought with an arrogant smirk. He was self-assured enough to know that his looks could easily be his meal ticket if he wanted them to be, all sharp angles and tan skin and panty-dropping grin, and he worked out enough to give his growing body the muscle it needed to look tough. Coupled with his leather jacket and boots, his body and looks were all he had to pride himself in.

  He sure as hell didn’t take pride in his work, even if he did enjoy a few of the perks.

  “You’re here! About damn time.” Annette Stone, one of Charlie’s most frequent customers, answered the door with an annoyed frown. She wrapped a robe around herself as she stepped into the doorway, though not before Finn caught a little flash of skin he knew was on purpose. “How much?”

  “Same price as always,” Finn answered dryly. “Three hundred even.”

  The woman sighed, tucking stringy and dull hair behind her ears. She had more wrinkles around her eyes than last time he’d made a delivery, he noticed, and had lost five pounds or so. He wondered how much time she had left.

  “I … I ain’t got three hundred. Got my shifts cut back at the store.” Those wrinkled eyes turned up to Finn, who towered over her a good six inches. Annette offered a pouty smirk, her hands dropping from the edges of her robe to reveal bare breasts and the edges of a lacy black thong. “Maybe we can work out a deal?”

  Disgust churned in his gut. It wasn’t the first time one of Charlie’s clients propositioned him in exchange for drugs—never mind the fact that he was underage—though he’d be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy the attention, or the view, from time to time. With Annette, though, he just felt sorry for the woman. “I’m not here to make a deal.”

  “You sure, honey?” Her fingers grazed her breast, just as she wetted her lips with her tongue.

  The revulsion grew until he was snarling at her. “Really? This is how low you’ve let yourself sink? Just give me the money. You know the rules. Debts have to be paid, not bartered.”

  Sucking in a sharp breath, Annette took a step back, clearly unnerved by his demand. But she recovered quickly and stomped away with a frustrated huff, returning a moment later with a wad of cash. She all but threw it at his chest, then grabbed the package in his hands. “Get out.”

  Satisfied, and all too happy to do just that, Finn started to turn, stopping at the bottom of the stairs when she called out to him.

  “My parents still talk about you, you know.” Finn turned slowly, confused. Annette was still in the doorway as she opened the package. “They meet this bratty little kid for ten minutes and suddenly they want to play hero. Sure as hell never tried to save me, their own goddamn daughter. The hell kinda charm you got?”

  “Huh?” The response was a lie. He remembered her parents, the older couple lost in the trailer park while searching for their daughter’s home. He also remembered their request, to call them if he ever needed help. “Why would your parents care about me anyway?”

  Annette shrugged, taking a quick hit. “Who knows. Couldn’t save me, maybe they figure they can save someone in this godforsaken town. Might as well be you.”

  “Yeah, okay, Annette. See you next week.” Brushing off any thought of being saved, Finn jogged back to the car and peeled out of the driveway, eager to get home, knock out a couple hours of studying, then get ready for his date with a certain black-haired beauty who finally agreed to grab dinner with him that evening.

  The drive back to the main road was quiet. Too quiet, unnerving even. Finn had learned to suppress Snow’s presence when he was on runs or discussing business at the club. He’d made the mistake of letting down his guard in the past, getting caught in the act during one of the rare times he’d taken up one of Charlie’s younger clients when she offered to “make a deal.” He wasn’t eager to relive that lecture.

  “Have some respect for yourself,” she’d chided over and over again to the sound of his sighs. “If you can’t respect yourself, then at least respect her. You think she likes being that way? You’re just helping her hate herself.”

  “Got it, Mom,” he’d replied before shutting her out.

  But he couldn’t suppress her for long without feeling empty inside. Finn had come to depend on her voice in his head, and part of him hoped she needed him as much as he needed her. There were plenty of other girls in his life, real girls he’d actually met in person, even one special girl he’d liked since he was a kid. But none of them were Snow. Good, perfect, happy Snow. If she ever decided to leave him, to end this strange friendship built upon fake names and thought-based conversation, he didn’t know what he’d do.

  He was lost in that thought when a flash of brown darted out in front of him.

  “Shit!” he cursed as he swerved to avoid the deer. The Mustang fishtailed on the wet road, the front end missing the deer but the back end swinging into a tree. He heard the crunch of metal even over the bass. It was the sound of pure dread as all feelings of being untouchable vanished thinking about what Charlie would do to him for wrecking his car.

  For a moment Finn merely sat in the car, music drowning out his unease, until finally he killed the engine and made his way to the back of the Mustang. “Damnit,” he muttered when he saw the smashed taillight, scratched metal, and dented bumper. “Of course you’re just fine,” he said to the tree.

  Letting out a groan of frustration, Finn leaned over the car, resting his head on his arms as he thought about what to do. Pay for the damages, of course. Certainly Charlie wouldn’t be pissed over something that wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t like he was speeding or drinking or anything. Just a damn deer.

  Yeah, right, he told himself. Charlie’d kill you over a scratch. This is gonna be a massacre.

  What’s up, Finn-Monster? You feel scared.

  Finn lifted his head at Snow’s voice in his mind, instantly feeling a little calmer. I’m never scared, Snow-Glow, he replied, shaking his head at himself and the ridiculous nicknames they’d come up with during one night of rare silly conversation. Just a little car accident.
/>   She was quiet for a moment, then asked, Was it a … FINNder-bender?

  Despite himself, Finn snorted, then started to laugh, nearly falling over the car as he let himself get lost in the absurd question. It felt good to laugh, something he never really did in a life surrounded by thugs and addicts. He could hear her giggling in his mind, and the thought of her trying hard to laugh in her head so he could hear just made it even funnier.

  How long you been waiting to use that one?

  Like six whole months.

  You are so lame.

  Yeah? she challenged. Well this lame girl is at the movies. With a boy. So there.

  He stiffened at that. Even though he didn’t have romantic feelings toward the strange girl in his head whom he’d never met—hell, he didn’t even know what she looked like, so it wasn’t even possible for him to be attracted to her—Finn still felt protective over her. A big brother of sorts, one who would always look out for sweet, innocent Snow-Glow.

  “Well then,” he said to himself as he got back in the car, ready to face Charlie. “We’ll just see about that.”

  Your parents let you go on a date?

  Snow smiled at Finn’s incredulous tone. Yes, she answered, deciding to leave out the little fact that she was also with six other teenagers. It was a date, as far as she was concerned, since he’d asked her to go with him, not their friends.

  You’re there all by yourself with some guy?

  Snow hesitated before replying, Is that so hard to believe? It was a cop-out answer and she knew it. But, she figured, she always had to hear about Finn’s adventures driving, getting into trouble, going out with girls, doing things she could never do. This one time, she’d make herself sound like fun too.

  No way you’re there by yourself.