The Silent Sounds of Chaos

by Kristina Circelli

  “Not in town.”

  “Are you being vague on accident or do you just not want to tell me where your new place is?”

  Now Finn paused in the act of dressing, leveling a stare over at his girl. She was standing there buck naked, arms crossed over her chest. He relented and said, “Not being vague on accident or on purpose. The new place just isn’t in town. I wanted to get farther away.”

  “Then where is it?”

  He shrugged on his jacket. “Silver City.”

  “Silver City?” she repeated. “Never heard of it.”

  “‘Cause you’ve never been out of this hellhole. There’s more to the world out there than this shit.” Before she could finish dressing, Finn pulled her in for a kiss, enjoying the way she formed to him. “Just gotta make some money, then I can bring Tommy, and maybe even move you in. To my room, of course.” He winked, getting a laugh out of the gorgeous girl next to him.

  “I think you’re still high. I stole the good stuff from my dad.”

  “So did I,” he replied with a smirk. Watching her finish getting dressed, Finn decided he was going to do just that—make a home with the only people he actually cared about.

  As though sensing his vow, Snow tugged at his mind, a silent and likely unintentional call for comfort. Finn gave in to the call as he left the office hand in hand with the girl who was now his, letting Snow’s soothing aura lead him into tomorrow.

  Dinner that night was a lively affair, filled with laughter and conversation and happiness flowing among the two families. The restaurant lived up to its posh name, with sapphire linen napkins perfectly matching earth-toned décor, and soft yellow light glowing from opaque sconces. Cushioned chairs were upholstered in soft grays, the walls a textured stone hue, with dark oak trim to bring the décor together.

  At a table toward the center of the restaurant dined two families. It had quickly become clear to Snow this wasn’t an ordinary meal, but a cause for celebration—the teenagers’ acceptance into their respective colleges, and her father’s big win at court.

  “Another scumbag brought to justice,” Hank’s father said as he raised his wine glass in a toast. “I’m happy we could be here tonight to show our respect and appreciation.”

  “And our gratitude,” the lovely woman at his side put in. She was dressed elegantly in a fitted black dress complemented by a sparkling diamond necklace. “I wish there were more people like you to fight for what’s right. I admire your courage and conviction to justice.”

  Snow listened halfheartedly. She’d heard many such praises since she came to live with her family. Everyone knew and loved her father. He worked hard to protect the innocent, and while that sometimes put him in danger from those who didn’t want the non-innocent brought to justice, his dedication to right and justness never wavered. Snow was proud of him too, even if his career was the reason why she was so afraid of strangers, and why, even now, she couldn’t let down her guard with Finn.

  Finn. She spent most of the evening thinking about him. She’d finally figured out how to turn off the emotions that had been pulsing through her earlier, but that didn’t stop her from imagining what he was doing right now. It amazed her, his life and all the things he got away with, how completely carefree he got to be. Right now, he was likely having intimate moments the likes of which she’d never experienced. Meanwhile, she was having a boring family dinner that would end in a movie with her boyfriend, a little kissing, and maybe some groping over the clothes if she wasn’t feeling too shy.

  Eventually conversation turned away from talk of politics and law, and to what the future held for the youngest at the table. Hank shared his excitement at earning a golf scholarship, spoke animatedly about business classes he looked forward to taking. When attention was focused on Snow, she found herself answering questions as vaguely as possible.

  “Maybe something in education or medicine,” was her response to what she wanted to study. “Hopefully someone a lot like me,” to an inquiry about her future roommate. The truth was, she wasn’t really excited about college. She’d be at the same school as her sister, which made the transition easier. Still, Snow was nervous about moving away from home, even if it was less than a day’s drive from the dorms to her house.

  “Are you disappointed to be going to a different school than most of your friends?”

  Snow shrugged. “I don’t have all that many friends, so not really.”

  Hank’s mother nodded as though understanding the girl’s loneliness. “Well, I hope you and Hank will be able to remain close. You may be going to different schools but I know you can find a way. You two are so adorable together.”

  Smiling, Snow allowed Hank to take her hand. Deep down, though, she wasn’t so sure they would stay that close once they both moved away for college. They’d grown close since their first date, enjoying many long talks about their futures. She liked him, there was no question about it, but it saddened her to think about having to leave yet another person behind as she grew up.

  “I’m sure these two will find a way,” her mother suggested with a teasing smile. “After all, what’s college without young love?”

  “Or just good friends,” her father quickly followed. “Let’s not get crazy here.”

  Snow laughed along with the others, though the conversation twinged at her insides and had her feeling just a little wistful. True, she was looking forward to college and everything that came with it, but it was so much change, and she was afraid of how much she would have to lose in order to gain all these new experiences, all these new friends.

  She had a friend, a best friend, one who she could only hope would come with her to college. Snow could always hear Finn, a constant quiet chatter in the back of her mind. Over the years she’d become accustomed to the sound of his thinking, a kind of wordless hum that rarely let actual words or phrases escape unless on purpose. Sometimes they let things slip accidentally, the evening’s tryst with a girl a prime example, but they were generally good about controlling their thoughts and emotions.

  Sometimes Snow wished he wasn’t quite so good at controlling himself. She was fascinated by his life and wanted to hear more about it, as much as he would let her know, anyway. She knew he dealt with some less-than-legal things, and was rather popular with the female population, but that didn’t bother her. In her mind, he was living the life only seen in movies, and, truth be told, she was a little jealous.

  She wondered, at times, if her parents were right when they brought in Miss Jenn all those years ago. Was Finn truly in her head, a figment of her imagination? An outlet of creativity for an overactive mind that wished to experience far-off adventures and mischief, but didn’t want to actually experience the consequences of said mischief? That’s what Miss Jenn said, anyway. Snow hadn’t forgotten those many visits by the child shrink, the words that made her doubt her own sanity.

  She hadn’t spoken to anyone of Finn since that first visit, but that didn’t stop the sessions. For six months she endured Miss Jenn, and now, a few months shy of her eighteenth birthday, she wondered if she needed a few more months before heading off to college. She found herself waiting for Finn’s thoughts, excited to see what kind of trouble he’d gotten into, but he’d been quiet since her invasion into his back room interlude. She’d tried connecting with him a few hours after he shut her out, but she sensed reservation in him, as though he were afraid she would see into the deepest parts of him.

  I can’t lose him, she thought miserably, staring off in the distance as her parents began reminiscing about their days in college. He’s the only real friend I have.

  Don’t worry, Snow-Glow. I ain’t going anywhere.

  IT WAS LATE by the time Snow finally unburied her nose from the textbook she’d been studying all day. She was surprised to see she was one of the last remaining students in the library. It was finals week, and she hadn’t been prepared for the amount of stress that came with it.

  Her mind raced with facts and figures, sci
entific names and numbers. All of a sudden, her goal of being a doctor didn’t seem like such a good idea anymore. She’d never doubted that she could do it, but all this studying just to get through her core classes was already starting to wear on her.

  With a sigh, Snow glanced at her watch, seeing it was nearing 1 AM. She slowly packed her things and slid out of the chair, weary bones dragging her down the stairs and out of the library. She passed a few lone students here and there on her way to the dorms, wondering as she always did when she could finally get a car and avoid these midnight walks. Her parents often lectured her on safety, and she heeded their warnings, but there was only so much studying a girl could do in a cramped dorm room with a roommate who preferred video games and late-night talk shows over homework.

  Muggy air wrapped around her as she stepped outside, clinging to her skin in a sticky breeze. Even at this late hour the bugs were out full force. Snow ignored them as she hurried down the sidewalk, her mind racing with medical terminology and names of different diseases.

  This is really boring, Snow.

  Snow paused, surprised, then laughed to herself and kept walking, eyes on the sidewalk. Sorry.

  Not that I don’t appreciate the medical education, Finn continued, but if you’re gonna interrupt what’s left of my buzz, at least include some dirty talk.

  Rolling her eyes, Snow shoved her hands in her jacket pockets and tried as she always did to picture Finn. It seemed strange to her now that they’d gone so long without revealing such personal details as their names, addresses, and even appearances. And yet, it felt natural as well, as though they were merely conversing with different aspects of their own selves.

  The hell you doing out this late anyway? Finn asked. Finally getting yourself into some trouble of the male persuasion?

  Snow huffed. Excuse me, I’m a good southern gal bred in the Bible Belt. We never kiss and tell.

  That sounds incredibly dull. Good thing I’m a bad northern boy.

  Bad enough for the both of us, she replied, then wondered if he had the same jolt of realization that they’d just shared something revealing a little piece of themselves. At his silence, she quickly asked, Why are you out this late?

  Heading home from a party.

  But you said you had a buzz. When Finn didn’t answer, Snow frowned. Finn. It’s bad enough you drink underage, but seriously, you’re driving too?

  Alone in the Mustang save for the nagging voice in his head, Finn grimaced. The girl really was killing his buzz.

  Lay off, Snow, he thought over the beat of the bass. I ain’t that bad off.

  Still, you know better than that, Finn. Be smart.

  Her words grated on his last nerve. He’d already had a rough night of out-of-the-way deliveries, his chick nagging him about how he never took her home to his place, and a phone call from Charlie that he couldn’t think about just now, not until he got back and figured out what the hell he was going to do. The last thing he needed was Snow mothering him.

  He was twenty goddamn years old. He could take care of himself.

  Sometimes he resented how sweet Snow was, so innocent and sheltered with parents who adored her and a sister who was always there when she needed her. Snow got to be the nice one, living in her perfect world, never having to worry about a damn thing except what college class to go to and what rich guy to marry after graduation.

  He didn’t have those luxuries. He didn’t always know where his next meal was coming from, or whether or not he’d be able to get Tommy a new inhaler next month. His home was broken, his family fractured, and these days all he lived for was making sure Tommy had something to eat, and, hell, was at least still alive. Work from Charlie kept his bank account in the green, but Finn was on his own now, had to be an adult. Even if being an adult meant the jobs got more dangerous and he found himself a little deeper in a world that would surely put him down a path that led six feet under.

  Angered by his own reflections, Finn searched the passenger side for the bag he’d dropped there before peeling out of his friend’s driveway. He knew there was a bottle in there somewhere. He needed a drink, something to take his mind off Charlie’s phone call and the reason why he was heading home.

  Finn? Maybe you should pull over and call a friend to bring you home so you aren’t driving drunk.

  The voice in his head interrupted his move to grab the bottle. It was like she knew every goddamn time he was doing something wrong. Snow, just shut the fuck up, okay? The words slipped in his mind before he could filter them. He could feel the hurt they caused, but was too worked up, and a little too drunk, to care. You live your perfect little life in your perfect little college and be a perfect little girl. Some of us have real life to deal with, and real life ain’t so pretty.

  It was a good minute before she responded. Okay … I’m sorry, Finn. I just … I just want you to be safe.

  Stop worrying about me. I got a mother, useless as she is. I sure as hell don’t need another one.

  I’m not trying to be your mother. There was an edge to her voice now, one he hadn’t heard before. I’m trying to be your friend. You’re my best friend whether you like it or not, so you have to put up with me telling you to stop being stupid and grow up already, got it?

  Anger seeped into his thoughts, a cold kind of hate, and for once he didn’t care if he let those feelings transfer to Snow. If that’s all you got to say, then you shut the fuck up and‒‒

  Finn, wait.

  Don’t pull that shit with me. I got something to say and‒‒

  Finn, I think I’m in trouble.

  He hesitated, hands gripping the steering wheel as he wondered if this was a trick. What do you mean?

  There’s this huge guy coming toward me and he’s holding something but I can’t tell what it is. He’s wearing a mask but I can see his arms. They’re covered in tattoos. I don’t know what to do.

  What? Worry overtook anger in a heartbeat. Where are you?

  Walking home from the library.

  In the middle of the night? He cursed inwardly to himself. Snow, tell me exactly where you are. No bullshit.

  The campus library, she replied, her words laced with panic. He’s calling to me. He knows my name. Finn, there’s another one behind me.

  His breath caught in his throat and the road in front of him tunneled. Snow, get the fuck out of there. Run. Drop everything and run as fast as you can. Scream for help.

  His heart began to race, hands trembling. With a gasp he realized he was feeling what Snow felt ‒‒ panicked, out of breath, heart pounding in tune with racing footsteps. He heard her panting breaths in his mind. His foot slammed on the brake, the car sliding to a stop in the middle of the street, the squeal of tires on pavement mixed with pumping bass rising higher than her cries.

  Finn! They’re chasing me! Finn!

  “Snow!” His shout filled the Mustang—a flustered and pointless attempt at help. He stumbled out of the car, needing to get away from the distracting music, needing to hear her, help her. In his head he heard her heavy panting as she ran, in his stomach he felt the nauseating fear.

  Run, Snow. As fast as you fucking can. Just run!

  Finn! I can’t‒‒There’re too fast!‒‒Fi‒‒

  Her words cut off, ending in a high-pitched scream that drowned out his surroundings. Finn dropped to his knees on the pavement, hands pressed to his temples. Snow! Snow, talk to me! Where are you! Can you see their faces?

  Finn! He’s got a gun!

  Where are you! he repeated, desperation shouting across his mind. Tell me something, Snow! What do they look like!

  Tattoos on his arms! Snow managed between shrieks that were starting to sound more and more muffled. Skinny guy, dark hair gelled back! Tech—

  Snow screamed, the sound filled with fear and pain and desperation. There were no more words now, only yelps and cries, gasps brought on by painful blows, screeches that brought tears to Finn’s eyes as he experienced the attack with her. He felt every pun
ch to the face, every kick to the ribs, his insides churning and clenching and pleading for escape.

  In the middle of the road, Finn rocked, the grip on his head tightening. In some far-off place he realized he was screaming too, a throaty howl that matched the wailing voice consuming his mind, despair overtaking his spirit as he realized he could do nothing but listen as his counterpart was beaten, battered, brutalized.

  And then the world went silent.

  HE DIDN’T KNOW how long he sat there in the road, rocking on his knees, whispering pleas to himself to hear her voice again. It wasn’t until a horn blasted through the early-morning air that he moved, falling back against his car. Whoever had approached wasn’t concerned enough to stop and kept driving. Finn was grateful. He wasn’t sure he could speak right now, let alone even get up off the road.

  She was gone. He could feel her absence like a shovel digging out parts of his soul. The normal dull hum of chatter was gone, replaced by the drone of frogs and crickets that surrounded him. Was she dead? Did those men, whoever they were, did they … He couldn’t even think the word, let alone fathom its reality.

  “Snow?” Finn whispered, his voice cracking. “Snow, are you there?” He sniffed, realizing hot tears had fallen down his cheeks. Quickly he wiped them away with the sleeve of his leather jacket, then dragged himself into the driver’s seat of his Mustang. For a moment he simply sat there, not knowing what to do.

  He could go to the police. And tell them what? That a girl he’d talked to in his head since he was seven was attacked? That he didn’t know her name, but she lived somewhere in the south and went to college? They’d laugh him out of the station or lock him up in the closest crazy house.

  He could go to the college himself, wherever it was. And do what? Walk down every street in every town in every Bible Belt state searching for a huge guy with tattoos on his arms and a skinny guy with dark hair? He’d get nowhere, fast.