The Heart of War: Book Seven of the What's Left of My World Series

by C. A. Rudolph

Alan lifted her chin with his finger. “You are a person of integrity, L,” he said. “You’re humble and confident and not the slightest bit arrogant. You’re reliable, take responsibility for your actions, and admit when you’re wrong. You put others before you and make conscious choices to help those in need, placing their needs before your own. You offer the benefit of the doubt, even to those who might not deserve it. You respect others without expecting the same in return. And above all things, you choose honesty and kindness. The collapse of society has flipped humanity on its fundamental axis. Good people have been placed into positions of doing bad things in the name of survival and self-preservation, and in the face of that, you’ve remained true to yourself. You haven’t lowered yourself to any lesser standard; you’ve risen above and even created your own.

  “This…heart-of-war business, I never knew such a thing existed, but after hearing what Woo Tang said about it, I can see it now, and I see it in you. I can feel it just standing here. But I know you’ll figure it out. You’ll gain control of it and keep that control because your integrity won’t allow you to fail. I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, but I take pride seeing how you conduct yourself, how you are with people, with your family, and with me. And I’m damn proud to call you mine.” A pause. “Come home, L. Let’s talk this out and find a better way of fixing what’s broken.”

  Lauren wiped away some tears and gazed thoughtfully into her father’s eyes. “You called me ‘L’.”

  “I did?”

  She nodded. “Twice. I’ve waited sooo long to hear you say it.” She wrapped her arms around his waistline. “Mom will undoubtedly read you the riot act, but you were right to come. I wasn’t going to go home until I saw you.”

  Alan embraced Lauren tightly and kissed the top of her head. “So, I did good, then? You’ve made up your mind?”

  “Yeah, I think I have.”

  “Maybe I can help you solidify the decision.” Alan smirked humbly. “Grace is awake. And she’s asking for you.”

  “What?!” Lauren pulled away, excited and dumbstruck. “She is? She’s okay?”

  “She’s fine. And the baby’s heartbeat is strong, so the word is, he or she is, too.”

  Lauren’s eyes welled up again, but she did not cry. She walked side by side with Alan away from the DHS vehicle, passing by Jade, who stood sentry at the road’s edge.

  “Need a lift?” Alan called to her.

  Jade shook her head. “No, thanks. I think I have that covered,” she said, gesturing to the truck. “Someone has to secure and transport all that hardware out of here. Might as well be me.”

  Alan shrugged and reached for Lauren’s hand. “Suit yourself.”

  “Dad—if you don’t mind,” she began, “I’d like to ride with her. I mean, if that’s okay.”

  Jade looked confused but offered no dispute.

  After some deliberation, Alan gave in. “You two stay out of trouble. See you both at home.”

  Lauren kissed her father and watched him trudge away through the moonlit darkness, then regarded her compatriot. “I don’t know why you felt the need to be here, Jade. But thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. Though, it might’ve had something to do with the two duffel bags of weaponry you appropriated.”

  Lauren looked away innocently. “I was going to bring them back.”

  “That’s good,” Jade said. “Had you not, the property owner would not have been pleased. Aside from that, our instructions were to retrieve you, and I wasn’t about to let you out of my sight without ensuring that.”

  Lauren wiped her nose. “I get it. And I’m glad all of you came. I’m starting to think there might be something seriously wrong with me and that I’m in urgent need of some help.”

  “Help?”

  “You were here, you must’ve heard what Jae said to me,” Lauren explained. “I never knew such a thing existed…but I think he pegged me good this time.” She looked to Jade. “How do you control yours?”

  Jade drew her brows in. “My…”

  Lauren jutted her thumb to the center of her chest.

  “Oh, that.” Jade smiled uncomfortably. “The heart-of-war thing? I don’t know. I guess I never knew I had one until now.”

  “I think you do. And I think you know how to control yours, while I obviously don’t.”

  “What are you asking me, Lauren?”

  “I need help, Jade,” Lauren said. “I’m scared…scared of me. And I just need a little help.”

  Jade’s expression softened in an instant. She placed both hands on Lauren’s shoulders. “Listen, okay? I’m no role model. When it comes to leading by example, I’m not the one you want to follow. But I’ll do what I can. I won’t turn my back on you.” Her eyes narrowed. “There’s a caveat, though—a big one. I’m not fond of arrangements that go one way and not the other. If you want my help, you’re going to have to give a little. It has to go both ways, Lauren. You have to be all-in if you want the same from me. You can confide in me and ask me anything you want—within reason, and I’ll do whatever I can to help you through this. But if you’re not one hundred percent open with me in return, the deal’s off.”

  Lauren attempted a smile. “Sounds fair. Thank you.”

  Jade ushered Lauren to the SUV’s passenger side, then circled the front and took the driver’s seat, where Lauren handed her the keys. She started the ignition and said, “Lauren, you should know, not all wars are waged on battlefields. Most battles are fought and won on a single square foot of real estate: the human mind. And the spotlight isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Sometimes, it’s better to fight in the shade.”

  Chapter 43

  His daughter safely home and his family reunited once again, Alan twisted the handle to his front door and tiptoed inside to face one last encumbering obligation. There, he found Sarah and Bryan Taylor seated on the couch in his living room. Sarah looked distraught, as though she’d been weeping for days, but a gratifying smile now dominated her face. Her stare was bonded to her freshly returned daughter, Emily, who was planted on the hardwood floor, engrossed in a game of Candyland.

  The family’s recliner to his right was tilted as far back as it would go. Michelle was plastered to it, fast asleep with her mouth agape and her arms draped limply over the armrests. Not wanting to chance waking her, Alan only motioned in her direction so the Taylors could perceive.

  “She crashed hard about an hour or so ago,” whispered Bryan. “She brought Em to the house and surprised the bejesus out of us. But she looked ready to collapse, so we gave her ride home.”

  “It was the least we could do.” Sarah rose from the couch and went to Alan, curling both arms around his neck. “It’s good to see you. Did Lauren make it home okay?” she asked in a voice rattled and shaky.

  Alan nodded, accepting her hug while staying fixated on his snoozing wife. “Yeah, we got her. She rode with Jade, probably stopped at the Vincents’ to check in on Grace.”

  “That’s good news…no, sorry, I mean that’s great news.” Sarah pulled away and sniffled. “We don’t really know any of the details, but we heard most of what happened. When she comes home, please tell her thank you for me and that I owe her my life. What she did for Emily…and for us can never be repaid.”

  “I’ll tell her as soon as I see her again.”

  Sarah crooned her gratitude. “Well, you’re home now, and we won’t keep you. We didn’t want to leave Michelle alone, as tired as she was. It just didn’t seem right.” She started to clean up the board game until Alan told her doing so wasn’t necessary, then gathered Emily and waited for Bryan at the door, where the trio bade Alan adieu.

  Alan tidied up and then cautiously went to his wife, placing a soft kiss on her forehead. As his lips touched her skin, Michelle’s eyes flew open in an instant, giving him a start. “Jesus!”

  “I could’ve sworn I told you to stay put,” she muttered, having gone from sound asleep to fully awake in a matter of seconds. “I get that I’m more
tired now than ever before in my life, but was I hallucinating when that happened?”

  Alan sighed. “No, you weren’t. That’s pretty much what you told me.”

  “Pretty much. But you snubbed me. You went against me and did your own thing. You snuck away when I wasn’t looking, like some rebellious teenager.”

  He nodded, not attempting in any way to hide his guilt.

  “You know, Alan, you’re really becoming more and more like your old self as each day passes. You never listened to a single word I said then. And here you are, doing it again.” Michelle sat up and gazed around the room. “Where is she?”

  “She’s with Jade. Back home by now. Most likely with Grace. I’m sure she’ll be strolling through that door before long.”

  “I wouldn’t bet on it,” Michelle hissed. “Of the two of you, I don’t know who tests my patience more.”

  “I know. And I’m sorry, Michelle. But I couldn’t bear the thought of Lauren in the danger she was in. I saw this place, I witnessed what these people do and what they’re capable of with my own eyes. They want a war with us, and I will not bury any of my girls on behalf of it. I know it’s rough dealing with me; it’s rough dealing with myself. Every day I wake up with the whole new set of secrets, parts of me I never knew existed.”

  Michelle melted onto the floor, pulling Alan down along with her, where the two sat cross-legged and face-to-face. She wanted to be angry with him, but disgust was the best she could do for now. “It’s okay,” she said, touching his face. “I’m in this for the long haul. I wouldn’t’ve waited for you if not.” She looked away, feeling now an internal pull and a sense of guilt for suppressing information. “I feel the same way you do about them, that camp and those people. If it weren’t for them, we wouldn’t be here. They scared us, Alan. They drove up to your parents’ home and threatened us in one of those big armored trucks, all of them wearing SWAT gear and carrying the same guns they made illegal for any of us to have. I don’t want there ever to be any secrets between us. Yours are related to memory loss, and I get that, but before anything else happens or things get any worse, there’s something I have to tell you. Something you need to know.”

  Alan didn’t say anything.

  “You asked me a question that I never answered. I should have, but I held back; then all the crazy shit started happening, and it just sort of got misplaced.” She looked hard at him as her lips trembled. “That FEMA camp. The one you saw on your way here…”

  “What about it?”

  Michelle bit her lip. “Your parents are there.”

  Dr. Jim Vincent answered the door, immediately backing away when he saw who his visitor was. Holding up both hands, he withdrew, palms outward in a gesture of surrender as would a victim of a robbery in progress. “Oh, dammit…it’s you…again,” he said, his British accent rattled as ever. “You wouldn’t happen to have a gun on your person, as you had the last time we met in this fashion, would you? I…don’t think my heart could handle another episode like that.”

  Lauren sent along her best attempt at a deescalating smile. “I do. I rarely go anywhere without one—but don’t worry, I’ll behave this time. I have a noble reason for being here.”

  He listened to her explanation intently but looked unsure. “Well, I see. That being the case, I would very much prefer if you would relocate your artillery elsewhere. I’m not sure I feel comfortable having you in my home while armed to the teeth.”

  “Dr. Vincent,” Lauren began softly, “I came to see my sister. I don’t plan on leaving until I do.”

  The doctor fidgeted and rolled his eyes. “And where is your…cannon at the moment?”

  Lauren lifted her shirt, exposing her waist and the Glock handgun nestled inside her waistband beneath her bellybutton.

  “Oh my,” he reacted, rotating his head slowly back and forth. “It isn’t uncomfortable sporting it like so?”

  “I barely notice it.”

  “And will it stay there…tucked in your britches…for the duration of your visit?”

  “Of course.”

  “Might I have your word of honor on that?”

  Lauren provided the good doctor with additional verbal bolstering to set his mind at ease, though it didn’t seem to do much good.

  “Very well.” Still displaying reluctance, he motioned for her to follow.

  Lauren stepped inside, pulled the front door closed, and tracked him across a room of ancient pine flooring to the farmhouse’s narrow staircase. They ascended, every wooden stair reporting each footstep with a squeak, then proceeded down the hall to the last door on the right.

  Dr. Vincent knocked softly on the door before cracking it open, whispered inside, then shepherded Lauren in, the whole time watching her like a hawk. “And, ma’am, try to keep your visit short and sweet, if you would, please. She—or rather, your sister does need her rest.”

  Lauren nodded. “You bet.”

  Saying no more, the doctor smiled ineptly and crept out, securing the door.

  Lauren strode to the bed, her eyes brimming at seeing her sister stare back at her.

  Grace’s lips pouted their way into a smile. “Well, it’s about fucking time. Where the hell have you been? I’ve been worried sick.”

  “I’ve been…around. How are you feeling?” Lauren reached for Grace’s hand.

  “All things considered? I don’t know…out of my skin, a little otherworldly…but very, very happy now that things are relatively back to normal.” Grace rolled her eyes. “Except they’re not, really. I’m still not allowed to go home yet, for whatever reason, which is pretty damn stupid, if you ask me.”

  “They’re only doing what’s best for you and the baby, and they’ve done a decent job so far.”

  “That’s debatable.”

  “I’m not so sure,” said Lauren. “You’re alive and well, conscious, and your baby’s doing well.”

  “You’re one to talk about ‘alive and well’, out there risking your life and doing crazy shit all over again.” Grace curled her lips in contrived disgust. “I mean, seriously, Lauren. What the flaming Norah is wrong with you?”

  Lauren looked away. “A little bit of everything, I guess.”

  Grace squeezed her sister’s hand. “I’m kidding. Nothing’s wrong with you,” she said, now becoming unusually sentimental. “In fact, as near as I can figure, every damn thing about you is right as rain. In top form. Fighting fit.”

  Lauren beamed at her, though not feeling the same.

  “You did it again, you know. I don’t know how, but you did. You braved the odds. You grabbed some guns, went out there, and saved those girls.” Grace’s lower lip trembled. “And you saved my Christian, too. They were all completely screwed, and you just…saved them, the way you always do. You took a stand, made the choice to do something, and went after them. You’ve done this already so many times before, and you did it again—God, Lauren! Do you have any plausible concept as to how magnificent you are? You’re a first-class ticket…the best sister I could ever wish for.”

  Lauren’s lips quivered. “I don’t think I would go that far.”

  “Nuh-uh—let me talk, please. Remember my pickle? Pregnant, emotional, a little psychotic and cuckoo? I’m dangerous. I could snap and go off my rocker at any time. It’s Grace, remember?”

  “I remember.”

  “Good. Best you don’t forget it,” Grace said. “I don’t know how you did it, and I don’t want to know. You just have this…way about you. If it weren’t for you, so many people would be lost, myself included. But you know how to fix things, how to get things done. When bad stuff happens, you step up, rise to the occasion, and play the hero. And I love you for that. I love you so much, Lauren. I don’t know how I ever lucked out to be worthy enough to have a sister like you. Thank you so much for bringing Christian back.”

  A tear slipped out of Lauren’s eye. “If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t have found anyone. I can’t take all the credit.”

  “And if
it weren’t for you being who you are and knowing what you know, those girls would’ve never made it home. You don’t have to take credit, just know that I’m proud of you and eternally thankful.” A pause. “Christian told me what you did. He said you spared one of the agents. Can you tell me why?”

  “Because he spared me.”

  “Why the hell did he do that?”

  Lauren chuckled. “I think he was having second thoughts about the path his life was taking.”

  “Uh-huh, I get that,” said Grace. “I think that happens to a lot of us.” She paused, frowning. “I’m really sorry about John. I’m sorry about Norman, too. They were family, and you and John always had something special, even when you were young. That couldn’t have been easy on you.”

  Lauren rolled her lips together. “It wasn’t, and isn’t. I love him and still do. I always will.”

  “I understand fully. It felt like I was losing my mind while Christian was gone. When I saw his face again, it was like getting my life back.” Grace squeezed Lauren’s hand again. “I’m not saying you’ll get yours back…I’m not saying yours is gone either, or that you lost it, or don’t have one—fuck. I don’t know what the hell I’m trying to say. I’m trying to commiserate here and doing a shit job of it.”

  Lauren giggled. “It’s okay, Grace. We’re together, both awake and alive, and the baby’s okay. You’re going to be a mom soon; Christian’s going to be a dad—”

  “And Alan and Michelle are going to be grandparents,” Grace muttered, seemingly unamused. “Imagine what that’ll be like. I know you’re not allowed to stay long, the RAs in this dorm suck, and visiting hours are bullshit. I should be coming home in a few days; then again, who knows? I’ve been hearing rumors that we’re all evacuating. What do you know about it?”

  “Don’t worry about that. We’ll figure it out. Doesn’t matter where we are or where we go. We’re family. A strong one.”

  “Some of us are way stronger than others,” Grace said. “I’m really glad you didn’t go too far with what you were planning to do.”