ZAAN (Sidewinders: Generations Book 1)

by Kat Mizera

  “Jesus, Lexi. I thought you were going to fight that?”

  “I am, but there’s no guarantee I’ll win, and we have to be prepared. I don’t want to keep blindsiding you, especially since you’ll probably be in the playoffs in May. I want you to be prepared so I don’t mess with your head during a critical time of the season.”

  “It sounds like you’ve already resigned yourself to going back to Special Kay.” I scowled at her.

  She scowled back. “Not hardly, but I’m trying to be realistic. I don’t know that I can get out of my contract and we both have to be ready to be apart for longer than we’re anticipating.”

  I let out a huff. “You say that like it’s no big deal, like you don’t even care that we’re going right back down the same road we went down four years ago.”

  “I can’t help it!” she yelled, throwing up her hands. “What do you want me to do? I love you, but I have responsibilities.”

  “If you’d let me help you, maybe we could fix some of this!” I shot back.

  “It’s not that simple.” We were glaring at each other and she pointed a finger at me. “Stop it, okay? Why do we keep having this conversation? I have a career too, and as much as I want to share my life with you, you can’t make me choose, just like I don’t ask you to choose.”

  “Who’s asking you to choose? You want to play with the guys from Pretty Harts and I’m offering to help you get there sooner! I’m not the bad guy here, Lexi.”

  “There are no bad guys in this—that’s my point. I’m so sick of arguing about this. I just want to enjoy the time we have left before I leave. I’m going to get enough bullshit when I’m on tour, so can we not fucking fight about this? Is that too much to ask?”

  Her eyes were flashing and her chest rose and fell with each subsequent breath, her pretty mouth pursed in annoyance. For some reason, all I could think about was fucking her senseless. Anything to stop our bickering, but also because she was beautiful when she was mad.

  I yanked her against me, fisting her hair and driving my tongue into her mouth without warning. For some crazy reason, arguing with her tonight had gotten me hard as fuck, like she’d flipped some kind of erection switch. I palmed her ass and then yanked down the little boy shorts she wore.

  “Zaan—”

  “Shut up. You don’t want to fight? Fine. Then we’re gonna fuck.” I held her with one arm, my mouth hovering over hers, as I slid down my own shorts. Her eyes glittered with lust as they followed my movements, her breath quickening in anticipation. I picked her up, put her on the counter facing away from me, and drove into her with one smooth stroke. She was so wet, there was no doubt fighting turned her on too. Her feet didn’t quite reach the ground in this position, leaving her completely at my mercy. I pulled her back by the hips and adjusted the angle of my cock, taking her with deep, measured thrusts that had her squirming with need. I brought my hand down on her ass, leaving a pale red mark on one of her sweet cheeks, and then did it again on the other side.

  Her pussy clenched around me each time I hit her, making my cock pulse and my swats get harder.

  “Every time you pick a fight with me,” I growled, “I’m going to spank your ass red.”

  “Oof!” She let out a little yelp as I increased the pressure of my hand.

  I eased up, running my hand over the reddening skin, as I continued to fuck her like I owned her. Maybe I did, because it sure felt like it right now.

  “You interested in having me fuck your ass like I’m fucking your pussy right now?” I asked, fisting her hair again and lifting her head a little.

  “Y-yes.” She was panting.

  I slid my hand between her legs and coated my finger with her juices. Then I spread her cheeks and ran my finger over the puckered little hole at the back. “You ready for my finger?”

  “Oh my god.” She sucked in an anxious breath so I held back, stroking in and out of her pussy a few more times until she relaxed. Then I slid the tip of my finger into her ass, waiting for her to adjust.

  “Oh shit.”

  “Just breathe,” I whispered, pressing soft kisses down the middle of her back. I pushed my finger in a little more, until she whimpered. “Does it hurt?”

  “More uncomfortable than pain.”

  “You’ll need to start wearing a plug if you want to do more than this.” As we talked, I slid my finger the rest of the way inside of her, applying a little extra pressure with my cock.

  “Holy fuck, I feel so full,” she gasped.

  “Uh-huh.” I pulled out and then slammed back in with my cock, leaving my finger where it was.

  “More,” she pleaded. “Harder.”

  I mimicked the rhythm of my cock with my finger, watching as she started rocking her ass back against it, anxious for more. Anal wasn’t my favorite, but she wanted it and damn if it wasn’t hotter than hell watching her ride my cock while simultaneous humping my finger with her ass. I increased pressure, curving the finger inside of her, testing out which motions made her squirm, until her body suddenly tensed and the scream that escaped her was primal. She bucked against me, her pussy convulsing around my cock and sending me right over the edge behind her. For a few seconds, everything went black, shockwaves of ecstasy rocking me into another world. Making her come was always amazing, but doing it this way was even better, and based on the sounds she was making, this was way more intense than anything else we’d done.

  “Oh my god.” She collapsed against the counter and I collapsed against her. Neither of us moved, our hearts hammering. I pressed soft kisses along her shoulders, licking traces of salty sweat.

  “God, you’re fucking gorgeous,” I whispered.

  “That was fucking hot.”

  “Yeah, it was.” I tried to move but she made a tiny sound of distress, turning her head from side to side.

  “No, please, not yet.”

  “Easy.” I slid her down until her feet hit the floor and finally removed my finger. “I’m right here.”

  “Zaan.” She straightened as I pulled out of her sweet little sheath and then she turned, crooking her finger at me.

  I leaned closer and she kissed me, slow and sexy, her tongue stroking mine. “You always have to kiss me at least once when you fuck me,” she whispered as she drew back.

  I smiled. “Then I always will.”

  “Don’t forget it, either.”

  “Promise. Now, let’s go get cleaned up and then we can eat.”

  “Okay.” She followed me into the bathroom and we got into the shower. She moved into my arms and rested her head on my chest. “I’m sorry we fought. Again.”

  “Me too.”

  We stood there in silence, the water sluicing over us, her head against my chest, my arms wrapped around her slender body. Why was it so easy to be together like this but so hard the minute we stepped out into the real world?

  “I didn’t hurt you, did I?” I asked after a bit. “I don’t know what came over me.”

  She shook her head. “No. It was hot. Hotter than hot. Everything new we try is hotter than the last thing. I can’t even imagine what’s next.”

  “I’ll have to get creative.”

  “I’m really looking forward to that.” She sighed suddenly. “I hate when we fight. I hope you believe I don’t want to go, that leaving you for the next two months is going to gut me.”

  “Then why are you doing it?”

  “Because I have to. I don’t want to be the diva who quits when things don’t go her way. Please try to understand… This is about my pride and reputation and living up to my responsibilities. My mother barely let me breathe on my own when I was growing up, and then when I had cancer, she became a lunatic. She did my homework for me when I was in the hospital…even though I could have done it most of the time. Now that I’m an adult, I’m perfectly capable of handling my career. I’m a professional and I have to take care of this the right way, so everyone knows that I work hard, and don’t need my mother or my boyfriend or anyone e
lse to fight my battles for me. Please, Zaan. Please say you understand.”

  “I do.” I leaned in to kiss her, as lovingly as I knew how. Because I didn’t understand at all, but because I loved her, I had to try. If this was different, where the situation in Special Kay was just boring, or there was some other reason she hated it, I wouldn’t keep pushing this. But I was worried about her. Her safety, her state of mind, the really important things that should outweigh her professional responsibilities. Somehow, there was a disconnect between us when it came to this topic, and maybe that was my fault. I had to find a way to try harder, communicate better. Something. Because I loved her too much to give up.

  17

  Lexi

  The Sidewinders lost the next night and it was ugly. They were shut out, 7-0, and Zaan racked up more penalty minutes than he had the entire regular season. He was in the box four times, a record for him, and I had a feeling he was going to get reamed by Coach Wylde. I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to behave after a night like this, and such a bad loss, so I kept things casual when we got home.

  “Are you hungry?” I asked him, leaning against the doorway of the walk-in closet as he changed.

  “No.” He threw his clothes in the hamper and didn’t bother picking them up when they toppled off the side and onto the floor. He brushed past me, heading to the dresser to get a pair of shorts, so I picked up the clothes from the floor before following him.

  “You want a drink?” I asked, opting not to let it bother me.

  “Nothing, thanks.” He went into the bathroom and shut the door, a definitive sign that I was bugging him.

  Yikes.

  Since I didn’t want to annoy him, I padded back out to the living room and sat on the couch. I absently checked my phone for messages. There was one from Tyler that I hadn’t noticed until now since I’d been at the game.

  TYLER: Stu is in L.A. and willing to meet with us. Bash and I could drive up and Casey said she’d join us by video. What’s your availability?

  LEXI: I get to L.A. on Sunday afternoon and we start rehearsals for the tour Monday, so basically all I’ve got is late Sunday afternoon and evening.

  TYLER: I’ll set it up!

  LEXI: Any word from Ford?

  TYLER: Not yet, but I’m sure he’ll at least be willing to talk to us.

  LEXI: Keep me posted.

  I put my phone away as Zaan came out and I made room for him on the couch. He slid in next to me, putting an arm around my shoulders.

  “You doing okay?” I asked quietly.

  Zaan nodded. “Yeah. It was a rough night, but I’ll be okay. Sorry if I seem moody. I hate losing like this.”

  “I understand.”

  “You want to go to bed?” He seemed tired as he got to his feet. He hesitated and then reached out a hand to me. I took it after I turned off the lamp next to the couch, and let him lead me into the bedroom.

  He shut the door and then leaned against it, closing his eyes. The frustration seeping out of him was almost tangible and I slowly ran a hand along his chest.

  “Oh, honey, what can I do?” I asked softly.

  “Nothing.” He spoke just as quietly, though his eyes remained closed and he didn’t move. “Just love me.”

  “That goes without saying.” I leaned against his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. “I don’t know what you need from me, but if you’ll just tell me, I’ll give it to you.”

  “I don’t need anything.” His arms closed around me. “Except to hold you and make love to you and lose myself in you.”

  “Oh, well, that’s easy.” I leaned up on my toes, kissing him lightly. “Let’s go to bed.”

  Zaan and I were both up early Sunday morning. He wasn’t leaving until later in the day, but I had to be at the airport by eleven for my noon flight, so we wanted to spend a couple of hours together before I left.

  “I was checking out your itinerary,” he told me as we cuddled on the couch, having coffee. “You’re going to be in Winnipeg in a few weeks. My parents want to meet you.”

  “You want me to meet your parents without you there?” I asked, blinking at him in surprise.

  He paused. “Well, yeah. Don’t you want to?”

  “I do, but I thought…” My voice trailed off and I wrinkled my nose. “I’m going to feel super awkward.”

  “We’ve been together on and off for four years. They’ve heard so much about you and my mom is a huge Special Kay fan, even though she now knows how awful the other girls are.”

  “If they want to come to the show, I’m happy to get them tickets and invite them backstage but I won’t have a lot of time, you know?”

  “They understand that, but when I skimmed your itinerary and saw you were going to be in Winnipeg, I asked my mom if she wanted to go to the show and she immediately said she wanted to meet you.”

  “Well, then, of course I will.” I nodded.

  “I checked to see if we were going to be in the same place at the same time and it doesn’t look like it.”

  “But I’ll be back in Vegas next weekend, and you’ll just be back from this trip, which means we’ll have one night together. You don’t have a game either, so I’m hoping you’ll be backstage with me before and after the show.”

  “Of course. I’ll be anywhere you need me to be.”

  “Hopefully, this will be over quickly and I’ll be home before we know it.”

  “I hope so.”

  “I was thinking that if I absolutely have to do the other album with them, I’ll tell them we have to record this summer, it has to be done before hockey season starts, so you can be with me.”

  He hesitated longer than I would have liked but finally nodded. “Yeah, I guess we can do that.”

  “Why don’t you look happy?”

  “Because the last thing I want to do is spend my summer in the studio with those bitches from Special Kay. I’d be with you, but you’d be working and it doesn’t sound like any fun at all.”

  I sighed. “I’m sorry. I guess you don’t have to come.”

  “Where would you record? In L.A.?”

  “Probably. That’s where we did the last two albums. The good news is, we’re usually in and out of the studio in six weeks. They like getting us back out on the road, so the breaks to record are as short as possible.”

  “But then you’d have to do another tour to support the album?”

  “I don’t know. Tawdra and I are working on a plan to get out of it, but I don’t know what’s going to happen.”

  It seemed like he wanted to say something, but he didn’t, instead nuzzling the side of my face. “I’m going to miss you,” was all he said when he finally responded.

  “The tour will be over before we know it.”

  “I hope so,” he said softly. “I really fucking hope so.”

  Tyler and Bash had driven to L.A. so they picked me up from the airport and we went straight to the house Stu was renting in Toluca Lake. Though I’d been sad to leave Zaan, and there had been a weird vibe between us when he’d dropped me off, I was excited to meet Stu and see if this project was going to get off the ground. Things were on track, but with Casey having a shortened timeline because of her pregnancy and me not having any time at all right now, it could get complicated. Especially if we were bringing in someone like Stu.

  The house he was renting was more like a bungalow, a one-story building on a small lot in what seemed to be a quiet, residential neighborhood. Tyler knocked and the door was opened almost immediately by a tall, dark-haired man with a goatee. He smiled and promptly shook Tyler’s hand.

  “Hallo, mate. Good ta see ya.” His Scottish accent was thick and his eyes gleamed with intensity.

  Tyler introduced Bash and me, and we made our way through the house and out back to a small patio by a pool. He brought out a pitcher of ice water and offered us beer, but we all declined as we settled in.

  “I spoke with Casey earlier,” he told us, “and I told her I’d get her
on video once you got here. Jayson won’t be joining us today, but she said he’s on board if we decide to do this.”

  “Excellent.” Tyler nodded.

  “And Ford’s on his way over as well. He was in L.A. and I reached out when you said you’d spoken with him.”

  “Perfect.” Bash nodded. “It should be a productive meeting, one way or another.”

  Stu got up when the doorbell rang and five minutes later everyone had met and we had Casey on the screen of Stu’s laptop. She talked about everything we’d discussed so far, the plans for a cover album, etc., and we batted around a few ideas to get a feel for what direction everyone was leaning musically.

  “It sounds like we’re on the same page,” Casey said a while later. “So the question is, do you all want to do this and should I get the ball rolling for studio time? As you know, I get a little more pregnant every day.”

  “I’m in,” Ford said immediately.

  “You know I’m in,” I said, grinning at Tyler and Bash.

  “Me too.” Tyler nodded.

  “And me.” Bash leaned back in his chair.

  “I’m interested,” Stu said slowly, “but I need to be sure you’re all prepared for potential backlash. I’m not a popular man in the industry right now.”

  “We’ve all made mistakes,” Tyler said quietly. “You served your sentence and now it’s time for you to get on with your life. If any of us had a problem with your past, we wouldn’t have set up this meeting.”

  Stu glanced around at all of us. “As long as everyone understands that I won’t talk about the accident anymore. I talked about it during the trial and I did some interviews when I got out of prison, but it’s behind me now, so when and if the press comes sniffing around, I won’t talk about it. Ever. It’s not negotiable. I don’t want to get to a point where we’ve had some hits and good things are happening and you’re all ambushed or questioned about how you feel working with me. Shit like that.”

  “Those questions will come up early on,” Casey said. “It’s inevitable and we can’t ignore them. However, I’ll be happy to make a statement about how your debt to society has been paid and that it’s a non-issue. We’ll all have a boilerplate response and when they realize they won’t get anything more from us, they’ll move on. Is that acceptable?”