ZAAN (Sidewinders: Generations Book 1)

by Kat Mizera

  Stu nodded, though his mouth tightened a little.

  The conversation seemed stressful to him so I carefully changed the subject. “For me, the biggest issue is this damn tour coming up with Special Kay. Nine weeks of hell before I’m free to do anything.”

  “Here’s what I was thinking,” Casey said. “While you’re gone, I’ll get all of my guitar tracks done for the songs I’m doing. If Stu and Ford want to come out to Vegas and play with me, we can arrange that. Tyler and Bash can do their rhythm tracks as well. By the time you’re done with your tour, Lexi, you won’t have anything to do but come straight home and record the vocals, both your own and the duets with Jayson. It’ll be a little tricky for us to record some of the tracks separately, but I think we can make it work in postproduction. Lexi’s only gone for eight or nine weeks, so by late May she should be back in Vegas and we can decide then if we’ve got what we need or if we need to redo some of the music.”

  “I’m sorry I’m going to be your problem child,” I said ruefully. “I tried to get out of this damn contract but the label and band weren’t budging.”

  “It’s eight weeks,” Tyler said. “And I’ll come be your personal groupie for as many shows as I can get to.”

  “You two have a thing?” Stu asked, frowning slightly. “I thought Lexi and Bash were dating?”

  I groaned and quickly set him straight. All I needed was for someone to say something like that publicly. Zaan would probably lose his mind.

  18

  Zaan

  I played like hell on that road trip. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t do anything right on the ice. By the time we were on the flight back to Vegas, I needed my head examined. At the rate I was going, I was going to get traded or sent down to the minors, neither of which would be a good thing. Lexi was having a rough week too, and every time we talked, it was like a contest to see who was more miserable. In fact, we hadn’t spoken at all last night. She’d texted me to say she was tired and going to bed, and I hadn’t pushed it.

  A group of us settled in our seats at the back of the team plane, gearing up for a game of poker.

  “You and Everly going on vacation?” I asked Ian as he dealt the first hand, referring to his fiancée.

  Ian shook his head. “Not until the honeymoon. After the wedding, we’re going to spend three weeks driving around Europe. France, Germany, Switzerland and Holland.”

  “Sounds fantastic,” I said. “I’m looking forward to the wedding. I need to remember to mention it to Lexi. She’s got this new project happening with Pretty Harts, so I don’t know what her schedule is going to be once she’s done with Special Kay.” She’d said something about them trying to get the album done quickly, because Casey was pregnant, but I hadn’t paid attention to the details and realized I needed to.

  “Make sure you book your room at the hotel,” Ian said. “The castle will be overflowing with guests and we’ve booked blocks at two different hotels, but you’ll want to be at the one in the hotel where we’re getting married since you’re in the wedding party.”

  I nodded. “Absolutely.”

  “So…I was thinking about asking Margot to be my date,” Tore said quietly, eyes on his cards.

  He said it so quietly, it didn’t seem like anyone else heard him, but I did and I turned to him quizzically. “Who?”

  “Margot. Everly’s maid of honor.” He looked distinctly uncomfortable, not meeting any of our gazes as he concentrated on the cards in his hand.

  “Are you…dating?” I asked in surprise. Margot was a single mom with a four-year-old. She and her daughter had moved in with Ian and Everly, but I didn’t know any details beyond that.

  Tore shook his head. “No. We’re like best friends; we hang out all the time and stuff. I’m interested, but she friend-zoned me right off the bat. I don’t know if it’s because she doesn’t like me, or because she’s been burned too many times. I don’t think many guys our age want a woman who has a kid.”

  “Do you?” I countered.

  “Do I what?” he asked.

  “Want a woman with a kid.”

  “I…don’t know.” He gave a little shrug. “I mean, she’s awesome. Pretty and funny and smart. She’s a great mom and Gracie is a sweet kid. We’re buddies and I’m teaching her to ice-skate. I don’t know if I’m the kind of guy to be anyone’s dad, though, you know?”

  “How come?”

  “I don’t know. I guess I never thought about it.” He scratched his chin. “What do you guys think? Am I dad material?”

  Ian cocked his head. “You’re a good guy and definitely dad material, but it’s more about you and Margot. Like you said, she’s been through a lot. Don’t start something just to get laid. You’re also on the rebound, so you need to decide if you’re ready to move on to something that serious.”

  “That’s the problem,” Tore said with a sigh. “I don’t know. I thought Jen was it, that we were gonna get married and all that. When she changed her mind, it really threw me, and I guess I’m kinda nervous about starting over with someone else.”

  “Margot isn’t Jen,” Ian said gently. “She’s a great girl. I adore her. She deserves a man who’s all in, not someone testing the waters again after a bad breakup.”

  “So I shouldn’t ask her to be my date to the wedding?”

  “I don’t think one date would hurt anything,” I cut in slowly. “You’re already friends, you’re already both going to be there. Why not test out the waters with one date? Nothing more beyond that, and if it’s awkward or doesn’t feel right, you can leave it alone, but why wouldn’t you try if you really like her?”

  “I’m with Zaan,” Dax said. “I think you should ask her.”

  “I agree,” Royce added. “Ask her.”

  Tore turned to Nate. “What’s your vote?”

  “Ask her.” Nate grinned.

  We all laughed as Tore nodded. “Okay, I guess it’s unanimous.”

  “I wish all of life’s problems were this easily solved,” I said with a chuckle.

  “How’s things with Lexi?” Ian asked as he dealt the next hand.

  “Good. She’s on tour now, finishing her obligations with Special Kay and then there’s this Pretty Harts project, which is super exciting for her, but I don’t know when I’m going to see her. She’s got a ton of shit going on.”

  “Sounds familiar,” Tore said gently. “Be careful with that, bro. Last time you gave her wings, she flew away.”

  “But she came back,” I protested.

  “I think it’s going to be hard to have a relationship with someone who’s gone all the time,” he said. “It wouldn’t work for me.”

  “But you’re not me,” I said with a frown. “And music is what she does, just like I do hockey.”

  “That makes sense, but how do you have a home, a family—a relationship—if both of you are gone all the time? When are you a couple? How are you there for each other when things go wrong?”

  “Everly’s gone a lot,” Ian said. “But our love is strong enough to withstand the separations.”

  “Yeah, but Everly has the freedom to work her schedule around yours,” Tore pointed out. “She’s mostly home when you are. If Lexi goes back out on tour, she’ll be gone for months at a time, and between September and at least April, Zaan has to be with the team. That’s what happened last time. Maybe you guys don’t remember, but I do. I was there watching her hurt him.”

  Ouch. Tore was the biggest joker on the team, but when it came to something important, he was brutally honest and painfully sincere. It was one of the things I loved about the guy, but it hurt sometimes too. Like now.

  “You’re right,” I said after a moment. “But it’s different this time.”

  “How?”

  “Because it’s our last chance,” I said. Now I was the one who couldn’t meet anyone’s eye. “If it doesn’t work out this time, it’s done for good, and I’m not willing to accept that. I love her. I have since the first time I saw her.
And it’s not like I haven’t dated other women. I know what’s out there and it all goes back to her. I can’t imagine losing her again.”

  “Then don’t,” Ian said. “Fight for her. Make it work.”

  “Sometimes I wonder if she really loves you,” Tore blurted out. “Or if you’re just convenient.”

  No one said a word, everyone else’s eyes on their cards. Guys didn’t have these kinds of conversations, but here we were and it kind of pissed me off.

  I narrowed my eyes and turned to him. “What the fuck does that mean?”

  “I’m sorry, bro. You’re one of my best friends and we’ve been through a lot together, but Lexi? From the outside looking in, it’s like she’s using you. Not for the bad stuff, like money or whatever, but emotionally. When she needs you, you’re always there for her. Once she’s okay again, she’s gone. She was going through an awful time with the breast cancer when you met, and you got her through it. She went off to Juilliard, got the opportunity with Special Kay, and never looked back. When things went to shit with Special Kay, who did she call? You. Now that it’s all settled down and she’s doing what she has to do, it feels like she’s already gone again.”

  “Dude, what are you talking about? We’re living together, a couple.”

  “You were a couple when she left last time too.”

  “It’s different.” I tried to keep the edge out of my voice, but it was there regardless.

  “You haven’t even talked to her about the wedding yet, right? You don’t know if she’ll be available to go. You just got back together and one of your best friends is getting married, but Lexi might not be able to go with you. I’m sorry, man, it feels like it’s all you putting out the effort and her taking what you can give her.”

  “You have no idea what our relationship is like,” I ground out, getting more and more irritated by the minute.

  “Maybe not, but I know you and I see how she’s never around. Just like before.”

  “I think it’s a little soon to be making a judgment like that,” Ian cut in, giving Tore a look that I probably wasn’t supposed to see. “They need time to get settled, to find their new normal. Relationships take work, no matter how much you love someone, and the time for that is when she gets back from her tour and hockey season ends. Until then, they both have jobs to do.”

  “We’re definitely going to take some time to talk,” I said slowly. “I’m just not sure when. The new project has a time limit because Casey Hart is pregnant and she needs to finish recording sooner rather than later, and Lexi still doesn’t know if she has to record one more album with Special Kay.”

  “Another album?” Ian gave me a look. “Seriously?”

  “The contract she signed is a mess.”

  “And she doesn’t have a lawyer that can get her out of it?”

  “Apparently not.”

  “What about my family’s lawyer?” Nate suggested. “I could call him…”

  I hesitated. Lexi didn’t want me to, but maybe I could talk to him discreetly. “I’d have to get a copy of the contract,” I said after a moment.

  “Just tell her you want to read it,” Ian suggested. “Isn’t she coming home to play tomorrow night?”

  “Yeah.” I nodded absently.

  “Get me a copy,” Nate said. “I can have Sheridan look at it and if he doesn’t think he can help, Lexi never has to know.”

  I grimaced. That was dishonest, wasn’t it?

  “It’s not like you’re trying to hurt her,” Tore said after a moment. “I mean, if he doesn’t see any loopholes or whatever, she’ll never know, but if he finds something, she’ll be happy, right?”

  I folded my cards and tossed them down; my hand was shit. Just like this conversation. “She’s been insistent she can handle it on her own, so I’m worried about going behind her back.”

  “We won’t tell,” Ian said solemnly.

  I chuckled. “You better not or she’ll be pissed.”

  “It’ll be okay.” Dax gave me a nod. “Nate’s guy can look at it and see if there’s anything to be done. And while Tore has a point, it’s not his relationship. Only you know the depth of your feelings—and hers.”

  “I’m sorry, man.” Tore looked contrite. “I didn’t mean to piss you off. I just… I saw what she did last time and it feels too similar not to mention it.”

  “I’m not mad,” I said. “I can see how it might appear from the outside looking in. She and I do need to talk, though.”

  Deep down, I’d been having a lot of the feelings Tore verbalized about Lexi and me. I hadn’t articulated them, and I didn’t think she was using me, but there was a part of me that was worried. Things had been good between us these last few weeks, but if she turned around and did another album and subsequent tour—whether it was with Special Kay or Pretty Harts—how would this time be any different than last time? I had no answers, and we really needed to talk, but the timing was always off and on the rare occasion it wasn’t, she always cut me off. I didn’t know how to handle that because she’d asked me to trust her, to let her get through this without fighting. How was I supposed to have a serious conversation with her about this when I’d promised her I’d let her deal with it?

  Tomorrow night she would be back in Vegas and I would spend the day and night with her. Somehow, I had to get her to understand, to let me help. Otherwise, I didn’t know how we would go forward. It had only been five days and I was miserable. I couldn’t fathom us being apart for months. Not again.

  19

  Lexi

  It had only been five days, but I was so excited to get home to Vegas. I’d only be here for about thirty-six hours, but I didn’t care. The bus pulled into the hotel where the rest of the band was staying, but Zaan was waiting for me in my Mustang and I practically flew off the bus and jumped in. I’d heard Marj and Tayla muttering as we pulled up, but I didn’t give a shit. Patrick was meeting me at the venue in a couple of hours for sound check, but beyond that, I was free until the show.

  “Hi!” I breathed, leaning in for a kiss.

  “Hi.” He started the Mustang. “How much time do you have?”

  “Three hours until I have to be at the venue for sound check.”

  “You want to go out or go home?”

  I gave him a look. “Home. Duh.”

  “You have a suitcase or anything?”

  “Nah. Patrick is taking care of it for me. He’ll keep it with him, and my stage clothes automatically get delivered with the rest of the equipment. I’ll change backstage before the show.”

  “Okay.” He turned the car towards our condo and I leaned back in the seat, closing my eyes. I was tired, but having Patrick around had made a huge difference. The girls avoided me whenever possible and with him hovering, their backstage shenanigans had been nonexistent so far. It was the early days, of course, but I hoped the next eight weeks would be as easy as the first five days.

  “I don’t know what I miss more,” I teased him. “You or my car.”

  He chuckled. “Thanks a lot. Sounds like you need a spanking.”

  “Oh, yes, I definitely do.” I wrapped my fingers in his, turning my face up to the sunshine. It was a beautiful day, despite the wind being a little chilly, but I was enjoying having the top down, having Zaan beside me, and the freedom of being away from the bitches, even if it was just for a few hours.

  I’d see my dad, Casey, Tyler and Bash, and probably half the Sidewinders tonight. Bernie had put up a fight when he saw my guest list for the night, but I’d threatened to call the record company and he’d backed down. Despite the fact that they hadn’t given in to letting me out of my contract, they’d heard my lawyer’s threats to charge Bernie, Marj and Tayla with sexual harassment if they didn’t behave, so I had a feeling they’d been given a stern talking-to.

  “I need to be naked sooner rather than later,” I told Zaan as we walked up to the condo.

  “Spanking first,” he reminded me, grinning.

  “Same differen
ce.” I wiggled my butt at him as I ran for the bedroom with him on my heels.

  An hour later, we lay close together on the bed, arms and legs intertwined, a light sheen of sweat covering both of us. Once again, we’d gone at it hard and wild, something we both liked these days, and I wondered how much further we could—or would—go. I trusted him completely but it was a little scary sometimes, having him be so rough when he was the gentlest soul I knew the rest of the time.

  “You okay?” he asked, the fingers of one hand running through my hair.

  “Yeah. I’m wonderful. You?”

  “I worry about hurting you.”

  “Nah. I’d let you know. It’s a little weird seeing that side of you, like you’ve been hiding your inner Darth Vader or something.”

  He snickered. “Damn, baby, that’s harsh.”

  We chuckled together and I finally stirred. “I need to take a shower and wash my hair. I don’t want to leave until the very last minute.”

  “We can shower.” He got to his feet and reached out his hands to me. I followed him into the bathroom and we stood under the spray together.

  “You’ve been kind of quiet,” I said softly. “Is everything okay?”

  “I hated being without you all week,” he admitted after a moment.

  I sighed. Here we went again, having the same conversation we kept having. “I know. I hated it too.”

  “I want to have a serious conversation about the future, Lexi.”

  I frowned. “Like what?”

  “Like, what’s the plan? I don’t want to fight, I don’t want to upset you before a show, but I already know I don’t want to be apart for months at a time regularly. Yeah, for two months, sure, we can do anything. But what happens when it’s over and you either do another album for Special Kay or the new project with Pretty Harts? An album is almost always followed by a tour. Tours last anywhere from three months to three years. I don’t know what to do with that.”