MOTHER: A Novel

by Angel Gelique

  “Didn’t you provide any supervision at all? No wonder Emma wanted to live with me.” It was a low blow and Gregory knew it.

  Jane cried even harder.

  “I’m sorry,” he said contritely. “I’m just so upset, I know you are too.”

  Jane’s stomach felt almost as bad as it did before. Ironically, her post-operative instructions stated that she needed to rest and avoid stress. There was no chance of that.

  Sarah and her mother said their goodbyes and promised to keep Emma in their prayers.

  Jane never left Emma’s side except for brief moments to wash up and get something to eat from the cafeteria. She had called both

  Zachary and Eric, both of whom offered an immense amount of support. Colleen had gone to her house and packed some clothing and personal items for her so that she didn’t have to leave the hospital.

  As the days went by, Emma’s prognosis grew grim. Jane, who had never been very religious, though she had been raised as a

  Catholic, found herself praying nonstop for Emma’s recovery. She

  had even visited the hospital’s chapel on Sunday.

  Zachary and Eric spent so much time at the hospital with Jane that they became friends. They took turns making sure that one of them could be there for Jane whenever possible. Today they were both there for her, and Jane was eternally grateful for that.

  “She’s going into cardiac arrest,” the doctor yelled as he ordered Jane, Zachary and Eric to leave the room while he quickly prepared the defibrillator. Eric had to practically carry Jane away. She didn’t want to leave Emma’s side. She had heard the sound of the heart monitor flat-line and she knew that Emma had died. Jane broke free from Eric’s grasp and ran back into the room. She clung to Emma’s lifeless body as the hospital staff tried to pry her away.

  “Fight, Emma!” she shouted, “I love you, I forgive you....I forgive you baby, just come back to me….”

  Zachary and Eric had to remove her from the room again as the doctors and nurses fought to save Emma’s life. It looked bleak.

  Emma felt a sense of peace like she had never experienced before. Was she in heaven? She couldn’t see her mother, she couldn’t see anything. It was like being in a thick fog. Yet she could hear her mother, loud and clear, frantically calling to her.

  “Fight,” she had cried out, “I love you, I forgive you....”

  It was all Emma needed to hear.

  “Mom,” she tried to call out, but couldn’t speak. In her mind, she called to her mom over and over again. She didn’t understand where she was, why she could not see, why she could not speak. She couldn’t even feel her body. She didn’t know if she was upright or lying down. Was she in limbo? She had to escape. She had to find her mom. She prayed for her mom to find her somehow. She fought with all her might to be with her mother, as though through sheer willpower, she could make it happen. “MOOOMMMMM!” she screamed in her mind. “MOOOOMMMMM, I LOVE YOU….”

  “We have a pulse,” the nurse said anxiously as the doctors continued to work on Emma and administered a drug to her intravenous line. “It’s weak, but it’s there.”

  Just outside the room, Jane had been beyond distraught as Eric and Zachary tried their best to console her. Now she had stopped crying and had a blank, zombified expression on her face as she

  stared out into the empty space.

  One of the doctors left Emma’s room and approached them. Jane did not move. It was as if she hadn’t even noticed his presence.

  “We’ve revived her,” he said softly. “She has a long way to go, but she’s stable for now.”

  Eric and Zachary let out huge sighs of relief. Jane did not move. She said nothing.

  “Mrs. Winston?” the doctor called out. Zachary and Eric both called to her as well.

  “Emma’s okay,” Eric yelled to her, shaking her, trying to break the trance. “Listen, Jane, she’s all right, Emma’s all right.”

  Jane heard the words but it took her a while to process them. It was as though she had been far away...lost in a thick fog. And in her mind, she had been searching for Emma there, amidst the emptiness, and she had found her.

  ~24~

  It took two more days for Emma to finally open her eyes. Jane was right by her bedside, as she had been throughout most of the ordeal. As ecstatic as Jane was to see Emma waking, she was equally as nervous about the condition she would be in. The doctor had warned them that she may have suffered brain damage, possibly permanent damage that might affect her sight, speech, and ability to communicate. She would also need some physical therapy.

  As Emma’s eyes fluttered open and adjusted to the light, Jane immediately knew that she could see her. Emma’s eyes filled with tears. It looked as though she was trying to talk, but no words came out.

  “Just relax, Em,” Jane said, “everything’s going to be fine.”

  And it was.

  Jane called for the nurse, who notified the doctor and they all entered the room to examine Emma. She had made a remarkable recovery. Her vitals were strong, she could breathe on her own and her electroencephalogram (EEG) results were promising. Emma did not sustain any long-term damage.

  She looked eager to speak. There was something she wanted to say, something she needed to say.

  “Take it easy, young lady,” the doctor advised. “You’ll have plenty of time to yap soon enough.”

  It wasn’t until the next day that Emma was allowed to eat soft foods and drink some water. She indicated that her throat hurt. It was to be expected. She was still so weak and frail. Jane didn’t leave her side except to use the restroom and when ordered to do so by the doctors.

  It took yet another day before Emma could speak. She could wait no longer. With just the two of them in the room, she looked into Jane’s eyes, opened her mouth and tried to talk. “Aah...ah...” it sounded like. Jane had no idea what Emma was trying to say, but the overflow of tears told her that she was extremely frustrated.

  “Don’t push yourself, honey,” Jane said softly. “Just like the doctor said, you’ll be yapping a mile a minute in no time at all. Just take it easy.”

  It was as if it was the first time Emma had seen Jane’s smile, and it was beautiful and warm and made her feel loved. She tried to smile too, a thin, little smile. And it, too, filled Jane with so much love. Emma didn’t need to speak, Jane knew what she was trying to say.

  Yet Emma would not give up. She was determined to talk, no matter how much it hurt.

  She motioned for some water and sipped it from a straw as Jane held the glass. She gargled with the water, which made a funny sound and startled Jane at first before she realized that Emma wasn’t choking. She laughed quietly.

  Emma experimented with the strange sounds that left her throat. Why was it so hard talk? She needed to speak to her mom. Her mom had to understand how she felt.

  Finally, after struggling for several painful minutes, Emma was able to grunt “I’m so sorry.” It came out more like “aahhmm...oh...owwheee,” but Jane knew perfectly well what Emma meant. Tears streaked down their faces as Jane placed a finger to Emma’s lips.

  “Shhhh,” she said, “you don’t have to apologize. I love you Emma and I forgive you. I know you didn’t mean any of the things you said and did.”

  Jane’s tears continued to roll down her face as she looked into Emma’s eyes. For a few magical seconds, she caught a glimpse of the sweet-faced nine-year-old Emma, looking up at her innocently with love in her eyes. When the image faded, sixteen-year-old Emma stared up at her, still with eyes full of love, begging for forgiveness.

  Jane bent over and hugged Emma tightly in her arms.

  “I love you, Em, I love you so much,” she said softly. Her daughter had at last returned. Jane hugged her close and they cried together for a long time until Eric entered the room. He had been a frequent visitor.

  “A-hem,” he said, to get their attention.

  Jane turned around and he snapped a picture of them without any warning. She felt
annoyed.

  “Why on earth did you do that?” she said, annoyed. “I’m a huge mess.”

  “It was a great shot,” Eric answered. “Some of the best photos are candid shots like that.”

  Jane shrugged, “but not when the subject matter hasn’t showered all day and looks like something the apocalypse vomited up.”

  Eric laughed. He had a brown bag in his hand and passed it over to Jane.

  “Dinner,” he said, “sorry, Emma, you’ll have to eat your hospital food for a little longer.”

  Emma smiled as much as her limited strength permitted.

  The following week, Emma was ready to be discharged. She had started some physical and speech therapy during her last days in the hospital. She had come a long way, but still had months to go to return to her pre-anorexia days. Jane had the name of a good psychologist who would work with Emma. Yet Jane knew that Emma’s eating disorder was a thing of the past. She and Emma had had a long, emotional talk and Emma had remorsefully explained how she had mistakenly believed that Gregory had abandoned them all because of Jane’s weight gain. She knew that her anger had distorted her perceptions. She didn’t even know how she had managed to avoid eating all those days. If there was one thing she loved, it was food and she intended to make up for all those meals she had missed, which was a good thing, because Eric was taking them both out to dinner.

  After a wonderful meal and a joyous evening, Eric drove them home. It was odd for both of them, going home after all that time in the hospital. It was almost like returning home from a long vacation, only, of course, it was no vacation for either of them.

  As they entered the foyer they heard screams of joy as their friends welcomed them both home. Zachary, Colleen and Scott were there along with many of Jane’s co-workers. Even Gregory was there with Sue and Katie. About twenty-five of Emma’s friends were there, including Sarah, Marcy, Kelly, Taryn, Claudia, Jim and Jake.

  Emma’s friends crowded around her to tell her how glad they were that she was well again. She tearfully apologized to all of them for treating them so badly and they all forgave her and understood that she wasn’t herself at the time.

  Kelly handed her a box wrapped in red and silver wrapping paper. It was the one from Emma’s sweet sixteen party. Kelly had taken it back before leaving. She had been saving it for her, hoping that their friendship would resume.

  “Thanks, Kelly,” Emma said, giving her friend a big hug and apologizing once more to her.

  The house was beautifully decorated with flowers, balloons and streamers. They had champagne and wine for the adults, sparkling cider for the kids and a buffet of delectable cookies, pastries and confections. Jane and Emma were in all their glory as they absorbed all of the wonderful sights and sounds around them. It felt so good to be back; it was home again.

  “I have a sneaking suspicion that you two had something to do with this,” Jane said to Eric and Zachary.

  “It was all Eric’s idea,” Zachary said, “and we all pitched in to pull it off.”

  Gregory approached with Sue who was holding Katie and appeared to be nervous.

  A change came over Emma’s face and her initial reaction was to walk away. It was his fault entirely that she had been so harsh with her mother. Then she thought about it rationally and maturely. If her mother could forgive her cruelty, surely she could forgive her father’s foolishness. Besides, little Katie was her sister and completely innocent, not to mention adorable, with long curly golden hair.

  “Emma, I know I’ve been the world’s worst father,” Gregory said sadly, “can you ever forgive me?”

  Emma nodded and gave him a hug. He got all choked up as he tried unsuccessfully to hold back his tears. When he had first seen her in the hospital weeks ago, she looked so sickly. He thought for sure she was going to die. Now here she stood before him. It was the first real glimpse he had of her in over two years. She was growing up too quickly. She was beautiful. Gregory realized how much he had missed out on—time he could never get back. But from that point on, he vowed to have a meaningful relationship with

  Emma and he told her just that.

  “Emma, I’d like you to meet my friend Sue and our daughter Katie...your sister.”

  Emma smiled at Sue and stroked Katie’s cheek softly.

  “It’s so nice to finally meet you, Emma,” Sue said. “I hope that we can become good friends.”

  Jane had mixed feelings about Gregory being there, especially with the home wrecker. Yet she knew it was best for Emma. She had never stood in the way of their relationship and she wasn’t about to start now.

  The gathering continued for nearly three hours. Emma and Jane were both bone tired but thrilled to be amongst their good friends.

  They didn’t want the night to end. Emma told Jane that it was a far better party than her lousy sweet sixteen disaster, which she never wanted to think about again.

  By eleven o’ clock, everyone had left except for Eric who had stayed to clean up and was getting ready to leave.

  Jane pulled him close and gave him a big, passionate kiss.

  “Thank you so much,” she whispered in his ear. In the few short weeks they spent together at the hospital, they had grown incredibly close. Emma smiled when she saw them. She was happy for her mother. She deserved to be loved.

  “I love you Jane,” he said warmly. It caught Jane off guard. It was the first time that he had uttered those words to her. It stirred the butterflies in her stomach, only this time it didn’t hurt.

  “I love you too, Eric,” she replied and they kissed again.

  “Awwww,” Emma said jokingly, “isn’t that cute?”

  “Come here, you,” Jane said, and they all embraced.

  “Hey, I almost forgot,” Eric said, breaking away slowly. I have presents for you two...nothing big. I’ll be right back.”

  Emma and Jane looked at one another with puzzled expressions as Eric walked to his car. He returned a couple minutes later with two things wrapped in tissue paper. He handed one to Jane and one to Emma and watched as they unwrapped their gifts.

  Almost simultaneously, tears flooded to their eyes. Eric had given them each a framed copy of the picture he had taken of them at the hospital. He had been right, it was a perfect shot. It captured the love between a mother and daughter, love that had just been renewed and would persist for the rest of their days. The festive evening, a celebration of life, was over. But for Emma and Jane, their lives had only just begun.