When I Know Your Name

by Gemma M. Lawrence

  She plunged her hands into the water and soaped the washcloth, and began the task of cleaning herself up. The water was cold but refreshing and she washed herself quickly and as thoroughly as she could, slipping the cloth inside her clothing, rather than undressing. That would leave her too vulnerable if someone decided to barge in on her – namely Cigarettes. Feeling so much fresher and to finish off, she dunked the toothbrush into the soapy water and scrubbed her teeth. She also decided that today was a day for a whole tab of gum.

  Expecting no further visits, she jumped with surprise when the lock on the door turned and her captor strode in. Despite a sense of anxiousness as to why he was here, she couldn’t dismiss the tiny buzz inside that it was he who had come to her. She also couldn’t help notice how he looked, a crisp cotton shirt over his broad shoulders, his dark hair shiny and loose, falling a little over his forehead, and a face that was freshly shaven.

  ‘Good morning,’ he said as he stood a few feet away from her. She watched as he moved, as he came closer, and prepared. She may be fascinated by him, but she also knew it was best to be on guard when he was around. But as the scent of him lingered in the air, she became distracted and couldn’t resist inhaling the mix of aftershave and fresh, clean clothes. A pleasant scent, and one that she became lost in for a moment. She kidded herself that the only reason for it was because he was clean. Catching him watching, she snapped her eyes away, but not before seeing his apparent amusement at her reaction. Her face flushed with embarrassment. She’d been careless. He’d use that to his advantage, she was sure, so she moved away from him, hopeful that a little distance would help.

  ‘How are you today?’ he asked.

  She looked down as she considered how to best answer the question in her current frame of mind. She wanted to tell him how she felt. She wanted to tell him to stop this right now and let her go. She wanted to ask why he was being so kind to her in this place of danger, or how she wanted to stand next to him and breathe him in instead of this musty old room.

  She said none of these things.

  ‘I’m fine. In the circumstances,’ she said and looked straight at him. ‘Are you here to release me?’

  He smiled, as if he recognised her internal conflict. ‘No, not today.’

  He held her gaze so that she was immobile, unable to move. ‘I see you’ve cleaned up.’

  Strangely nervous, butterflies took flight in her stomach. ‘Yes, I did. I assume I have you to thank for that.’

  ‘Perhaps,’ he said.

  Stop it. Just stop it. Pull yourself together, Elena.

  She moved out of his orbit. ‘I know what you’re doing.’

  Another smile. ‘Oh, and what is that?’

  ‘Manipulating me. You allow me more food and water. You allow me to clean myself up. You visit.’

  ‘These are just basic human necessities,’ he countered. ‘There’s nothing more to it than that.’

  ‘You’re being nice to me. Kind, even.’

  ‘Would you prefer it if I didn’t do those things?’ he asked, a dark glint in his eyes.

  ‘Yes. No. I don’t know,’ she sighed. ‘You’re playing the good guy, trying to confuse me–’

  ‘Maybe I am the good guy, Elena. Ever thought of that?’

  ‘But it won’t work.’

  ‘Really.’

  ‘You think I’m going to fall for your charm like some doe-eyed schoolgirl, but I’m not.’

  He crossed his arms. ‘But I do have charm.’

  She saw the humour in his eyes and tried to ignore the energy between them. ‘You’re arrogant, and no better than the others downstairs.’

  ‘Is that what you think?’

  ‘Well, you’re the boss. You’re allowing this living hell to happen. Maybe you’re the biggest monster of them all, hiding behind that smile.’

  ‘That’s the last time you call me that.’

  ‘So what are you if you won’t let me go?’

  ‘I’d say with the others downstairs, I’m someone you need.’

  She shook her head. ‘I don’t need you. I despise you. And I can’t wait to leave this place.’

  Something changed. His smile faded, and whatever game they were playing had come to an abrupt end.

  ‘Okay, have it your way,’ he said coolly. ‘The door is unlocked. You could walk out right now if you want to.’

  ‘What?’ she whispered, unsure and strangely unhappy that she’d angered him.

  He gestured to the door. ‘Go on, try it.’

  Her tired mind raced with doubt, but even so, she was still ready to do as he said. She hesitated, unease rising in her as she moved but when he did nothing but watch, she allowed herself to hope that she was indeed leaving.

  No. You’re not. Don’t you go thinking it’s that easy.

  She made a steady pace and wished the voice in her head would give her a break and shut the hell up.

  ‘Just remember,’ he said from behind. ‘You’ll get your freedom if you can get past the men downstairs.’

  His words halted her immediately, within an arm’s reach of the door. Now it was clear. Now she understood. His short lesson about who was in control was painfully complete.

  He didn’t need to, but continued anyway. ‘Those “monsters”. That’s what you called them, wasn’t it? If you can walk past them unharmed this can all be over.’

  He’d made his point. He strode to her and stopped close behind, wrapping his arm around her waist in a possessive action, pulling her closer to him.

  She gasped, the feel of his body against hers causing a craving to bloom inside. A hunger she knew she shouldn’t feel. ‘I hate you.’

  He watched over her shoulder, amused, and moved closer still, bringing his lips to her ear. ‘No, I disagree. I’d say hatred is the last thing you’re feeling right now,’ he murmured, his breath warm in the cold room. ‘But you need to understand how important I am to you, because I will keep you safe here, but I get to choose how long it takes, and when I let you go.’ His lips tickled her skin, almost a kiss but not quite. ‘Do you understand?’ He moved her braid from her shoulder, letting his fingers brush against her neck. She jumped a little as skin touched skin, sending a shudder down her spine.

  She couldn’t speak, couldn’t think. He wrapped his arm tighter still as her world came crashing down. Everything faded into nothingness until his voice was the only thing she could hear.

  ‘Elena, answer me,’ he ordered.

  ‘Yes,’ she said finally, on a breath. ‘I understand.’

  ‘Good, then we are clear.’

  She struggled for air, needing to compose herself as he watched and waited for any quip she might like to make. He released his hold, and cold air trickled against her back, into the place where his body had been. It was true, she understood everything now, the rules of this game painfully clear. She’d been foolish enough to think she could influence him, but he was the master of that, and she’d learned it the hard way. He played her well. He’d tested her, and she had responded in a way that confirmed what they both already knew. That he was in control and would remain so until he decided what to do with her.

  But she also knew him a little better now too, having managed to read a few signs of her own. She’d registered the quickness of his breath as he stood close and the gentle touch of his fingers as they lingered on her skin. She was important to him somehow, and not just because of the money.

  She wasn’t sure if the thought terrified her or filled her with a strange sense of calm.

  Chapter 7

  Elena had just managed to find sleep when she was interrupted by another visitor entering the room. When it was Cigarettes who sauntered in, she tensed and clutched the blanket to her body, wanting to hide from his glare.

  ‘Get up,’ he ordered.

  She jumped to her feet, not waiting to be told twice, fearful that a second order would be followed by a fist to back it up.

  He reached for her and shoved her forwards. ‘Go on, out
there.’

  She moved and walked out into the hallway and towards the bathroom, her skin crawling as she felt him close behind. Quickening her pace, she pushed open the door, letting it fall behind her, giving her much needed privacy from him.

  She did what she needed to do and delayed for as long as possible before she opened the door.

  He was waiting. Smiling.

  Her stomach lurched. He was even more predatory today. Something was wrong. She caught the low sounds of music playing on a radio downstairs and prayed she wasn’t alone with him. Slowly, she walked back to her room, glancing through the balustrades, searching for any signs of life.

  As she walked through the door, he took hold of her arm, pulling her back.

  ‘You know I’m just biding my time, don’t you?’

  She turned and jerked her arm free, taking a step back from him. ‘I don’t know what you mean.’

  He moved closer. ‘What I mean is that when the moment comes, I’m going to come up here and get you all to myself.’ He took hold of her hair and gripped it tight. ‘And we’re going to have a little fun together.’

  Despite her struggle, he leaned in, his eyes travelling down. ‘I’m going to taste you. All of you,’ he said with a low chuckle. ‘There’s no escaping it, princess. And I’ll make it last and last until you can’t take anymore.’

  She grabbed her braid and snapped it out of his grasp. Stepping back, and nudging the chair behind, she lost her balance and tumbled over it, a cry escaping her lips.

  Footsteps thumped up the stairs and her panicked mind registered the appearance of her captor.

  ‘What the fuck is going on?’ he demanded. ‘You just had to take her to use the bathroom and then leave her. That’s all you had to do.’

  ‘And that’s just what I’m doing,’ Cigarettes replied.

  ‘So you’re done,’ her captor said, his voice thin and tight.

  ‘Am I?’

  ‘Yes, you are. Now get the hell out of here.’

  Her captor moved closer to Elena and helped her to stand. She found herself grabbing his arm for protection as she cowered close to his side.

  He clocked the gesture but ignored it and kept his focus on Cigarettes. ‘Go downstairs. I won’t warn you again.’

  Cigarettes paused, staring at the man beside Elena, sizing him up. Eventually, he moved, a strange curl of his lip giving away what he’d just seen.

  He left the room, slamming the door, and only then did her captor turn his attention to her hand clasping his arm. She snapped it away, suddenly aware of what she’d done.

  ‘Everything okay now?’

  ‘Yes, I’m fine,’ she said through quickened breaths, embarrassed that she’d briefly forgotten herself for a moment.

  ‘That man is all bravado,’ he said as he picked up the chair. ‘He’s frustrated. He’s under strict orders, so he makes threats.’

  ‘Someone like him doesn’t care about orders,’ she said as she hugged her hands across her body. ‘Probably goes for all of you.’

  ‘Elena, you don’t need to fight me,’ he said. ‘I’m very different to that man.’

  ‘Doesn’t mean I trust you,’ she replied.

  ‘Really? I think the way you just grabbed my arm gives away more than you realise.’

  ‘No, I’m just surviving, that’s all. That doesn’t make you any better than them. You’re just the safest option amongst a half-wit doctor and a terrifying psycho. Simple as that.’

  A smile crept over his lips. ‘Well, that’s good to know,’ he said. ‘And thank you for speaking your mind so eloquently.’

  She smiled too and managed to relax her tense shoulders a little. ‘Well, you haven’t raised your fist to me, so I suppose I should thank you for letting me. And I suppose I should thank you for coming up here when you did. You didn’t have to do that.’

  He moved a few stray hairs from her face, making her skin tingle as his fingers brushed against hers.

  She smoothed a hand over her braid, suddenly self-conscious. ‘I’m a mess.’

  ‘You’re not a mess,’ he said softly as his eyes lingered on hers.

  She felt her body sing, as if needing to be closer to his, without her having any control of it.

  They remained this way until she wasn’t entirely sure what he was going to do next.

  Finally, he spoke. ‘I’ll make sure food and water are sent up later.’

  He walked away from her and opened the door. As he pulled it back, she saw Cigarettes standing on the other side, his hands shoved in his pockets, and a nasty knowing sneer on his lips. One that comes from having heard all of their conversation.

  Fear made her flinch as the door was shut and locked.

  ***

  Elena hugged her knees tightly to herself as she listened to the loud music that played downstairs. It felt endless, and must have been playing for a couple of hours, at least. What were they doing down there? The chaotic guitar riffs and aggressive lyrics only managed to heighten her state of panic. The raised voices too. An argument. Whatever was happening was escalating quickly. Something crashed on impact, loud and heavy. Furniture perhaps, she didn’t know. After that, silence – from the voices and the music. And that’s when she knew she was in trouble.

  Footsteps slowly climbed the stairs, purposefully, ominously, and Elena knew immediately who it would be. She jumped to her feet as Cigarettes pushed open the door, his breathing heavy as he leant against the frame. He was clutching a large bottle of whisky and eyed her as he drank. He sauntered into the room, unsteady as she froze to the spot, her heart pumping and her body preparing itself for attack.

  Fuck.

  ‘Thought I’d come and keep you company,’ he said as he walked towards her. ‘Must be lonely up here all on your own, sweetheart.’ He chuckled and took another swig from the bottle.

  She watched him move and worked hard to quell the fear that threatened to take over. Immediately, she doubted her captor when he said he’d keep her safe, feeling naïve for trusting him as she had. Was this part of a warped plan to subject her to an ordeal that would break her spirit a little more?

  ‘So, I’ve been thinking, sweet cheeks,’ he murmured. ‘You’re up here all alone, and I’m downstairs, bored out of my fucking brains. What do you say to our own little party up here?’

  ‘Where are the others?’ she asked unsteadily.

  ‘The doc is just taking a little nap, and pretty boy is not here,’ he replied as he held the bottle but took no care, letting whisky spill out and splash on the floor.

  Fuck, fuck, fuck.

  They stared at one another before he moved swiftly towards her. She moved too and rushed to the door, panic moving her forwards, but he reached out and grabbed her arm, dragging her back, hard against the wall. He used his body to keep her still and leant his arms either side of her face, steadying himself. She moved her head to one side, away from his and the stench of his breath. Her blood ran cold. He was here, as promised, unrestricted and looking for a little sport. To take his time. She didn’t know how she was going to do it, but she was going to fight him, she was sure of that. She needed to work her sober mind into outwitting his drunken one.

  His breathing quickened, his arousal evident as he pushed against her. His face was close to hers, invading her space, and her stomach turned.

  ‘Pretty little thing, aren’t you?’ He lifted one arm off the wall and ran a nicotine-stained finger down her cheek.

  ‘Leave me alone,’ she said, trying to mask the panic.

  ‘And why would I do that?’ he sneered as his eyes wandered over her. ‘Strange what some girls like,’ he said, before taking another swig of the bottle. ‘I’ve seen you flutter your pretty eyes at the boss. Turn you on, does he?’

  ‘Of course not!’ Elena exclaimed. ‘Get off me,’ she said as she tried to shove him away, but he repaid that by leaning harder against her, pinning her to the wall. She struggled, but it made him laugh.

  He grabbed her braid, wrappin
g it around his hand and jerked her head back. ‘Oh, I think he does, and as he’s not here, I’m going to have some fun of my own.’

  His words shot through her, her vulnerability triggering a surge of energy. ‘Get off me!’ she shrieked, and this time she shoved him hard, making him stagger backwards, dropping the bottle as he did. It looked as if he would fall, and Elena raced for the door, hoping it would be enough.

  But it wasn’t enough. He regained his balance and lunged for her, grabbing her arm again, twisting it up behind her back. ‘Where do you think you’re going?’ he snarled, spinning her around and grasping her face in his hand.

  Elena screamed.

  His maddened eyes shone in the low light, and he raised his hand, bringing it down hard across her face. A strange crack sounded through the room as she was knocked sideways and off her feet. She crashed into the small chair as heat rushed into her face and shoulder, but there was no pain yet as her brain blocked certain senses, protecting her, allowing her to fight on. She used it and reached for the chair.

  He darted to her and kicked it away and out of her reach, laughing as he did. ‘I don’t think so,’ he said as he towered above her.

  ‘No… no…’ she mumbled through her jarred mouth as she shuffled backwards, frantic to get away from him, to get as much distance as she could.

  He rolled his eyes with amusement and reached down to grab her leg. She thrashed about as he pulled her close, and when she was within reach, he released her leg with a thump and dropped down to straddle her, knocking the wind from her lungs.

  She opened her mouth to scream, but he clamped his hand over it, muffling the sound and holding her head still. ‘You bitches are all the same, aren’t you?’ he growled, his body covering hers. ‘You need a firm hand and a good, hard fuck and then you soon comply, don’t you, bitch?’ he said, his face distorted with hatred. ‘Then you’re quiet little mice, aren’t you?’