When I Know Your Name

by Gemma M. Lawrence

  She screamed into his hand, kicking and bucking beneath him as her survival instinct took over. Her muscles flooded with blood for the fight, and she could only focus on the struggle to free herself from his hold, as each hand fought his own on her body.

  Wrenching her mouth free, she began to scream. Her body was empty, devoid of energy, but she didn’t care. She fought, refusing to let him win.

  He struggled; the synthetic fabric of her sports clothes impossible to rip. She used it and kept fighting. Twisting beneath him, she created enough distance to ram her knee between his legs and freed herself from his grasp as he reeled backwards clutching his groin.

  Exhaustion slowing her, she shuffled on all fours, crawling towards the door as she heard a car approach. Inhaling deeply to fill her lungs, she screamed again.

  ‘I’M GONNA KILL YOU, BITCH!’ Cigarettes roared from behind.

  Glancing over her shoulder she watched him lurch towards her. She struggled to stand but he took care of that by grabbing her by the shoulders, hauling her to her feet. He raised his arm, and she braced herself for the blow as it came down hard against the same cheek. No numbness this time, just white-hot shards of pain that shot through her face and head, like broken glass shattering her soul. She crashed to the floor, a strange yelp escaping her mouth as another voice bellowed in the chaos.

  Raising her hand to protect herself from more blows, she caught sight of her captor striding towards Cigarettes. Holding him firm, he landed a hard fist to Cigarettes’ stomach followed by another to his face that sent him hurtling to the floor.

  Well, now he knows how that feels.

  ‘What do you think you’re doing!’ her captor bellowed as Cigarettes slumped to the floor, clutching his stomach.

  Cigarettes sneered as blood trickled from his lip. ‘What do you care, man? Thought I’d have some fun,’ he said breathlessly.

  ‘You disgusting little fuck,’ her captor growled as he grabbed Cigarettes by his t-shirt and hauled him to his feet. ‘I told you no one is to touch her. What part of that didn’t you understand?’ He walked Cigarettes backwards and slammed him against the wall, wrapping his hand around his neck. ‘And if I find you’ve even been up here again, I’m going to do you a serious injury, do you understand?’

  He slammed another punch into Cigarettes’ stomach, backing up his threat, and she watched Cigarettes double over from the force of it. A strange wheezing sound shot from his mouth as the air was knocked from his lungs.

  Wanting an answer, her captor continued, vehemence lacing his voice. ‘I said. Do. You. Understand?’

  ‘Yeah,’ Cigarettes wheezed, still trying to regain his breath, a look of thunder on his face. ‘I hear you.’

  Her captor threw Cigarettes towards the door, sending him crashing into the frame. He grunted and staggered out of sight. To highlight his point, her captor kicked the door shut, the sound resonating through the empty room as Elena’s trembling body jumped.

  He stood facing the door, appearing to take a moment to calm himself. She watched as he gained control, shaking out the hand he had used to punch. He turned and walked to her, his eyes bright with anger.

  ‘Jesus,’ he murmured as he crouched down beside her and helped her to her feet. ‘The bastard really got to you this time,’ he said, taking her face gently in his hands, being careful not to hurt her. He winced when his eyes fell over what felt to Elena like a tender bruise forming on her cheek.

  She felt the restraint in him and watched him struggle to contain his anger, but she didn’t care about any of it. The throbbing cheek, the metallic taste of blood in her mouth, or the ache beginning to bloom in her head. All nothing, except the absolute relief that this man had come in when he had and stopped an unimaginable ordeal.

  ‘Thank you… thank you. It was awful. I thought he… I thought he was…’ she stammered as the shock set in.

  ‘Elena, breathe. Take it easy,’ he said as he pulled her close and held her to him.

  ‘And I thought you’d let him… I thought you’d allowed it, but you didn’t… you came back.’

  ‘I would never allow anything like that to happen, and I won’t leave you again. You have my word.’

  She focused on her breathing, calmed her racing heart, realising she was lost. Her captor had not sanctioned the violence she had just experienced, and he had saved her from more harm. She felt the shock ease and let herself be soothed by him, wanting to focus only on him and the protection he gave. His body heat warmed her, and soon the trembling stopped.

  He was calm now too and somehow different. It wasn’t about power. It was about providing a sense of safety. And it was working.

  ‘Your face,’ he sighed as he tipped it up to his.

  ‘I’m fine,’ she said with an unsteady voice, placing her hands over the top of his. It was an intimate gesture that was inappropriate here, in this room, but she couldn’t help it. It was instinctive, and she’d been living on that since her capture and trusted it with her life.

  It was simple. He was here again, taking care of her, making her matter, and something shifted in her mind. She was not only seeing the man behind the kidnapper, but was empathising with him too; seeing the person, and not the monster. And that was Number One on the list of Things-Not-To-Do in a situation like this. But to deny it or push these feelings away was pointless. She couldn’t even bring herself to ask for her release. She was tired of fighting.

  He smiled, but didn’t try to hide his concern. ‘We need to get you checked over.’

  Chapter 8

  ‘Elena.’

  The voice saying her name seemed far away. Drowsy, she struggled to open her eyes.

  ‘Elena.’

  She didn’t recognise the voice at first, but when she did finally manage to open her eyes, she saw the doctor standing at the door. She sat up as dizziness overwhelmed her until little black dots formed in front of her eyes.

  ‘Oh God,’ she murmured as she breathed hard to stop the desire to wretch. She sat with her back against the wall and pressed her hand against her pounding forehead to try and ease the pain and stabilise the swimming sensation.

  ‘I’m not here to hurt you,’ he said, holding out his hand, sensing her unease. ‘I’m here to take a look at you, that’s all.’

  ‘No need. I’m absolutely fine,’ she said without conviction.

  He moved towards her and as he approached, she noticed his split lip and bruised left eye. Cigarettes had really excelled this time.

  ‘I have painkillers here, and I’d like to check the rest of you,’ he said. ‘I understand you took a bit of a beating.’

  She managed a bitter laugh. ‘Yeah, just a bit,’ she said, shuddering as she remembered. ‘I see you did too.’

  ‘Caught me off guard,’ he said as he moved closer and crouched beside her, placing his bag at his side on the floor. ‘Won’t happen again.’

  He was gentle as he moved her face in his hands to check the bruise that was forming there before reaching into his bag. She decided she was glad he was here, keen to know if she was okay, on the outside at least. She knew she was having problems with her sanity, but no one could help her with that.

  He pulled out a small thin torch and shone the light into her eyes, making her wince as her head pounded harder.

  ‘Any dizziness?’ he asked.

  ‘Yes, just when I move quickly or try to stand.’

  ‘Do you feel sick, or have you been sick?’

  She shook her head and immediately regretted it. ‘No.’

  ‘Okay,’ he said as he put the torch away and pulled out a small bag, handing it to her.

  Looking in, she saw a sandwich, a small box of tablets, and a bottle of water.

  ‘Those are strong painkillers. Two tablets. I have kept them in the box so that you can see I’m not trying to fool you into taking something more sinister. They’ll help the headache and ease the pain in your cheek.’

  ‘Thanks,’ she said as she pulled out the sandwich. She m
ay be aching, sore and a little freaked out, but she was also hungry, and the sight of the food made her stomach growl.

  ‘I’ll check on you again later. Make sure you’ve kept that food down,’ he said as he packed up his bag and rose to leave.

  ‘I’m sure I’ll be fine, especially with these,’ she said as she checked the painkillers and saw that he was indeed telling the truth from the branded packaging. She may not feel threatened by this man, but she certainly didn’t trust him.

  ‘I’ve got my orders,’ he said simply as he walked to the door. As he opened it, the other man, her captor, walked into the room.

  She rested her head against the wall, watching as the doctor updated him on how she was doing, before leaving them alone.

  ‘How are you feeling now?’ he asked as he shut and locked the door.

  ‘I’m fine,’ she said. She meant it. Her face was swollen and sore, but she wasn’t dead and had been given enough medication to dull the pain and allow her to cope.

  He pulled up the chair and sat opposite her, composed once more.

  ‘Where is that man now?’ she asked tentatively.

  ‘Sleeping it off downstairs,’ he said. ‘He’s taken care of. You’re quite safe.’

  ‘He really hates women doesn’t he,’ she said, looking up at him.

  ‘He hates everyone.’

  ‘Perhaps, but women are at the very top of his list. We should be quiet little mice, apparently.’

  He smiled. ‘A quiet little mouse is something you’ll never be.’

  She smiled too and quickly winced from the pain. ‘Ouch,’ she murmured, raising her hand to her cheek. ‘But his fist was stronger.’

  ‘You should take the painkillers.’

  She nodded. ‘I will. I guess I should thank you. If it wasn’t for you–’

  ‘You don’t owe me anything,’ he countered. ‘I’m just sorry you got caught up in this mess.’

  Somewhere within the confusion of her mind, she found the courage to let go of her emotions. She’d deal with the scars later – if she ever got her old life back. For now, her main source of comfort was his presence. And she didn’t care what that meant. She had lost a psychological battle – with him and herself.

  ‘Is this what you like to do?’ she asked.

  He frowned. ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Sitting with your captives, talking with them?’

  ‘No, this isn’t what I do,’ he said with authority. ‘I’ve never sat with another captive because I’ve never been involved in a kidnap before. You’re my first. And my last.’

  His honesty took her by surprise. She hadn’t expected it, but it didn’t stop her from venturing on while he was in a mood to share. ‘So how did you end up here? You don’t seem to belong. You or the doctor. But you, especially …’ She stopped herself, feeling her face flush. Too much, Elena.

  He smiled, amused at her reaction. ‘I’m here because I have to be.’

  ‘Oh,’ she said, relieved that he wouldn’t inflict this situation on her by choice.

  ‘I’ve messed with bad people. Owed them a favour, let’s say. I will protect you, but that doesn’t make me your knight in shining armour.’

  She glanced at him. ‘You seem to be doing all right so far.’

  He leant forward and rested his arms on his thighs, his eyes glinting in the low light. ‘That’s because some people are worth protecting.’

  Her face flushed again, and she moved her gaze to the floor. She could try and combat his statement with one of how she didn’t need protecting, but here, in these surroundings, they would both see it for the lie it was.

  ‘Eat and then get some rest,’ he said as he rose to leave her. ‘I’ll come and check on you later.’

  She watched him go and listened for the reassuring sound of the door locking. She pondered her plight as she toyed with the food. There was no escaping it. They were connected now, inexplicably linked – captor and captive – bound together by this experience, forging an unbreakable connection only they would share.

  She finished the food and took two tablets as instructed. She wanted to stay awake, alert, ready for any more visits, but her body needed sleep, and the mix of trauma and painkillers sent her off before she was aware she’d closed her eyes.

  ***

  Elena was woken by a shard of light seeping through a small crack in the window. She shuffled herself carefully onto her side. It had been several days since her attack and although she was healing, her body still ached a little.

  She was depleted, empty, and shrouded in loneliness within these four walls. Since her ordeal, she had only seen the doctor who had checked her over and given a little food and water – to drink, and in a bowl to freshen up.

  She moved herself to a sitting position, using the wall for support, and rested her head against the flaking plaster. An unwelcome pang of regret visited when she remembered how she had behaved with her captor in the moments after the attack, and it only reinforced her opinion that she was crazy and clearly intent on inviting more danger into her world. But that didn’t stop her from missing him or wanting his company.

  ‘You are crazy,’ she murmured to herself as she shuffled into the sun’s bright light, needing to feel the warm rays on her skin. It was healing, and she closed her eyes, letting herself be lost to it for a moment as it warmed her aching bones.

  She wanted more of it, so she stood and moved closer to the window and gazed at the wooden barrier, as she had done so many times before. She recognised every knot and swirl of grain. Glancing down at the zip of her hoody her mind whirred as she stared at the little metal gripper. How could she have not noticed it before? It could be a tool. An implement to twist the screws holding the wood in place. She’d certainly give it a try.

  Slipping off the hoody, she placed the corner of the gripper into the screw head and carefully turned it anti-clockwise. She felt the bite of the thread begin to slacken and it spurred her on. She just needed more of the sunshine in her room. When the screw began to stand proud of the wood, a new energy filled her, so she kept going, working it slowly to be sure not to break the handle, but also to preserve this new-found vigour. Finally, the screw came free and clattered to the floor. She froze, hoping that they hadn’t heard it downstairs.

  She waited for the sounds of movement, but when there was nothing, she moved the plank of wood down, in a pendulum motion, and looked out of the window. She could continue of course. She could remove all the screws and kick out the broken glass, enough to jump out. But she knew that wouldn’t happen, because what would be the point?

  The rays of the sun covered her entirely. No more cracks, no thin shards of light. She hadn’t seen this much sun in a long time. She hadn’t seen much of anything, in fact, but now, the bright orb filled the room with sunshine. Spring was just starting when she was taken, but now summer seemed to be on its way. She stood in its warm light as it surrounded her like an old friend, something from the outside world, and it made her homesick again.

  Wanting to let in more of the light, she wiped the window with her sleeve, and even managed a smile. She thought hard but couldn’t remember when she last allowed herself the time to enjoy such a simple pleasure. Religion wasn’t important to her normally, but right now, she could understand how moments like these could make a person believe in omnipotent gods in their heavens, giving earthly signs of their existence. She also understood that some things remained constant – the world turned, the sun shone, season followed season, and, for now, she was still a part of it. She hoped to get out alive, but if that wasn’t the plan, she resolved to keep this moment as her last memory. And if that time came, she knew that she wouldn’t have long to wait before discovering whether there actually was a god in heaven above.

  ‘Good morning.’

  ‘Oh,’ she gasped, startled by the voice behind her. He was here. She had been so deep in thought she hadn’t heard the lock turn.

  ‘How long have you been there?’ she asked, tur
ning to face him.

  She watched as his gaze turned to the window and her handy work with the screw.

  ‘Elena, what have you been up to?’ he said as he walked towards her.

  ‘It’s nothing,’ she stammered, her heart thumping at being discovered. ‘I just wanted to see the sun, that’s all. It’s so long since I’ve been outside.’

  ‘You know I should rectify that. Make it secure again,’ he said, pointing to the loose board.

  ‘No, please don’t,’ she begged, placing her hand on his arm and swiftly removing it. ‘I won’t do anything else. No more escapes, I promise. I just want this little piece of the outside world.’

  He smiled. ‘That sounds like a dangerous game.’

  She waited in silence as he considered it, watching her.

  ‘Okay, I’ll leave it as it is,’ he said as he moved closer to her. ‘Because you won’t let me down, will you?’

  ‘No, of course I won’t,’ she murmured as her shoulders slumped. ‘And thank you.’

  ‘I’ve brought you more food,’ he said, moving on, and handed her the bag. ‘You’ve been busy. You must be hungry.’

  ‘I’m always hungry,’ she said as she reached for it. Her hand brushed against his, causing her to flinch at the sensory overload. ‘But thank you.’

  ‘You’re welcome, Elena.’

  His words were so quiet and intimate, and her name rolled out of his mouth easily.

  The mood in the room was calm and she considered if she should be more cautious today, no grand gestures of gratitude. It didn’t stop her from smoothing her braided hair in an attempt to tidy herself.

  She glanced at him, his hair pushed back a little, as if he’d just run his hand through it and she wondered how it would feel to let her own fingers roam there.

  He smiled knowingly. ‘Are you not going to ask for your release today?’

  ‘Would there be any point?’

  ‘No, perhaps not.’

  ‘But you do intend for this to be over soon, or am I going to spend the rest of my days in here?’

  ‘Your father knows what is expected of him.’