When I Know Your Name

by Gemma M. Lawrence

  He moved over her, holding his weight as his dark eyes devoured her. She wanted it all and ran her hands up his back, feeling the tense muscles beneath.

  Impatient now, she pulled him closer, wanting him, needing him.

  Locked in each other’s gaze, her heart hammered in her chest as he plundered her mouth, smothering her gasp with his kiss as he sank himself deep inside her. His groan vibrated against her lips as he took possession, covering her body with his, snaking his arm under her back to hold her close. Finally, he released her mouth and she tipped her head back, needing air, needing respite from the assault of sensations. Her hands reached out, grasped at pillows, a desperate attempt to hold on to something in a world that was falling apart.

  She felt the tension build quickly as they moved together, the intensity of their desire and need unhidden. Wrapping her legs around him, she urged him on, seeking the release that hovered so close. ‘Don’t stop,’ she sighed. ‘Please don’t stop.’

  He obliged and pushed deeper, his hands entwined with hers, his mouth close to her ear. ‘I’ll never stop,’ he murmured, moving rhythmically, his words and body claiming her. ‘But you know that, don’t you.’

  She nodded, in no doubt, and cried out as her body shuddered, crashing into an oblivion of pleasure.

  Addicted and lost, something was torn up and rewritten in her mind. But she didn’t care what it meant to her sanity because, now, she knew she would never be the same again.

  Chapter 17

  Morning arrived too quickly, the early light breaking Elena’s slumber. She stirred, stretched out her sated body and enjoyed the feeling. She kept her eyes closed, not wanting to open them and let the world in just yet. She only wanted to revel in the sensations.

  She understood everything now. Why it had to be this way. He’d made her his from the day they first collided, all those moons ago in the coffee shop, but if they had done this during her captivity it would have meant nothing. It would have been marked by the occasion, but this was something separate. Something new and savage, with lightning intensity. But real.

  Lazily reaching out, she expected her hand to meet warm skin, but there was nothing, only cold, empty space. Stomach lurching, her eyes shot open. She sat upright, but before panic had time to take hold, her eyes fell on him. Sitting in the armchair in the corner of her room, dressed only in his jeans, and his leg hitched up over his knee, his eyes were locked on her. Her breath caught in her throat at the sight, his presence powerful in her room.

  ‘Good morning,’ he said, as casual as he looked.

  ‘Good morning,’ she replied. ‘How very civil we are in the light of day.’ She smiled and ran her hand through her hair to try and tame it, causing new sensations to run through her sensitive fingertips, every part of her alive and electric.

  ‘Indeed.’ His eyes never left hers.

  ‘I thought you’d gone.’

  ‘I’m not going anywhere. I told you that last night,’ he said as he slowly rubbed his finger over his bottom lip.

  She was transfixed. How could such a simple gesture quicken her pulse as it had? She wanted those lips that now knew every part of her body on her again.

  ‘Would you care to share your name with me, then?’ she asked. ‘Or will you forever be my captor?’

  ‘I think we can move on from that, don’t you?’ he mused with a dark, half-smile. ‘My name is Ethan.’

  She studied him. ‘Ethan.’

  It suited him well, and now she knew it, the connection between them became stronger. Ethan, the man who had altered her so completely. Somehow, he’d made her matter at a time when no one cared. And in a life where so few had ever put her first, she had responded.

  ‘Would you have missed me if I had gone?’

  ‘Yes, I would,’ she said. ‘You know the effect you have on me.’

  ‘I do.’

  He rose from the chair, walked towards her, and sat on the edge of the bed. A little bubble of anticipation danced within her as he leant his arm across her, dominating the space.

  ‘Last night,’ she said. ‘Me and you. Where do we go from here?’

  ‘Well, we can carry on doing this,’ he said, leaning in to kiss her. ‘You can let me satisfy your every need.’

  She let out an appreciative sigh as he moved down to nuzzle her neck. ‘The counsellor would have me in therapy forever if she knew what we’re doing. Not to mention my father. He’d have me institutionalised.’

  ‘They’ve got to find out about us first.’

  ‘Even if they did, I don’t care.’

  ‘That’s good,’ he said as he moved over her, guiding her back against the pillow. ‘Because it was time for you to make up your mind. I was getting impatient.’

  Her body began to stir. ‘I always wanted this,’ she murmured, looking up at him. ‘But I had to be sure.’

  His eyes darkened. ‘I know. But now you understand what this means; that I’m not going anywhere.’

  With her heart pounding, she nodded.

  ‘Because I’ve broken a hundred laws to be with you, Elena,’ he said. ‘And I’d happily break a hundred more to keep you.’

  He placed his lips on hers, his kiss soft and warm, and she arched her back, the contact of skin on skin causing every nerve ending to tingle.

  He pulled away, his eyes twinkling with satisfaction. ‘What do you want?’

  ‘You, Ethan,’ she said. ‘And then I want answers. You said you could give me that.’

  ‘I can,’ he said. ‘And will.’

  ‘Good,’ she whispered, shifting her body beneath him, ready to invite him in. ‘Now, kiss me again.’

  ***

  With great effort, Elena dragged herself from her bed and into the kitchen, needing coffee. Anything to give a sense of normality in her new world. She flipped the switch of the kettle and found the croissants she’d bought with Charlotte yesterday, laying them out on a plate.

  Ethan joined her and leant against the counter watching as she scooped instant coffee into two mugs and filled them with hot water and a little milk.

  ‘I don’t know if you even like coffee,’ she said as she handed him a mug.

  ‘I do,’ he said. ‘And that looks pretty good to me.’

  She smiled and grabbed a pastry, toying with it, not quite ready to eat it. She regretted nothing, but the cold light of day brought with it a host of implications from the actions of the night before.

  ‘I can see it, Elena,’ he said as he reached for a pastry.

  ‘What?’

  ‘You, thinking. Your mind is racing.’

  It felt surreal to discuss this now. She didn’t want to break whatever spell they had created last night and was suddenly self-conscious in her own skin.

  ‘Last night,’ she said as she swept her hair behind her ear. ‘We didn’t use any protection.’

  He smiled and took a bite of the pastry. ‘No, we didn’t. So?’

  ‘So, aren’t you worried about little things like accidental conception or other… health issues?’

  Pregnancy wasn’t a worry for her. A contraceptive implant had sorted that after a night out six months into her relationship with Adam. Both reckless with the effects of alcohol, he’d persuaded her to forget the protection, just that once. She’d always wanted children, but in the future, long into the future, and when she was two weeks late, she was consumed with anxiety at the possibility that one wholly forgettable night might have resulted in a baby and a change of direction in her life. The day her period finally did arrive, she’d taken herself to the doctor to have a contraceptive implant fitted immediately, vowing never to get in that position again.

  Ethan chuckled. ‘Are you blushing?’

  ‘No,’ she countered, feeling the heat in her cheeks. ‘But for someone who appears to like control in his life, it seems odd that you wouldn’t consider the implications of babies in all of this. Unless that’s what you want – me, confined and dependent on you, raising our children, the fruits of this
strange relationship?’

  ‘You don’t need to worry,’ he said, still finding amusement in the conversation. ‘Even I realise a baby in this scenario would be fucked up. But I also knew it wasn’t a risk.’

  ‘How?’

  ‘Because I checked your records.’

  ‘Oh.’

  ‘I needed to know as much as I could about you before you were captured; if you had any life-threatening medical conditions, stuff like that, and that’s when I saw you had an implant.’ His eyes roamed over the contours of her body. ‘And that you’re in good health.’

  She stared at him, dumbfounded.

  ‘I know, I know, a massive invasion of privacy,’ he said. ‘And I’ll explain more about that later, but right now, I’m sensing that babies are not really the issue here, are they.’

  She tried hard to hold on to her indignation but was unable to. ‘I guess not.’

  ‘No, so what you really want to know is whether I’ve just passed on a host of nasty diseases to you. Is that right?’

  She kept his gaze. ‘So… have you?’

  ‘Of course I haven’t,’ he assured. ‘My body is as clean as a whistle. You have no worries there.’ He drank his coffee. ‘Not so sure about my soul though.’

  She nodded and raised her mug to her lips. ‘That we can agree on.’

  ‘Glad we’re on the same page.’

  ‘So where do we go from here?’ she asked, calmer now.

  He put his mug down and went to her, placing his hands on the countertop either side of her waist, any personal space invaded.

  ‘We go to mine.’

  She raised her eyes to his. ‘Yours?’

  ‘Yes, that’s right. What do you think about that?’

  ‘I think it sounds dangerous.’

  ‘Perhaps.’

  ‘Why do we need to leave here?’ she asked, butterflies dancing in her stomach.

  ‘Well, apart from wanting you in my space, you have many questions that need to be answered, and that’ll be easier to do at mine.’

  She considered it, nerves and desire mingling together.

  He smiled at her hesitation. ‘Question is, are you brave enough to trust me?’

  The caffeine swirled around her system, giving her energy and an unfounded sense of confidence. ‘Okay, whatever you want.’

  ‘Hmm, you’d better be careful with comments like that,’ he murmured under his breath.

  ‘And why’s that?’

  ‘Because I might decide to keep you there,’ he said, his eyes on hers, like a hawk about to take its prey.

  ***

  Ethan waited in his car outside her building, its engine running, watching her shut the heavy front door and make her way down the steps. She had guessed the car would be impressive, quality, and she was right – a black Audi SUV with tinted windows, the driver’s side down.

  She joined him and buckled up, tucking a bag with a few of her things between her feet. A smile of satisfaction curled his lips as he snaked into the traffic, taking her away from everything that was familiar to her.

  He glanced at her. ‘Are you nervous?’

  ‘Me, nervous? Of what exactly? Of you taking me somewhere unknown?’ She laughed. ‘Come on, Ethan, we’ve been there and done that. I’m not sure nervous is the word I’d use for me right now.’ She turned and looked at him. ‘Crazy, maybe.’

  ‘I like crazy,’ he said.

  ‘I bet you do.’

  He placed his hand on her thigh, and she recognised it for the possessive action it was. It didn’t bother her and she made herself comfortable in the deep, black leather seat, the car’s interior as equally impressive as its exterior.

  They headed south, towards the Thames, and soon they were driving through Blackfriars underpass and picking up signs for Royal Docklands. She knew the area reasonably well; she and Adam had found a few restaurants there when he was looking for a place of his own. Working in Canary Wharf meant that Adam had considered all of the surrounding area until he settled on a place in Marsh Wall. Apprehension crept in about the implications of him being so close by. They were over long before she had chosen Ethan and she was content with that, but at the same time she’d behaved a little shabbily, not yet officially ending their relationship. It’s okay. I’ll deal with it, like everything else. Baby steps, Elena.

  It wasn’t long before Ethan was driving down into a cavernous car park under a large dockside block of apartments. They had arrived, and butterflies began to dance in her stomach again as the realisation of what she’d agreed to suddenly hit her, and the potentially dangerous situation she now found herself. She’d let him take her away from her life, everything that was safe and familiar to her, without anyone’s knowledge. She was alone with him, and silently prayed she was right to trust him, that this wasn’t some charade to take her away again, captive and part of a new ransom demand.

  He switched off the engine and unbuckled his seatbelt. She couldn’t move. Something Ethan noticed too as he calmly unbuckled her belt while she struggled to compose herself.

  ‘It’s okay, Elena,’ he said as he opened his door and got out of the car.

  She got out too, functioning in a daze, but soon felt an arm around her waist as Ethan guided her towards the lift bank that would take them to the apartments above.

  The doors opened at the fifth floor, the very top of the building, and they walked the length of a white-walled corridor, with wooden beams crisscrossing the ceiling, until they came to a pale wooden door. He unlocked it and gestured for her to step inside.

  She glanced around warily, her heart pumping, and took a step back. ‘Wait. I just need a minute.’

  He saw her hesitation and reached out to touch her arm. ‘This is just my place, that’s all.’

  She nodded, took a breath, and stepped into a large open plan room of white-washed walls, broken up by exposed brickwork running down the length of the room to her left. Industrial-style metal windows punctured the brick and highlighted the river view below, giving a clue to the history of this former warehouse. Wooden A-frame beams ran across the ceiling, exposing the original roof space, making it open and light. A couple of white low-back sofas sat in front of her, and behind them, in the far corner of the room, was a large modern kitchen. To the left of the kitchen was a dining table and glazed double doors leading to a small balcony. The simplistic mix of white and pale wood dominated the space and she was surprised at how welcoming it was.

  ‘This is really nice,’ she murmured, cautiously taking it in.

  ‘Take a look around,’ he offered as he threw his keys into the small bowl on the side table by the door.

  She did just that. Hesitantly at first, she wandered down the corridor to the right of the living room, with matching wooden doors and a soft, cream carpet. She checked out the two bedrooms, the bathroom, and a gym – all with white walls, exposed brickwork, and the same airy pitched ceilings.

  The final room at the end of the corridor housed a large desk jammed with computer screens, laptops, tablets, and multiple mobile phones. A nest of leads and wires littered the floor and rectangular black boxes with flashing lights of green and red stood to attention on the carpet. The puzzle was becoming clearer as to how he had obtained her records.

  Better get used to this Elena, because this is part of your life now. You need answers, and he’s the one that can give them to you.

  A vintage office swivel chair sat in front of the desk, its wood worn and brown leather faded – a relic of another time – and large canvasses of iconic city skylines hung from the walls. It was a masculine space and it was clear that this was his home. She relaxed her taut shoulders. There was no threat here, no second attempt at abduction that she could see. She had been right to trust him, he’d been true to his word.

  She turned and locked eyes with him as he leant against the door frame, his arms folded, relaxed.

  ‘So, this is my office,’ he said.

  ‘So I can see,’ she said as she glanced ov
er the laptops and tablets. His little enigmas. ‘Just how many devices does one man need in order to do whatever it is that you do?’

  ‘It’ll all become clear, don’t worry.’

  ‘I’m counting on it,’ she said as she wandered along the desk trailing her finger over the surface.

  ‘I’m very impressed that you allowed me to bring you here,’ he said as he watched her move.

  ‘That’s because I continue to trust you.’

  ‘Dangerous.’

  ‘I know,’ she said, spinning the chair around to face him.

  ‘So what now, Elena?’

  ‘Well, now I’m here, I think I’d like to know a little of your history,’ she said, taking a seat. ‘Especially as it’s clear you know all of mine.’

  ‘What do you want to know?’

  ‘Everything,’ she said, glancing at the screens before turning back to him.

  ‘Okay,’ he said. ‘Whatever you want.’

  Chapter 18

  ‘I gain information. Important, sensitive information,’ Ethan said as he grabbed another chair from the corner of the room and joined Elena. ‘And I can access and disrupt communication systems around the world as and when I choose.’

  She sat back in her chair and rested her elbows against the arms, listening quietly as her heart thundered in her chest.

  ‘Have you heard of a movement called Anonymous?’ he asked.

  She shook her head.

  ‘They’re cyber activists who have the ability to hack into major corporations and government agency sites globally, and they regularly do. They have the power to disrupt, to shut down or compromise sites for the sake of a particular cause, and think nothing of releasing personal information of their targets. They’re viewed both as freedom fighters or terrorists, depending on which side of the fence you sit.’

  ‘Are you in this group?’ she asked.

  ‘Not really, and nothing I’d ever openly admit to. I’ve dabbled here and there when I’ve felt the need, if there’s been a cause that was important to me. But it’s a dangerous business, they’re unpredictable and there have been several arrests from linked activity within the group, so the least amount of involvement I have the better. I’m not ready to spend time at Her Majesty’s pleasure just yet.’