YOLO Juliet
Page 5
Romeo and Juliet are in a relationship.
For eternity.
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Capulet: Cheers!
Lady Capulet: Oh, honey! So happy for you. I hope you wore white. Love, Mom.
Montague: I ordered a gift from the registry. Should be there in a week.
Benvolio: Congrats! You guys were always my favorite couple.
Nurse: Aw, yeah! Get it, you two. #instalove
The 411 for Those Not in the Know
411: Information
ASAP: As Soon As Possible
BB: Bye-Bye
BFF: Best Friend Forever
BRB: Be Right Back
BTW: By The Way
FML: F*ck My Life
FOMO: Fear Of Missing Out
G2G: Got To Go
GL2U: Good Luck To You
GTFO: Get The F*ck Out
IDGAF: I Don’t Give A F*ck
IDK: I Don’t Know
IDEK: I Don’t Even Know
IMHO: In My Humble Opinion
IRL: In Real Life
L8R: Later
NBD: No Big Deal
NP: No Problem
OMG: Oh My God
OMFG: Oh My F*cking God
SMH: Shaking My Head
STFU: Shut The F*ck Up
TBH: To Be Honest
TL;DR: Too Long; Didn’t Read
TT4N: Ta Ta For Now
TTYL: Talk To You Later
TTYS: Talk To You Soon
TY: Thank You
WTF: What The F*ck
YOLO: You Only Live Once
Some Emotions You Might Find in This Book
Angry
Anguished
Confused
Dead/Dying
Devious
Disappointed
Embarrassed
Extremely angry (fuming)
Extremely sad (crying)
Flirty
Friendly (wink, wink)
Frustrated
Goofy
Happy
Indifferent
Love
Sad
Shocked
Shocked and screaming
Sick
Silly
Sleepy
Unamused
Worried
Zipped mouth
BRETT WRIGHT has a BFA in creative writing and works full-time as a children’s book editor in New York City. In college, he studied Shakespearean tragedy, which was sadly lacking in emoticons. His greatest love affair has been with pizza.
@brettwright
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE was born in Stratford-upon-Avon in 1564. He was an English poet, playwright, and actor, widely regarded as the greatest writer in the English language and the world’s preeminent dramatist. His plays have been translated into every major language and are performed more often than those of any other playwright.
Laertes
And listen…there’s something else I want 2 talk 2 u about.
Ophelia
your excessive use of 2s???
Laertes
Ha. Ha. Ha.
Ophelia
i’m listening…
Laertes
I know u have been hanging out w/ Hamlet a lot lately. I just want 2 make sure you’re not getting . Sure he might say he u now. But he’s the prince. His #1 priority is & always will b . Please just don’t get .
Ophelia
i know, i know. you have nothing to worry about.
Laertes
So you’ll b careful?
Ophelia
i have your words in my and you alone have the . but it goes both ways. you better stay out of trouble in !
Laertes
Polonius
Son, b4 u go, I made this for u.
Advice 4 Laertes on His Trip 2 :
1. B careful what u say.
2. b4 u act.
3. B friendly, but not 2 friendly.
4. Hold on 2 good friends , but don’t waste ur on every new person that comes into ur life.
5. Stay out of fights. But if u find urself in 1 anyway, kick some ***.
6. Listen 2 every1, but don’t waste & energy on ppl who don’t deserve it.
7. what other ppl do, but don’t them.
8. Dress nicely, but don’t go overboard. (u know how ppl are.)
9. Don’t borrow or lend 2 friends or u might lose both. And/or u might start 2 resent them. And/or they might start 2 resent u!
10. Above all: b true 2 urself. If u are completely urself, then u b fake 2 any1!!
Laertes
Thx, Dad. I’ll let u know when I get there.
Polonius
Good luck!
Group text: Laertes, Ophelia, Polonius
Laertes
About 2 board. Bye, guys. Ophelia, remember wut I said!!
Ophelia
xoxo
Polonius
U can tell me what that was about when I get .
Ophelia
sigh. if you must know, it was about hamlet.
Polonius
I knew it. U 2 have been spending a lot of 2gether. What’s going on? & don’t u dare lie 2 me!
Ophelia
dad, it’s just…
he me.
Polonius
He probably CANOODLING w/ u!
Ophelia
ew. dad. please don’t ever say something like that again.
Polonius
Don’t b naïve. He’s the prince! Do I need 2 make U a of advice like ur brother?! That’s it. U r forbidden 2 speak 2 Hamlet ever again.
Ophelia
dad, stop. you’re overreacting. he’s serious about me. soon??
Polonius
You rly don’t have a choice. This ends NOW, Ophelia.
Ophelia
fine. but he’s not gonna like it.
Ophelia has updated her relationship status from “In a relationship” to “It’s complicated.”