Jacob Two-Two on the High Seas

by Cary Fagan

  Mr. Scrounger put his hands around his mouth and shouted. “Morgenbesser! Come here!” But the man couldn’t hear over the noise of the engine. “Morgenbesser!”

  This time the huge man stopped. He turned with a frown. When he saw them, he raised his shovel and plunged it into the pile of coal, leaving it standing upright. He took one big stride after another until he reached them and came to a stop, crossing his massive arms. Jacob felt his knees shaking. Both he and Cindy took a step back.

  “What is it?” the giant man said in a deep voice.

  “Here are two helpers for you. Jacob Two-Two and Cindy. Put them to work – and don’t go easy on them. Do you understand?”

  Morgenbesser looked at the two children and smiled. “I understand,” he said.

  Mr. Scrounger laughed as he turned around, pulled open the door, and let himself out. Jacob and Cindy were now alone with the huge man. Jacob felt Cindy nervously take his hand. Be brave, Jacob told himself.

  “Hello, Morgenbesser,” Jacob managed to squeak out. “It’s nice to meet you, nice to meet you.”

  Morgenbesser stared at them harder. He put his tremendous hand into his trouser pocket and brought it out again. He held out his fist and slowly opened his fingers.

  “Would either of you like a piece of gum?”

  Jacob looked down at Morgenbesser’s open hand. In his palm rested two wrapped squares of Pinko-Winko Extra-Stretch Bubble Gum, which happened to be Jacob’s favorite. He wasn’t sure if he should take it, but Cindy whispered to him, “It would be most impolite to refuse.” They each took a piece. The wrapper was smudged with coal dust, but inside the gum was fresh. Jacob popped it into his mouth.

  “Thank you,” Jacob said. “Are you going to make us shovel coal now? Are you?”

  For the first time, Morgenbesser smiled. “I’m supposed to do whatever Mr. Scrounger tells me. But I don’t like him very much. He isn’t a nice man. No doubt he isn’t putting the big kids to work because the parents would believe them if they told. He thinks they won’t believe you. But I would enjoy just having your company. It gets awfully lonely down here by myself. You don’t happen to like playing checkers, do you?”

  “I do like checkers. I do,” Jacob said.

  “So do I. And I’m really good,” said Cindy.

  “Then follow me.” Morgenbesser led them to the other side of the engine room. There was a small table made from wooden boards, with three barrels placed around it. Morgenbesser had used a piece of coal to draw a checkerboard on top of the table. He used pennies and nickels for playing pieces. The three of them took turns playing the game. Cindy really was good. She beat Morgenbesser eight times and Jacob five times. Jacob beat Cindy twice and Morgenbesser four times, so he didn’t mind. While they were playing, Jacob noticed a ring on Morgenbesser’s finger. On the ring were the letters WWWL. Jacob knew what those letters stood for – the Wacky World Wrestling League.

  “Were you a wrestler? Were you a wrestler?” Jacob asked excitedly.

  “Yes, I was,” Morgenbesser said. “But I didn’t like throwing people up in the air and slamming them and stomping on them. So I had to quit.”

  “Do you know The Hooded Fang? Do you know him?”

  “Sure I do. He’s a very sweet guy, although he doesn’t like it if you try to get mushy. We had two wrestling matches. He won the first and I won the second, so we tied. Oh, goody, I can jump three of your pieces!”

  Morgenbesser told Jacob and Cindy that they shouldn’t trust Mr. Scrounger. Lately, the first mate seemed to be up to even more no-good than usual. He advised them to keep an eye out for anything odd. “If you see anything suspicious, come and tell Morgenbesser,” said their new friend.

  “We will, we will,” Jacob said. And because he liked Morgenbesser so much, he let him win the next game.

  CHAPTER 6

  ust before it was time for dinner, Morgenbesser smeared coal dust on Jacob’s and Cindy’s hands and faces. When Mr. Scrounger returned, he found them busily shoveling coal into a wheelbarrow. “Well, Morgenbesser, I can see these two have had some real sailor’s experience! Now come along, you two, and get washed up. We can’t have your parents see you like this.”

  When Jacob and Cindy entered the dining room, there wasn’t a smudge of coal dust on them. Mr. Scrounger had made sure they scrubbed their hands and faces with harsh soap. Jacob was glad to return to his family, and he couldn’t wait to tell them about how mean Mr. Scrounger was. The dining room was enormous, with a high ceiling and real crystal chandeliers, and an orchestra was playing a waltz. Jacob watched the Bubov Brothers balance plates and wine glasses on their noses to entertain the other guests at their table. He listened to Percy Swishbottom argue with his dummy over who should get the maraschino cherry in their drink. He observed Mr. Peabody demonstrate a ukulele that squirted water when it was strummed.

  Jacob’s family sat at the captain’s table. So was Cindy’s mother, who immediately called her over. “Cynthia Francis Louise Snootcastle, you come right here. Sit down at once. It shows ill breeding to be late. I expect such behavior from your little friend here, but not from you. As you can see, we have been seated with your new friend’s family. If I had known, I would not have pleaded for seats at the captain’s table.”

  Jacob sat down between his parents. “There you are, Jacob,” his father said. “Having such a good time that you forgot what time it was, I suppose.”

  “Yes, you must have been having fun,” Captain Sparkletooth said. “You and Cindy are the only children who did not have their photographs taken with me. Everyone considers a photograph with me to be the most precious souvenir of the voyage. But don’t be disappointed, we can take them tomorrow.”

  “But I only had fun because of Morgenbesser. Because of Morgenbesser!” Jacob said. “Mr. Scrounger wanted Cindy and me to work in the engine room.”

  “The engine room?” Captain Sparkletooth said. “That’s a dangerous place. Children are not permitted there. I’m not permitted there. You must have a very good imagination, Jacob Two-Two.”

  “But Jacob didn’t imagine it,” Cindy said. “I was there too.”

  “Child, it is rude to be so insistent,” said Mrs. Snootcastle. “No doubt it is the influence of that boy.”

  “Why don’t we ask Mr. Scrounger?” suggested Captain Sparkletooth.

  Mr. Scrounger was making sure that the underpaid waiters did not slip any food into their pockets. He came over and saluted.

  “Yes, Captain?”

  “Could you tell us what Jacob Two-Two and Cindy did this afternoon?”

  “Most certainly. We all played a game. Jacob Two-Two called it Engine Room. We pretended that sugar cubes were pieces of coal. It was jolly good fun.”

  Jacob saw that Morgenbesser was right. Mr. Scrounger had chosen Jacob and Cindy because he knew that the grown-ups wouldn’t believe them. He gave up trying to tell the truth.

  CHAPTER 7

  hat night, Jacob slept on a ship for the first time. He had a lower berth, which was a kind of bunk that folded out from the wall, with Noah above him and Daniel across from him. The only glow was moonlight coming in from the cabin’s oval window. His older brothers had been reading, but soon the gentle rocking of the ship had put them to sleep.

  But Jacob was still awake. He thought about his new friends, Cindy and Morgenbesser, and how glad he was to have met them. He worried about what Mr. Scrounger might be up to. Worrying about Mr. Scrounger wasn’t the same as worrying about tying his shoes so that the laces didn’t always come undone, nor was it like worrying about buttoning his shirt properly. It was a bigger worry than that. But what was Mr. Scrounger up to?

  Jacob tried to put himself to sleep by counting by twos. “Two … four … six,” he whispered. But it didn’t help. Then he heard something.

  A knock. There it was again, on the door of their cabin. He crept out of bed and over to the door and whispered, “Who is it? Who is it?”

  “It’s Cindy. I need to talk to you
.”

  Jacob opened the door. There she was, in her pajamas too. “Come with me,” she said. Jacob closed the door gently behind him. He and Cindy crept down the hall and stopped in front of her cabin door. “I heard a strange fluttering noise. Then I heard a squawking noise,” said Cindy.

  “What was it? What was it?” asked Jacob, becoming even more worried.

  “I don’t know, but I think we should find out. It went somewhere down the hall. Let’s follow it.”

  “But I’m not supposed to wander around the ship at night. I’m not supposed to,” Jacob said.

  Cindy looked at him impatiently. “Fine. Wait for me in my room. I’ll come back and report what I find.”

  “But isn’t your mother in there?”

  “She’s sound asleep. Don’t worry, go in. I’ll be back in a minute.”

  Cindy opened her door and pushed Jacob inside. The room was dark. Mrs. Snootcastle must have pulled the curtain across the window. After a moment, he could see the little sink, table, the berths, and the mound that was Mrs. Snootcastle, under her blanket. Mrs. Snootcastle was snoring. It sounded like somebody sawing through a drainpipe. Suddenly, Mrs. Snootcastle coughed, snorted, and turned over.

  “Cindy? Ah … Cindy?” she muttered.

  What was he to do? Jacob tried to make his voice sound like Cindy’s. “I’m here, Mother,” he said.

  Mrs. Snootcastle snorted again, as if she were not really awake. “Did you … did you remember to kiss the garbage and take your father out to the curb?” she asked.

  “Yes, Mother.”

  “Good… .” Mrs. Snootcastle’s voice faded away, and she started to snore again.

  A moment later, the door opened and Cindy pulled Jacob back into the hallway. “Your mother almost woke up. She almost woke up,” Jacob said.

  But Cindy ignored him. “I found it! I found what the fluttering was!” she said.

  “What was it? What was it?” Jacob asked.

  “It’s down at the end of the hall. Want to come and see it?”

  Of course Jacob did. He and Cindy took off down the hall. As they turned around the corner, he saw something on the deck, something green and yellow. It was a bird. Not just a bird, but a parrot! The bird turned its head to look at them, stretched out its wings, and said in a squawking voice, “I’m in love with a vacuum cleaner! I’m in love with a vacuum cleaner!”

  Jacob and Cindy looked at each other and giggled. The parrot could talk, and it said things twice, just like Jacob Two-Two. Jacob crouched down and in a gentle voice, said, “Come here, little parrot, I won’t hurt you. I won’t hurt you.”

  “Mashed potatoes on your head! Mashed potatoes on your head!” squawked the parrot. Jacob and Cindy giggled again, but just then, one of the cabin doors opened and out came Mr. Scrounger. He wasn’t dressed in his uniform, instead he wore a nightgown, with a floppy nightcap on his head.

  “So there you are, you pesky bird,” Mr. Scrounger said.

  “Is he your parrot?” asked Cindy.

  “Yes, he is. I’ve been teaching him to talk. But he won’t say the things I want him to say, the things that parrots are supposed to say, like ‘Polly want a cracker’ and ‘Pieces of eight.’ It’s very disappointing, especially since I don’t even like birds. Now come on, bird, get back in here.”

  “Kiss my feathered butt! Kiss my feathered butt!” said the parrot.

  “Why, you …” muttered Mr. Scrounger. He lunged for the bird, but it fluttered up into the air, and Mr. Scrounger landed facedown on the deck. Then the bird flew through the open cabin door. Mr. Scrounger got up, straightening his nightgown and cap. “There will be no crackers for you,” he said, as he walked into his cabin and slammed the door behind him. Jacob and Cindy said good night and went back to their own cabins. It wasn’t long before Jacob was fast asleep.

  CHAPTER 8

  irst thing in the morning, Jacob and Cindy ran down to the engine room to see Morgenbesser. He had just cooked himself two eggs by putting a pan on top of the engine. They told him about finding the parrot and how Mr. Scrounger appeared and took it into his room.

  “How very strange,” said Morgenbesser, rubbing his head with his enormous hand. “Why would Mr. Scrounger have a bird when he doesn’t like pets? It’s very peculiar. I’m glad you’ve told me. Keep your eyes open for anything else unusual.”

  Jacob and Cindy told him they would and hurried back up the stairs. As they went to join their parents for breakfast, Jacob thought about how nice it would be to have a parrot as a pet. But then, he thought it would be nice to have almost any animal as a pet. He’d never had one.

  After breakfast, Mr. Scrounger called the children to the deck once more. “Today I’ve got some real fun lined up for you kids,” he said. “First we’re going to play pinball.”

  “I love pinball!” said Daniel.

  “Then we’re going to watch three Godzilla movies.”

  “Those are the best,” said Marfa.

  “Do we get to play pinball too?” said Jacob. “Do we?”

  “And watch movies?” said Cindy.

  “Oh no, pinball is much too hard for children your size. And Godzilla movies are too scary. I have a special treat for the two of you. As for you older children, off you go to the games room. And you two can come with me.”

  Jacob Two-Two looked at Cindy, who just shrugged. After all, their parents didn’t believe them. There was nothing they could do but go with Mr. Scrounger. He took them along the deck to a metal door. “Are you ready?” he said excitedly. “One, two, three – ta-da!”

  Mr. Scrounger opened the metal door. It was a closet. In the closet were buckets and mops.

  “What are these for?” Cindy asked.

  “The two of you get to continue to act like real sailors. You’re going to swab the deck!”

  “What does that mean? What does that mean?” asked Jacob, who had never heard of such a thing.

  “You fill the pails with soapy water and use the mops to clean the floor. The decks need to shine like glass. Now here’s a bucket and a mop for each of you. We’ll just fill the buckets with soap and water at the sink here. Now you’re all set to have yourselves a swell time.”

  Jacob thought that swabbing the deck did look like fun, at least sort of. And it was fun for a while, as he and Cindy plopped their mops into the buckets and swished them along the deck. But then Jacob’s arms began to get sore. Not long after that, his back began to hurt. A little while later, he got cramps in his hands. But he and Cindy kept at it, moving along the deck.

  Some of the adults were sitting in deck chairs reading books or magazines. Without looking, they lifted their feet so that Jacob could swab underneath them. All except one, who said, “Ahoy, matey, you almost scrubbed my shoes.” It was Jacob’s father.

  “Dad, Dad!” Jacob cried. “Mr. Scrounger is making us swab the deck!”

  “Just like real sailors, eh? You’re pretty lucky kids. You enjoy yourselves now.” Jacob’s father closed his eyes.

  Jacob considered how to convince his father that swabbing the deck wasn’t much fun after an hour or two, but then his father began to snore. So he stuck his mop back in the pail and kept swabbing.

  Finally, he and Cindy reached the end of the deck. Looking back, they could see the deck sparkling in the sunlight. “I see you’ve finished here,” said Mr. Scrounger, who seemed to pop up from nowhere. “You’ve done an excellent job. Now all you have to do is swab the lower deck.”

  “The lower deck! My arms are tired,” moaned Cindy.

  “No complaining now. Real sailors don’t whine. Pick up your buckets and mops and follow me.” Mr. Scrounger took them down to the lower deck and left them to swab once more.

  “I’m so tired,” Cindy said. “I don’t know how we can do this deck too.” Just then a door opened slowly. Jacob and Cindy stopped to see who it was.

  “Morgenbesser!” Jacob cried. The enormous man smiled. He was so tall, he had to lean over so his head wouldn’t bang th
e top of the doorway.

  “I heard about you two swabbing the decks. That’s not easy work for people your size. So I thought I’d give you a hand.” And before Jacob and Cindy could even say “Thank you,” Morgenbesser went to work. He picked up one mop in each hand, dunked them into the buckets, and began to swab at twice the speed as they did. In a jiffy, he was done.

  “That was amazing,” Cindy said.

  “Now I better get back to the engine room before Mr. Scrounger sees me. I don’t want to lose my job. See you later!” He put down the mops and squeezed back through the door. Jacob and Cindy looked at each other and grinned.

  “Hurray for Morgenbesser! Hurray for Morgenbesser!” Jacob chanted. Then the door opened, and out came Mr. Scrounger with a scowl on his face.

  “What, standing about when you’re supposed to be working? This won’t do at all.”

  “But we’ve finished, we’ve finished,” Jacob said.

  “Impossible. Let me see … but you have! Well, you two are even better sailors than I thought. In that case, I better give you another job.”

  “Another?” Cindy moaned.

  “That’s right. How about the two of you clean my cabin. It’s an awful mess and Captain Sparkle-tooth is doing an inspection today. He loves doing inspections – it’s what he does best. I’m sure the two of you can get my cabin in shipshape. Come along then, there’s no time to waste!”

  Just about the last thing that Jacob wanted to do was clean Mr. Scrounger’s room, but he and Cindy followed behind. Mr. Scrounger opened his door and said “Get to it now, and no lollygagging.”

  “He certainly is right about it being a mess,” said Cindy, when they were alone. “Even my room never gets this bad.” There were dirty coffee cups everywhere, the garbage can was overflowing with candy wrappers, and newspapers were strewn all over the floor. Green and yellow feathers from the parrot floated everywhere.

  “Hello, Polly. Hello,” said Jacob.

  “Apple sauce in your underpants! Apple sauce in your underpants,” said the parrot, perched on a wooden stand.