When You Are Near

by Tracie Peterson

  “Hogwash.” Mary came to where Lizzy was tightening the laces on her boots. “You and Wes were meant for each other. I knew that the first time I saw you together.”

  “Then someone forgot to tell Wes.” Lizzy grabbed her jacket and made her way outside. The last thing she wanted to do was think about Wes. She and Ella were going to work on some of the more difficult tricks today, and it was important to maintain focus. “Ella, I’ll be in the arena when you’re ready.”

  “Just give us a couple more minutes, Miss Lizzy.” Phillip bent to pick up a large snowball. “We’re just about done. Got to put the head on and then find some things for his eyes and nose.”

  “And his mouth,” Ella added.

  “You could use coal.” Lizzy motioned toward the bunkhouse. “The pail by the stove is usually full.”

  “Don’t I know it,” Phillip said, nodding. “I filled it. That’s a good idea, though.”

  Lizzy smiled and watched as Phillip plopped the head atop the snowman’s body. She could remember her father teaching her to make a snowman when they still lived in Illinois. Lizzy couldn’t have been more than four or five. Father had been like Phillip. His nature had always been playful and infectious. Mother had even joined them, putting aside her normal chores to play. Lizzy smiled as she remembered the snowball fight her parents had gotten into. It had ended with Mother hitting Father in the head with a snowball. Father had fallen backward into a snowbank as if mortally wounded. It had frightened Lizzy and her mother. Both had run to see if he was still alive, and as they bent over him, Father had pulled them down into the snow with him. They had laughed until their sides ached.

  “Lizzy?”

  She looked up to see she was about to walk straight into Wes. She was still smiling, but that faded. “Morning, Wes.”

  “You getting ready to practice?” He pushed his Stetson back a bit.

  “Yes. I promised Ella we’d work on some of the more difficult tricks today.” She waited for his condemnation, but none came.

  “Well, Cookie said you want to go into town to pick up some Christmas gifts. I’m planning to drive in to get supplies. I’m leaving in about ten minutes, and you’re welcome to ride along.”

  She knew this was her best chance of getting to Miles City, but why did it have to be with Wes? She sighed and realized there was no way out of it. There was only another week until Christmas. The month of December had passed so quickly. If she didn’t take the opportunity to go with Wes, she might not get another.

  “Thank you. Just let me tell Ella.”

  Lizzy wasn’t at all sure about this. She and Wes had worked together amiably enough on ranch business, but it had been hard to set her feelings aside. Try as she might not to love him, she couldn’t help herself. Thankfully there was no chance of the feeling being returned, or she might have been in big trouble. With that thought as assurance that she’d be all right, Lizzy went back to explain things to Ella.

  “I have to cancel our practice, but you and Mary can definitely work on some of her shooting tricks.” Phillip was returning with coal from the bunkhouse. “I need to let Mother know what I’m doing. If you need anything from town, just let Wes know. He’ll be out here with the wagon momentarily.”

  Ella nodded as she continued to pack snow to create a neck for the snowman.

  Lizzy made her way back to the house. She found Mother in the kitchen, packing a basket of food.

  “I’m going to ride to town with Wes. I have some things I want to pick up for Christmas.”

  Mother looked up and smiled. “I knew Wes was planning a trip in. I’m glad you can spare the time to go. It’ll do you two good to have some time together.”

  “I don’t know about that. I was thinking you could come with us.” Lizzy spoke before thinking about how she’d ever be able to hide the puppy from her mother if she came.

  “Goodness no. I’ve too much to do.” Mother glanced toward the closed door to the dining room. “You probably shouldn’t linger. Jason and your uncle are working at the table, and unless you want Jason going with you . . .” She let the words trail off.

  “No, I would prefer not to be in the middle of things with him and Wes.”

  Mother handed Lizzy the basket of food. “I was going to send this with Wes so he’d have something to eat coming and going. There’s plenty there, however, for you as well.” She took her daughter’s free arm and pulled her toward the back door. “Hurry along, now. You know how unpredictable the weather is this time of year.”

  “I do. Is there anything I can get for you in town?”

  Mother shook her head. “I gave Wes a list for the kitchen, so I believe we’re set.” She kissed Lizzy’s cheek. “See if you two can’t clear up the past while you have nothing better to do. It’s a long drive, and maybe God’s giving you this opportunity where you’ll be uninterrupted.”

  “I’m beginning to think you had something to do with all of this.” Lizzy gave her mother a stern look.

  Her mother just shrugged and waved her on. “You’d best go now.”

  Lizzy hesitated in the doorway. She didn’t want to admit she was afraid of having so much time alone with Wes. They would have to talk about something, and there was no hope of walking away should things get heated.

  By the time Lizzy left the house, Wes had the wagon pulled up and ready to go. Two strong Belgian geldings stood at the ready. Wes took the basket from Lizzy and put it in the back of the wagon under the tarp.

  “Thanks for the grub, Mrs. Brookstone,” he said, giving a wave.

  Lizzy hadn’t realized her mother had followed her outside. She gave Mother a wave, then climbed into the wagon without any help. Wes jumped up the opposite side and took the lines.

  “It’s clouding up, but if the weather holds, we should be back later this evening.” He reached under the seat, pulled out a thick wool blanket, and handed it to Lizzy. “If it turns on us, we’ll stay in Miles City.” He released the brake, then snapped the lines. “Let’s go, boys.”

  “Don’t take any chances,” Mother called after them.

  Lizzy thought the entire trip alone with Wes was a big chance, but she did want to iron out the past so they could work together better. So many times she had made a comment about something from her childhood only to see Wes grow sullen. She wanted to understand why he had been so closed off with his feelings and thoughts these last few years. She understood why things had changed between them when Clarissa was alive, but why had he all but turned away from her these last two years? Was he afraid Lizzy would demand his love? Love that he could never give?

  The first few miles of the trip were spent in silence. Lizzy had a dozen questions she wanted to ask, but sitting so near Wes made rational thinking impossible. She was still in love with him. She couldn’t deny that—at least not to herself.

  “Looks like some weather is moving in from the west,” he murmured.

  Lizzy looked out across the landscape. He was right. A dark bank of clouds lined the horizon, while overhead the skies were turning gray. They drove on in silence, but Lizzy was ever mindful of the weather. She remembered her father always admonishing her to be weather-minded.

  “It’s not like Illinois, Lizzy. The weather up here is different, and the distance to safety is farther. You always need to keep an eye on what’s happening,” he would tell her.

  At the halfway mark, the wind picked up, and it began to snow. Grateful for the blanket, Lizzy wrapped it around her. She thought of offering to share it with Wes but knew there was at least one more blanket beneath the seat. If he was cold, he’d wrap up.

  The snow came at first in tiny flakes. The wind blew it around them in a swirl of white, but it wasn’t enough to stop their journey. It wasn’t long, however, before it changed to a heavier assault with larger flakes. Lizzy hoped it would pass quickly and without any serious accumulation, but as the minutes passed, it was clear this wasn’t the case. She knew they were in a dangerous situation when the visibility clos
ed to no more than a few feet in front of the team. The blowing snow blinded them to any hint of the road.

  “We’re gonna have to take shelter and wait it out,” Wes said. “Gus’s Break is just ahead. We’ll stop there.”

  Lizzy nodded. She had already thought of that place and figured it would be their best bet. Their old ranch foreman, Gus, had discovered the spot when he and Lizzy’s uncle were making a better road to Miles City from the ranch. Positioned a short distance from the river, the hill and its rocky outcroppings made a nice place to stop if a person needed to rest or fix a wagon. The men hadn’t built an actual shelter, but they had stored wood for fires and kept a variety of other useful tools on hand. It wasn’t much, but it was better than trying to navigate in a blizzard.

  “Take the lines.” Wes handed them over. “I’m gonna lead them in.”

  Lizzy waited as he climbed down and took hold of the horse on the right. He pulled the team forward and then off the main road. The narrow trail wasn’t too bad. Wes and the ranch hands had come this way when they took calves to market just two weeks earlier. They’d tramped down the path then, stopping at the resting place on their way back.

  Wes led the horses in such a way as to bring the wagon close to the rocky outcropping where the best coverage could be had. “This is good.” Lizzy barely heard his voice over the wind. “Set the brake,” he said, coming back to the wagon.

  Lizzy did so, then handed Wes the lines. She allowed him to help her down, given the icy buildup on the wheel and hub.

  “I’ll get the horses settled,” he said with a nod. “You get a fire going.”

  She went to work without a second thought. The cowboys had left wood stacked under the rock ledge. She gathered several pieces and piled them close to the wagon. She found the wooden box where the men kept a number of helpful items and pulled a tinder box with matches and oily rags from it.

  She looked around for the perfect place to make the fire and decided to clear the area where the tools were stored. There was the slightest rock shelf overhead, and it would give the fire a bit of protection. The wooden box was heavy, but Lizzy took her time scooting and rocking it along the ground. Next, she took the lid of the box and used it to shovel snow. Finally, she had a nice cleared spot and set the logs in place.

  Despite the heavy snow, Lizzy soon had a decent fire going. Wes had positioned the wagon in just the right place, giving them protection from two sides, thanks to the way the hill was hollowed out. The wagon would block the wind from a third direction, and with the help of the tarp, they would do well enough.

  While Wes finished with the horses, Lizzy went to the wagon and took out the basket of food. She placed it under the wagon not far from the fire. She returned to retrieve the blankets and a length of rope. Under the blankets was Wesley’s rifle, so she brought that as well. It’d be good to have in case there was any trouble, although Lizzy couldn’t imagine there would be. Not many folks were brave enough to endure the weather, and this road was only used to get from the ranch to the main road heading into town. She didn’t anticipate anyone passing by.

  Once she had gathered their provisions, Lizzy began to wonder what had happened to Wes. Icy snow stung her eyes, and she wiped her gloved hand over her face to clear her vision. She couldn’t even see ten feet in front of her. The wind howled in her ears.

  “Wes?” she called and pulled her hat down tighter.

  Without warning, he appeared at her side. “Untie the tarp from the other side.”

  Lizzy did as he instructed despite her dislike of being ordered around. At a time like this, it would have been foolish to refuse. She unfastened the tarp ties and waited as Wes pulled the loosened edge over the wagon on the opposite side.

  Seeing what he had in mind as he picked up some rocks, Lizzy quickly joined in without him having to say a word. They had to fight the wind, but eventually they managed a little lean-to tent. When it was complete, he crawled under and pushed out the snow as best he could. With that done, he spread one of the blankets on the ground under the tarp and motioned Lizzy inside.

  “This should serve us pretty well,” Wes said, stretching his legs just outside of the lean-to to knock the snow from his boots. “Fire looks good.”

  “I decided to move the box so I could make the fire there. It has a little more protection.”

  “Good thinking.”

  Lizzy was glad he was pleased. “I brought the basket. Oh, your rifle too.” She motioned to where they sat just under the wagon.

  “I’ll get the coffeepot out of the box and melt some snow. Cookie told me he had the boys refill the coffee tin. You want some?”

  “Yes, please.” She was starting to shiver and wrapped the other blanket around her body.

  Half an hour later, she sat nursing steaming coffee while the storm raged on. Until that moment, Wes had kept himself busy with one thing or another, but now he sat down with his own tin cup and gave her an awkward smile.

  “Sure glad Gus and Oliver set this place up.”

  “It would have been even nicer if they had just built a range shack.”

  Wes chuckled and nodded. “That it would.”

  “Would you like something to eat? I’ve taken an inventory, and Mother has enough food here to feed an army.”

  “Food sounds good.”

  Lizzy pulled sandwiches from the basket. “They look like ham and cheese,” she said, handing one to Wes. “There’s more if you need it.”

  For some time they sat in silence, eating and drinking. Wes refilled their cups once, then accepted another sandwich and went back to concentrating on his food. Lizzy wondered how she could open the conversation between them, but she didn’t have to wonder for long.

  “Look, there’s something I’ve been wanting to say for some time.” Wes turned his cup in his gloved hands but didn’t look up. “I’ve been kind of hard on you since you returned. I didn’t set out to be that way, and I want to apologize. I’ve had a lot on my mind, what with Phillip showing up and all.”

  “He’s a nice man. I know you’ve spent many years worrying about where he was. I’m glad he showed up.” She was afraid to make too much of the apology and kept the focus on Phillip.

  Wes glanced up. “Me too, but he’s still full of trouble. He likes to drink.”

  She could see pain in Wesley’s eyes and hear the regret in his voice. “He and Uncle Oliver have much in common, then. Mother says he’s still sneaking drinks, although she’s searched in vain for his supply.”

  Wes didn’t speak, but neither did he look away. Lizzy wanted nothing more than to touch him but knew that was completely uncalled for. Another awkward silence fell between them. Why couldn’t she just say what was on her heart?

  “I’m glad you’ve decided to quit the show,” Wes said.

  The show had long been a bone of contention between them. Wes didn’t like her risking her life to entertain. Lizzy, truth be told, was ready to leave it all behind—well, almost.

  “I told them I’d stay for one more year.” She sipped her coffee.

  “I heard that, but I thought you were training Ella to be your replacement.”

  This time it was Lizzy’s turn to avert her gaze. “I gave a promise.”

  “To Adler?” Wes’s tone was full of sarcasm.

  Lizzy met his questioning gaze. “Yes, to him and to Uncle Oliver. Mary too, if you must know. She wants to find out what happened to her brother.”

  “Maybe so, but it seems to me that Adler is the one trying to keep you close.”

  “Well, no one else wants my company.” Her voice was taking on a shrewish edge, and Lizzy forced herself to calm down. “Why is it of any interest to you, anyway? You’ve made it perfectly clear that you don’t care anything about me.” Why had she said that? She didn’t want him thinking she was looking to win his love. Even if she wanted exactly that.

  “Don’t care? Are you serious? That’s why I don’t want you to return to trick riding. I care very much about you.
I’ve always cared, Lizzy.”

  “So much that you married the first woman who came along just to get away from me.” Lizzy immediately regretted her words. She put the cup to her lips but silently wished the earth would open up and swallow her whole. This wasn’t how she wanted to start a discussion about Clarissa.

  “She was alone in the world,” he countered. “Her folks were dead, and she had no one, Lizzy. She would have been thrown to the wolves. You know that as well as anyone. A woman all alone in the world doesn’t have a lot of options.”

  Lizzy shook her head. “She wasn’t your responsibility, Wes. Mother and Father would have helped her if you’d told them. You knew that. You also knew how I felt about you.” She hesitated to use the word love, but she was certain he still remembered her declaration.

  “You were the boss’s daughter and just a kid.”

  “I was eighteen, and my father loved you like a son. He would have been happy to have you as one.” She put down her empty cup, then pulled the blanket tight around her.

  “I never meant to hurt you, Lizzy. I just didn’t see things the same way.” He turned and studied her for a moment. “By the time I realized . . .” He fell silent, as if he’d said too much.

  “What happened to us, Wes? We were good friends—even after . . .” She hadn’t meant to ask the question aloud, but now that she had, she knew it was the right thing to do. “I got past you marrying Clarissa, and I thought we had a good understanding. But you’ve hardly spoken to me since she died.”

  He sighed and poured himself another cup of coffee. He raised the pot in her direction, but Lizzy shook her head. She didn’t want coffee. She wanted answers.

  She felt awash in guilt. Guilt for something she didn’t even understand. “What did I do wrong?”

  His expression softened. “You didn’t do anything. Although I did try to blame you.”

  She could see the regret in his expression. “Blame me for what?”

  “Clarissa’s death.”

  Her mouth dropped open. “You blamed me? But why? As I understand it, she punctured her lung when she fell from her horse. Complications set in, and she died several days later.”