JUDE: Lords of Carnage MC

by Daphne Loveling

  After word gets around that the cops found André’s body, the Lords start going out of their way to keep Lila’s mind off of that shit and make her as comfortable as possible around them. They start treating her like a real club princess, rallying around her and teasing her. And it works. She starts coming out of her shell even more, and hanging out in the main room more than in her apartment. The back-and-forth she has with a couple of her favorite bikers — Thorn, Hawk, and Tweak in particular — reminds me of old times, when she was just a kid with more guts and bravado than most adults I knew.

  But what’s different is that now, she’s got a woman’s body, and all the sex appeal to go with it. And I ain’t the only person who notices. More than once, I catch some of the prospects giving her the eye. Most of them don’t have the guts to do more, though.

  Steeze, on the other hand, is still keeping up his charm offensive — emphasis on the offensive.

  It should piss me right the fuck off. And it does. But I can’t get in his face as much as I want to, because it’s not like I can claim Lila. She puts up with Steeze’s shit for a while, but eventually she starts to seem like she’s getting sick of his attention. One day, I see them together, standing at the bar at the clubhouse. Steeze is about a foot away from her, and moving in closer. As soon as Lila sees me, she ducks around him and breaks away to walk toward me, a little half-smile on her face. Behind her, Steeze notices me and narrows his eyes. I lift my chin at him with a mocking look. He turns away, loudly calling to the prospect for a shot.

  My lip curls into a smirk.

  You lose, motherfucker.

  One afternoon, about a week after Lila and I start sleeping together, Tweak comes into the clubhouse while she, Thorn, and I are playing darts together. He’s got a grin on his face the size of Texas.

  “Yo, Jude,” he calls, beckoning me into his “office,” where all his tech and computer shit is. “Come in here. I got something to tell you.”

  I hand Lila my darts and follow him inside. Tweak shuts the door behind me.

  “I got a surprise for Lila,” he says. “I tracked down her dad.”

  “Her dad?” I blink, surprised. “Holy shit, really?”

  “Yep, I finally figured him out, where he’s been all this time. Name’s Hunter Dunn. And get this: it turns out, he’s in a motorcycle club himself. One of those do-gooder ones. Called the Vengeful Gods MC, out of Seattle. Robin Hood types, takin’ down bad guys and protecting the innocent sorta stuff.”

  “You’re shitting me,” I say in disbelief.

  “Nope. I gave him a call, just to make sure it was him. Told him just enough info about Lila to confirm it. He’s on his way here right now. Be here this weekend, if the weather stays good.”

  “Jesus.” I rub the back of my neck. “He wants to see her?”

  “Yeah. He said he didn’t know Lila’s mom had died. Guess they split up when Lila was a toddler. This guy Dunn says he was in pretty rough shape back then. Booze, pills, all sorts of shit. In and out of jail for most of the last fifteen years or so. Guess he’s cleaned up his act now. Wants to make amends with Lila. He damn near cried thinkin’ he could get a second chance with her.”

  “And you haven’t told Lila yet?”

  “Nope. Gonna be a surprise.”

  “Shit. I wonder if that’s a good idea.” Not sure how Lila’s gonna feel about a surprise like that. I think about how my parents just showed up to Jewel’s house, and a surge of anger runs through me.

  “You think?” Tweak frowns. “You think I should have asked her before I told him to come down?”

  “Maybe.” I pause for a couple seconds, thinking. “Tell you what, let me handle it.”

  I stew about whether to tell Lila about her dad coming to town for days. So long that the weekend comes.

  And then, eventually it’s too fuckin’ late.

  The club is having a massive outdoor party to celebrate a bunch of the kids’ birthdays that happen in the same month. You’d think the kids would hate being all lumped together like that in one celebration, but we’ve been doing it for years and they fuckin’ love it. Ghost and Jenna’s kid Mariana is twelve. Connor, Hawk and Samantha’s boy, is fifteen, and Sydney and Brick’s daughter Sienna is eleven. This year, a new kid is joining the party: Thorn and Isabel’s daughter, Fiona, just turned one.

  A few weeks ago, Lila might have spent a good part of the party in her apartment. But today, she’s right in the center of everything, helping with the kids and hanging with the old ladies. It’s just like old times, when she used to help them watch the kids, and babysat for a bunch of them pretty often.

  The best glimpse of the old Lila during the day is when she tells Mariana and Sienna that she’s going to teach them how to beat the boys at arm wrestling as their birthday present.

  Connor immediately scoffs, as does Mariana’s brother Noah. “No way,” Noah drawls, shaking his head. “No way can you beat a guy.”

  Lila gets a twinkle in her eye. “Wanna bet? Gunner taught me how.”

  “Dudes, have you not heard how Gunner beat Beast in arm wrestling once?” I break in. “I hear it was legend. If he taught Lila his secret, you’d best believe she means what she says.”

  “Whatever,” Noah shrugs, rolling his eyes.

  “You don’t believe I could beat you, Noah?” Lila challenges.

  He blinks, then starts to stammer. “I mean…”

  “Whoa!” Connor crows. “Noah doesn’t have the guts to face off against Lila!”

  “Shit, now he’s done it to himself,” I chuckle to Brick, who just ambled over.

  “What’s going on?” he asks, looking amused.

  “Noah just backed himself into a corner. He either has to arm wrestle Lila and risk losing, or refuse and look like a chicken.”

  “Oh, shit!” Brick says, bursting into laughter. “Did Gunner teach her his secret?”

  “Yep,” I snicker.

  “I gotta get him over here to see this.” Brick heads off.

  The kids continue to heckle Noah until, realizing he can’t get out of it, he agrees to arm wrestle Lila one time. “I don’t wanna break your arm, though, so I’ll go easy on you,” he says with swagger, which earns him another round of hoots and catcalls.

  Gunner walks up with Brick, bottle of beer in hand. “Oh, shit, Lila’s about to fuck that boy up,” he snorts.

  “You sure she can do it?” I ask.

  “Yup.”

  We watch as Lila and Noah take their places opposite each other at a small table. The Lords of Carnage kids gather around them. “See, here’s what’s gonna happen,” Gunner murmurs to me. “Right before they start, Lila’s gonna turn her palm toward her face and bend her wrist toward her shoulder, which’ll turn Noah’s hand just slightly in the wrong direction and take his shoulder out of the match. Then all her power is distributed down on Noah’s bicep. Like she’s doing a pull-up, extending his arm away from his body. If she does it quick enough and well enough, he won’t be able to recover.”

  Which is exactly what fucking happens. Jesus. As soon as Mariana says go, Lila maneuvers herself, lightning-quick, just like Gunner said she would. Noah’s strong, and he puts up a good fight, but Lila’s just brought some physics down on his ass, and it’s over in less than a minute.

  The crowd of kids goes fucking insane.

  Lila meets my eye, and gives me a wink.

  “Teach us! Teach us!” the girls immediately start to clamor. Lila leads them off to the game room for a “super-secret lesson.” Noah, meanwhile, is doing his best to salvage what is left of his pride.

  “I don’t think that boy is ever gonna forgive you, Gun,” Brick intones.

  “Ah, I’ll teach him for his eighteenth birthday,” Gunner replies. “He’ll forgive me as soon as he wins his first match against his own Beast.”

  The kids’ birthday party goes on through the afternoon, with games organized by the old ladies, pizza for dinner, and then a movie in the media room. My sister is there,
of course, with Angel and their kids, and she’s pretty occupied most of the day. After Faith and TJ have their pizza, Jewel decides to drive all four of the children back home to be babysat by our parents. She tells me this as she’s bundling up Tilly and Matty, as though I’m gonna care that they’re still doing the good grandparents act.

  “They’re still here, huh?” I scowl. “When they going back to Indiana anyway?”

  Jewel bites her lip. “I don’t actually think they are going back, Jude.”

  “What the fuck?” I explode. “I didn’t agree to give my house up to them permanently. If they’re gonna stick around, they’re gonna need to find a different place to stay.”

  Jewel exhales. “I found out why Mama and Tata came to Tanner Springs.”

  “Yeah? Why’s that?”

  “Jude. Tata has cancer. It’s stage four. Inoperable.” Jewel puts a hand on my shoulder. “He came here to die.”

  She searches my face, no doubt looking for a shred of sympathy or remorse to appear there.

  I sit with the news for a few seconds. Waiting. But no emotions well up. My ability to feel sorry for the man who raised me died a long time ago.

  “Ain’t that just about typical.” I scoff, shaking my head. “He doesn’t give a single solid shit about us our whole lives, until he needs our help at the end. Classic.”

  “Jude!” Jewel cries, alarmed. “That’s not very kind.”

  “I don’t need to be kind,” I shoot back. “They were never kind to me. I ain’t giving them sympathy. If they wanted me to give a shit about them, they shoulda given a shit about me.”

  Jewel’s expression crumples. “I wish I could change your mind,” she whispers.

  “It ain’t your job to. They should be glad as hell that one of their kids is still talking to them. That’s better than they deserve.”

  She opens her mouth, but then sighs and closes it again.

  Just then, a man I’ve never seen before walks through the door of the clubhouse. He’s accompanied by the two prospects who are on guard duty today. The man is about fifty or so, with close-cropped red hair and a long beard. He’s wearing a cut, but I don’t recognize the colors. He takes a couple steps forward, still flanked by the prospects.

  “You got business here?” I grunt, peering at him.

  “Yeah. I do,” the man says. “I’m lookin’ for Tweak. And for Lila Dunn. I’m her dad.”

  22

  Lila

  Hunter Dunn.

  I didn’t even know his first name. My mom would never call him anything other than “that worthless piece of shit” or “your sperm donor.” But if I had any doubt about him being my father, it falls away when I recognize my own features in the curve of his nose, the shape of his jaw, the rust-colored hair.

  Jude’s eyes are locked on us from across the room when Tweak introduces me to him. I see the wariness in his expression, and even a tension in his body that tells me he’s ready to yank my father out of here by the collar if I say the word. But I’m so dumbstruck that all I can do when my father tells me why he’s here is lead him wordlessly into my apartment and shut the door behind us.

  “How did you even find me?” I finally blurt.

  “I didn’t.” Hunter Dunn spreads his hands. “Tweak tracked me down. He hasn’t told me all of why you’re here, but he did say your mother had died — I’m sorry to hear that, by the way. He said that you might do with having some blood relatives in your corner right about now.”

  I snort. “Blood relations haven’t done me much good so far in my life. Why would you be any different?”

  He nods. “I deserve that. And you’re right. It’s not like I’ve been around for you before now. When your mother kicked me out, I was in pretty bad shape. Not worth much as a father or a partner, that’s for sure. I was a pretty bad drunk, and worse.”

  “Sounds like you and Ma were made for each other,” I snark. “I’m surprised she booted you.”

  “She wasn’t like that when I was with her. That must have happened later.” He absently rubs his hands together. “She was right to kick me out, Lila, and that’s a fact. After that, I didn’t have any money to send to you — anything I had went to the drugs and booze. I’d try to call sometimes, though. To talk to you. Your mother never let me. She said you were better off with no father at all than with me. I figured she had a point. So, I decided to stop bothering y’all.”

  “That’s not how I heard it,” I retort. “The way she told it, you skated one day and she never heard from you again.”

  Hunter heaves a sigh. “You can believe that if you want, Lila. I’m not here to fuck with your life.”

  “Why are you here, then?” I challenge him.

  His eyes lock on mine. “Because I feel like Tweak contacting me was some sort of sign, of me getting another chance with you. I’ve cleaned up my life, Lila. I’m living in Seattle. I’m in an MC called the Vengeful Gods.” He gestures at his cut. “We’re a legit club, all about protecting innocent people who don’t have anywhere else to turn. I’ve got a good life now. And I’ve got an extra bedroom in my house. You’re welcome to stay with me for as long as you want. I’ve got connections in Seattle. I can hook you up with a job, help you out with whatever you need.”

  “Jesus, you come in hot, don’t you?” I say sarcastically. “I don’t hear a word from you for basically my whole life, and now suddenly you’re Super Dad?”

  “I ain’t trying to be Super Dad, Lila,” he says quietly. “I’m just trying to be a dad. For the first time in my life. I just want you to know, now that I’m here, I’m not goin’ away. You wanna come back to Seattle with me? That’s great. You wanna come five years from now, that’s good too. You got a paid-for plane ticket any time you want, no questions asked. My door is always open. You’ll always be my daughter. Even if you don’t want me as a father anymore.”

  I try to load another snotty remark into the sarcasm gun… but nothing comes. I want to hate this man in front of me. I want to call him a son of a bitch for being gone all this time, take out all my loneliness and fear and rootlessness on him. But something in his attitude disarms me. His honesty ends up making me honest back.

  “I don’t know what I want,” I admit. “I don’t know if knowing I have a father out there makes me feel better or worse. My whole life, I’ve known you didn’t give a shit about me. I can’t just flip a switch and stop believing that.”

  “Sure. I get that. And the least I can do is let you take this on your own terms, in your own time.” Hunter Dunn slaps his big, meaty hands on his knees, and pushes himself into a stand. “Look, I’m gonna give you some time to process all this. I’m stayin’ here in Tanner Springs for the next week before I ride back to Seattle. Tweak’s got all my info. If you wanna see me, all you gotta do is call. I don’t have anything else to do while I’m here. If you don’t want to, don’t feel obligated. Okay?”

  Shit. I’m almost madder at him for making this so easy on me.

  “Okay,” I murmur.

  Hunter Dunn hesitates for a moment, then reaches out and briefly touches my shoulder. A moment later, he turns and walks out of the room.

  I watch him go, stunned that he drove all the way across the country just to spend fifteen minutes explaining himself to me, and that he doesn’t expect anything more in return.

  Spike emerges from under the bed, asking for pets. A few minutes later, there’s a knock on the door, and the cat scampers back into hiding.

  Jude sticks his head in. “Saw your visitor left,” he drawls. “You tell him to go to hell?”

  “No, not exactly. He left on his own. Said he wanted to give me some space.”

  “Sure. ‘Space,’” Jude smirks, putting the word in air quotes.

  “No, really. He’s staying in town for a week, at a hotel. He said I could call him or not, whenever I wanted. He’s just going to be waiting. He didn’t want to put any pressure on me.” My voice sounds hollowed-out, almost foreign.

  Jude comes into
the room, and moves to sit down on a chair beside the bed. The stuffed lion I won at the fair is lying on the cushion, and he picks it up and tosses it to me.

  “Nice of the guy to show up after all this time,” he says sarcastically.

  “He didn’t know where I was until now,” I point out. “He did drive all the way across the country. I guess that counts for something.”

  Jude scoffs. “He’s a biker. That’s a scenic vacation to him.”

  “He still did it, though.” I pull at the yarn on the lion’s mane. I don’t know why I feel defensive at Jude’s words, since these exact same thoughts have gone through my head. But somehow having him say them out loud feels worse.

  “Yeah, well, I’m just saying. Don’t expect much out of him.”

  “I’m not,” I protest. “But I’m not gonna just dismiss him out of hand, either. You don’t even know him, Jude,” I say, irritated.

  “Neither do you.”

  “That’s out of line.”

  “No. It’s just the truth. Someone’s gotta remind you of the truth when you’re starting to believe in fairy tales.”

  “Fuck you, Jude,” I hiss. “I have never believed in a damn fairy tale in my life. Fairy tales don’t happen for people like me.”

  “Well then, don’t be fooled by your dad’s riding-in-on-a-chrome-stallion act. It’s easy to make a big grand gesture. I’m just saying.” He puffs out a laugh. “Hell, my parents did the same thing. It was a big lie, too, but Jewel fell for it hook, line, and sinker. I just don’t want you to do the same.”

  “Oh, I see,” I retort, my voice rising. “You’re the only one who can see things for what they really are. Thank God us stupid, emotional women have big, strong Jude to tell us what to think!”

  “That’s not what I said,” he growls.