Violets are not Blue

by Melissa Toppen

  “What’s next door?” Everett drapes his arm over the back of Hannah’s chair.

  “The White Orchid.” She leans back and I don’t miss the way his thumb briefly grazes her shoulder. Yep, they’re definitely hooking up tonight.

  I can’t fault her for her obvious interest in Everett. He’s almost as good looking as Harris...almost. And he definitely seems to have mastered the same womanizing charm as his older brother. He had her eating out of the palm of his hand before they even brought the salad.

  “What’s The White Orchid?” he asks.

  “It’s kind of like a dance club. Well, I guess it technically is a dance club, but it’s not your typical ‘young people grinding all over each other’ dance club.”

  “So it’s a dance club with class?”

  “Pretty much.”

  “It’s also way overpriced,” I chime in. “But if you don’t mind paying fifteen dollars for a martini then you’ll probably like it.”

  “I take it you’ve been?” Harris asks, pulling my attention to him.

  “A couple of times.” I shrug like it’s no big deal, even though inside I’m a little annoyed with my friend.

  I can’t believe Hannah even suggested The White Orchid, considering the last time we went there I caught my fiancé with his tongue down another woman’s throat. Then again, it was so long ago she probably didn’t even think about it. And while the thought of James no longer bothers me the way it used to, that doesn’t mean I want to go rubbing salt in old wounds either.

  “Well, I’m in,” Everett announces.

  Hannah throws him a smile that I know all too well. She must really like him because she’s pulling out all the stops tonight.

  I’m not entirely sure how I feel about my best friend hooking up with Harris’ brother. On one hand, I don’t see the issue. It’s not like they are going to get married. He does live in Hawaii, after all. On the other, it’s a little weird. Like what happens if they do end up as an item? It might be strange, considering the history Harris and I will soon share. Notice I said history? Because one week from tonight that’s exactly what we will be—history.

  “What do you think?” Harris leans in, speaking low so only I can hear. “Do you want to go?”

  “That’s up to you. I don’t mind going for a little bit if you want to.”

  “You sure?”

  “Yeah, of course. If Everett is going then you should go. You only have a couple days left with him before he leaves.”

  “Something tells me he wouldn’t miss me.” He smiles, nodding his head in the direction of his brother who seems just as enamored by Hannah as she does by him.

  “Well, you might be right there.” I giggle. “We should probably go just to keep an eye on them.”

  “Not sure my eyes will be on them, but okay. Blue and I are game,” he announces to his brother and Hannah.

  “Yay!” Hannah’s smile is so wide it’s a wonder her face doesn’t split apart.

  Once the waitress reappears, and Harris has signed the bill and retrieved his credit card, the four of us make our way next door. Per usual, The White Orchid is packed. There’s hardly room to stand, let alone sit. Harris weaves me through the crowd toward the bar, holding my hand the entire time.

  As I let my gaze travel around the dimly lit room, from the decorative lights that hang from the ceiling to the shiny floors that look like they’re made of glass, I see that not much has changed in the three years since I’ve been here.

  That becomes even clearer when we reach the bar and a man sitting to our left catches my eye. I don’t even have time to process what I’m seeing when big brown eyes land on my face and widen in surprise.

  “Blue?” He swivels his stool in my direction, giving me one quick sweep with his eyes before they make their way back to my face.

  I feel like I’ve entered the twilight zone. Everything slows down around me, the music pulsing from the speakers fades out, all replaced by the thumping of my heart inside my chest.

  I pull in a breath but it’s not enough. My lungs burn as I stare at the man who I would be married to right now if not for his infidelity.

  He looks just as I remember and yet different at the same time. His light brown hair is still styled the same, short and combed stylishly to one side. And he’s dressed in his usual button down, open to reveal the white t-shirt he’s wearing underneath, and dark jeans.

  “James,” I croak out after what feels like a lifetime has passed.

  Three years. I’ve managed to avoid running into him for three years. And tonight of all nights, here he is, standing to give me a hug like we’re old friends who haven’t seen each other in a while.

  I stiffen when the contact is made, his familiar scent invading my senses. Making no attempt to hug him back, I’m acutely aware of my hand. The hand that Harris is still holding.

  Harris...

  My gaze slides to the man next to me as James releases me. His expression is hard, his jaw tense, his firm gaze locked on James.

  As if just noticing Harris by my side, James gives him a quick once over as if sizing him up, before he turns back to me.

  “It’s so crazy running into you here. It’s been a long time.”

  I should have known coming here would be a bad idea. This was always James’ favorite place to come and let off steam when we were together. I quickly found out that steam wasn’t all he was letting off when he was coming here. The thought causes my stomach to twist.

  All the wasted time with him. It makes me sick to think that I had once planned a future with this man who’s now nothing more than a stranger. Years of my life gone! And for what?

  “Sweetie.” My gaze darts to the lengthy blonde sliding up next to James. She places her hand on his chest and snuggles into him. It takes me less than a second to hone in on the large diamond that she seems to be purposely showing off.

  “Sorry.” He smiles, tucking the woman into his side. “Blue, this is Vivian. Vivian, this is Blue.”

  “We’ve actually already met.” She smiles the fakest smile I’ve ever seen before extending a hand to me. I look down at her hand and then back up to her face, realizing that she’s right. We have met. Because this is the very woman James cheated on me with.

  I make no attempt to shake her hand. She may have taken my fiancé, but I still have my pride. And even though my feelings for James ended a long time ago, it still doesn’t lessen the sting of knowing they are together. That they are engaged.

  Harris squeezes my hand, pulling my gaze back to him. I don’t know what I expected to find when I meet his eyes, but it certainly wasn’t what I found.

  Understanding.

  I have no idea how he knows who this is. Our conversations about my past relationships have been vague at best, but somehow he seems to know. I’m guessing me saying James’ name probably had something to do with it, too.

  “This is Harris,” I say, turning back to James and his fiancée stealing tramp. “Harris, this is James and Vivian.” Disdain drips from every syllable of her name.

  “I would say it’s nice to meet you, but I’m not a liar.” Harris’ face turns up in a wicked smirk. “Then again, I have been wanting to thank you.” His smirk turns into a full-blown smile.

  “Thank me?” James seems more than a little confused and honestly, he’s not alone.

  “For being a complete and total douche bag. I hope your happy with your downgrade.” His eyes slice to Vivian before locking back on James. “If you hadn’t been stupid enough to let Blue go, then I wouldn’t be the luckiest man in the world right now to call her mine.”

  My jaw drops.

  I’m not sure if I want to laugh or kiss his face off right now.

  “Come on, babe. Let’s dance.” With that, Harris turns, pulling me behind him as we make our way toward the crowded dance floor, leaving Hannah and Everett at the bar.

  Harris finds a small opening at the corner of the dance floor and pulls me into his arms. I’m not much of
a dancer, but Harris seems to know exactly what he’s doing. He moves against me with skilled precision and before long I feel the tension start to fade.

  How strange. Had this happened a few weeks ago I doubt I would have felt so calm. In fact, I probably would have stood there like a statue while they flaunted their relationship in my face, before going home and having a good cry.

  Don’t get me wrong, seeing them together hurt, but not like I thought it would. I imagined it would feel like daggers to my chest if I ever came face to face with James again, but aside from the initial shock of seeing him, I’m surprised by how little I feel at all.

  I refuse to admit why that is, even though the answer is staring me right in the face...

  “I’m sorry,” I whisper directly into Harris’ ear when he pulls me close after giving me a twirl.

  “Why are you sorry?” He pulls back enough that he can look into my eyes.

  “It never crossed my mind that he would be here.”

  “Why would it? I think that just goes to show that you don’t care anymore.”

  “You’re not wrong there.”

  “I don’t even know the guy but one look and it was clear that you are so far out of his league it’s laughable.”

  “Thank you for what you said.”

  “I meant every word of it.” He drops his forehead to rest against mine. “And I think I’m starting to understand why you’ve written off relationships. But Blue, not every guy is like him. There are good ones out there.”

  “Like you?” I mean for it to be sarcastic but it doesn’t come out that way at all.

  “I’m not perfect by any means, but I would never hurt you the way he hurt you. I would rather die than ever have you look at me the way you were looking at him.”

  He’s doing it again. Saying all the right things. Doing all the right things. It’s hard to remember why I can’t be with him when he’s so close and I’m high on his scent and the way he makes me feel.

  “I know this started out as a bet, but that’s not what this is for me anymore.” He hesitates like he wants to say more but isn’t sure how. “Blue... I.”

  “Drinks!” The sound of Hannah’s voice snaps me out of the moment and I look around right as she and Everett sidle up next to us. She extends a glass of wine to me and smiles.

  “Where did you two run off to?” I ask, turning to take the glass from her.

  On one hand, I’m disappointed because Harris and I were having a serious moment and I really want to know what he was going to say. But on the other, I’m so relieved to see her, because between the wine and James and the things Harris was saying, there’s no telling what nonsense would have come out of my mouth. I’m all over the place right now and I’m definitely not in the right head space to be having an emotional conversation with a man I’m trying really hard not to care about.

  “We were in line to get drinks. I thought you were right behind us.” She gives me a look that says she saw what happened. “Are you okay?” she mouths.

  I nod, feeling surprisingly good as I lift the wine glass to my lips.

  “I thought for a second you were about to throw down.” Everett shoves Harris’ shoulder.

  “Don’t think I wasn’t tempted.” Harris chuckles, his gaze sliding to mine.

  “Well, don’t worry.” Everett takes a pull of his beer. “They made a bee line for the door seconds after you walked away.”

  “They’re gone?” I ask, looking to Hannah for confirmation.

  “Yep.”

  “Thank god.” I let out a sigh of relief. I may not care about James anymore, but that doesn’t mean I want to have to worry about running into him every time I turn around.

  “I gotta run to the ladies’. You wanna come with me?” she asks, and I know that’s code for we need to talk.

  “Yeah, I’ll go with you.” I nod, turning toward Harris. “I’ll be right back.” I press up on my tiptoes and kiss his jaw, his facial hair tickling my nose.

  Without meeting his gaze, I turn and follow Hannah to the far side of the room where the bathrooms are tucked at the end of a long hallway. We no more than step inside before she turns on me.

  “What the hell? They’re engaged?” she seethes, her nostrils flaring.

  “Figures, right?” I laugh at the absurdity. Of course he would get engaged to the woman who broke up our engagement. “How stupid can she be? If he did it to me, what makes her think he won’t do it to her?”

  “Because women like that think the sun rises and sets with them. She’s probably never even considered the possibility.” She shakes her head, softening her tone. “How are you doing, really? That couldn’t have been easy.”

  “I’m actually fine.” I smile. “James made his choice and I made peace with it a long time ago. Yes, it stung seeing them together after what he did to me, but I’ve moved on and clearly so has he.”

  “What Harris said about you being his...My god, I think that was the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard.”

  “He was just saying it to put James in his place.”

  “Was he?” She cocks a brow. “Because from where I was standing that’s not the impression I got at all.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You really are dense, aren’t you?” She snorts. “He said it because he meant it. To him, you are his.”

  “But I’m not.”

  “Actions and words, Blue. Actions and words.”

  “Will you stop beating around the bush and say whatever it is you need to say?” I give her a pointed look.

  “You say you don’t have feelings for him. You say it’s just a bet. You swear it’s not going to turn into anything. And yet, when you two look at each other. Lord, even a complete stranger could see it.”

  “See what?”

  “That you two are in love with each other.”

  “What?” I practically scream as the door swings open and two other girls walk in.

  “Don’t act so shocked. If we can all see it, there’s no way you can’t.”

  “I’m not in love with him.”

  “I hear what you’re saying and I don’t believe you.”

  “I don’t care if you believe me or not, it’s the truth. I’m not in love with Harris Avery, and he sure as shit isn’t in love with me.”

  I don’t know if I believe what I’m saying or not, but I refuse to even entertain what she’s suggesting.

  Love. That’s laughable.

  Am I attracted to him? Absolutely. Do I like him? Of course I do. But love? Not a chance.

  “That’s not what Everett said.”

  “What are you talking about? What did Everett say?”

  “Only that he’s never seen his brother with any woman the way he is with you. He really cares about you, Blue. Why can’t you open your pretty eyes and see that?”

  “Because I don’t want to see it. I don’t want anything with him beyond what we’re doing now. And like every other relationship I’ve had over the last couple of years, this will run its course and that will be that.”

  “You haven’t had any relationships since James. You’ve had fuck buddies. Harris is more and you’re fooling yourself if you don’t think that’s true.”

  “Why are you pushing this so hard?” I try to keep the frustration from my voice but it still manages to seep through.

  “Because you’re my best friend and I love you. I want you to be happy.”

  “Then support me and believe me when I tell you that you’ve got the wrong impression. I don’t want to be in a relationship with Harris. I don’t want to be his or him to be mine. Or are you forgetting the fact that I couldn’t stand to be in the same room as him less than a month ago.”

  “Things change. People change.”

  “They do. But I’m not changing. My mind is made up. I know what I want out of life and chasing some unrealistic fantasy about love is not it. I’m not denying that I feel something for Harris, because how could I not? But I don’t want to be tied
down to any one person. I want to live my life for me, not someone else.”

  “You really don’t get it.”

  “Maybe I don’t, but just because you feel a certain way about something doesn’t mean I do, too. I’m not you, Hannah.”

  “I know that.” She sighs. “I just don’t want to see you push away a good thing because you’re hung up on this notion that you’re going to be happier alone.”

  “And I get that. But it’s not your job to decide what will or won’t make me happy.”

  “That’s fair.”

  “Now, instead of continuing to beat the dead horse that is Blue and Harris, how about you tell me about Everett.” With that, a slow smile tugs at her lips and I know the conversation is over.

  Chapter Twenty

  Blue

  Roses may be red,

  but violets are not BLUE.

  Just five more days until

  You’ll be saying I love you.

  Have I won yet?

  I drop the card face down on my desk, not sure why I’m surprised that I walked into work this morning to find a beautiful bouquet of blue and red flowers sitting on my desk. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about Harris over the past few weeks it’s that he likes sending me flowers.

  I haven’t seen him since Friday night. As much as I’d wanted to go home with him after we left The White Orchid, after my talk with Hannah in the bathroom I felt like maybe a little time alone would do me some good.

  Harris spent Saturday with his brother before taking him to the airport that evening. He called me after but I let it go to voicemail.

  Sunday I was doing laundry, cleaning my apartment, and got an hour of cardio in at the gym. But even after all of that I couldn’t sit still. I can’t remember a time I’ve ever felt more restless.

  It took every ounce of will power I had not to pick up the phone and call Harris last night. I wanted to see him so badly I could taste it, yet for some reason I resisted. I think maybe it’s because I know this is coming to an end. Our bet ends this Friday. Then it will all be over and life will finally start to go back to normal.