Into dark water

by Regina Bartley

  My hands covered my mouth and I sucked in a deep breath.

  “You do don’t you?” Steve asked again. “You just realized that you do.”

  I looked over at him and I felt my heart sink into my stomach. I guess love made you sick. I didn’t even have the right words to answer him. There was nothing.

  I was starting to sweat.

  “Listen to me,” he said in a calm voice, but I couldn’t think straight. “Hey.” He caught my attention. “It’s alright.”

  “Why are you laughing?” I asked him when he chuckled.

  “I’ve been there. That’s the hot seat.” He laughed some more.

  It wasn’t funny to me. “I’m not good enough for her.”

  “As her father, I’d have to agree, but then again no one is ever going to be good enough for her. But as a man, I’ll tell you that you are. You are good enough. Your past, and your lack of money or whatever, doesn’t define who you are. It doesn’t mean that you aren’t good enough. She gets to be the judge of that,” he told me. “There was a time in my life that I felt the same way. I felt like I wasn’t worthy of Sara’s love, but I wanted her. So, I stepped up and proved it to her. I vowed that I’d take care of her the best I could, and I’d love her forever. What you have with Jenny might not be that forever kind of love, but if it is, then I suggest you start making better decisions in your life.”

  I nodded my head. I needed a minute to just let it all sink in. I could barely admit my true feelings to myself. It was nice hearing him tell me these things that I desperately needed to hear. I can’t imagine that my own father would have ever talked to me about love, and it was hard watching other people have the things that I didn’t.

  However, I realized then that this was exactly how things were supposed to happen. This family was meant to come into my life at this exact time for a reason.

  “Come on. Let’s go get you a Tux. We’ll talk more later,” Steve, suggested. “And just because you’re living in my house doesn’t mean that you get to do what you want with my daughter.

  I coughed at his insinuation, and agreed of course.

  “I’d just like for her to talk to me.”

  He grinned. “One step at a time.”

  Jenny

  I felt like I was finally over the whole ordeal with Draven. The talk at school had died down, and I survived. I won’t lie, it was brutal for a few days, but people finally let up. Mom was right. She told me it wouldn’t last. She said once people found someone else to talk about; they’d stop talking about me. I swear that woman was the smartest person I’d ever known.

  The night I went dress shopping with Lo, my Mom texted me to tell me that Dad was taking Draven shopping for a tuxedo. It was weird. Thinking of him in a tuxedo, going to prom, it kind of shocked me. He didn’t seem like the prom kind of guy.

  Lo and I spent over three hours searching for the right dresses. She settled on a rose gold colored corset style dress. It was strapless, and had these tiny little rhinestones and beads lining the top of the bust. She looked beautiful in it. But then again, she could’ve worn a brown paper bag, and she would still stop traffic.

  My budget was a little tighter than hers, but I managed to find the perfect dress. It took me hours to dig through all the clearance racks. Once I saw it, I knew it had to be mine before I’d even tried it on. It was a two-piece, but it barely showed any of my stomach. The top piece was a silver halter-top that was covered in shiny, glittery beading. While the bottom piece was a full, floor-length black skirt. It was the shiny satin material with a one-inch waistband. It was the perfect A-line dress, and it was on sale for only one hundred and thirty-nine dollars. Seriously, it was perfect.

  The two of us had everything we needed. With a two hundred dollar budget, I was able to get shoes, and earrings too. Total score for me, and my Dad would love that I didn’t spend too much.

  That night when I got home, Draven came into my room. I had my guard up. I wasn’t really in the mood for a fight. To be honest, just thinking about fighting with him exhausted me.

  “Hey,” he said, stalking over to my bedside. I slid my headphones off, resting them on the bed.

  “Hey.”

  “I just wanted to tell you thank you.”

  That wasn’t what I was expecting. “For what?” I stuttered.

  “Thanks to your help, I’m graduating with the class.”

  I was so happy for him that I jumped right into his arms before I even realized what I was doing. Talk about an uncomfortable moment. He hugged me back, but I pulled away. I had to tell myself that I was still freaking mad at him. His good looks weren’t going to get him off the hook that easy.

  “Uh. That’s. Great. Congratulations.” I sounded like one of those dolls that you pull the string on. Every word came out in one tone, and with a short pause.

  “Yeah,” he smiled big. “I just wanted to say thanks.”

  “You’re welcome,” I replied, before climbing back onto my bed. I didn’t trust myself being so close to him. I was weak.

  “And,” he bit down hard on his bottom lip. “I also want to say I’m sorry for everything that happened at school.”

  I didn’t want to relive that moment. I reached for my headphones, and just before sliding them on my head I told him it was okay. I didn’t give him any kind of chance to explain it, just accepted his apology. If we were going to be living in the same house, then I had to figure out a way to put my feelings aside and get past it.

  Since that moment, I’d been slowly inching my way back into a comfortable zone with him. I let him apologize, and it seemed sincere. I was still a little bitter, but I’d soon get over it. I couldn’t stay mad at him forever, even with the way he acted. My heart wouldn’t let me.

  After three days of him sulking around, being extra polite, I caved. My brother Trevor even told me to forgive him. Everyone in the house seemed to be team Draven, yet I was the one who was hurt.

  Not him.

  Me.

  I was having such a hard time getting over it, but I was trying.

  I was really trying.

  “Let’s watch a movie tonight? Something funny.” I said over the dinner table. I was talking to everybody, although, I mostly meant it for Draven.

  “I’ve got to work tomorrow,” Mom answered.

  “You know I’d be snoring before they finished those opening commercial things,” Dad snorted.

  “I’ll watch a movie.”

  I glanced up to meet Draven’s eyes. They were a little darker than usual as he waited for me to reply. We weren’t quite back to the T.V. jam sessions as of late, but I was willing to give it a go, so long as we only watched a movie.

  My feelings were still there. They still had the backseat of my heart. However, I wouldn’t dare tell him that. After the way he handled our delicate situation before, I couldn’t risk telling him how I truly felt. Besides, he’d never feel the same way for me.

  “Okay.” I agreed. “I’m picking the movie.”

  “You have to,” he smirked. “You know I don’t know what’s funny and what isn’t.”

  Gah. There was that loveable guy that stole my heart. He made my heart skip a beat.

  After we finished our dinner, I cleaned the kitchen. I put Lo on speakerphone and called her while I cleaned. Of course, all she wanted to talk about was prom. She actually had a date, which was a complete last minute decision. When she found out Draven was going to be at prom she insisted on having a date, even after I told her a billion times that I was going alone.

  “Do you know how you’re wearing your hair?” She asked me, and I caught sight of Draven rolling his eyes. He made me laugh.

  “I’m planning on washing it.”

  “This is serious Jen. Prom is a big deal. I don’t want to look like an idiot and have everyone talking about me all night. I need to blend in.”

  I knew exactly what she meant. “I’ll probably wear it up with curls,” I relented, but when I saw Draven shake his head, I
said, “Or maybe I’ll wear it braided down the side of my neck.” He gave me a little wink, and somehow managed to move from the backseat of my heart, right into the driver’s seat.

  “That would be pretty. Has Hottie Mc. Dimple Face seen your dress?” Her voice was clear and everything in the kitchen stopped moving. My face brightened ten shades of red, and I wanted to sink to the floor.

  “You’re on speakerphone Lola.” I used her full name. I wanted her to understand that she was the world’s worst when it came to timing.

  “Oh,” she paused. “Hey, Draven.”

  “What’s up Lola?” He used her full name too.

  “Are both of you guys going to senior night at the lake?” She was talking to the two of us now, like it was just the normal thing to do.

  “Yeah,” we replied in unison.

  She giggled. “Good. I’m going shopping for the air mattresses tomorrow.”

  “Fine,” I replied, my tone clipped. I was finished with the conversation.

  “How about I call you later?”

  “Good idea,” I answered. “Later, bitch,” I joked, quickly hanging up the phone. “Don’t say a word.”

  Draven held up his hands and flashed that dimply smile. He was a force to be reckoned with.

  “Let’s go watch a movie. We have school tomorrow.”

  He sat on one end of the couch, while I was on the other. We shared the couch quilt and settled in to watch The Hangover. No complications, or fighting words, just him and me like old times.

  I didn’t remember seeing the ending, because my eyelids grew heavy. I only remember hearing Draven tell me goodnight.

  ***

  With finals coming up, and school coming to an end, I was busier than ever. We had graduation prep, prom, and senior night all in a matter of days.

  I hadn’t talked about prom anymore with Draven. He asked if he could ride with us, and I agreed when Mom gave me the evil eye. Secretly, I really wanted him to go with us, I just didn’t tell anyone else that. I made it seem like it was an inconvenience just so that he’d feel bad.

  When the night of prom came around, I was so excited. I didn’t find out until I’d had my shower and was halfway through fixing my hair, that Draven found another ride. He told my Mom that he didn’t want to inconvenience me, so he left. He went to Jett’s house to get ready. My plan totally backfired in my face.

  Go figure.

  I was going to get to show up at prom with Lo and her date.

  Just great.

  It took both of us about an hour and a half to get ready. Despite the change of events, I still felt like Cinderella. My dress fit me perfectly, my shoes didn’t hurt my feet, and my hair did everything I wanted it too. I remembered that look on Draven’s face when I’d said something about wearing my hair in a loose braid over my shoulder, so I stuck with that plan. I wanted him to think that I was the most beautiful girl at the prom tonight, but I’d be lucky if he even showed up. And I really wanted to see him in his tux.

  Lo and I made our way down the stairs to meet her date and to let Mom snap a thousand pictures of us. I skipped out on prom the year before, but I didn’t want to miss it this time. It was my last year there, and prom was something you were supposed to remember for a lifetime.

  I kissed my parents goodbye, and told them I wouldn’t be home too late, and then the three of us headed out.

  At first glance, the gym looked like a winter wonderland. There were icicle lights hanging from the rafters, and round tables covered with shiny white tablecloths. I’d never seen that tiny gym look so pretty. The light overhead was dimmed so the icicle lights twinkled over the dance floor. It was even better than what I had pictured in my mind. A few people gave me sideways glances, and some of them even mumbled under their breath when I walked in. I wasn’t going to let them get to me though. It just sucked being there alone. I mean, I had Lo, but since she had a date, I might as well have been there by myself.

  We found a table in the very back of the room. Of course it was my favorite place. No one would stare at me back there. Lo gave me the pity look when her date asked her to dance, but I waved it off. I pretended it was no big deal.

  We hadn’t been there thirty minutes and I was already by myself. Scanning the room, I knew exactly who I was looking for.

  But…

  He was nowhere to be found.

  Draven

  I felt like a gigantic ass face. Who wears these monkey suits? It looked so much better in the store.

  Steve had my tie all ready to go. He told me I could just slip it over my head, and pull it tight around my neck.

  It was a dirty, stinking lie.

  When I tried putting it on at Jett’s house, it was a total failure. It was too tight, and it was crooked. I was about to say –to hell with it, and not wear it at all, but after a couple of tugs it wasn’t completely horrible. Still crooked, but that was as good as it was going to get.

  I was trying to do better by Jenny, just like Steve told me to do. So when she didn’t want me riding with her, instead of being my usual asshole self and not caring, I decided to ride with Jett.

  Sooner or later, I was going to have to tell her how I felt. I was just waiting for the right time and place. Something in my gut was telling me not to say a word, maybe because I thought she was still mad at me, or maybe because she would reject me. I couldn’t be sure. All I really knew was that I had feelings for her, the deep kind. The kind of feelings that consumed my every thought, and scared the hell out of me.

  When Jett’s date finally showed up, she looked like a cheap stripper. The slit in her dress was so high it left nothing to the imagination. She had a pretty face, but all she needed were a pair of those tassel things over her nipples and a pole.

  The ride to school was brutal. I was ready to throw myself from the backseat into oncoming traffic so that I wouldn’t have to listen to stripper girl say another word. She was annoying as shit.

  We showed up at prom when it was almost half over. I had an anxious feeling in my stomach wondering what Jenny looked like. I’d never seen her in a dress before. I started freaking out a little. I wondered if she left already, or if anyone had given her trouble. My palms were even clammy for Christ’s sake.

  When I walked into the gym, I had a one-track mind. I had to find her. A couple of people tried to stop and talked to me, but I wasn’t feeling it. I was sweaty, my neck was itching, and my tie was freaking crooked. I wasn’t in the mood to chat.

  Where was she?

  Searching through the crowd of people, I saw Lo on the dance floor. She smiled when she saw me and nodded her head to the back of the room.

  I weaved in and out between all the people on the dance floor until I caught sight of her. In that exact moment, I was pretty sure my heart stopped beating. It was unlike any feeling I’d ever felt before. She was sitting at the very last table in the back, her head down looking at her phone. I couldn’t see all of her, but what I could see looked beautiful. Never in a million years would I have thought I would’ve had a chance with a girl like her. I still didn’t think so, but I couldn’t stop myself from wanting her.

  I made the last few strides and stood next to her.

  When she looked up, her eyes grew wide and a soft smile played on her pouty lips. She wore her hair in the braid I wanted, and there wasn’t a girl in that room who compared.

  “Nobody puts Jenny in the corner.”

  She cracked up. “When did you watch Dirty Dancing?”

  “It was on one of those channels you showed me. It was kind of dumb, but I liked that part.” I admitted. “Stand up,” I told her.

  She squinted her eyes and gave me a questioning look. So I reached out my hand to her. She took it, and stood up from the table.

  I could barely swallow. “You look beautiful.”

  She blushed. “Thanks. You’re not so bad yourself. Let me fix that tie.”

  I raised my chin, and let her fix it. I couldn’t help but steal a few glances at her.
She had this sparkly stuff on her neck that shimmered every time she moved.

  “I promised your parents we’d take one of those fancy pictures.” I told her. Since I wasn’t there when she finished getting ready, they wanted to make sure we got a picture together.

  “Really?”

  “Yeah,” I grinned. “Can’t defy the parents.”

  “Fine,” she replied.

  I placed my hand on the small of her back, which looked very sexy by the way, and led her to the photo section. They made us do one of those cheesy poses from the eighties, but I figured her parents would get a kick out of it.

  “I’m kind of ready to get out of here,” she told me. “I think I want to go home.”

  “You’re not having a good time?” I wondered.

  “I’ve been sitting at that table since we got here. I mean, normally that’s the one place I want to be, but I had all these expectations about prom night. It was kind of a letdown.”

  It sucked that she wasn’t having a good time. I never would’ve dressed up and came. The two of us could’ve just stayed home on the couch. I had to figure out some way to make it memorable for her. I’d already screwed everything else at school up. The least I could do was show her a good time at her prom. I did like a good party after all.

  “You want to dance?”

  “You dance?” Her eyes shot up.

  I let out a deep breath. “I’m not the best dancer, but if it’s slow then I can move my feet.”

  She looked around. I wasn’t quite sure what she was searching for, but when she looked back up at me she smiled and agreed.

  I took her hand and led her to the dance floor. I wrapped my arms around her tiny little waist and locked them behind her. Her arms went up behind my neck and the two of us moved slowly to the music. The lights were dim, and though I really couldn’t dance, it didn’t seem to matter. Just having her in my arms was all I needed.

  “Why do you never like to be noticed?” I asked her. She was the prettiest girl in school.

  “I don’t like the attention. I don’t want people talking about me, like they talk about everyone else in this town. I’m too insecure, I guess. I’ve seen what rumors can do to people, so I try to avoid them at all costs.” Her answer was deep-rooted, and I knew she was being completely honest with me.