Without Hesitation

by Talia Jager

  “I can’t,” I said, without further explanation. It took everything in me to turn around and walk away.

  Back in my room, I took my own shower, thinking about Kaci the whole time. Dressed in clean clothes, I made my way to the bridge. Huxley had his feet up. Zabe was fiddling with controls. And Briar was looking at maps. They all looked clean and more rested than earlier.

  I smiled. I was home.

  “Hey, Ever.” Briar crossed the room and wrapped her arms around me. “You smell much better.”

  I let out a laugh. “So glad soap was invented. Kaci?”

  “Not yet.”

  I gave a quick nod. “So where are we? What are we doing?”

  “We’re here,” Briar responded, pointing at a spot on the map. “As far as what we’re doing, now that you’re back, you can tell us. Are we bringing Kaci home?”

  “Yes. How far are we from Valinor?”

  “Two nights.”

  “What about killing Caspar?” Kaci asked from behind.

  “Killing him?” Huxley looked between her and me.

  “It was something we talked about. That neither of us would be free of him until he’s dead. I was sure that he had killed all of you,” I explained.

  “He would have, but we damaged his ship.”

  “I assume that even if I offered to buy you all from him, he’d refuse,” Kaci said. Nero jumped off her shoulder and onto the table, picking up and looking at the different things lying there.

  “He’d never sell us. We’re too important to him,” Zabe replied.

  “So how do we do it? How do we kill him?” Kaci inquired.

  “You going to get your hands dirty, Empress?” Huxley asked with a raised brow.

  All innocence left her face. “After what he did to me, I’d readily dirty them to end his life.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  Akacia

  The smile on Huxley’s face disappeared. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think.”

  “It’s okay,” I replied. My mind started to wander back to Caspar’s spacecraft, back to being beaten, back to having my head shoved under water. I could feel the panic rising in my chest, but I took deep breaths and said, “I want him dead. And I’d like to be the one who does it.”

  “We’d all like him dead,” Zabe said.

  “You’re all under Caspar’s thumb, right? Because you’re Splicers?”

  “You told her?” Huxley shot Ever a look.

  “She didn’t tell me details. She said that was something you’d have to tell me,” I said so they didn’t think she outed them.

  “Her father was the head of DRI,” Ever added.

  All three of them looked at me. I shrugged. I knew they knew about me and I wanted them to know I didn’t care what they were. “So you guys have animal DNA and I have nanites. We make quite a team.”

  “You’re a keeper, Kaci,” Briar said. “A girl who doesn’t care what we are and has some secrets of her own.”

  “I didn’t know about any of this prior to Caspar taking me. He thinks I know where my father’s research is, which is why he’ll keep coming after me.”

  “And we’ll never be safe.”

  “Do you know about your families?” I asked. “Ever was worried Caspar would kill them all because she rescued me.”

  “No. We can’t exactly ask him,” Zabe commented.

  “And we don’t know where they are so we can’t check for ourselves,” Briar added.

  “How do you know he still has them?”

  Briar tapped on the screen in front of her and pictures filled the screen. Pictures of thin people with sad or angry looks in their eyes. “Caspar sent us pictures proving that they were alive, being taken care of, whatever.”

  “He’d prove food was delivered, but he’d also show us when things went wrong. We’d get pictures of those who had been beaten if we were even late with a delivery,” Huxley shared.

  “And you can’t tell where he has them?”

  Briar shook her head. “I’ve been trying to figure it out. The only thing I could tell was that they were on a planet.”

  “So we need to take down one evil overlord and find a bunch of Splicers that have been put somewhere in the universe.” I looked out the window at the stars. “I need to contact Valinor.”

  “Of course,” Ever responded. “Zia, hail them.”

  “Hailing Valinor,” Zia’s voice replied.

  A few seconds later, Galton, Vika and Bristow appeared on the screen. Galton scowled. “We told you the last time you contacted us, we wanted nothing to do with you.”

  I stepped into view. Upon seeing me, Bristow exclaimed, “Kaci! Are you okay? How did you get there? What’s going on?”

  Before I could answer his questions, Galton’s expression softened. “Empress!”

  “I’m fine. How are you both? How’s Valinor?”

  “We’re fine. Valinor is fine,” Bristow replied.

  “You’re aboard the Nirvana?” Galton asked.

  “Yes.”

  “Are you safe?”

  I kept my hands by my sides. “Yes, Galton—”

  Anger flashed in his eyes. “Empress, these people betrayed you before. They’ll do it again.”

  “They also rescued me when they didn’t have to. I trust them. I’m safe.”

  His lips flattened into a thin grim line. It’d been awhile since I’d seen that expression. I was almost happy to see it.

  “Very well. Can we send someone for you?”

  “No. I have to do something first. Then I’ll be home. Are there any issues I need to know about?”

  Vika cleared her throat. “Not anything major.”

  That made me happy. Valinor was safe. “You know what Caspar wanted?” I asked.

  “Yes.”

  “Are we in possession of it?”

  “No. It was all destroyed,” Galton replied.

  I wondered if he was telling the truth, but I had no reason not to trust him. “Watch out for anything odd.”

  “Meaning?”

  “I’m afraid Caspar will retaliate.”

  Vika looked at the monitors and said, “We’ll double security. Keep our eyes on the sky.”

  Once the call ended, I turned to the crew of the Nirvana. “Let’s go get the son of a bitch.”

  They all laughed. “We need a plan first, Empress,” Zabe said, leading us to the table we had played cards on that day that seemed like forever ago. Nero was sitting on the table playing with dice from a game.

  “You guys are serious?” Huxley’s green eyes searched ours.

  Ever and I nodded. I took a deep breath and traced the tattoo on my arm. I didn’t look up as I spoke. I couldn’t. I was ashamed. “His men attacked me, starved me, and beat me with a chain. Just because I can heal doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt. Then I was starved and my head held under water until I almost passed out. He needs to die. We’ll never be safe. Never…” my voice cracked.

  Finally glancing up, I noticed they all had tears in their eyes. Ever’s were dripping off of her chin. I grabbed her hand.

  “Akacia, we’re sorry—”

  I wasn’t sure I could handle a bunch of apologies, so I held up my free hand. “I know. I understand why. It took some time to get to this point. I don’t want to think about what I went through anymore. I want to make the plan to kill him.”

  “Okay then. Let’s talk plans.”

  “Is his ship his base of operations?” I asked.

  “Yes. He doesn’t have a planet of his own,” Ever answered.

  “So we attack his ship. Kill him and destroy all the information and research he has on Splicers and nanites. We can’t risk anyone else getting it. We can’t let him do to others what he’s done to us,” Ever said.

  “What’s the best cour
se of action?”

  “We could launch a missile at the ship,” Zabe said.

  Ever shook her head. “We can’t guarantee that everything would be destroyed.”

  “We could go in ourselves and take him out,” Huxley suggested.

  “Again that doesn’t guarantee that we destroy everything.”

  “What about a bomb, planted at the core of the ship?” Briar suggested. “The probability that the whole ship explodes is higher using the bomb. To anyone investigating, it’ll look like something went wrong with the ship’s core. An accident.”

  Zabe tapped the table. “I agree.”

  “Zabe, can you make the bomb?” Huxley asked him.

  Meeting his eyes, he gave a firm nod. “Absolutely.”

  They all looked at Ever. “Do it,” she said. “How long will it take you to make it?”

  “Few days. I need to see if we have everything. Might need to stop by the space station.”

  “So, who is going to plant it?” Briar asked.

  “Me,” I said the same time as Ever.

  She huffed and rolled her eyes. “Have you ever done something like this before?”

  Shaking my head, my eyes drifted to the floor. “But I want him dead. Maybe if I know he’s really gone, the nightmares will go away.”

  The silence was deep. Everybody thought about what it would mean if Caspar were dead.

  Zabe spoke first, “I know how you feel, Akacia. Caspar killed my brother in front of me.”

  My eyes flicked up to his wet brown ones. “I didn’t know.”

  “Of course, you didn’t. We all want him dead. Your…experience…has been the most recent. It’s fresh. I understand that. Ever is really good at getting in and out of places undetected. It should be her.”

  Huxley ran his finger over the table. “I don’t want her going either. My first instinct is to go to protect her, but I know she is the best person for this job. If it has any chance of working, she has to be the one.”

  It was late. We had been up talking about the plan until exhaustion finally hit everyone. Ever walked me back to my room.

  “I’ll…uh…see you in the morning,” she stammered then walked away.

  I nodded and went in the room. Why didn’t I invite her in or giving her a goodnight kiss?. My heart ached to be with her. I missed her when she wasn’t close to me. I missed how the air felt when she was around. I missed how my heart sped up when she looked at me. I missed feeling warm and safe. I wanted to talk to her about what we wanted, but every time I thought about it, I wondered if we defined what we were it would put an end to us.

  Someone had left me a T-shirt and shorts to sleep in. After putting them on, I slipped into bed. My body relaxed against the soft mattress, fluffy pillow, and warm blanket. I lay there for a long time staring at the ceiling. This would be the first night Ever and I have been apart since she rescued me. It felt wrong.

  Sighing, I turned on my side and closed my eyes.

  Later that night, I woke up in a deep sweat and gasping for air. My body trembled even under the blanket. I jammed my eyes closed and fought against the panic. I tried to remember what Ever had taught me, but my brain wouldn’t cooperate.

  My chest tightened and my throat burned. I pulled at the collar of my shirt. I couldn’t do this. Tears streaked down my face. Ever. I flew from my room and down the corridor only stopping when I was in front of her door. I pounded on it, hoping she was in there.

  The door opened and there Ever stood with a look of concern on her face. “Kaci?” She took a step toward me and pulled me into her arms. “You’re safe.”

  I shook my head, the tears building up so much I couldn’t see.

  Her arms were around me, holding me close, keeping me safe. “I’ve got you.” She led me inside and to her bed almost tripping over Nero as he rushed in.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Everleigh

  Kaci’s entire body shook violently. I took her hand and put it on my chest and I put mine on hers. “Breathe. Slow, deep breaths.”

  When that didn’t work, I remembered what I had read on the computer earlier when I had researched panic attacks. “Focus on what you can see, taste, feel.” Her eyes searched the room. “Right here, Kaci. What do you see?”

  “You.” Her voice was that of a whisper.

  “What do you smell?”

  “Sweet.”

  “What do you feel?”

  “Your heartbeat.”

  Finally, her breathing evened out and the panic disappeared from her eyes.

  I hated that I could only comfort her. That I couldn’t protect her from what was going on in her mind. I loathed that it was because of me she had these attacks.

  “Do you want to stay?” I asked.

  She nodded.

  As much as I wanted to kiss her, I didn’t. That wasn’t what she needed right now. She needed to be held, to feel safe, loved.

  I had wanted to stay with her or invite her to my room when we said goodnight, but I wasn’t sure she would want to. I wasn’t sure if her feelings would be the same now that we were off the planet.

  We scooted up to the head of the bed and I lay down pulling her to me. She rested her head on my chest.

  “Plus, your ceiling is much prettier than mine. It means so much more now that I know you’re a Splicer.”

  I laughed and ran my fingers up and down her back tracing her moon tattoos. Now that we were settled, Nero jumped up on the end of the bed, turned in a circle a few times then made himself cozy.

  “Does it have to be you?” she whispered.

  “Yes.” It was a simple an answer. “I am the best one for the job. I have been sneaking in and out of places for a long time. Longer than anyone else on the ship.”

  “You’ll have a bomb in your hand.”

  “Briar won’t turn it on until I’m off the ship. I’ll be safe.”

  “And what if you’re not?”

  “I will, Kace. I’ll come back. Part jaguar, remember?”

  “Always land on your feet?” she tried to joke.

  “Something like that.”

  She wiped tears off her cheek. Silence fell around us and we just lay there. Together. Holding on. I could tell the second she fell asleep because her breathing changed. Only then did I close my eyes and let sleep come for me, too.

  The aroma of eggs wafted down the corridor and my mouth watered. In the kitchen, I smiled at Huxley. “Smells like heaven!”

  “I figured you two would enjoy a good hot breakfast.” He grinned and dished out healthy servings of his eggs on waiting plates.

  Kaci jumped in a seat and practically inhaled hers. I took my time savoring each bite. Huxley dumped more on her plate. “This is so good. Thank you.”

  She caught sight of the wolf tattoo on his shoulder. Huxley noticed, too. “I’m spliced with gray wolf DNA, hence the hair,” he told her. “I have excellent night vision, run fast, and am loyal.”

  “And you’re a great chef.”

  He laughed. “Yeah.” He looked back at me while she was eating and smiled. I knew what he was thinking. He was impressed this didn’t bother her in the least.

  Nero jumped up on the table and Huxley placed a piece of egg in front of him. Nero sniffed it, then picked it up with his hands, and stuck it in his mouth. His face scrunched up like he didn’t like it, but then he smiled and ran back and forth until Huxley gave him more.

  The rest of the crew showed up. “What ever happened to the investigation into Caipra?” I asked.

  “The Authority never found the second Wapi spacecraft. The leaders that were killed have been replaced, but some of those replacements have chosen to leave the Alliance.”

  “A coup?” Kaci asked.

  “A failed one. Too many of the new leaders stayed with the Alliance. I’m sure they�
��ll try again,” Briar explained. “Tell us what happened on Terronda? What was it like?”

  “Horrible,” I answered at the same time Kaci said, “Wonderful.”

  Laughing, she questioned, “Which was it?”

  Our eyes locked and I answered, “Both.”

  We told them about our time on Terronda. I loved watching Kaci tell the stories. She was so animated. I fell a little more in love with her. Soon, I was wrapped up in listening to one of them.

  I began to dream a little, thinking of how we could take care of Caspar and find my people. We could cruise around the universe together and have those adventures she always wanted to go on. We would learn everything there was to know about one another. Maybe there could be a happy ending.

  Then I thought about the Authority. Even if Caspar was out of the way, we were still fugitives. I couldn’t bring Kaci into a life of living on the run. I wouldn’t. She deserved normal. She deserved happiness. I couldn’t give that to her. I wiped away a tear before anyone had a chance to see it.

  “I see the way you two look at each other,” Briar confronted me when I walked onto the bridge.

  We were alone, but I still looked around the room to make sure. I was sure she could see the blood rush to my face. “She’s pretty.”

  “She’s beautiful. So are you. But it’s more than that.”

  “I’m attracted to her. That’s all.”

  She huffed and rolled her eyes. “It’s so much more than that, Ever. You need to tell her how you feel.”

  “I can’t. She deserves more than a life on the run from Caspar and the Authority.”

  “You could have other options. You won’t know unless you talk to her.”

  Crossing the room, I went to my control pad. I tapped it a few times and my profile popped up on the screen. It had a picture of me and then a list of things I was wanted for by the Authority. “Theft, destruction of property, assault, murder. This is who I am. Who we all are.”

  “Not because we want to be.”

  “Do you think that matters to the Authority? Will they wipe away the charges because we didn’t want to be like this?”

  “Of course not, but we’re not cold-blooded killers. That means something to her. She understands.”