The Impossible Vastness of Us

by Samantha Young

  “I’d be happy to.”

  I snorted. Loudly. Because he sounded like he’d rather do anything else in the world than help me.

  His eyes cut back to me but I refused to be intimidated by him and his masculine beauty. I stared back until he turned his attention to Hayley.

  I did a little inner fist pump of triumph over winning our staring contest.

  Hayley seemed to eye our interaction with interest. She smirked a little as she said, “What do the girls at your school wear? India needs a wardrobe for the semester.”

  Without looking at me he shrugged. “Stick with designer. There are numerous stores on Newbury Street. Introduce yourself to the staff, explain she’s attending Tobias Rochester and they’ll be able to help you.”

  “Wonderful, thank you.” Hayley beamed, not at all annoyed that Finn had referred to me as “she” rather than by name.

  What? Was he afraid to say my name in case my trailer trashiness rubbed off on him?

  Dipshit.

  “You’re welcome.” He gave us a nod. “Enjoy the rest of your day.”

  As we watched his tall form stride away, I decided he was perfect for Eloise. He had the broad shoulders and narrow waist of a swimmer, long legs, a face worthy of the Greek gods and expensive clothes that fit him to perfection.

  He was beautiful and wealthy just like his girlfriend.

  And he was just as welcoming.

  “I like him,” Hayley said quietly. “There’s something mysterious about him.”

  “He’s a snob.”

  She frowned at me. “No. I don’t think so. I think he’s just sad.”

  “Sad?” I made a face. “How so?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe he needs a friend.” She nudged me pointedly.

  I gave a huff of laughter. “Oh, yeah, I can see that happening.”

  “What?” Hayley seemed confused as we started walking toward the car again. “I think you two might get along if you just make an effort. You know he’s the kind of boy I would have loved to see you with if Eloise hadn’t gotten there first. A boy like that needs someone to shake him up a little. You’re so good at shaking people up.”

  I grunted and rolled my eyes at her teasing. “You, Hayley, I’m good at shaking you up. I’m pretty chill with everyone else.”

  And anyway... Hell would freeze over before Finn Rochester would ever look at a girl like me.

  And it would seriously, seriously take a miracle to make a boy that cold appealing to me in any way. It didn’t matter how pretty his face was.

  * * *

  Large wrought-iron gates swung open into a courtyard from the sidewalk and hugging that courtyard was Tobias Rochester High School. Housed in an imposing Federal-style building that was set back from the street, it looked like the king of the pretty row houses in the fancy neighborhood in Beacon Hill.

  I stared up at the building, trying to ignore the pounding of my heart.

  Unfortunately, my morning had gone speedily downhill. When I woke up it was to sunlight spilling into my beautiful, peaceful new room. I was surprised by how well-rested I felt. Seriously, now I understood why people often described beds like a cloud.

  I’d then taken an awesome shower in my huge new bathroom and I’d put on one of the many outfits Hayley had forced me to buy the day before. I was wearing Armani skinny jeans and an oversize Alexander McQueen T-shirt. Hayley (or Theo actually) had even bought me jewelry, and I was wearing a new watch and bracelet, as well as a pair of small diamond studs in my ears. A pair of Tory Burch flats finished the casual but expensive look and, as much as I hated to admit it because I felt like the walking privileged, I looked pretty good.

  And that’s where all the “good” stopped.

  Theo wasn’t at breakfast because he went into the office really early. Hayley was still in bed and Eloise was sitting at the breakfast table being waited on hand and foot.

  I decided to help myself in the kitchen, hoping to make conversation with the cook, Gretchen, only to discover Gretchen really didn’t want me in her kitchen. I think it was the glaring and the shooing hand gestures that gave her feelings away.

  I ended up out in the dining room with my new soon-to-be stepsister. The silence between us was so thick it was stifling as we ate.

  Gil came to inform us that it was time to leave for school and I grabbed up my new school satchel (I never, ever thought I’d use the word satchel), and hurried after Eloise.

  The tense silence continued between us during the thirty-minute drive to school. When we pulled up to the school, Gil opened the door for Eloise and she shot out of the car as if I had the plague.

  Gil gave me a sympathetic smile as I got out and told me to have a good first day.

  So far Gil was pretty much the only person in the whole Massachusetts experience that I might actually like.

  I got a few curious looks from kids as I walked through the gates and into my new school life. Theo had sent Hayley a class program list a few weeks back and I’d filled it out. Within twenty-four hours I’d been given a schedule and he’d sent on textbooks so I could be somewhat up-to-date on what we would be discussing in class. Plus the school had an intraweb and the teachers were cool enough to list each upcoming class discussion and the reading that was expected for it.

  As organized as I already was, I still had to register my arrival. Following signs for the school office, I took in the modern interior that was incongruous with the building’s exterior. The school office was chic—all shiny glass, white, glossy painted wood and expensive computers.

  “May I help you?” A middle-aged woman with short blond hair smiled at me as I stepped inside the office.

  I gave her a small smile, hoping I didn’t appear as nervous as I felt. “My name is India Maxwell. I’m new.”

  “Oh, Miss Maxwell, of course.” She came around her desk to offer me her hand. As I shook it she introduced herself. “My name is Ms. Llewellyn. I’m the head of administration at Tobias Rochester.”

  “Nice to meet you.”

  “You, too. We’ve been expecting you.” She turned to her desk and shuffled through some papers before producing a large envelope. “This is for you. Inside you’ll find important information about the school, including leaflets on a list of extracurricular activities we have here at Tobias Rochester.”

  “Thank you,” I murmured, feeling overwhelmed already.

  “Headmaster Vanderbilt would like to introduce himself.”

  Headmaster Vanderbilt turned out to be a guy probably only five years or so older than Theo. I expected someone stuffy, pretentious and more than a little condescending, but Headmaster Vanderbilt—a tall, reed-thin man who wore a tiny pair of rimless glasses perched on his big Roman nose—was warm and welcoming.

  His welcome, in fact, would be the warmest I’d receive that day.

  My first class was Microeconomics and to my horror Eloise, Finn and their whole crew took the class. I hadn’t been expecting to see them all together in one class and while the teacher introduced me I had to quickly put my mask of indifference on.

  Eloise didn’t acknowledge my presence as I took a seat on the other side of the classroom. My eyes drifted to Finn but he was staring at the teacher, almost too studiously, like he was trying to avoid my gaze. I shook that suspicion off, knowing Finn thought he was superior to me—I probably wasn’t even on his radar.

  Not that I cared if I was on his radar or not.

  My Microeconomics teacher was pretty cool and I got through the class not feeling totally out of my depth. I considered that a positive for the day.

  Fiction Writing was next and Charlotte was in my class. When I walked in, her eyes lit up and I thought I detected the beginnings of a smile before a thought passed over her expression. Her shoulders slumped, and she looked like she
wanted to blend into the background.

  I decided to ignore her weirdness and waved at her as the teacher approached to introduce herself. The teacher saw my exchange with Charlotte and insisted I sit with her.

  “Hey,” I said as I took the seat beside her.

  Charlotte gave me a half smile, half grimace. “Hi.”

  “Don’t worry, I won’t cheat off you.”

  Her answer was a tremulous smile.

  Encouraged, I nodded at her violet dress. “That color looks awesome on you.”

  Appearing almost taken aback, Charlotte glanced down at the dress and ran her fingertips over it. “Really? Bryce said it washed me out. She said I look trash in it.”

  Of course she did. I got more than a few mean girl vibes off that girl. “Well, she’s wrong. It’s really cute.”

  “Thanks.” Charlotte gave me a shy smile before wariness replaced it and she turned determinedly to face the front.

  Her body language told me not to push talking to her, but I felt hope.

  Smiling inwardly, I faced forward, too, and listened to the teacher as she started class.

  Two classes passed and I already had more homework than I’d ever had back at Fair Oaks High. I wasn’t freaking out about it just yet, considering I had no friends and no extracurricular activities to distract me from all the schoolwork, but once I did I’d have to find a way to juggle it all.

  As I was walking toward my next class I noticed the glances and full-on stares from my new schoolmates. Their looks varied from curious to sneering and I felt a tingle of wariness across the back of my neck. Turning a corner on my search for my Modern European History class, I came face-to-face with my stepsister-to-be and her girls. They sashayed down the hall like an ad for a TV show about beautiful popular high school kids, long hair fluttering out behind them like silk, long trim legs on display in their designer dresses and elongated by their Jimmy Choo sandals.

  Eloise saw me, looked right through me and kept on walking without a word.

  My skin felt hot with embarrassment at her obvious cut.

  I watched her disappear around the corner with her best friends before looking around the hallway. That’s when I realized I hadn’t been imagining the sneers of my classmates.

  A sick feeling settled in my gut as I wondered what the hell was going on.

  Determined to pretend I didn’t care, I threw my shoulders back and continued on my search for my class. To my relief I discovered the classroom without having to ask anyone for directions. The last thing I wanted to do right then was interact with anyone. I strode inside, cursing Hayley all over again for bringing me to Massachusetts, unaware of anyone else but the tall faculty member standing by the whiteboard.

  He caught sight of me in his peripheral vision and turned. He was my youngest teacher so far, probably in his late twenties, and he was cute in a nerdy, intellectual kind of way.

  “Hi.” He smiled.

  “I’m India Maxwell. I’m new.”

  “Oh, India, yes. I knew that.” He held out his hand for me to shake. “I’m Mr. Franklin, but most of these guys drop the ‘Mr.’”

  I smiled back, liking his down-to-earth vibe immediately. “It’s nice to meet you.”

  “You, too.” He looked out at the class and I followed his gaze.

  I felt a horrible jump in my heartbeat at the sight of Finn Rochester sitting in the middle of the room and things pretty much got worse from there.

  “Finn,” Franklin said, “you’ve got an empty seat beside you, right?”

  No. NO. NO!

  I did not want to sit beside that stuck-up ass. Only seconds into the class and already I knew it was going to suck worse than anything that had happened in my day so far.

  Finn glanced at the table and chair beside him and then looked over at me. His expression was carefully blank. “Yes, it’s empty.”

  Franklin gestured toward it. “Take a seat, get comfy and we’ll get started.”

  I murmured my thank-you and slowly made my way to the chair I’d just been allocated. Finn stared straight ahead at Franklin, much like he had done in our Microeconomics class. As I sat I glanced at his profile.

  There was a weird flutter in my stomach that I put down to nerves. After all, it was messed up that someone as influential as Finn had decided I wasn’t good enough. It would make the school social climbing that much freaking harder. More than that, I realized...it hurt. I didn’t want it to hurt. But it hurt nonetheless. It reminded me too much of a time spent with a man who thought I was worthless.

  Shaking that black hole of memories away, I found myself studying Finn.

  The flutter in my stomach intensified.

  It was a damn shame that someone so good-looking was such an incredible dipshit.

  I noted his broad shoulders tense. Slowly, he turned his head to lock eyes with me. His look was dark and fathomless; mine was challenging.

  Something weird happened to me as our silent interaction drew out. Franklin’s voice became just a murmur in the background and my blood turned hot. The whole world faded out—everything but Finn’s eyes and the squirming heat under my skin.

  I began to worry that the longer he stared into my eyes, the more he’d see, because the longer I stared into his, the more I saw to my surprise that Hayley was right—there was a sadness in Finn’s eyes. And what surprised me even more was how curious I was to know what put it there. I hadn’t expected it. What could ever have made someone as lucky as Finn sad?

  Finally his eyes narrowed and I could have sworn his expression turned wary a split second before he wiped it blank and turned his head away.

  Feeling strangely unsettled, I decided to take a page out of Finn’s book and pretend like he didn’t exist.

  When class ended Finn shot out of there before I could dare to say a word to him. I was okay with that. In fact, I waited for everyone to filter out before approaching Franklin.

  “India, great job today. I’m delighted you did all the reading before joining us. Tobias Rochester is a competitive school. Sometimes it’s hard for new students coming from a less competitive environment to keep up with us.”

  I thought that was an extremely diplomatic way to put it and knew my smile said so.

  I pulled out one of the leaflets Ms. Llewellyn had put in my packet. “I see that you are the faculty member that oversees the school newspaper.”

  “Yes. Usually it would be an English teacher but I minored in journalism so...” He shrugged modestly, as if to say, Here I am.

  “Great. Well, I was coeditor of my paper back in Arroyo Grande. I was hoping that there might be a place for me on this paper.”

  “Oh. Well, you know, we’ve got most of the team together already because we’re a few weeks into the school year...however, we are looking for a book reviewer. I know a critic isn’t a journalist but is that something you might be interested in?”

  “Yes.” I nodded eagerly. “I love books. And really, I just want to be part of the team on the paper. It’s a start, right?”

  “Definitely. We do have a couple of other students interested. However, I always choose those who have potential to bring more to the paper over time. So why don’t you email me some of the work you’ve done on your previous paper if you can?”

  “I can do that.”

  He chuckled at my eagerness. “Great. My email is on the intraweb. Send it to me ASAP.”

  “I will. Thanks, Mr. Franklin.”

  “You’re welcome, India.”

  There was a little skip in my step as I left his class. I was hopeful that things were looking up.

  * * *

  That thought was quickly dashed when I wandered into the cafeteria for lunch period.

  Tobias Rochester was a much smaller school than my last, which made th
e cafeteria drama much more pronounced. And today’s drama? Me. New Girl.

  No one had made any friendly overtures yet and I was still receiving weird looks. Everyone was gaping at me: disgust in some cases and curiosity in others.

  The disgust was worrying.

  As I strode to the lunch line to be served, I searched for and eventually found Eloise sitting at a table smack-bang in the middle of the room. Of course she’d want to be in the center of it all.

  Bryce and Charlotte sat on either side of her, and Finn, Gabe and Joshua sat opposite them. The girls saw me and immediately looked away. Bryce said something and whatever it was made the boys glance over their shoulders in my direction. Finn and Joshua quickly looked away but Gabe grinned over at me and started to get up.

  Bryce snapped something at him. He threw a fry at her with a chuckle and she turned a dark shade so red I thought her head was about to explode with all the blood rushing into it.

  As Gabe made his way toward me I braced myself, not sure what kind of greeting to expect from him.

  “You made it,” he said, wearing an expression of amusement.

  I didn’t detect any meanness in him. “Yup.”

  “Well, you look great.”

  “Should you be over here complimenting me?”

  “Are you talking about Bryce?” He chuckled. “She should know by now that I’m not one of her cliquey bitches. I talk to whoever I want. And Elle hasn’t said you’re off-limits and we all know Elle’s the one really in charge.”

  Huh, that was interesting. I would have thought for certain Eloise would have called for me to be ostracized by her friends.

  As if he saw the thought in my eyes, Gabe shook his head. “Elle’s a good girl.”

  Hmm, I wasn’t sure I believed that.

  “So you’re being nice to me?”

  He laughed at my suspicious tone. “Believe it or not, yes.”

  “Okay.” I shrugged, still not one hundred percent sure of his motives. Although to be fair he was cool to me when we first met, too. “So if you’re really trying to be nice...maybe you could tell me why everyone is looking at me so strangely?”