Brotherhood of District 23 Complete Series

by Amy Briggs

  “Watch yourself, Jax, she’ll kick your ass and not even feel bad about it,” Matt joked.

  I smiled. That is what it was like. I fell right back into a groove with them. It was nice. The kid I didn’t know giggled but didn’t say anything.

  “Hey, what’s your name, kid?” I covered my mic up and leaned over to him.

  “Jason. Jason Barrett,” he reached over and shook my hand.

  “Nice to meet ya. You old enough to ride a firetruck?” I had to give him a hard time, he looked twelve.

  “Yes ma’am. I’m twenty-one. Been riding on this crew for a few months now. I came from Seminole county.”

  “Uh, yea. Don’t ever call me ma’am again, or I’ll have to kick your ass too. It’s Jo. Jo Meadows.” I gave him a dirty look. Ma’am? I’m thirty-two. Sheesh. He looked scared now that I threatened him, and Jax was laughing hysterically because he could see and hear the entire exchange.

  “Yes ma’—uh, Jo. Sorry,” he said quietly. I smiled at him, he meant well I could tell, and he smiled back. Maybe they do need a den mother, I thought.

  We were just a few minutes away from the station and Matt turned the stereo on and started playing Kenny Loggins “Danger Zone.” We all settled in, rocked out and not talking. We were lucky with this truck, it was pretty much equipped with everything you needed for an accident, and it had a CD player and stereo which was just a nice treat.

  I leaned back and thought about what I wanted to do. I wanted to come back. I loved this job, I loved this station; it was my dad’s legacy. Getting involved with Brian was a bad idea. I needed to put an end to it when I got back and if the job offer was still available, I could get myself off of the District 19 rotation within about a week and come back full-time. Yeah, that’s what I would do. Thinking about what we were doing in Brian’s office before the call, made my body betray me as I started to feel myself get warm between my legs. Apparently, my pussy didn’t understand what’s best. I needed to shut that down immediately.

  We pulled into the station, and everyone was getting out of their gear and putting it away in their gear bins. I didn’t have a gear bin anymore so I was going to have to go ask Brian what to do with my stuff which I was absolutely dreading. I’m in no mood for his Neanderthal attitude right now. It’s now been a long day, I’m dirty, I’m angry at him, and I need to go home and shower this day away. My shoes and my keys were in Brian’s Chief truck though, because that’s where I got dressed in my gear, so I was without other options.

  “Meadows, a moment of your time?” Brian poked his head into the engine bay and summoned me. Nobody thought anything of it, and just kept doing what they were doing. I think after all the adrenaline of the call wore off, they were getting tired. I knew I sure was.

  “Sure, Chief,” I carried my coat and helmet with me, still dressed in bunker pants and not really sure what was going to happen.

  She came back in my office, the office we had sex in a few hours prior, sat her coat and helmet down on my office couch and took a seat in my visitor chair. I needed to do the reports on the call, so my desk had fresh paperwork all over, and after she sat down, I shut the door and sat down at my chair on the other side of the desk.

  “Your shoes and stuff are in my truck, you can grab them after we talk,” I said. I felt like I had a million things to say to her, but I honestly wasn’t quite sure where to start. We were officially in that gray area where I wanted to have a Chief to firefighter talk, but I also wanted to ask how she felt about being back with us, and I wanted to know why she was rubbing her ribs earlier, and kiss whatever it was that was making them sore.

  “Okay,” she replied.

  The sweat from earlier had mostly dried, but I could still faintly see her black bra under her white t-shirt and it was distracting me and my cock. I stared at her, forgetting what I wanted to say altogether until she spoke up.

  “What do you want me to do with my gear, Brian? I do want to come back, but I have other commitments as you’re well aware, and I’ll need to see them through. After that, I would like to get back on the schedule. And while I’m at it, let’s just face it, we need to quit seeing each other, or sleeping together or whatever this is. This is work, and I need the job as you’re well aware, and I don’t think after our argument today that we should keep doing—" I cut her off right there.

  “Whoa, wait a minute, you want to what? It was a disagreement and wasn’t a big deal. Why would we stop seeing each other? You can’t be serious,” I was stunned, and certainly didn’t expect that response. I understood that we'd had a small argument at the scene, but she shouldn’t be letting everyone get a look, and no, just no, we can’t stop now. She can’t be serious. My face had to be bright red, I felt my entire body temperature rise like I had a fever.

  “I'm serious. I can admit that this was just some fun, and maybe an escape for a bit, but if I’m going to come back here to work, I don’t think either one of us needs the bullshit that happened today to happen every time we work together. When I’m here, I’m more or less one of the guys, and I’ve always been that way. You can’t treat me differently because I’ve sucked your dick, Brian,” she said matter -of-factly; as I balled my fists up at my sides.

  “I don’t consider this a fling at all, which I’ve said several times. Do you really think that’s all that’s going on here?” She had to feel something; I knew she did. An unfamiliar wave of desperation came over me, giving me a horrible sick feeling.

  She looked me squarely in the eyes. “I do. I would like the rest of my firefighting career to be at the station my dad ran my whole life, but it’s your station now, Brian, so you tell me if that’s going to be a problem.” She was cold and as my heart started racing, she just kept staring blankly at me waiting for a reply.

  I took a deep breath, and thought of what to say. I needed her to be here, with us, with me. “Jo, if that’s what you want, then I’m not going to beg you to keep things going. I think it’s a huge mistake, but I want you as part of the crew here. That's what your dad wanted.” I didn’t know what else to say, I was feeling my heart sink that she was slipping away, but I didn’t know what to do to stop it. I couldn’t bring myself to say how I really felt; it was bubbling to the surface, but I just couldn’t say the words to her. I wasn't ready. “There’s an empty gear bin next to Matt’s that we cleared out a while ago, and it’s yours if you want it. It was all I could get out.

  “Okay. I’ll put my gear out there, and I’ll work my schedule out at 19 tomorrow; then I can be on the schedule here. Should take a week to work it out, two tops. Will that work?” She was like a stone; I don’t understand how everything changed so fast. I honestly didn’t know what to do and I just couldn’t be totally honest with her, even though I felt the stabbing pain in my chest of her leaving. I was losing her and it was the last thing I wanted.

  “Yea, that’s fine.” That’s all I could say. She stood up to leave, and I sat in my chair, frozen.

  She grabbed her stuff, and got up to leave, stopping in the doorway. “I’m sorry, Brian, I’m not the girl for you, and it’s better if we just try to be actual friends, or whatever. Last time we had a moment it was a huge mistake and we barely spoke for a year. We can’t do that, you’re my boss now. Thanks for the job offer. I’ll let you know when my schedule is worked out; I'll try to have it handled tomorrow,” and she walked out, shutting the door behind her.

  “FUCK!” I stood up and yelled when I was pretty sure she was out of earshot. I threw my dirty coffee cup from this morning across the room, shattering it into a million pieces, and sat back down putting my face in my hands.

  I stopped outside the door after I left, and rested my hand there trying not to cry, and keeping myself from going back in and running into his arms. I loved him, and I couldn’t let this keep going, knowing full well it was headed for a crash and burn. Working at the station, and remembering my dad was way too important; I needed to honor my dad, not fulfill a childhood crush. It hurt so badly; m
y heart actually ached. I heard him yell and throw something in his office after I left, and it ripped my heart in two. He’d get over it though, I knew he would, but I honestly wasn’t sure I would. In my view, for him, it was pride. For me though, I had a taste of what I always wanted, and Brian didn’t end up with anyone, especially not me. He’d never been the guy that was going to love me, be by my side for better or for worse. He’s the guy that's a good time, with a brilliant smile, the charming guy that gets your panties wet, but you can’t ever keep. It’s better to just end it now, on my terms, before I got in any deeper, as if that were possible, and cut my losses before he did the inevitable himself.

  I took a deep breath, went out to his truck; grabbing my shoes and keys from where I left them on the seat. I came back in to the engine bay where the gear racks were to find Matt standing there waiting for me.

  “Hey girl, he super pissed at us or what?” he smiled. He had the same charming smile his brother had, no wonder he was a hit with the ladies too. He was leaned up against his gear bin, next to an empty one, which was apparently mine.

  “Nah, he didn’t even bring it up. He wanted to tell me there was a gear bin already here for me. How long have ya’ll been planning this, and why were you so sure I’d say yes?” I tried to pretend nothing was wrong of course. Matt and I shared almost everything, but I obviously couldn’t tell him how I was feeling or what was going on with Brian.

  “We honestly weren’t sure you’d say yes. I was pretty sure when your dad was here you might, but after he died, I wasn’t sure. So you said yes?” he smiled at me, clearly realizing that I was going to be joining him back at the station.

  “Of course I said yes,” I gave him a smile. It really did feel so good to be there. “This is my home; you know that better than anyone. I just have to finish out my schedule at 19, and then I can be more or less full time here in about a week or so.” It just occurred to me that the change would require a conversation with Danny. That was unfortunate. Whatever, this was what I really wanted in my heart, even if my heart was hurting over Brian. Nobody needed to know that part.

  “Sweet! Well, here’s your rack, next to mine. I kicked Travis, the C shift guy out of this spot because—well because I can,” he laughed, and I joined in. He does his best to look out for me. I hung my coat up in the wire rack, and put my helmet on top and stared at my name already on it. J. Meadows FF/EMT. That was me; it was also my dad I thought. I reached up and traced the letters with my fingers softly.

  “He’d be so happy right now, Jo,” Matt put his hand on my shoulder and pulled me in for a hug. I grabbed onto him really tightly, more than I normally would and rested my head on his shoulder. “You okay? Is something else going on?” he asked, giving me a squeeze, then pushing me out so he could look at my face.

  “No, no. Everything is great. I’m actually exhausted. I’m really happy,” I lied. “I’m gonna head home and shower and call it a day. I picked up a short afternoon shift at 19 tomorrow; just covering for another guy, and it’s been a long day. I’m so happy to be back though.” I took a step back from him, and took off my bunker pants, situating them just right in my bin, the way I like them and put my regular shoes back on. We all have our own way of pushing the pants down around our boots, so we can step into them in a hurry.

  “Alright, sounds good. Text me when you get home.” People always thought we were dating over the way we looked out for each other, but it was never like that with us. Thankfully, neither of us ever felt anything more than friendship. We were just tight is all.

  “Will do,” I smiled and waved as I made my way out to my jeep. Meanwhile, I felt my heart beating out of my chest over the end of Brian and I. I loved him. There’s just no denying it. That love is a drug, and my body was in withdrawal.

  I don’t know how long I was sitting there staring at the ceiling when my brother came to my office.

  “Yo, what the fuck happened here?” He waved at the shattered ceramic that had spread across the floor.

  “Nothing. It’s nothing,” I was completely aware that we both knew it wasn’t nothing at all, but I wasn’t sure telling Matt anything was a good idea.

  “Uh, yeah, it’s something. Spill it,” he sat down in the chair Jo had just vacated. Fuck it, I’ll just tell him a little bit, maybe he won’t want to kill me.

  “Had a small disagreement with Jo over some things, but it’s fine now. No big deal,” I knew he didn’t believe me. He looked at me like I had two heads, and I knew I was going to have to tell him. “Okay, it was more than a small disagreement, but it’s personal, so I don’t want to talk about it,” I said.

  “This explains why she looked like someone kicked her fucking puppy on her way out of here tonight. What did you do man? Seriously, didn’t we talk about this? Did you fuck her?” he yelled at me.

  Technically, the answer was yes, but now I’m feeling protective and don’t want to say that. What we had is more than that. It’s more than sex, way more…it is..,it’s just more than sex. I didn’t say anything, I just looked at him in silence, choking inside trying to find the words I was too afraid to say.

  “What the fuck is wrong with you, Brian!? She isn’t one of those dumb whores you mess around with!” He was getting red, and really angry, and I was getting angrier by the minute too. “Seriously? You fucked her. Her dad—basically the only dad WE ever had just died—and you fucked her. I can’t even fucking believe you would sink so low as to take advantage of her like that,” he threw his hands in the air waiting for an explanation from me. I honestly wasn’t sure that I had an explanation to give him, maybe he was right. Maybe this was all my fault for starting something and not coming clean as soon as I realized how I felt about her. Maybe she wouldn’t have ended it if I told her the truth. How my heart ached right now, how making her smile was all I cared about now.

  “It wasn’t like that, Matt,” was all I said.

  “Oh? It wasn’t like that? So tell me, what exactly was it like, man? You don’t use up friends. You don’t love ‘em and leave ‘em to family, dickhead. I can’t believe she said she’d work here for you. What the fuck happened? I want the truth,” he was pointing at me to drive his point home, and I blurted it out without even thinking.

  “I love her, dude! I fucking love her. But she doesn’t want anything to do with me other than working here, so that’s how it’s going to be. Now back the fuck off!” I screamed back. I said it out loud, and it felt so good. But it should have been her I was saying it to. With my lips on hers, touching her and confessing my feelings to her. But no, I just screamed it at my fucking brother.

  “You what?” He leaned back in his chair and ran his hands through his hair, clearly stunned by my confession. “Oh, Jesus, dude. What the fuck,” was all he muttered.

  Yeah, what the fuck indeed.

  “When did all of this happen? You need to come clean, because eventually I’m going to hear about it when she’s ready to talk to me, and I’m your brother, and her best friend, and fucking dude— ugh. What a goddamn mess.” He shook his head at me, and I leaned back in my chair, putting my hands behind my head and letting out a big sigh myself.

  “I’m not sure when it happened exactly, but we’ve been sneaking around together for a little bit since the funeral, she didn’t want anyone to know,” I confessed, and actually felt hurt that she still didn’t want anyone to know now, after the fact.

  “Yeah, because she’s smarter than you. You can’t tell anyone else that you two had something going on. You think you’re in love or whatever, and all you’re going to do is make things hard for her. And I’m not letting you do that. She deserves better than to deal with your bullshit or firehouse gossip, especially now,” he was lecturing me like a little kid now, and I'm not appreciating it.

  “Hold on one minute. It takes two people to make a decision like this. I wasn’t exactly in it on my own.” I tried to defend myself.

  “Yeah, I’m sure. While we’re at it, why don’t you tell me what
happened last year that made you two stop speaking more than two words to each other. Is that how long this has actually been going on? Oh, God, it hasn’t has it?” he looked sick, likely because he knew I had been with other women in the last year, that wasn’t a secret. Thinking about Jo, and other women at the same time made me feel ashamed that I wasn’t ready for something when she approached me last year. I just didn’t know how I felt, and now I wished so badly that I had thought more of it. I thought back to my discussion with her dad.

  “You wanna come in here, son?” Jack motioned for me to come to his office. I had been staring at Jo, and I’m pretty sure I just got caught.

  “Yes, sir, of course,” I felt my face get hot and followed him into his office where he shut us both in.

  “You know I love you and your brother like my own sons, right, Cavanaugh?” he sat down at his desk his stern expression letting me know he was about to give me shit. His lips curled up and the lines above his eyes furrowed.

  “Yes, sir, we feel the same. You’re the only father I’ve ever known, and I hope we make you proud,” I meant that deeply.

  “That there is my only daughter, Cavanaugh,” he pointed out his door. “She's the single most important thing to me in the world.”

  “Yes sir, I understand,” I nodded my head. I was deathly afraid of where this was going.

  “I’d love nothing more than to see two of my favorite people end up happily ever after, Brian. But if you’re not—ready shall we say—for more than what it takes to be serious, I’d like to warn you to keep it in your pants, son,” he looked almost as uncomfortable as I felt. “Josephine is my life, Brian, and I’m not going to allow a broken heart to keep her from her dreams in the fire service, here at this station. I expect you to be Chief after me and when I’m gone, I expect you to look after her.”

  “Sir, I’d never do anything to hurt her. Jo is family. I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impressi—” he interrupted me.