Seek Me With All Your Heart

by Beth Wiseman

  “No. I just feel like going for a drive.” Emily shrugged.

  “I suppose we should be leaving too, Vera.” Lillian stood and hugged Emily’s mother. “Danki for having us. What a wonderful time we had.” Lillian chuckled. “I can’t imagine having to cook the Thanksgiving meal in our kitchen.”

  “Next year.” Mamm eased out of the hug. “I’m sure that by next year we’ll have your new home in tip-top shape.”

  “I hope so.” Lillian grabbed a bag from the counter. “Danki also for sending home some leftovers.” She turned toward the den.“Anna, Elizabeth, are you ready to go?” Both girls were sitting with Betsy in the middle of the floor putting together a puzzle.

  Katie Ann offered Mamm her thanks for the meal as David crossed through the den to the kitchen.

  “We leaving?” David addressed the question to Lillian, but quickly glanced in Emily’s direction.

  “Ya. I reckon so.” Lillian called to her daughters one more time, then refocused on David. “It’s almost two thirty, and I know the girls are tired.” She smiled. “I’m a bit tired too. Can you go round up your father?”

  David’s eyes once again shifted to Emily, but when she didn’t say anything, he looked back to Lillian. “Sure.” He turned to walk out the door, but then hesitated and swung back around. “Emily, Jacob said you’re going for a drive, that you need to drop some food off for a neighbor.” He stuffed his hands inside his overcoat. “Think maybe I could get a ride, if it’s not too much trouble? Otherwise I’ll have Anna or Elizabeth in my lap, and Onkel Ivan said the backseat of his buggy is filled with empty boxes.”

  “I’m sorry, David,” Katie Ann said. “I wasn’t thinking yesterday afternoon when I piled those in the buggy for Ivan to haul off.”

  Emily’s chest grew tight. “Ach, uh, Martha’s house isn’t really in that direction, and—”

  “Emily . . .” Mamm said. “I’m sure it’s no trouble at all for you to take David home, no? Mighty cramped, I’m sure, with his sisters in the backseat.” Mamm narrowed her brows at Emily.

  “That’s all right. Don’t make Emily go out of her way.” Lillian smiled. “I made David ride with us, instead of in his own buggy, since it was Thanksgiving. I wanted us all to be together. He can squeeze in the back for the short ride home.”

  David didn’t say anything, but he had a smirk on his face, like he knew Emily would end up taking him home.

  Mamm scowled at Emily.

  “No, it’s all right, Lillian. I can take him home after I stop at Martha’s. I’m sure David won’t mind making a quick stop to drop the food off before I make the circle back home.” She shot him a calculated smile, then grabbed her hat and bonnet from the rack and together they walked out the door. He’ll love Martha.

  VERA, LILLIAN, AND Katie Ann were in the kitchen while Anna and Elizabeth helped Betsy clean up the puzzle and other toys in the den.

  The three women stood beside the window and watched David crawl into the driver’s side of the buggy. “Guess Emily is letting him drive,” Lillian said.

  Vera watched her daughter climb into the passenger side. “I see that.”

  David turned the buggy and headed down the driveway.

  Lillian turned to face Vera as her brows drew together with concern. “David has never had much interest in dating. He seems to avoid getting close to anyone. It worries Samuel and me.” Then a smile eased across her face. “But I’m glad to see that he seems to have taken an interest in Emily.”

  “Emily seems like such a lovely girl,” Katie Ann added.

  Vera wished she could tell them about everything her family had been through, everything Emily had been through. Sometimes the pain overwhelmed her, and pushing forward as if nothing had happened was the only way she could survive. She liked these women, but she didn’t know them very well. How would Lillian react when she found out that Emily had been attacked and taken by another man? Would she see Emily as unworthy for her stepson?

  Lillian touched her on the arm. “Are you all right?”

  “Ya, ya.” Vera tried to clear her thoughts of all that haunted her. “I was just thinking about how Emily hasn’t been interested in dating anyone since we moved here. She mostly stays to herself.”

  They all glanced out the window again just as David pulled onto the main road.

  “Well, as Katie Ann said, Emily is lovely, and I can see why David would want to spend time with her.” Lillian glanced briefly toward Vera; then she looked back out the window. “I hope they have a gut time.”

  Vera nodded. “So do I.” She forced a smile, then said a silent prayer for Emily. Help her to feel joy again, Lord.

  THE SUN SHONE brightly as they headed toward Martha’s house.

  “Danki for letting me drive.” David turned toward her and grinned. “Nothing worse than a woman driver.”

  Emily glanced briefly in his direction and cut her eyes, then focused on the snow-capped mountains ahead of her. “I can’t wait to climb one of those some day.”

  “Why do you want to do that?” David gave her a sidelong glance.

  She paused as she thought about how distant she was from God. “So I’ll be closer to heaven.”

  David was quiet for a moment, then said, “Maybe I better climb up there with you.”

  Emily didn’t respond, but by David’s tone, she could tell he was troubled. She wasn’t ready to dive into anyone else’s problems, so she stayed quiet the rest of the short drive to Martha’s.

  When David turned down the driveway of the large home, Emily finally spoke. “Martha is not a very friendly Englisch woman.” She reached into the backseat to retrieve the bag of food her mother had sent with them.

  Martha lived alone. ping off some jams at Abby’s bakery. Martha hadn’t said much, but she loaded up on Mamm met her one day while dropMamm’s rhubarb jam. She’d said it was the best she’d ever had. Guess that’s all it took for Mamm to befriend her, although Martha didn’t seem to need or want friends. The older woman was cranky to the point of being rude almost every time Emily was around her. She shook her head as she recalled that the whole point of this trip was to have some time alone, get away from David, and clear her head.

  “Why are you shaking your head?” David eased the buggy to a stop next to an old car covered in snow.

  Emily shrugged. “Just hoping Martha is in a better mood than she usually is.”

  “If she’s so cranky, why does your mamm do things like this, send food for her?”

  “I guess because she is alone.” Emily thought briefly about how she’d been treating her mother lately. Poorly, she knew. And despite Mamm’s bubbly attitude, despite the circumstances, Emily knew her mother to be a good woman, always helping others. Then why can’t she help me?

  Emily climbed out of the buggy. She was about to close the door when David spoke.

  “Guess I’ll just stay here.” He grimaced. “No need for both of us to take the food to her.”

  Emily glared at him. “Oh no. You come with me. It would be rude of you to stay out here, and I’d hate for you not to meet Martha.” She shot him a snide grin and waited until he had stepped out of the buggy before she closed her own door.

  Together they trudged through the snow to Martha’s front door.

  “This place is huge.” David glanced around Martha’s spacious yard, then upward at her two story house, much larger than most of the homes in the area.

  “Ya. She doesn’t really do much with it. I mean, take care of it.”

  They climbed the steps to Martha’s front door, and Emily knocked, softly at first, then harder when Martha didn’t answer.

  “Maybe we can just leave the food on the front porch and run,” David whispered, but his eyes were openly amused, and Emily was forced to stifle a giggle before she reprimanded him.

  “Stop it. We can’t do that.” Emily repositioned the plastic bag across her arm just as David reached for it.

  “Here, let me take that for you.”

  Emi
ly jerked away from him. “rowed her eyes playfully. “You’ll just drop it and run.”Ach, no. I’ve got it.” She nar

  He stared at her for a moment, then burst out laughing. “Do you really think I would do that?”

  Emily tapped her shoe against the snow-covered porch step and raised her chin. “I think you just might.”

  His gentle laugh rippled through the air, and Emily laughed infectiously back at him, unsure why and not really caring. It felt good to laugh. “Why are you laughing?” she finally asked.

  “Why are you laughing?”

  Emily bent slightly at the waist as her free arm covered her abdomen. “I don’t know.”

  The massive wooden door swung open in front of them, and they both choked back their amusement. Emily straightened. “Hello, Martha.”

  “What’s so funny?” Dark, snappy eyes looked out from a wrinkled face topped with a mass of curly dark brown hair. Red lipstick lined thin lips pinched together into a scowl. Martha walked onto the porch and glanced back and forth between Emily and David. “Emily, who is this man?”

  Emily cleared her throat. “Martha, this is David Stoltzfus.

  He and his family just moved here from—”

  “What’s in the bag?” Martha leaned toward Emily a bit and raised one brow.

  “Mamm sent you some turkey and Thanksgiving side dishes.” Emily pulled the bag from her arm and pushed it in Martha’s direction.

  Martha latched on, then peered inside as if poison were inside. “I don’t see any cranberry.”

  “No, it’s there.” Emily leaned forward and pulled back the edge of the plastic bag, then pointed to a small plastic container. “The one with the green lid.”

  Martha’s expression softened. But only a little. Emily stepped back. “Hope you enjoy it. It was nice to see you again.”

  “And nice to meet you,” David added with much more sincerity than Martha surely deserved.

  Emily turned to leave, David on her heels.

  “Do you want to come in?” Martha’s voice was loud and raspy, and Emily tried to hide her shock when she spun around to face her. Several times she had delivered food to Martha, and never once had she been invited inside. And I’m not fond of the idea right now.

  “Uh, we don’t want to bother you.” She glanced at David, whose eyes seemed to be begging Emily to decline.

  Martha turned around, pulled the door wide, and held it open. “No bother. Come in.”

  Her voice left little room for argument as she held the door until Emily and David moved slowly across the threshold and into a large den with no more light than at their own houses. She wondered briefly if Martha had electricity, but rays from a small lamp in the corner caught Emily’s eye. Still, Emily’s home, void of modern electricity, was much brighter and more inviting than this giant, but depressing, space that smelled like something Emily couldn’t quite identify. Almost like—like the homemade ointment Mamm used on Levi’s cut leg one time.

  Wood creaked beneath Emily as she scanned Martha’s den. A red and gold couch rested against a tan wall, and it looked like it was real fancy at one time, but it was worn now, the colors faded. There was a picture of an owl in flight above it. In front of the couch was a coffee table, presumably. You couldn’t see it for all the magazines and newspapers strewn across it, and four cups were balanced unevenly on top of all that. To Emily’s right was a large cage in the corner. Emily moved closer.

  “That’s Elvis.” Martha slammed the wooden door and joined Emily. “He’ll talk to you.” She gingerly reached her finger into the cage and stroked the long snout on the big bird with every color in the rainbow nestled amidst its feathers.

  “A parrot?” David moved closer to the women.

  Martha nodded, and Emily was surprised at the tenderness the woman showed the bird. Elvis almost sounded as if he was purring like a cat as Martha continued to rub his hooked mouth. “Who is Elvis?” Martha leaned her head down closer to the cage.

  “The king.”

  Emily jumped when the bird spoke. She turned to David, whose mouth tipped at one corner.

  “Did he say ‘the king’?” Emily didn’t understand. There was only one King she knew of—Christ.

  “Yeah, he’s something, my Elvis.” Martha smiled, something Emily had never seen her do. Then Martha bolted upright. “Anyway, sit down.” She pointed to the couch. The only other piece of furniture in the room was a brown recliner with long tears down one side, exposing the white foam beneath it. The lamp on the end table wobbled when Martha sat down in the recliner, and Martha didn’t even look when she reached over to steady it.

  Emily and David took a seat on the small couch. Too small. Emily felt her knee brush against David’s leg. She eased over as much as she could, but he was still uncomfortably close to her.

  “You two make a nice couple.” Martha made the statement, frowning as she spoke.

  “Thank you.” David turned to Emily and grinned, and Emily was sure that if there were more light in the room, Martha would have commented on the shade of red brightening Emily’s cheeks. Emily twisted to face David, and she spoke directly to him.

  “We are not a couple.” She sat taller and held her chin high. David grinned, but Emily quickly pulled her attention from him and turned to Martha when the older woman cackled with laughter.

  “Sure ya are. Might not know it yet, but the two of you definitely got a thing for each other.”

  I am never coming here again. Emily opened her mouth to speak but was clearly unable to say what was on her mind.

  “That’s what I keep telling her,” David said, shaking his head. “But she just won’t listen.”

  Emily faced David again, dropped her jaw. “What are you talking about?”

  Before David could answer, the bird squawked, then sang, “Love me tender, love me sweet . . .”

  Emily glared at the bird, then turned to David, who looked equally horrified, which made her laugh.

  “Gotta love my Elvis. He tells it like he sees it.” Martha choked the words out in her raspy voice, followed up with chopped laughter. Then she grew completely solemn and stared at Emily.

  Emily waited and kept her eyes on Martha. To look at David would be too much right now. Silly bird needed to keep its mouth shut.

  “Your mother got any of that rhubarb jam of hers? I’ll gladly pay.”

  Emily didn’t think she’d ever felt so relieved to have a change in subject. “I’m sure she does. I can ask her.”

  “Maybe you could, uh, come back and bring me some?”

  “Sure.” It was the last thing Emily wanted to commit to— coming back to this dreary place that smelled funny with a smarty pants bird as an occupant, but she nodded as she spoke.

  Mamm had said once that Martha was in her sixties, but Emily thought she looked much older. Several deep lines ran parallel along Martha’s forehead, and tiny wrinkles feathered from the corners of her eyes and around her mouth. She had dark circles under large brown eyes that were heavily made up. A few sprigs of gray were interspersed within her mass of brown curls, but not enough to notice too much. Some of the Englisch women Emily knew used boxes of hair color. Maybe Martha did too. Emily thought Martha must have been an attractive Englisch woman at one time. Now she seemed rather run down, and not in the way that comes from years of hard work, but maybe from a hard life. Martha never spoke of a husband, children, or any other family. Mamm told Emily once that Martha didn’t have any family.

  Emily took a deep breath and thought for a moment about her own future. Even if she didn’t have a husband or children, at least she would have her family.

  “We should probably be going.” David smiled briefly in Emily’s direction, which she could see out of the corner of her eye.

  “Ya, I reckon so.” Emily stood up. “I’ll bring you some rhubarb jam soon.”

  Martha stood up at the same time David rose from the couch. “When?”

  “Uh, maybe later in the week?” Emily offered her a slight s
mile.

  Martha folded her arms across her chest. “Hmm.” Then she turned to leave the room. “Wait right here. I’ll be back.”

  Emily stood quietly beside David, still too embarrassed to look at him. Martha returned quickly.

  “Here.” Martha pushed a piece of paper in Emily’s direction. “My old car is on the fritz, and I can’t get to the market.

  Can you pick up these things for me tomorrow and bring them by? You can bring the rhubarb jam then too.”

  Emily knew her eyes were as large as saucers. “Uh, Martha, I don’t have my own buggy, but maybe Mamm can shop for you soon, or—”

  “He can take you.” She pointed to David. “I bet you have your own buggy.” She raised her brows.

  Before either one of them could answer, Martha handed Emily a wad of cash. “That’s plenty for the groceries and a hundred dollars for your time.”

  Emily’s mind was racing about what she could do with a hundred dollars. She could use it to buy a wedding gift for Jacob and Beth Ann. “Martha, we will figure out a way to get your groceries, but I can’t take that much money.”

  “Fine.” Martha snatched the money back, counted it and removed a few bills, then handed Emily the rest. She pushed the rest of the bills toward David. “You take fifty for carting her to town and because I need some firewood cut. Otherwise I’ll freeze to death in this house, and I’m sure you wouldn’t want that on your conscience, now would you?”

  Emily turned to David, brought her hand to her mouth to stifle a grin, and waited to see how he would handle the request.

  When David didn’t reach for the money, Martha pushed it closer to him and raised her chin as her brows frowned along with her bright red lips.

  David took the money as he hesitantly said, “Okay.” Martha looked so scary, he was probably afraid not to.

  “I eat supper at five. I’ll need time to heat something up.” Martha tapped her finger to her chin. “Can you both be here at four tomorrow?”

  “Uh, I don’t know if . . .” Emily glanced toward David, hoping he’d offer up some help, but he just stared wordlessly back at her. She turned back to Martha. “I have to work at the dry goods store, but I could probably leave a little early. But we’d need time to shop.”