Seek Me With All Your Heart

by Beth Wiseman

  “I guess I could do the shopping, then pick you up at the store,” David said with a shrug.

  “No, no, no.” Martha shook her head so hard half her hair fell from atop her head. She pulled a clip from her hair, bit down on it, then stuffed the curls back and pinned them. “Men can’t shop. You take Emily shopping and then just show up here after that.” She sighed. “There’s a light in the backyard. Should be enough for you to cut me some wood.” Another sigh. “I’ll just eat late.”

  Emily and David headed toward the door, still clothed in their heavy coats. “I guess we will see you tomorrow, Martha.” She thought about another trip with David tomorrow. Grocery shopping. David pulled the door open, and Emily walked onto the porch as David followed. “Bye, Martha.” Emily waved, as did David.

  “See you tomorrow.” Martha waved, and Emily thought she caught a brief smile.

  David opened the driver’s side of the buggy. “Guess you can drive, since you have to drop me off.” He waited until Emily got in, then closed the door behind her before he wound around to the passenger side and climbed in. “I’m not sure how we got pulled into this, but I can use fifty dollars.” David chuckled. “And what about that bird of hers?”

  “Weird.” Emily shook her head as she flicked the horse into action. “I’m saving up to buy something special as a wedding gift for Jacob and Beth Ann, so the money will come in handy for me too.”

  David didn’t look at her as he stared out of the window on his side. “I’m saving up so I can get out of here and move back to Lancaster County.”

  Maybe his words shouldn’t have stung, but they did. They rode quietly until Emily turned into David’s driveway and wound between the piles of debris in the yard.

  “I’ll be glad when the weather clears some so we can get this place cleaned up.” David waited until she came to a complete stop, then turned to face her. “What time should I pick you up?

  I’m planning to help mei daed around here all day, so I guess I’ll ask Lillian to hold my supper for me while we help out your friend.”

  For the first time, Emily was reading Martha’s grocery list. “Uh, what?”

  “I asked what time I should pick you up tomorrow?”

  “I guess four, although we’ll probably be traveling in the dark part of the way.” Emily cocked her head to one side as she continued to stare at Martha’s list. “I can’t believe she pushed us into doing this, but . . .” She took a deep breath. “This list bothers me.” She handed it to David. “Look at this food.”

  Eight

  KATIE ANN POURED EGGS INTO A SKILLET WHILE IVAN read the newspaper at the kitchen table. It was a repeat of almost every morning since they’d moved to Canaan. Katie Ann fought the bitterness that threatened to seep into her heart and ruin the day. Today she was not going to wear her feelings on her shoulder, and she was going to be chipper and happy around her husband. Even if he seemed more interested in that newspaper than anything Katie Ann might have to say.

  “Thanksgiving was nice yesterday, no?” She glanced over her shoulder briefly, then returned to stirring the eggs. “I like Vera and her family.”

  “Seem like fine folks.” Ivan continued to peer down through his reading glasses at the newspaper.

  “When we get things unpacked and the house readied for company, maybe we can have them over for supper one night.” She adjusted the flame under the eggs when they started to stick. “And of course, Lillian, Samuel, David, and the girls too.”

  Ivan looked up. “Where would we put all those people?” He glanced around the kitchen table, only large enough to seat six.

  “Sounds like a gut excuse to buy a larger table and chairs. This haus is bigger than our home in Lancaster County. It might need work, but there’s surely room in this kitchen for a bigger table and more chairs.”

  Ivan didn’t say anything and went back to reading. She kept stirring the eggs. “I sliced a little ham for breakfast this morning, to go with the eggs. I’ll need to get some bacon at the market next time I go.” She twisted to face him. “I hope we have our own pigs soon.”

  Ivan kept his face buried in the paper and nodded.

  She finished the eggs, then spooned some on a plate for Ivan, along with two slices of ham. “Do you want some toast?” Katie Ann put the plate in front of him.

  “No. This is enough.” He closed the newspaper as Katie Ann joined him at the table. They both bowed in prayer.

  “I’m planning to help Samuel and David with the yard today. There’s lots of junk that the girls can get hurt on.” Ivan took a bite of eggs but didn’t look at her when he spoke.

  “I’ll see if there’s anything I can help Lillian with. That haus needs much more work than this one.”

  They ate quietly, and Katie Ann was sure she could hear her heart cracking as loneliness settled in, despite her best intentions. She took a deep breath, refusing to be defeated.

  “I think David has taken a fancy to the Detweiler girl.” She wiped her mouth with her napkin, then kept her gaze on Ivan until his eyes met hers. “Remember when we were that age? When we were young and in lieb?”

  Ivan smiled. Not a lot. But hope surged through her. “Ya, I remember,” he said. Then his eyebrows narrowed, and he kept his eyes on his plate as he spoke. “Seems like such a long time ago.”

  Katie Ann’s heart sank. There was no mistaking the sadness and regret in Ivan’s voice.

  They were quiet again for a while.

  “I was thinking that I would like to get a dog,” she said after she finished her breakfast.

  “What kind of dog?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know. We haven’t had a dog in a long while. Not since Bear died.” Katie Ann tapped her finger to her chin as she remembered their German shepherd who was hit by a car.

  “Get whatever you want.” Ivan stood up from the table, then pulled his hat from the rack. “Guess I’ll go round up Samuel and David and see where they want to start.”

  Katie Ann nodded.

  She watched Ivan close the door behind him.

  Then she just sat and cried.

  DAVID WAS WORN out by the afternoon. He’d spent all day helping his father and Ivan haul junk to the barn, things that were lying around the yard that Anna and Elizabeth could get hurt on. He had two cuts on his finger from a piece of jagged tin as proof. After bandaging them, he would get ready for his trip with Emily, which he had mixed feelings about.

  First there would be shopping, which seemed odd. He’d never done grocery shopping except to pick up a few things here and there for Lillian, plus he’d be doing it with Emily. Martha had a long list of things she wanted, and her list was as strange as the woman herself.

  After a quick bath, he told Lillian where he was going.

  “That’s nice of you and Emily to get her groceries for her since she can’t get out.” Lillian opened the door of the oven and peered inside. “This roast will be ready before you get home, and you know how your daed likes to eat right at five.” She closed the door and turned to face him. “But there will be plenty left for you to have when you get home.”

  David reached for his heavy coat on the rack. “I like to eat at five too.”

  “Ya, I know. Like father, like son.” Lillian smiled. “Is the woman as cranky as Emily and Vera said?”

  “Uh, ya. I would have to say so.” David pulled his hat from the rack, put it on, and was almost out the door when he turned around. “She’s paying me and Emily to go to town for her and for me to chop some firewood for her.” He paused. “Do you think that’s wrong, for us to take money for helping her?”

  Lillian folded her arms across her chest. “What do you think?”

  David shrugged. “I guess it’s all right. No different than other chores I’ve done for the Englisch in the past in Lancaster County.”

  “As long as you feel gut about it.”

  He was trying to feel good about it because he needed the money, but something didn’t feel quite right about takin
g money from an elderly woman whose car wasn’t running. He gave Lillian a quick wave and was glad to see it wasn’t snowing. Hopefully, he and Emily could get to Monte Vista and back to Martha’s before the sun set and the temperatures dropped. Doubtful, though.

  Emily was on her front porch when he pulled up.

  “We have to hurry,” she said as she climbed into the buggy. “It’s going to be dark before we get back to Martha’s. And cold.” Emily pulled the door closed and reached to the floorboard to turn on the portable heater. David grabbed a blanket he had in the backseat and handed it to her. “Danki. I forgot to grab one before I left the house.”

  He put the horse into a quick trot and waited until they had crossed the main highway before he said what was on his mind. “How do you feel about taking money from Martha?” He shrugged. “If she needs our help, maybe it ain’t right.”

  “I was thinking the same thing.” She turned toward him. “As much as I want to save my money for Jacob and Beth Ann’s wedding present, to take money from an older woman whose car won’t run . . . it just doesn’t seem right.” Emily pulled the brown blanket tighter around her. “I have an idea, though. A way we can help Martha, not keep the money, but not give it back either.”

  “This is about her list of groceries she wants us to get, no?”

  Emily nodded. “It made me so sad. Every single thing on that list was something frozen or unhealthy. There were no fresh vegetables, no fruit, no flour or sugar for baking, and no meat.”

  “I reckon I don’t know much about shopping, but I wouldn’t want to eat that stuff.”

  “I’m going to get everything on Martha’s list, but add my fifty dollars and get her some extra things. Some fruit, vegetables . . . healthier foods.”

  “Why don’t we just skip the stuff on her list and get some meat, fruits, and vegetables?” I really don’t want to give up my fifty dollars. He looked over at Emily and saw her scowling.

  “Do you really want to return to Martha’s and tell her we didn’t get anything on her list?” she asked. “Somehow I think she would be angry.”

  David groaned slightly. “I guess I better throw in my fifty dollars too.”

  Emily twisted in the seat to face him. “You sound like it would kill you. Maybe you should keep your money.”

  “Nah. I wasn’t feeling right about it anyway.” He picked up the pace, which caused Emily to bounce in her seat. “Sorry,” he said with a grin.

  She didn’t say anything, but faced forward until they reached the market in Monte Vista about twenty minutes later. But his eyes kept drifting in her direction.

  EMILY LET DAVID load the grocery bags into the backseat of the buggy. Between them, they had fourteen dollars left out of the hundred they were supposed to keep. Martha had given them a hundred dollars for the items on her list, plus they’d picked up all kinds of fresh fruit, vegetables, and meat. David had mostly trailed behind her as she walked down the aisles, as if he’d never been to market before. It was an uncomfortable experience and one Emily didn’t want to repeat.

  “She might be mad we did this,” David said as he loaded the last bag, then raised himself onto the seat.

  Emily pulled the brown blanket around her. “Can she be any worse than she already is?”

  “I guess we’ll find out soon enough.” With a flick of the reins, they were back on the road. Nightfall settled around them. He cut his eyes toward her, his teeth chattering. “Maybe you could share that blanket?”

  She turned her head toward him. “Here, you can have it.” She started to pull the cover from around her shoulders.

  “You’re being silly. Just scoot over here and share it with me before I freeze.”

  “I’m not that cold.” She wadded the blanket up and pushed it toward him.

  David grunted. “That’s dumm. And I ain’t the kind of man to warm myself under that blanket while you sit there with your teeth chattering. There ain’t nothing to be scared of.”

  Emily held her breath and closed her eyes for a moment as thoughts of James raced through her mind. David isn’t James. But the thought of being that close to David made her more uncomfortable than she knew how to explain. “I’m not scared,” she squeaked out.

  “You keep the blanket.” He pushed it back toward her.

  “I don’t need it.”

  “Fine.” David threw the blanket in the backseat on top of the bags of groceries, and they didn’t say anything to each other the rest of the trip. Emily tried to control her chattering teeth and thought about how stubborn he was being. Or is it me?

  It was completely dark by the time they pulled into Martha’s driveway. They each grabbed two bags and eased their way up the porch steps. The door swung open before they had a chance to knock.

  “Did you get everything on my list?” Martha stepped aside so David and Emily could enter with the bags.

  “Ya. I think so.” Emily waited for Martha to give them instructions.

  “Kitchen is that way. You can just put the bags on the table.” Martha pointed to her right, then followed behind them.

  Emily walked into the spacious kitchen with enough counter space to line up a hundred shoofly pies for a Sunday gathering. Unlike the den area where Martha must spend most of her time, the kitchen was spotless. Emily scanned the countertops. No fancy gadgets like the Englisch usually had. No toaster, electric can opener, or microwave. Not even a coffee pot.

  “I’ll go get the rest of the bags.” David put his two bags on the table and quickly left the room.

  “Emily Detweiler. What is this?” Martha held up a bag of fresh broccoli, then set it on the table and pulled out a bag of apples. She raised her dark brows. “I don’t recall any of this on my list. Did you confuse these apples with my frozen apple turnovers?” She grunted as she picked up the broccoli again. “And I can’t imagine what you confused this with?”

  “We got everything on your list, Martha. We just—just thought you might enjoy some other foods too.” Emily stood perfectly still as Martha began to pull the offerings out of the bags.

  “Flour? What do I need flour for?”

  Emily stepped forward and forced a smile. “For baking. You know, to make bread. Or cookies.” Martha scowled as Emily hesitantly kept going. “And you can fry chicken using flour. Look, we got you some chicken.” She pulled out a package of chicken breasts.

  “And the hundred dollars I gave you for groceries bought all this?” Martha let out a heavy sigh and shook her head before Emily would have been forced to lie. “All right, Emily. The kitchen is all yours.”

  “What?” Emily swallowed hard.

  David walked in with four more bags and placed them on the counter. “Three more left.”

  After he was gone, Martha continued the inspection. “Finally, here we go.” She pulled out a single serving of frozen lasagna, a bag of French fries, a box of corndogs, a box of apple turnovers, and the last item in the bag was a box of frozen fish sticks. “These are the things on my list.” She shook her head. “I had no idea you would get all these other things.” She put her hands on her hips. “Whatever you decide to cook is fine with me.”

  And for the first time, Martha smiled.

  Emily stood with her mouth hanging open. “I—you—you want me to cook for you?”

  Martha’s smiled faded as her brows narrowed. “Isn’t that what you intended by buying all this food? I don’t cook, Emily. Never have. Wouldn’t know the first thing about it.”

  “Here’s the rest.” David plopped down the last three bags on the floor near the kitchen table. “I’ll go start on the firewood.”

  “Good. Emily is going to cook us supper. Then we will all sit down to eat together.” Martha’s tone made Emily hesitant to argue, but this was not part of the agreement.

  “Martha, I’ll be glad to cook for you on another night, but tonight I—”

  “Ohhh!” Martha bent at the waist as she cried out. Then she cried out again.

  Emily ran to her side and
put a hand on her arm. “What is it, Martha? What’s wrong?” She’d never heard anyone moan like that before. “What can I do?”

  David wasn’t out of the room yet, and he walked to Martha, then pulled a chair away from the table. “Sit down, Martha.”

  “Thank you, David. Thank you both.” She eased onto the chair. “It’s just my back. It goes out like this from time to time.” As she shook her head, her face scrunched together, which seemed to make all her wrinkles connect. “You kids go on now. I’m sure I can manage. I’ll just heat up my frozen lasagna.” She glanced up at David and batted long black lashes. “Like I always do.”

  “I reckon it’s gonna take me awhile to chop up some firewood. I’m sure Emily can make us all some supper, if that’s what you want.”

  Emily glared at David, who only shrugged innocently.

  “I don’t want to trouble anyone.” Martha moaned again, and Emily started thinking about what she would prepare.

  An hour later Emily placed a meatloaf, corn on the cob, and some creamed celery on the table as David stacked firewood outside Martha’s back door. Martha’s back didn’t seem to be bothering her as much. She was placing gold-rimmed china plates on three white cloth placemats she’d set out. Fanciest plates Emily had ever seen, and it seemed they should be saved for special occasions. When Emily mentioned that, Martha said this was a special occasion, and Emily was touched enough to drop the subject.

  “I’m sorry we don’t have any homemade bread, and I didn’t buy any at the store.” Emily stood in the kitchen holding a jar of rhubarb jam she’d brought from home before realizing there was no bread. “Guess we won’t be needing this.”

  “Nonsense.” Martha took the jar from Emily and placed it on the table. “This stuff is good on anything.”

  David walked into the kitchen and pulled off his black gloves. “It smells denly seemed intimate to be cooking like this, then all of them sitting down for a meal together. She barely knew Martha or David.gut in here.” He smiled at Emily, and it sud