Seek Me With All Your Heart

by Beth Wiseman

  “And then what happened?”

  Emily shifted her weight, then searched for her father’s eyes, again fearful that at some point his expression would change, that she would see disappointment. She fixed her stare on his and recaptured the same comfort she’d felt earlier. “James kissed me. On the lips.” She pulled her eyes from Daed’s. As much as she longed for his strength, she couldn’t face him. “And I let him,” she added in a trembling voice. She swallowed back tears, unsure if she could go on.

  “It’s all right, Emily,” Mr. Webster whispered as he drew near. “You’re safe here.”

  She didn’t feel like she wasn’t safe. She just felt sad. Sad that she’d lied to her parents, sad that James was sick, sad that it happened—and embarrassed to talk about it. Mr. Webster asked her to go on. She still couldn’t look at her father. Not now. Not during this part.

  “James—he—he touched me places. I told him to stop.” She blinked back tears that threatened to spill. “Then I begged him to stop.” She brushed away a tear and took a deep breath. “But he wouldn’t. He wouldn’t stop.” Emily hung her head as her shoulders began to rise and fall along with deep sobs she fought to muffle. “I can’t talk about it anymore,” she whispered without looking up at Mr. Webster or anyone else.

  “I know it’s hard, Emily. But we’re going to need you to explain in detail as much as you can remember.” Mr. Webster’s voice was soft and kind, but Emily knew she couldn’t go on. She shook her head.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Do we need a recess?” The deep voice came from Emily’s right, and she knew the judge was talking to her. The thought of having to take a break, then come back and start over was even worse than continuing.

  “No.” Emily raised her head to face him. “I’m sorry. I’ll go on.” She bit her lip, swiped at her eyes, then took another deep breath. “He—James—he . . .” How could she speak the words? Tears began to trail down her cheeks. “James put his hands . . .”

  “Stop!”

  Emily looked up to see her father standing, and two police officers were moving in his direction. Her father faced Mr. Webster. “Please. Don’t make her go on.” He blinked back tears as he spoke. The uniformed men stood beside Daed, waiting for instructions from the judge. Emily couldn’t breathe.

  “Your honor, is this really necessary?” Mr. Webster asked. James’s attorney joined Mr. Webster when the judge motioned for him to do so. As the two men drew closer to the judge, Emily couldn’t hear what was said, but after a few moments, it was decided by everyone that Emily did not have to go on. And for that, she would be thanking God for a long time to come.

  And her father.

  EMILY COULDN’T GET off the bus soon enough. She was thrilled that her ordeal was over and that they had been able to return two days early. She could see David walking toward her, along with Lillian and Samuel.

  Even her parents raised a brow when they saw them all approaching. They’d all thought David was coming alone with an Englisch driver to take them back to Canaan.

  Lillian ran to Emily’s mother and threw her arms around her, and Samuel shook her father’s hand. And when David got near, Emily couldn’t wait. She ran into his arms.

  “I love you so much,” she whispered in his ear.

  “I love you, too, and I missed you.” David pulled from the hug and looked toward the sky. “Look what a beautiful sun-shiny day it is here in Denver.” He grinned. “It’s the perfect day for my surprise.”

  Emily pulled her sweater around her, but it truly was a blessed day. Blue skies overhead and a slight breeze, but the sun warmed her face. David warmed her heart.

  “Levi is probably about to pull his hair out,” Lillian said with a giggle. “We dropped Anna and Elizabeth off to play with Betsy.”

  “It’ll be gut for Levi.” Mamm smiled. “But why did you all come? Does the driver have a van? Will we all fit?” She glanced around, then turned back to Lillian. “Oh, danki for coming.” She hugged Lillian again.

  Samuel cleared his throat. “We came in two different cars, two drivers.”

  “What for?” Daed looped his thumbs in his suspenders and stood tall as two Englisch folks walked by them.

  Samuel waited until the two women passed and were out of earshot. “David has a surprise for Emily, so they’ll be riding in that blue car over there.” Samuel pointed to his right. “And me and Lillian will be taking the two of you home in that green car parked next to it.” Samuel shook his head and grinned. “And let me warn you, that driver has one speed. Fast!”

  Daed was busy stowing their luggage on a cart, and when he was done, they all headed to the cars. Once the luggage was stored, they parted ways. Emily climbed into the backseat and David sat beside her. After a few minutes, Emily looked at him.

  “Are you going to tell me where we are going?”

  “You’ll see.”

  Emily thought she might burst with excitement. “How long will it take to get there?”

  Before David could answer, the nice gentleman driver spoke up. “A little over an hour.”

  David rubbed his hands together. “You think you love me now, just you wait.”

  “I can hardly stand this! Can you give me a hint?”

  “No way.”

  The hour’s drive seemed to take forever, but then David turned to her. “You have to close your eyes.”

  “Are you serious?”

  “Ya. Close your eyes. I had to get special permission to take you to this place, but I think you’ll like it.”

  Emily squeezed her eyes closed and resisted the temptation to peek.

  “No peeking.”

  “I’m not.”

  She felt the car slow down, then come to a stop.

  “Do not open your eyes! I’ll come around and lead you out of the car.”

  Emily waited until David had hold of her hand, then climbed out of the car.

  “Have fun. I’ll be here when you return,” the driver said as David closed the car door.

  “Keep your eyes closed, but step up.” David guided her up several steps. She heard him take a deep breath. “You can open your eyes now.”

  Emily took in the view. “David . . .” She was speechless as she looked up the mountain before her, snow still capping the peaks in every direction.

  “The mountains in our area are too hard to climb. We are in the heart of the Rocky Mountains here. Now you can climb your mountain. And there is a path leading up this mountain that leads . . . to Him.” David pointed to the top of the mountain.

  A tear rolled down Emily’s cheek as she stared at the top of the mountain where a giant white statue of Jesus stood, his arms outstretched, as if waiting for her. “Where are we?”

  David grabbed her hand and they began walking up the path, wispy green grass and early spring foliage on either side.

  “We’re at a camp called Santa Maria. That fifty-five foot statue of Jesus was built in 1933 at what was then a Catholic charities camp for underprivileged children.” He smiled. “Sister Catherine helped me with this plan.”

  “It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

  “They say that it’s lit up at night, but I wanted us to be able to walk all the way to the base of the statue.”

  With each step, the statue of Jesus seemed to grow, the way her love for Jesus grew with each passing day. She left her past behind her as she trekked upward, embracing freedom.

  Emily was breathless by the time they reached the base of the pure white statue, and she openly wept. “Danki, David. This is the happiest moment in my life.” She gazed up at Jesus’ outstretched arms.

  “I hope the next moment will top that.”

  Emily gasped as David dropped to one knee. The sun seemed to shine even brighter as he spoke. “Will you marry me, Emily?”

  Emily looked up at the statue of Jesus, standing tall and protectively above them. Then she looked down at David, the man she would spend the rest of her life loving.

 
; “Ya. I will.”

  David stood up and wrapped his arms around her. “I will love you forever.”

  “And I will love you forever.”

  She glanced up toward heaven and smiled.

  And ye shall seek Me, and find Me, when ye shall search for Me with all your heart.

  Epilogue

  EMILY WALKED THE SITE OF HER FUTURE HOME, THE colorful wildflowers brushing against her legs. As the sun set behind the Sangre de Cristo Mountains to the east, she scanned the area and tried to picture her home.

  David’s father gave him a large chunk of land the week after David proposed to Emily, and shortly thereafter, Emily and David had found the perfect spot to build their new home. In November, Emily would become Mrs. David Stoltzfus.

  Her hands grazed the tips of the flowers as she breathed in the smells of summer. July was pleasant in Canaan with long days filled with sunshine. Emily came to this spot often, not only to visualize the home David would build, but also to commune with God. She knew that she was as close to God here as she would be on the top of any mountain.

  She closed her eyes, the warm wind in her face, and thanked God for the many blessings He had bestowed on her. When she was done, she spun around, picturing her den, kitchen, four bedrooms, mudroom, and large walk-around porch spanning two sides of the clapboard house. And two bathrooms. One upstairs and one downstairs.

  Her garden would be on the west side of the house, and a white picket fence would enclose the front yard. There would be two barns. One for animals, and one for David to build furniture in. In the beginning, David’s job at the furniture store had been to assemble prefabricated furniture for Englisch customers to buy. The ready-made furniture was a combination of wood and particle board, but David offered to build some solid wood furniture for the owner to sell. And what started out as a hobby quickly blossomed into much more. David had orders for fourteen rocking chairs and two cradles.

  Emily hoped that he would be building a cradle for their own little one soon after they were married.

  She gathered some of the flowers in her hands and arranged them into a tight bouquet, careful to select a colorful variety. David’s Aunt Katie Ann loved the flowers that grew wild in the fields, and Emily enjoyed collecting them for her when she came here. Her new baby would bless all their lives in September. It was unusual for an Amish woman to raise a child on her own, but Katie Ann had her friends and family, particularly Martha, who’d stepped in and made herself at home in Katie Ann’s life.

  Emily eyed her selection and decided it was perfect.

  Yes, a new baby in September for Katie Ann, and a wedding in November. Her own wedding—to David Stoltzfus.

  She closed her eyes and thanked God again for His divine blessings in her life.

  Acknowledgments

  NATALIE HANEMANN, it is an honor to dedicate this book to you. Our paths crossed for a reason, and I hope that we are always on this incredible journey together. Peace, prayers, and love to you my friend—and to the rest of my Thomas Nelson family.

  Special thanks to Sherry and Tim Gregg for your friendship, hospitality, and research assistance. By the time this book hits the shelves, we will have shared another fun-filled adventure visiting the Amish folks in Colorado. Blessings to both of you always. Big hug to you, Sherry, for reading the manuscript prior to publication.

  Thank you to an Old Order Amish friend in Monte Vista, Colorado, who spent time with me while I was there, and also to my Amish friends in Lancaster County, who answer questions and allow me to use their fabulous recipes.

  Barbie Beiler, you rock! You’re a Daughter of the Promise whose namesake will forever be a part of this series. Thank you for reading each book prior to publication to verify authenticity. AND for answering my many, many questions on a regular basis.

  To my husband, Patrick. “Who do you love?” “You, baby.” Always and forever.

  Janet Murphy, you are the best assistant a girl could have. What a blessing you are. You wear many hats, and they all fit you perfectly. So glad to have you on this wonderful ride with me.

  To my mother-in-law, Pat. I have yet to find one person whose mother-in-law cooks for them twice a week. You’re the best!

  Jenny Baumgartner, as a line editor, you go above and beyond to make my books the best they can be. And the fact that you are a super sweet, loving individual is a huge bonus. Blessings to you and your beautiful family.

  To my agent, Mary Sue Seymour, thanks for all you do to strengthen my career and for being a super friend.

  Eric and Cory, Seek Him with all your heart. Always.

  Friends and family not mentioned here, please know how much you mean to me and how much I appreciate the day-to-day things you do for me.

  Without You, God, I’d be a lost soul scribbling words that make no sense. Thank you for guiding my hand in an effort to draw folks closer to You.

  Reading Group Guide

  1. In the beginning of the story, Emily is fearful of men because of what happened to her in Middlefield. At what point do you see her beginning to heal and to trust again?

  2. Samuel and Lillian aren’t completely honest with David about the move to Colorado, choosing not to tell him about their financial hardships. Should Samuel and Lillian have told David about the cost of his medications, or were they right to shelter him?

  3. There are two issues of miscommunication. One is between Emily and Vera. How might things have been different for Emily if she and her mother had talked openly early in the story? What about David? What misconception does he live with that affects his choices?

  4. Which characters hear “Seek Me with all your heart”? Do you ever hear the small voice in your heard that they refer to, and do you believe this to be God?

  5. Martha offers Vera a box full of money, and Vera ultimately shares the money with Lillian’s family and Katie Ann. Neither Martha nor Vera ever seek credit for their generosity, but we hear Martha quote a scripture that she heard in church relevant to this gift. Have you ever felt motivated by Scripture to give unselfishly, and did it change you in some way more than it aided the recipient?

  6. Emily lives with fear of being unworthy because of her attack. David believes he shouldn’t marry because he might not live a long and full life. What other person lives with a misconception that affects his life and those around him?

  7. What is the difference between Amish prayer coverings for Amish women in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, and Middlefield, Ohio? What about the color of their buggies?

  8. Vera wears herself out trying to provide a perfect household for her family, despite a past that follows them. At what point in the story does everything finally catch up with Vera? How are things different after that?

  9. Katie Ann chooses not to tell her husband that she is pregnant, fearing he will return to her out of a sense of obligation. Did she do the right thing? Do you think Ivan would have returned to her if he knew she was carrying their child? If so, would he have returned for the right reasons?

  10. An unlikely friendship forms first between Emily, David, and Martha—then later between Katie Ann and Martha. Why is this?

  11. Emily must forgive James before she can truly be free and move forward. In what part of the book do you see Emily starting to forgive? Who does her inability to forgive affect the most throughout the story?

  12. During the court scene, there is a correlation between God the Father and Emily’s father. Have you ever had a similar situation where you can see God working through someone for the good of all?

  Amish Recipes

  Chocolate Shoofly Pie

  1 unbaked pie shell

  1/4 tsp. baking soda

  1 1/3 cups boiling water

  1 1/2 cups (16 oz. can) Hershey’s syrup

  1 tsp. vanilla

  1 1 /3 cups unsifted all-purpose flour

  1/2 cup sugar

  1/4 tsp. baking soda

  1/4 tsp. salt

  1/3 cup butter

  cinnamon<
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  Dissolve 1/4 teaspoon baking soda in boiling water; stir in chocolate syrup and vanilla. Set aside. Combine flour, sugar, baking soda, and salt. Cut in butter with pastry blender to form coarse crumbs.

  Set aside 1 cup each of chocolate mixture and crumbs. Gently combine remaining chocolate and crumbs, stirring just until crumbs are moistened (mixture will be lumpy). Pour reserved cup of chocolate mixture into pastry shell.

  Pour chocolate-crumb mixture evenly over liquid in shell. Top with remaining 1 cup of crumbs. Sprinkle with cinnamon. Bake at 375° for 50 to 60 minutes or until set. Cool completely.

  —From Renee Klevenhagen, Slatedale, Pa.

  Cabbage Casserole

  3 cups fresh cabbage,

  shredded

  1 pound hamburger,

  sautéed and drained

  3/4 cup diced onion

  1 teaspoon salt

  1/2 teaspoon pepper

  1/4 teaspoon garlic salt

  10 1/2 oz. can of tomato soup

  1 soup can of water

  1 cup cooked rice

  1 tablespoon brown sugar

  1 tablespoon lemon juice

  1 cup shredded cheddar

  cheese

  Shred cabbage and place in a greased, 2-quart casserole. Mix in meat and onions. Then stir in remaining ingredients, except cheese. Stir the whole casserole well. Cover and bake at 350° for one hour. Top with cheese before serving.

  Chicken Lasagna

  1 can cream of mushroom soup

  1 can cream of chicken soup

  1 medium onion, diced

  ½ cup sour cream

  ¼ cup mayonnaise

  ¼ tsp. garlic salt

  ¼ tsp. pepper

  4 cups cooked chicken, cut in bite-size pieces

  1 cup shredded cheddar cheese

  1 cup shredded mozzarella cheese

  1 box lasagna noodles, cooked

  ½ cup parmesan cheese

  Mix all the ingredients except the noodles and parmesan cheese. In a 9” x 13” baking pan, alternate one layer of chicken mixture and one layer of lasagna noodles. Repeat. Top with the parmesan cheese. Bake at 375° uncovered for 45 minutes.