Anna

by Amanda Prowse

  ‘That’s wonderful. He sounds wonderful.’

  ‘Yep. It’s amazing for me to have that freedom of choice.’ She took two china mugs from the shelf and lobbed a teabag into each. ‘I thought about going back to college and studying, but then my friend Melissa—’

  ‘Loud American you worked with at the lawyer place? Blonde, big gob, no filter?’

  ‘The very same, although if you don’t mind, I won’t be sharing that description with her.’

  ‘Probably wise.’

  Anna giggled. ‘Anyway, she reminded me that no matter how hard I study or whatever I do, the goal is to be happy – and I am. I’m happy right now. So I stayed and now the gossip has died down and I’m glad I did.’

  ‘Good for you. Looks like you finally found your voice, Anna Bee.’

  ‘I think I have.’ She smiled.

  Jordan took a seat at the table as Anna passed him his mug of tea and then sat opposite him.

  ‘So come on, tell me what to expect on the big day! Dancing girls popping out of the wedding cake and a barrel of doves released at the stroke of midnight?’

  ‘Not quite.’ She sipped her tea.

  ‘Or perhaps a well-trained bird of prey with the ring on a chain around its neck?’

  ‘What is it with you and our feathered friends? No! No birds, no fuss, no flower girl and no top bloody table.’ She rubbed her brow.

  ‘Oh dear, have we touched a nerve?’ Jordan pulled a face.

  Anna sat back in the chair and tucked her right leg beneath her. ‘Things have been a bit awkward with Theo’s mum and dad – in fact more with his mum. His dad doesn’t seem to say much, just gets sloshed and nods off in the corner.’

  ‘I think you’ll find that’s only in your company, darling.’

  ‘Thanks.’ She giggled again. ‘And possibly true.’

  ‘So is it a case of the boringly predictable mother who can’t let go of her boy?’

  Anna paused before answering, knowing it wasn’t that straightforward. ‘A bit, I suppose, but it’s more...’ She clicked her tongue.

  ‘More what?’

  ‘More like she disapproves of the way I do things rather than disapproves of me myself.’

  ‘A class thing?’

  ‘Again, possibly.’ She shrugged. ‘Our backgrounds couldn’t be more different. Theo was rowing for his public school while I was in care and sharing a room with a girl who nicked from Woolworths.’

  ‘Sweetheart, we all nicked from Woolworths.’ Jordan batted the air in front of his face.

  She smiled. ‘But it’s not only a class thing. I feel that from the day we first discussed the wedding, she found the whole thing amusing, the fact that I don’t know one end of a length of taffeta from the other and that I don’t understand the many rules of formal social occasions. Honestly, Jord, she talks about “the done thing” and “giving the wrong impression” and I sit there like a wally because I have no idea what I’m doing wrong or doing right.’

  ‘What you are doing right is marrying her son and making him happier than he has ever been and if she can’t see that or doesn’t care then it’s time you considered the fact that she just might be a member of the arsehole club too.’

  ‘You might be right, but I hope you’re not. I like her. She’s not warm and fuzzy, not at all – I mean, she’s never going to bake me a cake, take me shopping or phone up for a natter – but I do want to be part of Theo’s family, no matter how odd they are. And I don’t want to alienate the grandmother of our future kids, do I?’ She shook her hair out from behind her ears. ‘Do you know, the Montgomerys don’t even celebrate their birthdays? Isn’t that odd? I mean, even at Mead House we got a cake and had a singsong. And yet these people who could have amazing birthday parties, they just don’t bother. As I say... odd.’

  ‘Oh, darling, all families are odd. That’s the only thing we usually all have in common. So is Mr Hunk all fired up about being a dad then, ready to give you a brood of little Hunklings?’

  Anna hesitated, wondering whether to share her niggle of concern. ‘To be honest, Jord, he’s been a bit reluctant to talk about all that just yet. But I’m working on it!’ She gave a cheeky laugh. ‘Oh, I do love you being here! I get a bit lonely in this big old house on my own. Theo works such long hours – I’m not moaning, I get it, but I do miss him.’

  ‘How about getting a pooch?’

  ‘Do you know, that might not be a bad idea.’ She gulped at her tea. ‘We have talked about it.’

  Jordan gasped as an idea formed. ‘We could get one before the wedding and dress him in a little morning suit and a top hat and strap the ring to a cushion on his back!’

  ‘I think that would send my future mother-in-law over the edge.’ Anna laughed. ‘I have even hinted that I might quite like to elope, just to get her to be a bit kinder, but I don’t think she took the bait.’

  ‘Oh, you can’t elope! No way! I have new shoes!’

  ‘Oh well, if you have new shoes...’ She smiled. ‘It’s true though, I think my ideal day might be just the two of us in a registry office, wearing jeans and then dashing home for scrambled egg on toast.’ She paused, hating the stir of discomfort in her gut. ‘I know deep down that while she hasn’t said anything specifically, Stella would rather Theo was marrying one of the girls who went to his very expensive boarding school.’ A Felicity or a Mirabelle... ‘Or one whose parents they already know or who at least knows that you should send out a save-the-date for a bloody wedding!’

  ‘I think you’re being a tad hard on yourself, and it’s understandable that you’re edgy – it’s a big deal! Your wedding day!’

  Anna sat forward. ‘It’s more than that.’ She ran her palms over her face. ‘I wish...’ She swallowed. ‘I wish my mum was here, and Joe.’

  ‘Of course you do.’ Her cousin placed his hand on her arm.

  ‘I miss them every day, every single day, but getting married has taken that missing to a whole new level.’

  ‘They’ll be with you, Anna Bee, watching over your shoulder. I’m convinced of it.’

  She nodded. ‘I remember playing weddings with my mum when I was little. I put a pillowcase on my head and pretended it was a veil.’

  ‘Well, again, we’ve all done that.’ Jordan tapped the table. ‘Carry on.’

  His humour did the trick, and she laughed, forcing down the tears that had gathered.

  ‘And she told me...’ She took a breath. ‘She told me no girl wants to get married without her mum there. And she was right.’

  Jordan held her gaze; no quip this time. He sat quietly, respecting her sadness, and she was grateful.

  ‘I would give anything to have her here, and Joe, or even my dad! I know it sounds ridiculous...’

  ‘It doesn’t, Toots, not ridiculous at all. We all want that approval from our mum and dad and all for different reasons.’ He squeezed her arm.

  ‘My mum also told me that when I got married, I could have whatever I wanted because I’d be the bride and it would be my special day. She said it would be like being a princess, but I don’t feel like a bloody princess. I had to argue tooth and nail just to get everyone to agree that I could have a Victoria sandwich as my wedding cake. It was important to me.’

  ‘A Victoria sandwich?’ Her cousin pulled a face of extreme disapproval. ‘Jeez! What else – paper plates, faux flowers, cheese and pineapple on sticks?’

  ‘Oh, Jord!’ Anna buried her face in her hands.

  ‘You don’t have to get married, you know.’ He whispered this, as if he sensed it was a shoddy thing to be saying in the groom’s house.

  ‘No! No, I really do want to get married to Theo. I love him, Jordan. He’s wonderful. Perfect for me. I want to marry him and have my children with him – it’s going to be wonderful!’ She smiled through her tears. ‘I guess the whole thing is making me realise what I’m missing, not having my mum and Joe here, and I suppose at the back of my mind I always hoped that whoever I married, their parents would mak
e me part of the family, wrap me up and include me, like I know my mum would have with Theo.’

  ‘Perfect, you say? Does he have no faults?’

  ‘Oh, he has plenty.’ She giggled. ‘Not least of all, finding ways to dodge the topic of kids, smoking in secret, and smoking even more when he’s stressed. But, you know, I have lots of quirks.’ She wrinkled her nose. ‘And I’m slowly nagging at him to give up cigarettes.’

  ‘Do you still do your weird alphabet thing?’

  She tutted and laughed at his choice of words. ‘Do you know, since I’ve been with Theo, hardly at all. It’s as if my thoughts are ordered enough and I’m not scared, so I don’t need to.’

  ‘That’s so cool.’

  ‘It is.’

  ‘I think...’ Jordan began.

  ‘You think what?’ She looked up in anticipation.

  ‘I think that despite the fact that it’s only four in the afternoon, we need something stronger than tea!’ Jordan jumped up. ‘Direct me to the wine cellar!’

  ‘There isn’t a wine cellar, you idiot, but there are cold bottles of Budweiser in the fridge.’

  ‘That’ll do.’

  The two polished off two bottles each and were decidedly giddy as they downed the third. An hour and a half flew by and all solemnity had evaporated.

  ‘Do you think my mum still has the hots for Mr Dickinson?’

  ‘Oh my God!’ Anna yelled, bending double and laughing loudly. ‘Mr Dickinson! I’d forgotten about him. Old Mr Dickinson, he’d be now.’ She took a swig of her beer. ‘Did you know, Mr Dickinson takes minutes at the council – he’s a keeper of secrets!’

  They roared their laughter.

  ‘Oh God, my poor dad, always going to compare unfavourably with Mr Dickinson and his shit-brown slacks.’

  ‘I remember your mum trying to pair you up with his niece.’

  ‘God, what was her name?’ Jordan drummed on the tabletop with his fingers, his eyes closed, as if this might aid his concentration. ‘I know I once went downstairs after having a sex dream about his gardener and my mum was at the door in her dressing gown shouting at me, “Ulla is on the front drive, why don’t you go and show her your gangshow medal!”’

  ‘Ulla!’ she bellowed.

  ‘Yep, that was it – Ulla!’ He took another drink.

  ‘Gangshow medal!’ Anna beat the table with her palm, wheezing with laughter. This was one of the funniest images she could conjure.

  ‘Well, all I can say is I hope poor Ulla’s taste in men has improved with age. I know mine has.’ He shivered. ‘That gardener was positively ropey! She probably married someone as dull as her uncle, with job security and a pension, but that man will always know, deep in his heart that it was me she loved first – and I bet he can’t do this!’ Jordan jumped from his chair, walked to the far side of the kitchen, placed the blue linen tea towel on his head and grabbed the spatula from the hook on the wall, using it as an improvised microphone.

  ‘Don’t you want me, baby!’ He belted it out, tuneless but loud, oh so loud!

  Anna raced to his side and with her arms up over her head did her best sultry backing-singer dance.

  She didn’t hear Theo come in – Jordan’s dulcet tones masked the sound of his key in the door.

  She stopped dancing at the sight of him and held her side, trying to catch her breath through her hysteria as Theo stared at them from the kitchen door and threw his keys onto the countertop.

  ‘Theo!’ She wiped the tears of laughter from her eyes. ‘Oh God, I must have lost track of time.’

  ‘So I see.’

  She watched his tight-lipped smile and saw the flicker of irritation on his face.

  Scooting around the table, she reached up and kissed his cheek. ‘Look who’s arrived! Jordan!’

  Jordan whipped the tea towel from his head and lowered his arms. He walked forward, stretching out his right hand and shook Theo’s with purpose. ‘Good to finally meet you.’

  It broke Anna’s heart that Jordan lowered his voice and adopted a well-honed masculine swagger, losing his dancer’s gait and the fey giggle that seemed to accompany his every sentence. Don’t hide, Jordan, my wonderful cousin. I love you just as you are. Be you, always be you...

  *

  With the dishwasher whirring and Jordan ensconced in the spare room, Anna made her way across the landing to their bedroom. It was still one of the best feelings in the world, to place her bare feet on the rich wool carpet and not to have to worry about getting splinters from grotty, gnarled floorboards.

  ‘Thank you for supper, it was lovely.’ Theo loosened his tie and slipped it from beneath the collar of his shirt, draping it around the neck of his valet stand, an antique that used to belong to his grandpa.

  ‘You’re welcome. It’s lovely to have Jordan here.’

  ‘Yes, I’m sure it is.’ His tone was clipped.

  Anna took a deep breath. ‘I found it all a bit stressful this evening to tell the truth.’ She sat at the dressing table and removed her stud earrings, laying them down in a pair on the glass top.

  ‘Stressful?’ He looked at her quizzically as he peeled off his cotton shirt, balled it and threw it against the wardrobe door, where it fell into a crumpled heap on the floor.

  Anna shrugged. ‘I don’t know how to explain it – I guess I felt I spoke to Jord and spoke to you and you both spoke back to me, but you didn’t really talk to each other and I was so anxious about there being a lull in the conversation that I couldn’t shut up, not for a second. Like a plate spinner who has to keep them all turning.’

  Theo gave a snort of laughter and shook his head. ‘I think you might be imagining the tension. It was fine.’

  He disappeared into the bathroom and she heard him pee and flush the loo, followed by the sound of him cleaning his teeth. Picking up a cotton-wool pad, she soaked it in cucumber cleanser and ran it over her face and up under her chin. She liked how they had settled into each other’s lives, moving to each other’s rhythms in a harmonious dance as they slid and slotted around each other inside the beautiful space they called home.

  She waited until he’d switched off the bathroom light and was sitting on the bed to set his alarm, another part of his ritual.

  ‘So do you like Jordan?’ she asked quietly, conscious that her cousin was just along the hallway.

  ‘Yes, of course I like him!’ He smiled briefly in her direction and looked back to his alarm clock, checking, as he always did, that it was actually set and that the time was correct.

  She didn’t want to labour the point but knew it was important to speak her mind. ‘It’s just that you seemed a bit...’

  He sighed. ‘A bit what?’

  ‘I don’t know...’ She spun round on the stool until she faced him. ‘I got the feeling he annoyed you.’

  Theo scratched behind his ear. ‘He didn’t annoy me, I just found him...’ He exhaled. ‘I guess he’s not like me or anyone I know.’

  ‘Because he’s gay?’ She folded her arms across her chest.

  Theo actually laughed. ‘No! For God’s sake, is that what you think? Of course not. What a thing to say to me! I couldn’t give a shit – as if that would make a difference!’

  She uncoiled her arms with relief.

  ‘No...’ She could see that Theo was trying to choose his words carefully. ‘I think we have very little in common. He’s in the theatre, I work in property. He’s in New York, I’m in London. I like rugby, he likes Abba...’

  ‘But you both love me and that’s what you have in common, right?’

  Theo stared at her. ‘Don’t make it an issue, Anna. It’s not him, he’s perfectly nice. It’s me, just shit from school and stuff. But you’re right: we do both love you. I promise I shall make more of an effort tomorrow morning. I’m tired. It’s been a bit of a day.’

  ‘It’s always a bit of a day. And it always will be a bit of a day if you’re unhappy at work.’ She knew that ultimately he wanted to leave his dad’s company and do some
thing that he felt would make a difference in the world, wanted to slide from under his father’s control, do something he loved.

  ‘That’s true.’ He looked towards the window and sat up and rubbed his face, before patting the bed, indicating for her to come and get in. ‘Okay, I know this is going to sound stupid, but from when I was very small, I always...’

  ‘You always what, honey?’

  ‘I always had this feeling that whenever I turned up anywhere, for breakfast, a party, anything, my parents and their friends would look at me as if my arrival was most unexpected, as if they’d forgotten about me and I was this unwanted extra guest. It made me feel awkward and it made them feel awkward and I absolutely hated it. I can remember that feeling even now, and when I got home tonight...’

  She moved closer towards him.

  ‘I guess I felt a bit the same. You and Jordan were howling with laughter and dancing and I stood there like a spare part. I didn’t know how to join in and it took me right back.’

  ‘I’m sorry. I would never, ever want to make you feel like that.’ Her anguish was genuine.

  Theo shook his head. ‘It’s not you. You are amazing.’ He kissed her hand. ‘It’s just another shitty throwback to my shitty childhood.’

  ‘It’s behind you, Theo.’

  ‘I know.’ He nodded. ‘And you’re right. I’ll take Jordan for a pint, how about that?’

  ‘Thank you.’ She beamed at him. ‘It’s important to me. I don’t have tons of friends and obviously no family, so those I do have I have to take very good care of. I can’t be casual with my affection towards them, or indifferent, I have to value them and nurture them and not let them down! Because I don’t want them to let me down. I need them. Jordan is my only link to my mum and to Joe.’

  ‘I understand, my love. I do.’

  ‘I think he and Levi will make wonderful godparents for our children. Along with Spud of course,’ she added hurriedly, not wanting to leave Theo’s best friend out of this happy picture.