Dangerous Secrets

by Sidney Bristol

  “Senator Neilson?” Ryan leaned forward. “Thank you.”

  “I should be the one thanking you. You saved this whole day.”

  “It’s part of the job.” Ryan smiled, but it was a weary expression. “I wasn’t joking when I said we have a team who could bring your sister back. It’s not cheap, but this is the kind of thing we do. Through the proper channels if we can.”

  “Are you on that team?” Joe asked.

  “No.”

  “You and those other boys from this morning are the only ones I could trust with a thing like that.”

  “You did transfer two hundred grand to us. That could be the down payment.”

  Joe blinked at the young man.

  He was serious.

  Jules could be rescued.

  “We can talk terms in a few days once this has blown over.” Aslan twisted with his phone pressed to his ear. “They’re going to release Carson.”

  CARSON HUNCHED LOWER trying to keep as much of her inside the coat as possible. Except for Owen and the lawyer she hadn’t seen anyone in what felt like days. It was just her and this room.

  Would she ever get out of here?

  Someone tapped on the door.

  She frowned and said, “Come in?”

  The door swung open and Owen stood there, his blue eyes twinkling.

  “Ready to go?” he asked.

  “Is that a trick question?”

  “Come on.”

  He held her chair while she got to her feet.

  “I think I’m completely frozen,” she said.

  “Sorry about that. I tried to adjust it.” He placed his hand on her back. “There’s someone here who’d like to see you.”

  Carson didn’t know if that statement was a warning or a promise.

  Owen guided her out of the interrogation room and through a few doors into a spacious office area.

  “This is bullshit,” Walker spat.

  “You have the right to remain silent,” a man with bright red hair said as he clapped cuffs on Agent Walker.

  Carson stopped in her tracks and watched along with everyone else as Walker was read his rights. She’d been confident that he was bluffing earlier, but guilty? What had happened since she’d been locked up?

  “Carson?”

  She turned toward the voice and her whole world seemed to stop.

  Ryan stood in a doorway wearing the most rumpled and dirty suit she’d ever seen. His eyes were drooping and even the way he stood there telegraphed exhaustion. He was perfect.

  She hobbled toward him, but he was faster.

  “Easy!” Owen warned.

  Ryan squeezed her and pain shot down her back.

  “Ouch.” She winced but kept holding on.

  “What the—?” Ryan lifted Owen’s coat off her shoulder.

  “She needs to go to the hospital,” Owen said.

  “What happened? Why are you freezing?” Ryan slid the back of his fingers over her cheek and brow.

  “How’s Frankie? What happened?” She fisted Ryan’s shirt with her one good hand, desperate to know everything.

  “Frankie’s fine. Last I talked to your mom she was waking up and copping an attitude with the nurses. Your dad’s going to have to take it easy with his knee. Other than that, everyone’s fine except you.” He glanced at his phone. “Shit. Pizza is going to be there soon. I was supposed to call about your mom’s pizza.”

  “Wait—my mom’s pizza?”

  “Yeah, I stupidly thought all veggie pizzas were the same.”

  Carson blinked at Ryan, who knew her mother’s picky ways when it came to pizza and the state of every family member. He grew blurry, the edges of his face turning fuzzy.

  “It’s okay. She’s okay. It’ll be fine. Hey. Hey? Why are you crying?” Ryan shut the door behind her and drew her in closer.

  “You’re still here.” After everything she’d put him through, he wasn’t just here, he was taking care of her family and Mom’s silly pizza.

  “Well, yeah.” He cupped her cheek.

  Emotion clogged her throat to the point all she could do was sob. This was a man she didn’t deserve.

  “Sh, you don’t have to cry,” he whispered.

  She reached up and cupped his face, bringing it down just enough for her to kiss him. His hands pressed into her lower back and curled in her hair. The way he held her gave her hope.

  IT WAS CREEPING PAST ten when Ryan unlocked the door to the house and nudged Carson in over the threshold. The familiar sounds of the video game churned away in the background.

  “Welcome home,” Paxton said without glancing away from the screen.

  Vito grunted from the other end of the sofa. It was as close to a hello, welcome home as Ryan would get.

  “Going to bed,” he said.

  With any luck he’d actually make it to the mattress before passing out. The adrenaline had burned out long ago. He’d begun falling asleep wherever he sat. At the hospital Frankie’s laughter had woken him up from a deep sleep to find his head craned sideways and a knot in his back that ached every time he breathed. She claimed he snored loud enough to wake death.

  Everything was fine.

  Carson’s family were okay and their front door would be fixed up tomorrow.

  Kawa would recover and face some kind of trial.

  There was a social media storm brewing over Senator Nielson, who might not have to retire.

  And Carson was here. Where he wanted to keep her. She’d torn muscles swinging on the hook like she had and her knee was pretty jacked up, but she was alive.

  He kicked the bedroom door shut and didn’t bother with the lights.

  “I’m going to kill myself in my sleep with this thing.” Carson sighed and sat on the side of the bed. Her arm was in a sling with Velcro straps holding it to her chest in exactly the right position for her shoulder and muscles to heal.

  “No, you won’t. Time to take another pain killer?”

  “I think so.” She reached for him with her one good hand and tugged on his fingers.

  He braced his hand on the edge of the bed and went to his knees, kneeling between her thighs. He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her gently, keeping his hands low.

  “Thank you,” she whispered for the thousandth time.

  Those weren’t the words he wanted to hear. Now that the threat to her life was gone, she didn’t need him any longer. He’d been happy enough when she agreed to coming back here, but it wasn’t enough. Soon she’d put her life back to order, and he wanted to know if there was room for him in it.

  She wrapped her one good arm around him and pressed her knees against his side.

  “Ryan?” Her voice wavered.

  “Hm?”

  “What happens next?” The way she said it, he didn’t think she meant the big picture.

  “With what?” He closed his eyes and listened to her heart and felt her move as she breathed.

  “Us,” she whispered.

  “We are going to sleep.”

  “That’s not what I mean.”

  He leaned back until he could look at her face shrouded in shadow. He didn’t need the light to see the lines of concern etched into her brow and around her mouth.

  “I think that is up to you.” He’d put it all out there with her. When he’d fallen for her, even the fake idea of them, it was a no going back situation.

  “I don’t want to lose you.” Her voice wavered. “I know I’ve messed up and all of this is my fault—”

  “Sh. No, it’s not.” He pulled her to him and kissed her cheek, tasting tears.

  “It is.” She buried her face in the crook of his neck.

  “Okay, then how are you going to fix me? Hm?”

  He was fucked up. There was no way around that fact, but he could be better. He’d just never had a reason to change before her.

  “Carson? Hey, look at me?”

  He sat back on his heels then reached over and turned on the lamp.

  She b
linked down at him, her beautiful face creased with worry—and fear?

  “I need you to understand that I don’t blame you for any of this. Shit happened, we got through it and it’s over. What isn’t over is...us.” He picked up her hand and brought it to his lips, pressing a kiss to her knuckles. “I know I’m not a great package—”

  “I love you. At least I think I do. I don’t really know.” She pulled her hand out of his and covered her mouth with it.

  Ryan sat there staring up at fresh tears in her eyes.

  “I’ve never said—or felt—that for anyone except Mom, Dad and Frankie. I just have this...big, scary knot right here.” She flattened her palm over her heart. “And whenever I think you might have been hurt or you want nothing to do with me it hurts. I’m not good at this. I’m going to fuck up. I am a fuck up.”

  He ducked his head while he blinked away the grit in his eye.

  “You feel like...” He cleared his throat. “Like, you’re holding on for dear life and the only thing on the other end is me?”

  “Yeah,” she whispered.

  “That’s how I’m feeling right now.”

  Her face crumpled, and she sobbed, but there was a bit of a smile behind those tears. He leaned forward and hugged her to him, that life line stretched between them growing just a bit shorter, bringing them together.

  “If you promise not to hold my fuck ups against me, I promise to cut you some slack, too. Okay?” He sucked in a breath and it felt as though his ribs might break. He’d fallen for the idea of him and Carson from the beginning. Now he didn’t want to let go.

  “I promise,” she whispered.

  She didn’t know it, but Ryan was going to keep her forever.

  Epilogue

  Four months later...

  Carson sat in her car out in front of the guy’s house and gripped the steering wheel.

  This was the past all over again.

  Everyone except Ryan was home, and she had a bomb to deliver.

  She glanced at the folded up piece of paper in the seat next to her and her stomach clenched.

  She wasn’t sick with whatever was going around the office unless she could be sick with a baby.

  A baby.

  A real one this time.

  “Oh, god.” She sank down further into her seat and looked up at the tree shading the lane out front.

  Last week those leaves had been green. Now they were turning colors. She’d held the ladder when Ryan had to trim the branches a few weeks before that. Somehow lawn care had fallen to the two of them. She didn’t mind pitching in and helping around the guy’s house. She slept there as often as she slept at her apartment. Weeding the flower beds was therapeutic. She liked the sound of the mower and the smell of the grass.

  They’d just found their rhythm. Things were normal. Perfect.

  She still worked her job at the firm, and he traveled around saving people. At the end of the day, or on the long weekends between his gigs, they got to be together. She needed those periods apart as much as she needed him. She couldn’t see a future without him in it.

  Her phone rang and Jessica’s face lit up Carson’s screen. She picked up the phone and answered it, desperate for someone to be there for her.

  “Jessica?” Her voice wavered.

  “What’s wrong? Whose kneecaps am I breaking? Have you called Ryan?” It said something about their relationship that Jessica saw Ryan as the person to turn to instead of the source of a problem. He was always fixing things.

  “I-I’m pregnant.” It sounded even weirder out loud.

  “Really? Wow. Okay. You haven’t told Ryan yet?”

  “No. What if he thinks I did this? Intentionally this time?” What if he didn’t actually want a kid and a family? What if he left her?

  She covered her face with her hands as if that could keep the sob inside of her.

  Carson had never loved a man before Ryan. Now that she knew what it felt like to be so completely head over heels for someone, she knew this was special. She loved him in a way that couldn’t happen twice. If she lost him she’d never find another man to love ever again.

  RYAN PULLED UP TO THE house glad to see Carson’s VW bug outside. He’d been headed home when Owen called to tell him Kawa was waking up. That meant there would be another trial for Ben Grewing’s murder. Carson would have to tap into those memories all over again and he hated that for her. After the trauma she’d lived through all of this was insult to injury. He’d called into the office to let Zain know so he could try to keep Ryan on Seattle based gigs once they knew the timeline. Carson was strong, but he knew facing the man who’d terrorized her would bring back the night terrors.

  He wasn’t looking forward to telling her any of this. Maybe he should order her favorite takeout, pick up some ice cream and beg the guys to go somewhere for a few hours.

  He pulled up behind her car and killed the engine.

  Paxton had more than likely talked Carson into helping him with dinner, which would kill Ryan’s idea. He would have to tear her away for a few private moments to see how she was doing and what the best way to break the news to her would be. He’d been kept busy this last week, and they hadn’t gotten the chance to really connect. As much as he liked living with the guys, it was quality time with Carson that kept him going these days. That living for the weekend routine was over. He’d chosen to cut his drinking back to one or two a month. Once, he used to be the guy that drank the most, now he was the one taking up keys and watching out for broken bottles.

  Ryan got his things together and climbed up out of the Mustang. The cool breeze carried with it the promise of rain later. Fall was here and making itself known. He closed the car door and trudged toward the house. He glanced at the bug out of habit, had Carson left her windows cracked? Were the lights off?

  He stopped in his tracks, momentarily confused about why Carson was sitting in her car.

  Well, at least she hadn’t been drafted into kitchen duty.

  He strode toward the car. Her head was bent and her hands covered her face.

  She knew about Kawa.

  Shit.

  Who’d told her? Someone at the hospital? A cop? Another FBI agent?

  “Carson?” He tapped on the window and crouched next to the door.

  She started and blinked at him, tears clinging to her lashes and a smudge of makeup on her cheek. Her lower lip quivered and the lines around her eyes deepened as a sob shook her. She had the phone pressed to the side of her face.

  He pulled on the door and it opened enough for him to sit on the curb and touch her.

  “Hey, what’s wrong?” If she didn’t know about Kawa, he wasn’t going to say anything.

  She blubbered a few intelligible words.

  Ryan pulled out his phone but there were no messages from her family. Mrs. Adair would text him about the most random events. If anything major happened, if there was an accident, he’d know.

  “Babe? Hey, what’s wrong?” He reached around her and released the catch on her seatbelt.

  She leaned against his shoulder, her face covered by her hands once more.

  “Carson? Carson—talk to me,” Jessica said through the phone.

  He picked it up and crammed it between his head and shoulder.

  “Jess?”

  “Ryan?”

  “What’s wrong?” It had to be something big if Carson had called Jessica first. Or had Jessica found out and called Carson?

  “Talk to her.”

  “Why?”

  “This is one of those things I am not getting involved with.”

  “Okay.” He said a silent prayer, hoping Carson didn’t know about Kawa. Everything else found be handled.

  He hung up the phone and tossed it into the grass, freeing up his arms to hold Carson. “I can’t fix it if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.”

  “You c-can’t,” she got out between breaths.

  “Come here. Sit on the grass. Come on.” He grasped her by the hands and g
ot her from the car to the grass. The cool air might help or hurt for all he knew, but at least he could see her and they were on the same level.

  He wrapped his arm around her and tried to think of anything that could have upset her. A client? Some nut job reporter who’d gotten the scoop and told her first? Maybe her bio-mother had popped back up?

  “Carson, babe, what is it?” He stroked her back for lack of anything better to do.

  She turned her head toward him. The neighbor’s porch light chased some shadows away so he could see the fear hiding behind the tears.

  “Talk to me, please?” He’d do just about anything to make her stop crying.

  “I...” She hiccupped and closed her eyes.

  “It’s okay. Take a breath. There you go.” He stroked her back while she tilted her chin up and went through a few breaths, getting her tears somewhat under control.

  Whatever it was, as long as she wasn’t breaking up with him, they could handle it. He’d proven that he was willing to go to bat for her once and he’d do it again.

  She turned her head and faced him.

  He held his breath and gripped a handful of grass.

  “I’m pregnant. For real this time,” she said.

  That was it?

  “I thought I was sick, that I was coming down with something, and with you guys about to leave on that trip I didn’t want to give you something. I went to the doctor, and he said I-I’m pregnant.” She sniffled and pressed the back of her hand to her face.

  Carson was pregnant. Actually pregnant.

  He felt those words, each like a blow to his chest.

  His eyes prickled.

  “I didn’t mean to. This wasn’t intentional. Remember, I told you I missed a few days of birth control while you were gone? I promise this wasn’t... It wasn’t a plan. I’m sorry.” Her face crumpled again, and the tears started anew.

  “Hey, hey, come here.” He was still too stunned to say more. He grasped her arm and pulled her toward him. “I don’t think you planned this. And if you did, it’s not on the calendar, so I’m calling bullshit. It’s okay.”

  “You’re not funny.”

  He kissed the top of her head.