Healing the Doctor's Heart

by Carolyne Aarsen

  “He’s a single guy. You’re a single girl. He obviously likes you. I could see that at the ranch, and you seem to like him. Sounds basic to me,” Hailey said.

  Shannon frowned at her sister. “When Dan came back to Hartley Creek with little Natasha after his own failed marriage, with your relationship history and all the unresolved guilt over your breakup, would you have let me get away with ‘he’s a single guy, you’re a single girl’ schtick you’re trying to foist on me?”

  Hailey grinned as she flashed her engagement ring. “And look how that turned out. Not so complicated after all.”

  Shannon bit her lip, realizing she couldn’t reason with her sister. Always easier to minimize the difficulties when things turned out well in the end.

  Right now Shannon wasn’t sure what the end was. She still had her plans and Ben still had his…not plans.

  “You’re way overthinking this,” Hailey said, setting the bags she was carrying beside the pillars. “You do know you’re allowed to put yourself first sometimes, my excessively responsible big sister.”

  Shannon cringed at the words. They seemed so wrong.

  “Even when you were engaged to Arthur, you spent more time worrying about me, about Nana, about Naomi, about everyone else but yourself,” Hailey said, pressing home her point.

  “I’m not that saintly,” Shannon protested, folding her arms over her chest.

  “Maybe not. But you need to take this one day at a time. Let yourself enjoy being with him. Don’t worry about Chicago. Don’t worry that he’s Arthur’s brother. Leave the planning alone for a change. Just let things flow.”

  Shannon let her sister’s words settle into her mind, drew in a slow breath, then jumped as the door of the hall opened. Ben was here.

  Her heart fluttered and when she looked at her sister, she realized Hailey had caught her reaction.

  Could she really do what her sister had advised? Could she really allow herself to simply take things one step at a time? Not look so far into the future?

  Did she dare open her heart again?

  Chapter Nine

  “What a perfect day for a wedding,” Ben’s mother was saying as she settled herself in the pew of the church.

  Sunshine spilled into the sanctuary through the stained glass windows and as the multicolored beams of light bathed the flowers at the front of the church, Ben had to agree.

  “You’re looking very handsome,” his mother said, flicking a piece of lint off the shoulder of his suit jacket. “I didn’t think you even owned a suit.”

  “I didn’t,” he admitted. “I bought this from a place in Cranbrook.” Shannon had told him the wedding would be more casual than formal and to simply wear what he had.

  But after helping Shannon and the other bridesmaids bring all the stuff for the reception to the hall and then, yesterday, helping decorate the church, he was thankful he had taken the time to make the one-hour trip to Cranbrook. This wedding may not be the social event of the year, but it wasn’t exactly informal.

  Large pots of multicolored flowers decorated the front of the church, flanking two sets of candelabras with white tapers. Yes, Emma had started and grown the flowers herself, but the abundance of them still created an ambience more suited to a jacket and tie than a shirt.

  Besides, he knew Shannon would be dressed up and he wanted to honor that by at least looking as formal as she did.

  “We were lucky to get this seat,” his mother was saying as she glanced around the almost full sanctuary. “I can’t believe how many people have come out for this wedding.”

  Ben couldn’t, either. Of course, it had been a few years since he had attended a wedding so he wasn’t sure what was considered normal.

  Then the ambient music played by the pianist at the front of the church changed rhythm, people grew quiet, and the groomsmen trooped in and stood at the front.

  Carter stood with his hands clasped in front of him. Classic groom pose. He was flanked by a man who could only be his twin.

  Same dark wavy hair. Same square jaw and piercing blue eyes. Where Carter looked serious, a grin quirked Garret’s mouth. Beside Garret was Hailey’s future husband, Dan, and beside him a tall man with a shaved head. Matt Thomas, Ben guessed.

  As he turned his attention back to Carter he saw him swallow, draw a slow, deep breath as if forcing himself to relax, and for a moment Ben felt sorry for him.

  This was why I eloped, he reminded himself.

  Then Carter straightened and Ben looked over his shoulder.

  Adam and Natasha were the first ones down the aisle. Adam carried a pillow holding the rings and Natasha a tiny bouquet of flowers. They smiled nervously as they rushed along the carpet, obviously in a hurry to get this done.

  They were followed by the girl who had helped Shannon and Emma with the decorations, Evangeline Arsenau. Her dark hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail, a dark swath against her apple-green dress. She gave a nervous smile as she took her place at the front.

  Then came Hailey, impish grin in place, her reddish hair flashing in the light. She grinned at Carter as she took her place beside Evangeline.

  When Ben turned back to see Shannon walking down the aisle, he could do nothing but stare.

  Her hair was drawn away from her face on one side, spilling in a riot of auburn curls over her shoulder. The green of the dress emphasized her hazel eyes and the way its full skirt flowed as she walked gave her an ethereal look that made him swallow.

  “She’s so beautiful,” he heard his mother whisper beside him.

  Ben knew she wasn’t talking about the bride stepping through the doorway into the aisle.

  The rest of the congregation watched as Emma floated down the aisle on the arm of a shorter, squat man who Ben guessed was Wade Klauer, the foreman of Carter’s ranch, but Ben’s attention rested solely on Shannon as she took her place at the front.

  The music stopped when Emma and Wade made it to the front of the church; the minister stepped forward and the service began.

  Emma and Carter had eyes only for each other and in spite of the distraction of Shannon standing beside Emma, Ben couldn’t help but be drawn in to the obvious love these two had for each other. He knew their story. Shannon had filled him in on the way to the ranch.

  Emma was a single mother of Adam, the young ring bearer, and Carter had lost his son when he was Adam’s age. In a rage of grief Carter had left the ranch for two years only to return when Nana Beck had her heart attack.

  And he and Emma had fallen in love as they worked together on the ranch.

  Their feelings for each other were on full-and-unabashed display as Carter’s deep voice rang out declaring his promises to care for this woman, help raise Adam, and nurture her, Adam and their future family in their faith.

  Emma’s voice was quieter and wavered a time or two, but her declaration was equally heartfelt.

  Ben found himself strangely moved by the vows and as they were spoken, his gaze slipped over to Shannon to catch her reaction.

  What was going through her mind right now? Was she sad? Was she thinking about her own aborted wedding? Less than a year ago she was supposed to have been standing here making the same promises.

  Wearing the dress that still hung in her room.

  He saw Shannon swallow and surreptitiously reach up to catch an errant tear, and when she lowered her hand her gaze shifted to him.

  Everything around them slipped away, became meaningless, and Ben felt as if the air in the church had suddenly diminished.

  She was so beautiful, he thought. But she was more than that. She had a depth of character and the conviction of her faith.

  Then Shannon lowered her head to break the connection and Ben reluctantly drew his attention back to the ministe
r.

  “Carter and Emma have made promises to each other today,” the minister was saying. “An old saying goes, ‘love is the blessing on promises kept.’ Too many times we think we need love to keep promises, when really it is the other way around. God’s love for us as individuals is shown in the promises He keeps to us. The promise that all the burdens we carry, all the sins we have committed are all taken away in the promise of His Son’s death. Love is personified by keeping promises.”

  The pastor’s words sifted into Ben’s consciousness, seeped into his soul.

  He had kept his promises to Saskia. She hadn’t kept hers to him. As Shannon had said, he hadn’t failed Saskia. She had failed him.

  Saskia made her own choices.

  Shannon’s words echoed in his mind and as he leaned back in the pew, he felt as if he had released a lingering grip on the burdens he had carried.

  “Carter and Emma have both had hard times in their past and God does not promise them, or us, that there won’t be hard times ahead,” the pastor was saying. “But He does promise to hold us through those times. To show Himself to us if we open our hearts to Him. If we open ourselves to the outpouring of His love. Only then can we experience His extravagant love.”

  As the pastor spoke it was as if his words seeped into the parched and weary parts of Ben’s soul, nourishing and refreshing. God had become a shadowy part of Ben’s past. Someone he had heard stories about and had, at one time, prayed his innocent prayers to. Someone who had slowly become overshadowed and lost as Ben became immersed in the hard and dirty business of emergency-department work.

  In the past few days, however, it was as if Ben had become immersed in nature. Each time he looked up to the mountains, each time he heard the wind in the trees behind his mother’s property, it was as if God was silently, quietly moving back into his consciousness, like an antidote to the sorrow that had permeated his life the past few years.

  And now, as the preacher spoke these words, Ben was reminded that he may ignore God, but that didn’t mean God didn’t exist.

  Old memories fought back. The pain and misery of the people he worked with in the E.R.

  And yet…

  He closed his eyes a moment, as a prayer floated up through the layers of his consciousness he had built up to keep God out. To keep love out.

  Forgive me, Lord, he prayed. Forgive me for keeping You out of my life. Forgive me for being so arrogant as to think that my doubts of Your reality could erase it. Forgive me for not seeing Your love.

  He paused a moment; then as he looked up, he caught Shannon’s gaze. The faint frown of questioning. He gave her a quick smile and a nod, to let her know all was well.

  As he held her gaze, he realized that for the first time in a long time, all was indeed well. Both with his soul and with his life.

  * * *

  “So tell me about this Ben guy,” Garret was saying as he swept Shannon once more around the dance floor of the hall. “And tell me what’s so important about him that you aren’t even listening to your nearest and dearest cousin.”

  Shame warmed her cheeks as she dragged her attention away from Ben, who sat at a table with her grandmother, Dan, Adam and Natasha. Adam had ditched his tuxedo jacket and bow tie and had parked himself right beside Ben. From what Shannon could see, the little boy peppered Ben with questions.

  Ben was smiling, so as far as Shannon could tell, he didn’t mind.

  “There’s not a lot to tell,” Shannon said, dragging her attention back to her handsome cousin. “He’s helping his mother fix up her house, which happens to be next door to Nana’s new house.”

  “Convenient,” Garret said with a smirk.

  “Very,” Shannon agreed, unable to keep the ironic tone out of her voice.

  They made another turn and once again Shannon glanced over at Ben to catch him watching her. And smiling.

  “I haven’t seen you smile like that in a long time,” Garret said, giving her hand a teasing squeeze. “Looks like something special might be brewing between you and the good doctor.”

  Shannon didn’t have to say anything. She was sure her blush told her cousin all he needed to know.

  “So, it’s not too weird that he’s Arthur’s brother?” Garret asked, voicing Shannon’s own main concern.

  Shannon held the thought a moment, weighing it, measuring it against her current emotions. “It was at first. But he’s getting to be less Arthur’s brother. He’s just, I don’t know, Ben.”

  Garret laughed. “I don’t think there’s any ‘just’ with this guy.”

  Again, Shannon didn’t say anything. For one thing she didn’t need to give Garret any more ammunition. And for another, everything between her and Ben seemed so tentative, so fragile; she wasn’t sure where, if anywhere, things were going.

  As she had told Hailey, she still had her plans and she wasn’t sure she wanted to rearrange her life, again, around a man.

  “How are things with you on the love-life front?” Shannon asked, diverting her cousin’s attention away from herself and back to him.

  Garrett’s only response was a shrug. His default reply whenever he didn’t want to answer a question.

  “I guess nothing is happening with your most recent girlfriend?”

  “We broke up. I wasn’t making enough money for her,” he said with a laconic smile.

  The music ended, and Garrett tucked her arm in his and led her back to her table, then looked down at Ben, frowning. “So here she is, safe and sound,” he said, a warning note in his voice. “Make sure you keep her that way.”

  Shannon wanted to punch him for saying that. Yet at the same time his comment to Ben warmed her heart. It was good to have family looking after you.

  “I’ll do my best” was all Ben said in reply.

  Garrett pulled Shannon close, gave her a light kiss on her cheek then reluctantly let go of her. He touched her nose with his index finger like he used to when they were younger, then said to her, “You know I’m always here for you.”

  Shannon heard the concern in his voice and gave him a quick smile. “I can take care of myself.”

  “Just make sure you do,” Garrett said. Then he walked away to join a group of laughing friends.

  As she settled herself down at the table, Adam accosted her.

  “Is it okay I took my tie off?” Adam asked, fidgeting with the collar of his shirt. “Dr. Ben helped me.”

  Shannon gave “Dr. Ben” a quick smile. Then turned back to Adam. “You and Natasha did a really good job today,” she said.

  “That’s what Dr. Ben said, too.” Adam beamed at his new friend.

  “Sorry for having to leave you with all the relatives,” Shannon said to Ben. “Emma and Carter wanted all of us at the head table for dinner. Now all my obligations are done, I can rescue you.”

  “I didn’t mind,” he said. “Adam was telling me all about the ranch and Natasha was saying how she and Hailey are going biking tomorrow after church. She said I could come, too.”

  “I got a new bike,” Natasha put in, resting her chin on her stacked hands. “I wanted to ride it today, but my dad said if I fell and scraped myself, I wouldn’t look nice for the wedding.” She swung her legs back and forth, giving Shannon an appraising look. “You look really pretty, Auntie Shannon. Like a princess.”

  Her offhand compliment warmed Shannon’s heart.

  “I would have to agree,” Ben said.

  His compliment did more than warm her heart.

  Then he turned to Adam and Natasha. “I hope you kids don’t mind, but I would like to have a dance with your Auntie Shannon.”

  Shannon’s heart did a funny little jump as he turned to her.

  “If that’s okay with you,” he said to Shannon.

/>   “Sure,” Natasha replied, thinking he spoke to her.

  “When you come back, you can tell me about how you had to cut that man’s leg off,” Adam called out.

  “What in the world?” Shannon spluttered as Ben drew her to her feet.

  “Seems he’s very interested in some of the more gruesome aspects of my work.” Ben shook his head as he led her to the dance floor.

  She felt confusion as Ben turned her around, then took her hand in his and placed his other hand on her waist, leaving her to rest her free hand on his shoulder.

  The music was a lively country song. Thankfully it was a two-step, something she and Hailey and Naomi practiced with Garret and Carter as kids whenever they went to the ranch.

  As Ben found the rhythm and Shannon followed, she tried to pretend it was just another Saturday night at the ranch. And that she wasn’t dancing with this darkly handsome man, but with Carter or Garret.

  Only Carter or Garret never made her senses reel the way Ben did. The touch of Ben’s hand on her waist was nothing like the impersonal one of her cousins.

  The way he looked down at her was certainly nothing like what she’d experienced with her cousins.

  “Are you having a good time?” she asked above the music, disappointed at the breathless tone of her voice, but determined to keep the conversation light and casual.

  “I’m really enjoying myself. It’s fun to watch the interactions of the people here,” he said, glancing around the room and the now-crowded dance floor. His eyes returned to hers. “It’s obvious the people here know each other very well. There’s something really encouraging about that.”

  “It has its good and bad,” Shannon said, thinking of the comment she overheard in the washroom of the hall right after dinner. An old friend of Hailey’s was asking another woman if she knew anything about this Ben guy who was Shannon Deacon’s escort to the wedding. Wasn’t he Arthur’s brother? Didn’t she think it strange that Shannon would take him along to a wedding barely a year after Arthur dumped her?