Healing the Doctor's Heart

by Carolyne Aarsen

  The conversation faded away as the women left, but Shannon stayed a moment longer, her ears burning and her heart pounding, reminding her why she had to leave town.

  Now, as she danced with Ben, as she felt his hand in hers, her emotions grew even more conflicted. With Ben she felt different. Safe.

  A tiny, somewhat shallow, part of her felt proud that this man was with her. That after being rejected and pushed away, this appealing man had asked to be her escort to this wedding.

  She looked up at him and as their eyes met a smile slipped over his features. Then the lights went low and the music changed tempo and flowed into a waltz.

  Her heart flopped over as their eyes held, then thundered as he pulled her close and their steps slowed. She swallowed as he tucked her hand against his chest. Uncertain of what to do she held herself away from him for a few beats.

  But her lonely heart and the attraction she knew was building between them wore down her resistance, and she drifted against him with one easy motion, closing the small distance between them.

  Their steps were in sync, so easy, so smooth. As if they had been dancing partners all of their lives.

  This feels right, Shannon thought. His arms feel like home.

  She could feel his steady heartbeat through the fabric of his suit and she wondered if he could feel hers.

  Then, too soon, the music stopped and again, changed tempo. Reluctantly Shannon pulled away from him and once again looked up to catch him gazing down at her.

  “Let’s go outside,” he said quietly, still holding her close.

  She said nothing, only nodded and allowed him to lead her out a side door, away from the buzzing noise and warmth of the crowded hall.

  As the heavy metal door of the hall fell shut behind them, closing off the noise with a click, it was as if they had entered another world. The cool evening air wafted over her and the dusk of the setting sun hinted at secret possibilities.

  Ben caught her hand and glanced down at her delicate sandals. “Can you walk in those?”

  “Depends on where you want to go?”

  He angled his chin toward a path. “I’d like to go down to the river.”

  “I can get there,” she said, surprised at how breathless she suddenly felt.

  Ben’s hand tightened on hers as he led her down the narrow path. Branches tugged at the gauzy material of her skirt and brushed her bare arms, and dragonflies buzzed around them, chasing elusive bugs. The gurgling of the river grew louder as they slowly made their way down the rocky path.

  Shannon slipped once and would have fallen, but Ben caught her by the arm and righted her.

  “You okay?” he asked.

  “I’m fine. Just keep going.”

  They broke through the underbrush, and then they stood on the banks of the river. The water sighed and burbled over the rocks as Ben led her across the sand to a dry log that looked as if it had had washed up on the shore years ago.

  Shannon settled herself on the log, then reached down and tugged her sandals off.

  “That feels better,” she said with a sigh as she wiggled her feet in the cool sand.

  “Can’t see how you can walk on those things, let alone dance in them,” Ben commented as he unbuttoned his jacket and set it on the log beside him.

  “Determination,” she said with a light laugh. “And pride. Can’t fall down in front of all the people.”

  Ben chuckled as he loosened his tie.

  “By the way, sharp-looking suit,” she said, taking a chance and touching him on the shoulder. “I don’t imagine you packed that in your luggage.”

  “It’s new,” he said, setting his tie aside and rolling up his shirt sleeves. “You said it was casual, but I knew you’d be dressed up and didn’t want to let you outshine me.” He added a broad smile, to let her know he was kidding.

  Then as he looked at her his smile slowly faded and his expression grew intent.

  “You look beautiful.” His voice was husky, giving a certain gravitas to his compliment.

  “Thank you.” It was all she could say.

  Then he reached over and touched her hair. “I’m glad you wore it down,” he said, letting his fingers drift down.

  Shannon swallowed down a sudden rush of emotions. What was going on here? Why was she letting him do this?

  As she looked into his eyes she knew that whatever had been building between them would be expressed. Soon.

  She pushed away second thoughts. Denied the questions that had clamored in the back of her mind all through their dance together.

  Right now it was just her and Ben, sitting on the side of the river. The same river she and her cousins had played in farther upstream. The same river she had stood beside only a year ago, shedding tears that had become a part of the river’s ceaseless flowing.

  The river and time flow on, she thought. What she thought she couldn’t endure had simply become part of her past.

  And now?

  “Where are you?” he asked, his fingers now lingering on her cheek.

  She let a melancholy smile slip over her lips and she took a chance and reached up, anchoring his hand in hers.

  “I’m just thinking about time. How it really does heal wounds.” She held his gaze, hoping he realized what she was trying to say. “How I’m glad you came to the wedding with me.”

  “I’m glad, too,” he said. “I really appreciated what the pastor had to say. How God’s love is abundant and persistent. It’s been hard for me to see that, but thanks to you it’s much clearer now.”

  His words settled in her heart, making a home there, relieving her last misgiving about him.

  Her hand tightened on his and then on the banks of the Morrissey River, Ben Brouwer kissed her.

  The gentle touching of his lips to hers was so light she might have imagined it.

  As he drew back and she saw how his eyes had darkened, and she knew it was just a prelude. She felt her heart quicken.

  This time when he lowered his head, she slipped her hands around his neck, anchoring herself to him. His mouth moved over hers, a union, a blessing underlined when his arms held her close to him and their hearts seemed to beat as one.

  Time wheeled and stilled.

  Then, slowly, the murmuring of the river and the wind sifting through the trees above filled her senses, bringing back reality.

  Shannon was the first to pull away, utterly bemused by what had just happened. She had spent less time with Ben than she ever had with Arthur and yet, this first kiss from Ben felt more right than any she had from her ex-fiancé.

  Ben laid his forehead against hers as if unwilling to break their connection.

  Neither of them spoke for a while, letting the experience settle as the river flowed on beside them, splashing against the rocks at the edge, cooling the air around them.

  Shannon didn’t want to overanalyze the moment. It was too wonderful. Too pure, almost.

  Then Ben drew back, his fingers trailing down her face.

  “I hope you know how special you are,” he said quietly, a tinge of awe in his voice.

  She wanted to make a joke to ease the tension of the moment, but for some reason, couldn’t find her breath.

  “For the first time in a long time I feel at peace,” Ben continued. “A peace I have only felt around you.”

  Shannon gave him a careful smile and cupped his face in her hands. “You make me feel special,” she said quietly, amazed at how natural it felt to touch him. To lay claim to him.

  He brushed another kiss over her forehead. Just a light touch, but the casualness of it underlined the change in their relationship.

  Then he caught her hands in his and held them on his lap. He stroked her fingers wit
h his thumb, his eyes following their movements.

  “So, I guess things are different between us now,” he said quietly.

  “I guess” was all Shannon could say.

  “I didn’t plan on this when I offered to escort you to this wedding—I want you to understand that.”

  “Well, it’s a wedding. Sometimes funny things happen—”

  “No. It’s not that,” he said, his voice holding a serious note. His gaze focused on her. “I know I’m not being arrogant when I say that I’m sure this isn’t a spur-of-the-moment thing for you, either. You’re not the kind of girl that gets caught up in the emotion of the moment.”

  “Occupational hazard,” she said with a light laugh. Then she grew serious. “No. This isn’t some spur-of-the-moment thing and to tell you the truth, it scares me. I’m not sure what I’m allowed to think or what I’m supposed to feel.”

  His hands tightened on hers. “Why don’t you just go with what you want to feel?”

  She caught his gaze and then smiled. “I want to tell you that I feel wonderful around you. I want to feel that what is happening between us is right. Because deep inside of me, that’s what I really feel.”

  Ben’s smile warmed her soul.

  “So do I.”

  They sat quietly for a long moment, as if letting everything that had happened settle into their being. Become normal.

  Because Shannon knew the moment they returned to the hall, her cousins, her grandmother and anyone who knew her well enough would be able to read her like a dime-store novel.

  They would all know that Ben Brouwer had kissed her. And that she had enjoyed every second.

  “I suppose we should be getting back,” Ben said finally, tucking his tie in the suit pocket of his coat.

  Shannon sighed her reluctance. “I suppose. I’m sure people are wondering what is going on.”

  “I think they know exactly what is going on,” he said. Then he touched her on the shoulder. “I’d really like to take you to church tomorrow,” he said. “Would that be okay?”

  Her errant heart gave another quick beat. “That would be wonderful.”

  “I’m hoping,” he replied.

  Then he bent over and picked up her sandals. “Give me your foot,” he said as he knelt down in front of her.

  As she lifted her foot she looked down at his bent head, gave in to an impulse and ran her fingers over his dark hair.

  “You’re distracting me,” he said in a gruff voice as he struggled with the tiny buckles of the sandal. She was about to take it away from him when he managed to get it fastened.

  “Pretty good for a guy,” she said with a laugh.

  “I’m a doctor. I’m supposed to have steady hands.”

  His acknowledgement of that fact gave her pause, and the smile he gave her as he slipped her shoes on her feet gave her hope.

  “There you go, Cinderella,” he said as he tied up the last tiny buckle.

  Shannon held her foot out as if to inspect his work, then nodded her approval. “Well done, Prince Charming.”

  He chuckled as he brushed the sand off his knees, then caught her hand and tugged her to her feet. “So, should we go face the music? Literally and figuratively?” He hooked the fingers of his other hand into the collar of his suit coat and flipped it over his shoulder.

  “As long as I only have to dance with you,” she said, clutching his hand as he helped her along the sand.

  “That’s a promise I’ll gladly keep,” he replied.

  Yet, as they headed toward the hall, in spite of the magic of the moments they had just shared, misgivings tugged at her with each wobbly step she took in her flimsy sandals.

  Was she being smart about this? Or was she hoping Ben would heal the wounds his brother inflicted?

  Chapter Ten

  Shannon let the words of the final song of the church service anchor themselves in her soul.

  His purposes will ripen fast, unfolding every hour. The bud may have a bitter taste, but sweet will be the flower.

  Church had always been one of the few places where her heart was still. Somehow, with Ben standing beside her, her heart was anything but still.

  It sung, it rejoiced, it fluttered with every touch of Ben’s hand on hers, with every sidelong glance.

  Many times during the service she’d had to ask for forgiveness for her distraction. Now, again, she glanced over at Ben standing beside her, his hand supporting the hymn book. He had a deep, baritone singing voice. Strong. Sure.

  Considering what he had said about God before, he seemed to be listening intently to what the pastor had to say.

  As did she. The words they’d just sung echoed where she was in her life. What Arthur had done to her had created a bitterness in her soul, but being with Ben made her feel as if the rocky path she had been walking had brought her to this moment. This precarious happiness she didn’t dare examine or hold too closely for fear it would slip away from her like water through her fingers.

  As the last notes of the song faded away, the pastor lifted his hands and pronounced the benediction on them.

  Church was over.

  The pianist and the band played the postlude as the buzz of conversation increased, overcoming the music.

  Shannon turned to Ben, who was watching her, a bemused expression on his face.

  “What?” she asked, nudging him with her arm.

  “I’m trying to figure out how you managed to keep your hair looking exactly the same way it did yesterday.” He touched the flower she had pulled from her bouquet this morning and, on impulse, tucked in her hair.

  “I slept sitting up,” she teased.

  He laughed and the sound created an answering warmth in her heart.

  “By the way, you don’t have to come to the barbecue after church,” Shannon said, as they waited for his mother to finish chatting with the woman in front of them.

  “I don’t mind,” he replied, rolling up the bulletin they had received when the entered the church. “My mother really wants to go and I’m sure your nana does, as well.”

  “Okay. As long as you’re sure.”

  “Hey, it’s a way of being with you.” Ben’s comment and accompanying wink were playful and lighthearted and added another dimension to their relationship.

  Being with you. Shannon tested those words, turning them over to see what was on the other side.

  Stop it, she told herself. Leave things be. Stop looking so far ahead.

  Arthur had always accused her of living with her day timer in one hand, her pen in the other. Maybe he’d been right. Maybe she did like things too neat and laid out. Maybe she should just let what happened between her and Ben happen.

  Mrs. Brouwer was finally finished talking, but as she and Ben made their way into the aisle, Alana Lavale, an old friend, caught her by the arm.

  “How was the wedding?” she asked, her platinum-blond hair swinging over her face. “I heard it was very romantic.”

  “It was beautiful,” Shannon agreed.

  “Of course Garret came?” Her question held a faint note of urgency that made Shannon think this was the real reason Alana had waylaid her. “Is he still around?”

  “He left early this morning. He had some big meeting with an investment adviser in Calgary.”

  Alana’s hazel eyes narrowed as she nodded. “That’s good. Larissa left for the weekend because she knew he would be around, but she’s home this afternoon.”

  Shannon only nodded, unwilling to be drawn into this particular drama.

  Larissa and Garret had dated in high school and all she knew was that Larissa’s father, who did not approve of Garret for his darling daughter, had gotten wind of the relationship and found a way t
o end it.

  But the way Alana was talking, it was as if her friend was the injured party.

  “I heard you were buying Chocoholics on Main Street,” Shannon said, shifting the topic as she and Ben made their way down the aisle, Alana walking beside Shannon.

  “I’m in the process,” Alana said, her face growing suddenly animated.

  Shannon asked a few more questions and Alana launched into a detailed explanation of the business, what was involved in buying a franchise and how she planned to change it.

  As they walked Shannon caught Ben glance over at her, an ironic smile on his face. She was going to ask him what that was all about later, but for now she kept her attention on Alana.

  By the time they got to the foyer, Megan Tolsma, a friend of Hailey and Shannon’s, had joined them and the conversation moved back to the wedding again.

  As they talked, though, Shannon could see both girls cast curious glances from her to Ben, as if trying to puzzle out the relationship.

  Then, when Alana left and Ben got waylaid by Dan and Hailey, Megan leaned closer to Shannon.

  Don’t get defensive, she reminded herself, relaxing the tension she could feel building in her neck. Don’t let her fuss at you because he’s Arthur’s brother. There’s nothing weird about it.

  “So, this Ben guy, quite a looker,” she said with an approving note in her voice.

  Shannon relaxed, but only a bit. This was Hartley Creek, after all, where short memories were jogged by the people with long memories.

  “Is he a friend, or is it something else…?” Megan let the sentence fade away, as if waiting for Shannon to finish her thought.

  “It is what it is” was all Shannon would say, glancing over at Ben, hoping he hadn’t heard, hoping Megan wouldn’t make the obvious comment about Ben being Arthur’s brother.

  “You sound like Hailey,” Megan said with a sigh. “Or any of my grade-one kids.”

  Shannon just laughed, feeling relieved at the turn of the conversation.

  “Well, I hope he takes care of you,” Megan said, shooting him a frown, as if warning him in case he looked their way.