At the Risk of Forgetting

by A. M. Wilson

  “Me too. A double waterfall.”

  My eyes got big. “I’d want a second story deck. A big one that wrapped around the entire back of the house so I could sit up there on big, pillowed lounge chairs and watched the river. And a pergola with fairy lights so when night came, I could turn them on and not be in the dark.”

  “What about a big window seat inside that was actually a bed, so when winter came I didn’t have to freeze out on the deck. And we could lay there and watch the stars come out,” he added.

  I moved to lie on my stomach, resting my chin in my hand, and I looked at him. “Oh, and for the summer, we could have a fire pit that was made with driftwood benches and filled with sand to feel like the beach.”

  He moved to mirror my position, stretching his long body on the blanket. “I like that idea. You know what would be really fun?” he asked excitedly. “A pool that was both in the house and out of it. So we could swim outside in the sun or inside if the weather was bad. In the winter, we could fill it with snow and have a snow room.”

  “Brr! How would we keep it from melting or making the inside cold?”

  “Um...” His eyes drifted away in thought. “Well, it wouldn’t be an actual room in the house, but it would be an enclosed space, sort of like a garage minus the garage door.”

  “Good idea.” I took a swig of my drink. “If this were my dream house, I’d need a library. A huge one filled with books I’d never read before. Floor to ceiling shelves and one of those cool sliding ladders that are in the movies. It’d also need to have a second level reading nook that you can only reach with a spiral staircase.”

  “A reading nook? Isn’t anywhere a reading nook? You could use the deck chairs or the window seat as a reading nook.”

  I pursed my lips in thought. “I could, but this would be special.”

  “Special how?”

  “I’d fill it with pillows. Different shapes and sizes and colors. It’d be a readers’ paradise.”

  “You’re such a nerd,” he teased and dug through his backpack again. “What else would be in your dream home?”

  I thought about it, and knew exactly what I wanted to say next, but embarrassment stopped me. My cheeks felt warm in a way that had nothing to do with the sun.

  Law stopped searching his backpack when I didn’t immediately respond and crinkled his brow at me. “What is it? C’mon, tell me.”

  “Please don’t laugh, but I always wanted a sister so I think it’d be cool to have a girl’s room and a boy’s room with built-in bunk beds that I could fill with my own kids someday.”

  I couldn’t read the look on his face, and I quickly gave up trying. Whatever he thought about my idea, it took him a long time to come up with something to say. I heard him resume digging through his bag. “I brought lunch. Turkey and cheese.” He handed me a bulky ball of tinfoil.

  I bit my lip to keep from smiling as I took it and unwrapped his handiwork. “Thanks.”

  He tore off a chunk of his own sandwich and swallowed. “I like that idea. It’d feel almost like a year-round summer camp for them. Built-in bunkbeds it is.”

  A smile spread across my face so quickly that I dropped my chin to my chest and aimed it at my knees to hide how happy his words made me. So maybe we were teenagers and talking about a future that would never happen. It still made stomach tingle to hear he wanted the same things I did.

  Lunch was consumed in a comfortable silence, and after, we laid beneath that waterfall and talked. Our sophomore year was upon us, which meant learning to drive and formal dances. Law was excited for football to begin, to continue his reign of the youngest starting varsity player in 73 years. High school sports didn’t mean much to a lot of people, but in a small town, football was everything. If something meant a lot to him, it meant a lot to me, too. I hadn’t missed a single game last year and didn’t intend to this year either.

  “I could fall asleep,” I sighed. My eyes were closed, and the sun had moved so it now warmed my face.

  “Me, too.”

  I rolled my head to the side and took in his peaceful face. He looked like he was already asleep with his messy hair fanned over his forehead and his long dark lashes resting on his cheeks.

  “You’re staring.”

  “I am not.” I couldn’t keep the smile from my tone.

  “You are, too. Ugh,” he groaned, suddenly sitting up. “We should get going. It’ll be a long hike back, and I need to be home for dinner.

  “I’m coming, on one condition.”

  Law was shoving wrappers and empty cans in his backpack when he looked up at me. “What’s that?”

  Something about the way the light hit his face made my heart beat faster. Which made me amend my statement.

  “I lied, two conditions. One, we have to come back as often as we can.”

  He squinted at me. “What’s the other one?”

  I bit my lip and shifted my gaze away from his. Taking a deep breath, I sat up on my knees and looked him in the eye. “You can’t bring anyone here but me.”

  Law pushed up on his knees across from me and closed the space between us. He reached for my hand and toyed with my fingers, his gaze trained on where we touched. I let him have his silence, but every second that ticked past ratcheted up my nerves.

  Then, he trailed his fingertips up my arm to my shoulder, and moved the wayward strands of hair down my back. He moved his hand into the hair at the base of my neck and cupped the back of my head.

  “Please don’t hate me for this.”

  His words jammed my heart into my throat. Oh, no.

  “H-hate you for what?”

  “For this.”

  Law held my head steady and kissed me. He hadn’t kissed me since the first time, and I had almost forgotten what it was like. A second of his mouth on mine was all it took to remember.

  My stomach pitched like an ocean wave and my hand shook at my sides. I wanted more of him, so I gripped the sides of his tee shirt and pulled. He fell into me, and we both went tumbling back down to the blanket on our sides. One of his hands stayed beneath my head while the other rested on my waist.

  When he pulled back, his eyes were soft and warm. He dropped his eyes back to my mouth and went in for another kiss. “We have to go,” he whispered, and rested his forehead against mine. “I really don’t want to, but we have to.”

  All I could do was nod. “Okay.”

  Law packed up the blanket, took my hand, and led me away. I looked back over my shoulder for one last glimpse of the place that brought me so much hope and happiness, not knowing it would be the only time I ever saw it.

  Not knowing he would break my first condition. We never went back to that place. And I never had confirmation, but as far as I knew, he broke the second.

  5.

  While Evelyn spent the next few days home from school with the flu, I spent a lot of time outside. It was my short week at work, and I had a lot of downtime. I loved my daughter but that didn’t mean I loved her germs, and there was only so much cleaning I could do inside before I felt like I was doing the same things with little result. Her bedding was in the wash and I sanitized everything she touched. Until she was better that was the most I intended to do.

  After opening some windows, which had the nice effect of helping Evelyn breathe easier through the congestion, I got out the power washer and cleaned the ones still closed from the outside. I was wheeling the power washer back to the garage to put it away when my phone rang.

  “Hey girl. What’s up?”

  “I don’t know, why don’t you tell me?” Kiersten shot back. “You drop this mega-bomb about the hottie who is supposedly your long-lost-love and then poof! I never hear about him again.”

  “We don’t need to discuss this.”

  This conversation required fresh air, so I switched the phone to my blue tooth and grabbed my rake. Might as well get some work done while she gave me twenty more questions.

  “I think we do. I’ve known you for what feels li
ke a lifetime and I’m only now starting to realize that you are an emotion hoarder.”

  My steps faltered. “A what?”

  “You hoard your emotions!” she cried, then kept right on going. “I don’t know how you do it. I tell you everything. And, if for some reason I can’t get to you for a while, I feel like I’m dying inside.” She sighed. “Are you okay?”

  It started as a giggle, and then an uncontrollable laugh burst from my mouth. Before I knew it, I was clutching the handle of the rake for balance.

  “Uh, Cami? Are you having an emotional breakdown right now? Because I have things to do, and I can’t come help you until later.”

  “You. Are. Insane,” I wheezed. Tears trickled down my cheeks, stinging like little paths of ice in the fall breeze. I swiped them away with the back of my work glove. “No, I’m not okay,” I said soberly as I regained control of myself.

  “Oh, shit. I’ll be over later with bourbon.”

  “No, no, no. I don’t need that. It’s just, I need you to understand this.” I raked the leaves closest to me in a heap while I gathered my thoughts. It felt nice. Working outside and discussing my problems at the same time. Maybe I needed to do this more often.

  “I’ve seen Law twice since you met him last month, and neither time ended well. I’m now more ready than ever to put him behind me. I need to shove him in a box, lock it, and throw away the key.”

  “Are you crazy?” she started, but I kept on going.

  “I need you to hear me. Not just hear me but to actually listen. I can’t keep doing this to myself. There’s too much bitterness and resentment between us. I know you want to play cupid matchmaker and give me back the one thing I regret most in my life, but it’s not going to happen. Okay? Please, you’re my best friend, and I need you to drop it.”

  “I have one more question and then I promise I’ll drop it.”

  I leaned against my rake and sighed. “What?”

  “Are you sure?” she said softly, and my chest tightened. God, I loved this girl. I don’t know what my life would have looked like here if I hadn’t found her.

  Tears stung my eyes. I started raking again to release some tension. “Yes. There’s no other option.”

  “One more thing. This isn’t a question, but it is a requirement.”

  Rolling my eyes felt good, even if she couldn’t see me. “Yes?”

  “You have to go on a date. A real date, not some tinder crash-and-burn type date. I’m taking you out to the bar, and you’re going to meet a man.”

  I snorted. “I’m not sure I’m going to meet anyone with potential at the bar.”

  “They don’t have to have potential. You just need to be open to meeting someone. After that, you can graduate to real dates where you worry about potential and shit.”

  “Basically, you want me to get laid. Am I reading you, right?”

  “Yes, you are hearing me loud and clear.”

  “Great. That’s settled. Now, can I go finish raking my yard or do you have more questions?”

  She hummed teasingly. “Nah, I’m good. You get back to adulting.”

  “Aren’t you at work?” I scooped the last of the leaves into the pile that now stood about knee high. I only had one leafy tree in my front yard, and right now, I was grateful it wasn’t bigger. I still had to change out the screens on the windows and clean out the gutters.

  “Nope. Mark brought in a new trainee and gave me the choice of a slow day or a day off.”

  “Lucky,” I grumbled.

  “Says the woman who only works seven days a pay period.”

  “Says the woman who works twelve hour shifts.” While I talked, I brought the rake back to the garage and swapped it out for a disposable green yard waste bag. “Well, go enjoy your day off.”

  “Thanks, babe. Later.”

  “Bye.”

  Before long, the leaves were packed up and waiting by the curb for pickup, and I was putting my dirty work gloves back in the garage. Something about the late fall air called to me, and I decided the rest of the work could wait until tomorrow. I couldn’t explain it, but it felt like the perfect day to get in one of my last runs of the year through Arrow Creek Park.

  ***

  The best part of Arrow Creek was the old swinging bridge that spanned across the river. The bottom was old wooden planks that felt rickety when walking over it. The bridge didn’t swing anymore, but it used to when it was first built in the 1950’s. The area flooded during a torrential rain storm twenty years later and the original bridge was washed away. It was rebuilt into the bridge that stands today, but the name stuck.

  Evelyn and I liked to take walks down here starting when she was just a toddler. She’d gather a handful of rocks from the river’s edge and carry them up to the bridge so she could throw them off. The sound of her giggles would fill the air, and even at a time in my life where I felt nothing was stable, she made me feel like we were exactly where we were supposed to be.

  I slowed to a jog as I neared the entrance to the bridge and walked to the middle of it, taking it all in. I traced the weathered wood grains of the railing with my finger absently as my mind took off.

  The cloudy, pale-gray sky made the river appear nearly black below. The tall brittle grass swaying in the faint breeze. The rushing water. The now-bare trees and the gold and orange leaves coating the ground below them.

  A lot of towns across the country experience the full season of fall. However, I’d put money on this being the prettiest one.

  It wasn’t the place where I grew up. Years passed before I’d been comfortable enough to call Arrow Creek home, but that’s exactly what it was now. This town was more of a home than Logansville had ever been. The only things that tied me to that place were Ritchie and Law, and I brought my brother with me as soon as I could. Law was a lost cause, one I’d be better off leaving back in Logansville where he belonged.

  Unlike Ritchie, my parents were buried in our hometown. It sucked to have their final resting place so far away. At the same time, I’d learned to move on. I’d lived without them both more years than I lived with them alive. The reality of it was I hadn’t had parents since I was eleven and that car accident stole their lives away. My heart held the memories I needed to get by and that was enough for me. Really, it was all I knew.

  After stretching my quads, I walked back towards the trail in the direction I came. I needed to get home in time to make dinner. Evelyn was usually independent, but she still wasn’t feeling well. With the crazy hours my job demanded, I made it a point to have family dinners as often as we could.

  I stepped around a big pine tree, the dense lower branches hovering over the side of the trail, and directly into the path of an oncoming cyclist.

  “Look out!” he shouted and swerved around me.

  Adrenaline rushed through my system and I leapt back out of his way. My right foot landed on a large rock and slipped over the smooth, rounded side, and got caught in the grass. My ankle rolled and I went with it, skidding down the embankment. The hill wasn’t steep, but it was angled, and my good leg wasn’t enough friction to stop myself. I tore my palms up, scrabbling for purchase, anything to stop me from rolling all the way to the bottom.

  Something sharp scraped up my back. The skin flamed hot and painful beneath my shirt. I gave up trying to stop and covered my face with my arms. Seconds later, I skidded to a halt on the pebbled edge of the river.

  “Ow. Shit. Shit, shit, shit.” My face contorted in pain while I tried to keep from screaming out. Panic was there, mixed with the adrenaline. I had to stay calm. Nobody can think rationally while freaking the hell out, and I was dangerously close to that. I might be used to emergency situations, but that’s when they don’t involve me.

  Deep breath in. Deep breath out.

  “Hello?” I called out, hoping the guy who ran me off the trail stuck around to make sure I was okay. The only sounds were the rushing water beside me and the rustling of leaves. “Is anyone up there? Can you hear m
e?”

  I waited.

  And waited.

  “Hello?” I tried again.

  Nothing.

  “Asshole,” I muttered, even though I felt like shouting it.

  The first thing I checked were my palms. The skin was angry red with several lacerations. They weren’t bleeding much, but they were torn to shreds. That sucked a lot. I carefully brushed off some of the dirt and rocks, but it wasn’t much use. Debris was embedded in the cuts.

  I checked the side of my right leg next. With my torn-up hands, I rolled my pants as far as they’d go, just below the knee. The skin looked like that of my palms, but there weren’t any cuts. I was thankful for that.

  I grit my teeth together and pushed myself into a better seated position so I could examine my ankle. My palms stung from the pressure. I could tell, without looking, that it was swollen, but I didn’t know if it was broken and I needed to see how bad it was. I tried flexing. I couldn’t even do that without pain searing through my ankle. Shit.

  I looked back up the hill. “Help! Someone help me!” My heart sunk at the silence, and my mind raced through my options.

  If I called Kiersten, she’d send a rig. And even if she didn’t, her skinny ass wouldn’t be able to help me up this hill. An ambulance was the absolute last resort. I didn’t need any of my coworkers seeing me like this.

  And no way in hell was I going to call Law.

  If I crawled to the top, I could wait on the trail for someone to come by. My chances of getting someone to notice me down here were a lot smaller.

  I used my forearm, instead of my wrist, to turn from sitting to my hands and knees. Well, forearms and knee. I kept my right foot resting awkwardly on the ground to keep the pressure off it. As I twisted, my shirt moved with me and pulled painfully from my back. A warm trickle ran down my spine.

  Ugh, just great.

  Tears stung my eyes, but I kept going. My left foot unsteadily supported me and slowly I rose into a half crouch. I hopped once towards the hill and let out a quiet cry of pain. My face crumbled. Even the slight jerking motion caused my ankle to throb.