At the Risk of Forgetting

by A. M. Wilson

  I leaned back into the pillow as Luce cut my sock off. My ankle doubled in size. The skin was already a deep purple and navy blue color, and would probably continue spreading. It would look worse tomorrow.

  Luce prodded around, I knew she was trying to be gentle. I gritted my teeth, but that didn’t stop a soft whimper from escaping. Warmth covered my hand as Nathan picked it up from where it was clenched on the bed and began rubbing soothing circles at the base of my palm.

  “Relax, breathe slow,” he murmured. I closed my eyes and focused on the feel of his thumb tracing the lines near my wrist.

  “I definitely want an x-ray, to be on the safe side. What else do you have going on? I see some scrapes on your face, superficial. Let me see your hands.”

  I tugged my hand back from Nathan and held them out to her. She barely needed to glance at them. Superficial as well. She looked to me, questioningly.

  “Her back,” Nathan put in. “I didn’t get a chance to check it before we got here. She forgot to mention it.”

  Luce looked to him and then back to me, arching a brow. “Well, roll over then. Let’s see it.”

  I took the easy route and rolled onto my left hip, slipping one hand beneath the pillow to give me something to hold onto for the pain. “The shirt is sticking...” I trailed off anxiously and closed my eyes. I felt Nathan move to stand beside Luce.

  Cool air hit my back as she began lifting my shirt. It tugged against my cut, and she paused to grab some saline to wet the material. The solution itself didn’t hurt, but getting the cut wet made it burn. Half a minute later, she lifted the shirt up. Luce was silent. Nathan was not.

  “Christ, Cami. You should have said something.”

  “I mean, I did, eventually,” I ground out. I had to stop speaking. For some reason, the room began to spin. I closed my eyes and tried to ignore the sensation of her digging around and cleaning my wound.

  “You won’t need stitches, but it’s going to take a while to heal. Not too deep, but it’s long.” She covered it with a gauze bandage. “When’s your next shift?” She asked as she washed her hands, then logged back into the computer to put in the orders.

  “Tomorrow starts a five-shift rotation.” I rolled to my back.

  She turned to me with a grimace. “There’s no way. I’m sorry. Hopefully you have some sick time saved up. We’ll see what the x-ray says, and I’ll write a letter for you to give to H.R. The tech should be here in a minute to take you to radiology.”

  “Thanks, Luce.” I muttered while mentally calculating how much sick leave I had banked and how long it would last. The only time I took time off was to care of Evelyn, and she got sick less as she grew up. Even when she had her tonsils out at age eleven, I scheduled it for the off week of my schedule and didn’t miss a day of work. I should have at least two weeks of paid time, if not more. I hoped. The emergency fund in the bank would come in handy, but it would take me a long time to replenish.

  I groaned and rubbed my temples, a headache still lingering on the edge.

  “Hey, you okay?”

  “Yeah.” I exhaled and tipped my head back on the pillow. “The timing just sucks.”

  Nathan’s frowned and his eyes turned sympathetic. “If you need anything, you let me know. I’m only a phone call away.”

  A knock on the wall rang out before I could respond. “I’m here to take you to x-ray.” A young man announced and jerked the curtain back.

  “I guess I’ll be back,” I said awkwardly. What else could I say? The moment to respond had passed, and how was I supposed to tell him I probably wouldn’t call?

  Nathan and the young man helped me into the wheelchair, and I was whisked to x-ray. Luce met us there to speed my visit up, which I was grateful for. The scans didn’t show a break. She had my ankle wrapped, discharge instructions in hand, and on crutches in record time. The x-ray technician wheeled me back up to Nathan, and he took over helping me to the truck.

  We were close to home when Nathan turned down the radio. He stared straight out the windshield as if he were alone. “If you give me your key, I can have your car brought to your house tomorrow.”

  My chest tightened with guilt. Through it, I forced myself to look his way. “You don’t have to do that. I can take care of it.”

  He glanced at me then turned his eyes back to the road. “Consider me... please. I don’t want to come off as desperate, but I might not be above begging. That kiss–ˮ

  “Shouldn’t have happened.” I cut him off and finished with my own thought. I didn’t want to hear what he had to say. I didn’t want to hear him tell me how it made his pulse race and his stomach clench. And I definitely didn’t need to hear him tell me he wanted to kiss me again. And that Luce’s interruption couldn’t have been worse timed. If he did...if I let him voice the things I felt, I might not have been strong enough to turn him down again.

  Nathan’s fingers tightened reflexively on the steering wheel. “I don’t think you believe that,” he murmured gently. “Is there someone else? You haven’t mentioned anyone.”

  “There’s nobody else.”

  The headlights of Nathan’s truck swung past my driveway as he slowed around the bend, and my heart nearly jumped out of my chest. I was so focused on what I saw that I missed the skeptical look Nathan threw me.

  All because Law’s truck was parked halfway up my driveway.

  Nathan parked behind it, but since my driveway wasn’t all that big, the tailgate was nearly in the road. I wanted to curse at Law for being here, and for also being a dick. Now I had to hobble past that jerk, and most likely be forced into listening to what he had to say.

  By the time Nathan had the truck off, Law had already exited his. The two unintentionally mirrored one another, climbing out of their trucks and rounding the bed. The difference, besides their night and day appearances, was that Law stopped to rest his ass against the back of his truck and cross his arms over his chest, and Nathan continued to my door to help me out.

  Great.

  I tried not to look at Law. Really, I did. But I was always hopeless where he was concerned. His stare burned through the windshield, and like a magnet, my eyes found his. He clenched his jaw and narrowed his eyes, then cracked his neck with a quick jerk in each direction. Whatever he was doing here, he seemed to be gearing up for a fight.

  My door clicked and swung open, then Nathan was reaching around me to grab my crutches from the back.

  “No one else, huh?”

  My throat dried and my heart sunk. Again, proving how different the two were, Nathan wasn’t pissed. Disappointment colored his tone.

  I leaned forward to grab the handle above the door and braced my other hand on his shoulder. Nathan lifted his head and met my eyes.

  “No. There’s nobody else. You know me enough to trust I’m telling you the truth.”

  “Then who’s he?”

  We both turned to look at Law, and I sighed. I turned back first, but Nathan kept staring. Or glaring. I studied his profile. The soft round curve of his nose, his sharp jawline that led to his smoothly shaven neck. I squeezed his shoulder to regain his attention.

  “A memory. One I’d rather not relive at this moment.”

  He gave a short, rigid nod. “Need help getting rid of him?”

  “Without being rude, I’d like to get rid of the both of you. I’m exhausted, and I haven’t eaten since this morning.” I smiled to soften the words. I’m not sure if it worked, because his brow creased and he frowned.

  “Shit,” he groaned. “I’m a damn idiot. All my attempts to take you to dinner, and here you are starving because I forgot to feed you through all this.”

  “In that case, I’ll let you make it up to me Wednesday. Depending on how my foot is feeling. You should be off your work rotation by then, and hopefully, I’ll be healed. But it’s not a date. Officially. It’s two good friends hanging out with one another outside of work for the first time. Alone.”

  Nathan smiled and chuckled, then dropp
ed his forehead to mine. His hands slid to clutch my waist. “I want to kiss you right now, but I have a feeling that wouldn’t be appropriate.”

  My eyes grew wide. “Please, don’t.”

  His fingers flexed into my sides, and he pulled me down from the truck, careful to keep my injured foot from hitting anything on the way down. Releasing me with his left hand, he grabbed my crutches one at a time, and held me steady as I put them under my arms. “I won’t. Just thought I should make you aware that I want to.”

  He stepped back to let me out and shut my door.

  “Well, thanks for that.”

  We’d made it to the front of his truck before Law got a full glimpse of me. I knew this, because he suddenly pushed away from his truck bed and took four angry steps in our direction.

  “What happened to you?” The question was for me, but his glare went to Nathan, as if implying he had something to do with it.

  I needed to shut this down. Fast. I had nothing more to say to Law. Not after the tug o’ war game he’d been playing with me since the minute he showed up in this town. And, he also had nothing to say that I wanted to hear.

  That was why I spoke over his question and addressed Nathan instead. “I’ll see you tomorrow. I’m good here. Thank you for helping me.”

  “Cami,” Law growled and turned his front into my side as if trying to block Nathan from our conversation.

  I was so close to crawling into bed, I could almost taste the sleep I’d be having. With that in mind, I leaned forward on my crutches and answered him. Just not the answer he was looking for. “What are you doing here?”

  “You’re hurt.”

  “That’s not why you’re here.”

  “What happened?”

  “Again, not why you’re here.”

  “Cam.” His voice cracked, and the resulting ache that spread through me nearly pulled me under. Why did he have to act like he cared, when I knew three days from now his moods would flip again? Still, the tone of his voice rooted me to the spot, and my eyes flashed to Nathan before going back to Law.

  “I’m okay. I fell while I was jogging. Twisted my ankle.” My instinct was to take a step closer to Law, but that was hard with one foot and crutches. I tried, but one of the crutches didn’t lift enough and caught on the asphalt. I fell. Both men moved, but Nathan was closer and caught me with his hands on my hips.

  Law didn’t miss the possessive way he held me, and he shot from whatever emotional dimension he was in straight to pissed.

  “Who are you?”

  “I’m Nathan.”

  A beat of silence passed. One where he should have clarified he was my co-worker or my friend. It was clear to me that Nathan was stating his intentions. He wasn’t going to be forced into some platonic box, especially not after I’d just agreed to go on a date with him.

  “Is he your boyfriend?”

  “Well, no, I mean, he’s my, uh, he’s my Nathan.” The tension tripped me up and that’s what came out.

  Law’s head dipped in my direction. “He’s your... Nathan?” His voice was deceptively soft. That was new from the Law I used to know, and it freaked me out. Even more than that, it sort of turned me on. My nipples tingled beneath the sports bra I’d put on hours earlier, and I gripped the crutch handles to keep from squeezing my thighs together.

  I looked to my shoe and the open toes of my other foot. “I meant he’s my co-worker.”

  “It doesn’t matter to you who I am.” Nathan stepped in, and I wanted to slap my forehead. We’re going to be here all night. “What matters is Cami’s exhausted and needs to lie down.”

  “Is that so, baby?” Law turned mocking. “You need to lie down? Should I get you some of that soup I bought you?”

  “Hey, man, I’m not messing around. Leave her alone.” Under the street lamps, Nathan’s jaw turned to stone.

  “Neither am I.”

  They turned to one another, and I swear they were seconds away from throwing punches. I was completely enraptured by the scene unfolding in front of me that when a hand wrapped around my wrist, I jumped. It took a second to realize which of them had grabbed me.

  I looked up to Nathan questioningly. Once he had my attention, he stroked my inner forearm with his index finger.

  “It’s cool. I’m going to get out of here. Car key, please.” He held out his other hand, palm up.

  I shoved the hand he wasn’t holding beneath his open fleece jacket I was still wearing, and unzipped the front pocket of my sweatshirt. The single key to my car was stashed inside. My fingers curled around the cold metal, and I withdrew it. I started to remove his jacket, in order to give it back, but he wrapped his fingers around my wrist, stopping me.

  “Keep it on until you get inside. I’ll get it tomorrow.”

  I nodded and dropped the key into his palm. “Okay. Thanks again, and I’ll see you before your shift.”

  Nathan leaned towards me to kiss my cheek, and for some unknown reason, my eyes swung to Law. He pressed his lips together before releasing them and sinking his teeth into his full bottom lip.

  Just as Nathan’s breath warmed my cheek, the door to my house flew open with a bang.

  “Mom!”

  Three adults jumped, and all eyes swung in that direction. Evelyn was standing on the porch in a pair of fuzzy gray sweats and a purple tank top. Her hair was a mess on the top of her head, and she wasn’t wearing any socks or shoes. She looked almost panicked.

  “You haven’t been answering your phone for hours, and I needed you!” She burst into tears, and the screen door slammed shut as she ran back into the house.

  My stomach dropped to my toes. Guilt and fear overrode any other emotion as I switched to mom mode. I went to run, but remembered my foot. “Ugh damn crutches!” I chucked them one at a time to the ground and hopped towards the house. I made it three hops before somebody’s arms scooped me up and they jogged us to the door. That’s twice in one day I’ve been picked up against my will. Not a record streak I want to keep breaking.

  My foot ached with every bounce, but I pushed through it. My mind was on Evelyn and what in the world had made her so upset.

  “Get your daughter and figure out what’s wrong.”

  I wiggled in his grip. “Stop playing these goddamned games, Law, and put me down!”

  Law shifted my weight higher and climbed the steps of my porch. Once there, he jiggled the handle to my front door. It opened easily. He set me down inside the foyer.

  I was torn between running after Evelyn and asking Law to wait. In the brighter light coming from my house, I could see the bags under his eyes and the deeper creases in his forehead. He looked weary and tired, and that reminded me he had come here for a reason.

  “Why did you come here?” I asked a second too late. He’d already turned and jogged back down the steps. He walked over to where we were standing, and my heart climbed into my throat.

  Please don’t be stupid. Please don’t punch Nathan, I chanted in my head.

  I couldn’t see the look on Law’s face from my position, but I could see Nathan’s. There was a challenge in his eye I was sure reflected Law’s. I should leave the big boys to figure it out themselves and go inside, but something told me to wait.

  Law bent down to pick up one crutch and then the other. Without a word, he turned and jogged back to the house.

  Thank God.

  When he got back to me he handed me the crutches and continued to puncture the bubble I’d built for myself in Arrow Creek.

  “Got news I lost my dad. I’ll be gone for a few days, heading back to Logansville for the service.” He directed his gaze behind me, into my house, but by the haziness in his eye, I could tell he was lost in his thoughts.

  My stomach twisted into knots, and bile immediately rushed my throat. Those weren’t words I ever expected Law to say to me, and the effect of them had me fighting the urge to double over. Sweat beaded and ran down my spine.

  “I’ve been fucked up a long time, Cami. Workin
g through that has been a lot harder than I thought. A lot of years I’ve been pissed and dealing with that anger by being a dick. It’s not right to throw that at you, repeatedly. Anyway.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Was going to ask if you felt like coming with, but I can see now you’re all taken care of here.” He shifted his body to throw a glance at Nathan.

  “Law... I... The timing...” I glanced down the hall to where I knew Evelyn was waiting, upset about something that needed my attention. And right now, I think seeing her would bring me more comfort than her.

  “Go. She needs you. Take care of yourself, and maybe we’ll run into one another when I’m back in town.”

  Seconds ticked past as I hesitated in the doorway, balancing on crutches with one hand on the door. Law made the final decision for me when he turned and jogged down my steps.

  “Goodbye, Law,” I whispered to myself as I closed the front door. Then I hobbled down to the living room, where I knew my daughter would be on the couch buried beneath a mountain of blankets.

  6.

  Everything hurt. From my head to my toes, I was a cramped, achy mess. Evelyn and I laughed and cried so many times that I’d lost count. At Law’s news, I’d felt every emotion in the book. Sad, anger, hurt, pain, relief, fear, weariness. And when I looked at my daughter, I felt like crying all over again.

  People died often in this world, and it seemed around me they dropped faster than usual. I’d learned early on not to trust that those I loved would stick around for the long haul. While I was gone, my poor daughter had her first real taste of that all-consuming heartbreak when a loved one leaves.

  Or in the case of a fourteen-year-old, her first real crush breaking her heart.

  I thought I wasn’t ready for this, dealing with my daughter and boys. Maybe it had to do with Law’s reappearance or the fact I was normally an emotional mess, but I found talking about love and boys with her was ridiculously cathartic.

  I texted both Law and Nathan as soon as appropriate to tell them all was well in our world. The way Evelyn came screaming into the night would have scared most folks into believing something horrible had happened. I didn’t know where I currently stood with either of those men, but I didn’t want them thinking the worst.