Jaylin's World

by Brenda Hampton

  The following day, I was in the kitchen with Nanny B and the kids. They all had on chef hats and aprons. They were supposed to be baking some sweet and sugary treats and candy, but the kitchen was a mess. Justin was sitting on Nanny B’s lap, while the rest of them sat around the table talking loudly. Jaylene got mad because LJ took her red dots, and she didn’t want the white ones to decorate her treats. Mackenzie reached over and gave Jaylene some of her red dots.

  “Here, you can have some of mine. I’ll go get some more from the pantry.”

  Of course, that wasn’t enough for Jaylene, and she sat at the table, pouting. “Daddy, LJ took my dots. Will you make him give them back to me?”

  I closed the fridge and set the V8 juice, which I planned on drinking, on the counter. “No, Jaylene. Mackenzie is in the pantry right now getting some more. All of you have to learn how to share, okay?”

  Her cheeks blew up like a balloon. When she let go, she wailed out loudly. She cried ferociously. When I told her to get up from the table and go to her room, she cut up even more. LJ paid her no mind. As she continued to throw her fit, he reached over and took some more of her dots. Today I really wasn’t in a good mood. I loved Jaylene to death, but she had been working me. I ordered LJ to put her dots back. Then I removed her from her seat, pointing to her room.

  “Now, Jaylene!” I said. “Go now!”

  My mind traveled back to those days with Mackenzie, when she used to get out of control. When I looked at her, all she did was smile. Jaylene sat in the middle of the floor with her arms folded, like she wasn’t going anywhere. She wiped her tears and had a mean mug on her face.

  “Ooh, look at her,” Nanny B teased. “She vicious, ain’t she?”

  LJ and Mackenzie were cracking up. They should have known better than to pick on my baby. I swooped her up from the floor, placing her on my back. She was all smiles by then. After I removed the mail from the mail tray, I carried Jaylene to my room. I sat on the bed, and she stood up behind me. As I looked through the mail, she kept peeking her head over my shoulders. I turned my head from left to right, kissing her cheeks on every turn. She laughed and told me she loved me.

  “I love you too, but you’d better stop all of that clowning with your brother, all right?”

  She quickly nodded; then she jumped off the bed. She was on her way back into the kitchen, but I called her name. “I mean it, Jaylene. Don’t make me have to come into the kitchen and get you. Be good. Be good for me, okay?”

  “Yes,” she said; then she sprinted off to the kitchen. She was such a good mixture of Nokea and me. There was no doubt that I had the most beautiful kids in the world.

  I opened the mail, and nothing seemed to interest me. Not even my investment statements, which showed how much my stocks had increased for the month. That was, until I came across an explanation-of-benefits letter from our health insurance carrier. According to the invoice, Nokea had gone to her doctor, and the list of services given was a pregnancy test. I quickly reached for the phone to call her doctor’s office. I knew they couldn’t discuss anything with me, due to patient confidentiality. However, when her doctor got on the phone, the first thing he said to me was “Congratulations on your miracle baby!”

  Lord knows, this was very good news to me, as the Man Upstairs had finally answered my prayers. “Thank you, Dr. Kline,” I said, playing it off. “Nokea wasn’t feeling good today, and I wondered if there was anything she could take.”

  “I’ll be happy to prescribe her something for the nausea she’s having, but for the most part, she may have to ride it out. She’ll be fine, and I know the two of you are very excited about the news. I should be able to tell if it’s a boy or girl soon. Which one are you hoping for?”

  “At this point, Doc, it don’t even matter. Thank you so much. And if you wouldn’t mind sending that prescription to our pharmacy, I’ll be sure to pick it up.”

  “You betcha.”

  I hung up and could have jumped for joy. I couldn’t change clothes fast enough, and I was on my way to see Nokea. I stopped by the kitchen to check on the kids, promising LJ that Nokea would be home sooner than expected.

  When I got to Nokea’s place, I anxiously knocked on the door. I figured she wouldn’t answer, but I wasn’t leaving until she did.

  “I’m not leaving,” I said through the door. “I know about the baby, Nokea, and you need to open up the door so we can talk.”

  Nothing came of my demands, and I couldn’t hear anything inside her condo. “Baby, come on and open the door. We got ourselves a baby on the way, and I told you we could do it. This is a miracle that we should celebrate together.”

  Nokea would not budge. I stood with my back against the door, hitting it with my elbows. “I’m staying right here until you come out. If I have to stay here all night, I will.”

  Fifteen minutes had gone by, and she still hadn’t come to the door. I put my hands in my pockets, letting out a deep sigh. As soon as I stepped away from the door, I saw her getting off the elevator with two plastic bags of groceries in her hand. I rushed up to her, taking the bags from her hand.

  “Damn, where have you been? I’ve been out here for hours,” I lied. “Banging on your door so we could talk.”

  Nokea said not one word. She put the key in the door; then she tossed her keys on a table when we got inside. I locked the door, and then I carried her groceries to the kitchen. I wanted to bring up the baby, but first I wanted to know if she would tell me. She wasn’t yelling and screaming at me yet, so maybe that talk with her mother had done some good.

  “Did you get a chance to talk to your mother?” I asked, taking a seat at the kitchen table.

  She put a frozen steak in the refrigerator. “Yes.”

  “And?”

  “And what, Jaylin?” She turned and folded her arms as she leaned against the counter. “What my mother wants doesn’t matter. It’s what I want.”

  “And what do you want?”

  “You left a message telling me you got the papers. You know what I want.”

  I threw my hand back at her. “Baby, you don’t want that. Stop all this madness and let’s have some for-real talk. Besides, I tore up those damn papers. I’m not going to sign my name to no bullshit like that. What the fuck do I look like?”

  Nokea left the kitchen for a few minutes; then she came back with papers in her hand. She laid them in front of me. “All I’m asking for is a dissolution of our marriage and joint custody of our kids. I don’t want a dime of your money or spousal support. The quicker we get this over with, the faster we can move on with our lives. All you have to do is sign and be done with it. If you need to take a day or two to have Frick look it over, please let him do so. He will tell you that there is nothing tricky about what I am asking.”

  I wished Nokea would stop with the games. I knew what I’d done was wrong, but damn! This was going too far. “What about the baby, Nokea? You mean to tell me you still want a divorce when you’re going to have our baby? This is our miracle child, and that baby is in your stomach for a reason. I’m not giving up on us. If I loved another woman as much as you seem to think I do, then I would walk with no problem. It ain’t like that, baby, and my love is with you.”

  She gazed at me, looking surprised that I’d known about the baby. “Sign them, Jaylin,” she said in a soft tone. “Sign the papers and let’s end this.”

  I inched the papers away from in front of me. “Not a chance in the devil’s lonely hell. Never.”

  “Fine, then. If you’re contesting it, then I will soon see you in court. We’ll let a judge decide what to do. If you think any judge is going to side with you, Jaylin, you’re crazy.”

  “I’m willing to take my chances. In the meantime, Mrs. Rogers, are you coming home to your children. Will you let me take care of you and my baby?”

  Nokea had a cold, disturbing look in her eyes. “There is no baby.”

  I pulled the insurance invoice from my pocket, knowing that she would lie to me
. “Let’s see,” I said, pointing to the paper. “You had a pregnancy test done on this day, and when I spoke to Dr. Kline today, he confirmed it. Are you calling Dr. Kline a liar?”

  She sounded like a broken record when she snapped, “Sign the papers, Jaylin. I said, for the last time, there is no baby. Got it?”

  Her voice sounded hard, and her neck twisted on the words “got it.” At that point, I had gotten it, I thought. I looked into her eyes and saw nothing but deviousness. I finally had seen how much she hated me. I sat for a moment, thinking. Now, if there wasn’t no baby, then what in the fuck happened to it? I politely asked Nokea just that, quietly waiting for her to answer.

  She was blunt. “I terminated the—”

  Before the words even left her mouth, I jumped up from my seat. I could have killed her, and as I gripped her throat, I wanted to do just that. Anger, hurt, pain-all of that, and then some, was running through me. My blood was boiling over and I could feel the tightness in my skin. As my head started to spin, that’s when I heard Nokea gagging and I shoved her away. Her back slammed into the refrigerator and she tightly squeezed her stomach. Her chest was heaving in and out, and her cries were as loud as ever.

  “I hate you!” she spat out. “To hell with having your gotdamn baby! I didn’t want it!”

  My fists tightened and I punched it into my chest. “I hate your ass too, Nokea. You went too fucking far! I swear to God, I could kill you right now! How ... could ... you?” I paused, turning around and squeezing my eyes together.

  “Why did you make me hate you, when I loved you so much!” she shouted. I swiftly turned to look at her as she continued. “Didn’t you want me to love you? Didn’t you need for me to love you? After your mother died, nobody loved you, Jaylin, but me!” She punched her chest with her finger. “I loved you! Not your father, not your aunt, not her boyfriends, not Stephon, not your other cousins, and damn sure not that bitch, Scorpio! How could you do this crap to me!”

  I swung my fists in the air, spit flying from my mouth. “Don’t you think I know that shit! I’m well aware of how much you’ve been there for me, but don’t you ever forget that I’ve been there for you too! I made one fucking mistake, Nokea! One! I am in no way perfect, and the last time I checked, neither are you! So what! We didn’t have the perfect Cinderella life you always wanted, or the one your hypocritical-ass daddy told you you’d have! We have had a good—more than good—life together, and, unfortunately, sometimes shit happens, baby!” I held out my hands and moved closer to her.

  My voice calmed... a little. “Aye, it’s time to woman up and get over it. You had no muthafuckin’ right to terminate your pregnancy without my consent. That baby was a blessing to us, and I don’t care how upset you were with me. You should have consulted with me first. I will never, ever forgive you for this, and you knew how much joy that baby would have brought to us. So go ahead and hate me all you want. But at the end of the day, you’re still not getting your fucking divorce.”

  She kept on spewing her harsh words at me, but I tore up the divorce papers, throwing that shit at her. The shreds of paper fell over her and onto the ground. I wanted so bad to punch something. Instead of hitting her, I picked up a chair. In a rage, I slammed it to the ground, breaking it. I could barely catch my breath as I angrily eyeballed Nokea. I had no sympathy for her. I left before I did something that I’d later regret.

  I weaved in and out of traffic, barely able to see straight as I blinked away the tears forming in my eyes. I thought about what Nokea had done to my baby. How could she do something that was so damn damaging to me and to her? She had to know that something like that would send me over the edge. It did, and the rage inside me was taking over.

  Minutes later, I walked through the door of Scorpio’s penthouse. After taking swift steps, I saw her sitting on a bar stool, watching Loretta cook. Scorpio saw the disturbing look in my eyes, and she quickly stood up. My eyes turned to Loretta.

  “Exit now!” I ordered. “Thank you.”

  She moved as quickly as she could, and I reached out for Scorpio’s hand. I stepped toward the living room, but she squeezed my hand to halt my steps. I turned with no expression on my face, just blazing-red, fiery eyes.

  “What’s wrong?” she said, pulling me to her. She rubbed her hands through my hair. “Are you okay?”

  I looked into her eyes, wanting to spill my guts. Instead, I pulled my shirt over my head and took her over to the couch. She lay back on it and I lay over her. I closed my eyes, pecking her soft lips with mine and letting my tongue turn circles in her mouth. My hands touched up and down her sweet-smelling body, and I broke open her shirt so I could see her nakedness. Scorpio continued to comb her fingers through my hair and wipe my sweat.

  “Why are you doing this to yourself?” she softly asked. “Baby, you’ve got to stop this or you’re going to make yourself crazy.”

  I kissed her again; then I pecked down her neck. “Stop... Stop taking your birth control pills. Don’t take them anymore, all right?”

  She lifted my head, causing my eyes to stare into hers. “No. No, we’re not going to have any more kids. You can’t keep doing this to me, Jaylin, and what in the hell is going on with you?”

  My dick couldn’t even get hard from the turmoil I’d just experienced. I dropped my head on Scorpio’s chest, releasing my anger. “She killed my fucking baby. Why she do that shit to me, huh? I fucked up, but how could she do that to me? Damn!”

  Scorpio lay still, slowly rubbing up and down my back. “You didn’t fuck up. You may have made some questionable decisions, but one of those decisions turned into a son that will be with you forever. Stop referring to him as a ‘mistake,’ because he’s not. How could you be disappointed about your son?”

  “I’m not” was all I could say as I lay there being comforted by a woman who had given me her all.

  SCORPIO

  Needless to say, Jay Baby had been tripping. He was cursing people out and acting a fool again. I listened to him yell at somebody over the phone. When I asked who it was, he told me it was his lawyer, Mr. Frick. Jaylin told me that Nokea had filed for a divorce, and I really couldn’t believe it. I do know, however, that he was simply not right. He had been late and slacking on picking up the kids. And for someone who was always prompt, I knew he was having a difficult time coping.

  As far as his money was concerned, he told me he was sick of making money. Now, if there ever became a time that Jaylin was sick of making money, this was getting pretty serious. He briefly mentioned Shane doing a lot for the business, but Jaylin seemed as if he was done with work and wanted no part of the business he had basically turned over to Shane.

  Earlier he’d picked up the kids, and was late as usual. Mackenzie told me that she had smelled alcohol on his breath. When he picked up the kids, I smelled it too. He assured me that he had taken only one drink; he promised me that he would take no more. But when I got a phone call later that night from a police officer at the police station, I almost lost it. The officer asked me to come get my children, because Jaylin had been arrested for a DUI. I drove Loretta’s car, flying like a bat out of hell to get to the police station. They were nice enough to hand over my kids, but they said that Jaylin wouldn’t be released until morning. The officer said that Jaylin needed time to sleep off the alcohol, and that’s exactly what he was doing. I was mad as hell about his actions.

  The next day, he showed up early in the afternoon. When I asked what had happened, he blew it off, acting like it was not a big deal.

  “I can’t believe you don’t recognize how serious it is for you to ride around, drunk as hell, in the car with my children.”

  He placed his arm on the couch, gazing at me from across the room. “I wasn’t drunk. I was tipsy. That officer was just fucking with me. When he gave me a Breathalyzer test, the shit was a tad bit too high. He wanted to arrest me because I was ‘driving while black.’ Frick gonna handle that shit for me, so I’m cool.”

  “No, you
’re not. You should really consider some type of counseling. I’m getting so worried about you. I don’t want my kids ever to be put into a situation where they’re faced with being in another car accident, like the last one. I’m not going back down that road again, and it was too devastating for my family.”

  “They’re my kids too, and I wouldn’t put them in no fucked-up situation like that. As for counseling, what’s up with all you stupid-ass people talking that mess? Why don’t you muthafuckas go to counseling? Silly-ass shit,” he said, getting off the couch and calling for Mackenzie. She came into the living room. “Go and get your things. Let’s go. Where’s Justin?”

  “He’s coming. He’s right behind me.”

  Justin came running into the room. Before Jaylin got to him, I did. I picked him up and put him on my hip.

  “They’re not leaving with you right now,” I said. “Go home and chill for a moment. Think about what I’ve said to you. If you’re becoming an alcoholic, you need to seek some help before it’s too late. I would be a fool to let these kids go with you, especially when you’re not even willing to admit that you were driving drunk last night. Maybe it’s the first time that something like that has happened, but I can’t take the risk.”

  Now, of course, Jaylin was going to challenge me. I didn’t always listen to everything he suggested, and there were some things that I remained firm on. When it came to our children, that was one thing. We started arguing, and it was the first argument we’d had since I’d been here. He was yelling so loudly that Mackenzie and Justin started crying. I asked him to get out, but he threw that back in my face.

  “What a joke!” he said. “How you gon’ order me out of something I paid for? What kind of shit is that?”

  “Look, don’t be mad at me because you did all of this. I didn’t ask you for one gotdamn thing, so don’t going throwing that crap up in my face.”