Lone Wolf

by Anna Martin

  “We monitor werewolf activity across the state,” the woman said. “It’s mostly just for our protection, as humans, but we step in when we think someone needs our help.”

  “I don’t need your help,” Leo said, as forcefully as he dared.

  He stepped to the side, but the woman moved with him. “This will only take a moment, Mr. Gallagher. Did you know that the myth of werewolf-human soul mates has been disproved by dozens of scientific and religious studies? It’s no more possible for a werewolf to mate with a human than it is for a goldfish to mate with a grizzly bear.”

  “Excuse me, please….”

  The man moved to block Leo again. “Mr. Gallagher, we’re here to help. Werewolves have been known to prey on humans who they perceive to be weaker, and trap them into relationships with the lure of some mystical bond. Those bonds do not exist,” he finished emphatically.

  “You don’t have to listen to us now,” the woman continued. “But when you’re ready for us to help, we’re here.”

  They stepped away in sync. “We’re ready to help you when you’re ready to listen, Leo.”

  He rushed away, trying to shake off the disgust.

  There was a trash can that the smokers used just outside the hospital entrance. Leo glanced at the title of the pamphlet: “Disproving the Myth of Human-Werewolf Mates and Freeing Humans Trapped in Abusive Relationships.”

  He stuffed it into the trash can and rushed for his car.

  HE WAS late getting to Starbucks, still pissed off at the Human Protection bullshit, especially because they’d made him even more late for his date. Jackson had been distant and moody in the texts they’d exchanged in the past week, though Leo was pretty sure that had nothing to do with him.

  The coffee shop was buzzing with students, people working late, others catching up after a busy week. Jackson had found his preferred seat near the window and tucked in behind a wall, so there were fewer people in the immediate vicinity.

  Leo bought his drink, then plopped down in the seat opposite Jackson with a sigh.

  “Sorry.”

  “Don’t be,” Jackson said, offering him a quick flash of a smile before turning back to his phone.

  A rush of frustration twisted in Leo’s belly as he watched Jackson reply to some very important communication. Jackson was so hard to read. He could be so dismissive, and Leo really wasn’t sure if that was just him, the fact that they were out in public together, or if Jackson was just like that with everyone.

  Leo picked at a loose thread on the cuff of his jacket for a moment, considering what he wanted to ask.

  “Did you tell anyone about me yet?” he said in a rush.

  “Yeah.”

  “Oh.” Leo felt stupid.

  “My sister. She’s desperate to find her soul mate. I think she’s pissed at me for not being more appreciative of you.”

  Leo smiled thinly. “I’m probably not doing any better.”

  “Huh. How about you?”

  “Just Mitch, at the moment. I want to go and tell my parents, but….”

  “But?” Jackson pressed.

  “I don’t know. I’m not sure how they would react. They have certain, um, opinions. About werewolves.”

  Opinions that many people shared, as Leo had been so rudely reminded.

  “Oh,” Jackson said softly.

  “They’re not bad people, Jackson. I just don’t think they’re going to understand.”

  Jackson screwed his face up and rubbed his palm over it roughly.

  “Are we doing the right thing?” he asked eventually.

  “We’re not doing much of anything at all.” A few quiet dates, a few quick kisses. And that one time Jackson had let his guard down enough to kiss Leo like they both wanted. It wasn’t much, even if Leo felt his attraction toward Jackson growing every day.

  “No. No.”

  “I don’t really have any suggestions.”

  “My parents aren’t soul mates,” Jackson said quickly. “They’re, just… not. It doesn’t always happen for us. A lot of werewolves don’t have soul mates. And they’ve been married forever. It doesn’t have to be….”

  “It doesn’t have to be me,” Leo finished for him.

  “Or me. We could be happy with other people.”

  Leo nodded. “Do you want that? To see how that works out for us?”

  Jackson was quiet for a long moment. Then he sighed. He still didn’t say anything.

  “You don’t have to make a decision now,” Leo said when it became clear Jackson wasn’t about to respond.

  “No.”

  “No…?”

  “No, I don’t want to see if we can make it work with other people. Mostly because I’m a selfish asshole, and though I could quite happily find some girl and marry her and get on with my life, the thought of seeing you happy with another guy makes me want to punch him—whoever he is—in the fucking face.”

  “Oh,” Leo said, because what else could he say? That was definitely an “oh” moment. “That’s not exactly the healthiest sentiment, Jackson.”

  “Yeah.” He grunted in frustration, his face twisting up as he pushed a hand through his hair. “I know. It’s like… now I know you, I can’t let you go. I don’t understand it either.”

  “You don’t have to right now,” Leo said gently. “I like spending time with you. Well, most of the time.”

  Jackson’s expression softened. No one would call it a smile, but it was getting there. Leo wanted so desperately to touch him, but it didn’t feel like a good idea. He’d been warned away from emotionally distressed werewolves all his life. It didn’t feel like a good idea to go poking one right now.

  “Did you ever want your soul mate?” Leo asked instead.

  Jackson shrugged and studied the surface of their little table intently. “I wasn’t looking.”

  “Oh,” Leo said softly.

  “I’m glad I found you, though,” Jackson added in a rare moment of openness. Leo didn’t bother to hide his surprise. “It’s better to know.”

  “Look, Jackson,” Leo said, aiming for a practical sort of tone. “We don’t know each other that well yet. We can take our time. Forget everything else, what people around us are expecting, and do this our way.”

  “That could work.”

  Leo leaned across the table, took Jackson’s hand, and squeezed it lightly. For just a moment Jackson looked panicked. Then he squeezed back.

  “Let’s just do things our way.”

  “I feel like I’m doing the worst job ever of being your soul mate,” Jackson said quietly. It looked like the admission had cost him a lot.

  “No,” Leo said. “You’re dealing with a whole lot right now. I’m probably not helping.”

  “You’re incredible.” Jackson’s whisper was almost lost in the noise around them. “I can’t get over how incredible you are.”

  “We’ll figure it out,” Leo told him with confidence he didn’t feel. One of them needed to be strong right now, and it looked like that responsibility was falling to Leo. He thought he could probably manage it. For Jackson’s sake, if nothing else.

  In that moment he decided not to tell Jackson about the people who’d ambushed him at the hospital. Jackson already felt like the odds were stacked against him. The last thing he needed was to know there were people out there who already knew about them and were trying to get Leo to leave him. Whatever fragile thing they were holding didn’t need that negativity poured into it.

  “Why don’t you…,” Jackson started. Then he deflated, like he’d run out of steam or faith in his idea.

  “Hmm?”

  “I don’t have any plans for the weekend.”

  “Me either.”

  Jackson didn’t seem in a rush to finish his thought. Leo fought with his patience, determined not to push Jackson on this.

  “Why don’t you come stay?” Jackson said eventually. He fiddled with the hem of his denim shirt, tugging at it like a nervous schoolboy. “For the weekend.”
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  “That sounds nice. I’ll bring something for dinner.”

  “I was thinking pizza Friday night,” Jackson said, a whisper of a smile playing at the corner of his mouth.

  “Okay,” Leo agreed with a laugh. “Pizza Friday, and I’ll cook something healthier for us on Saturday.”

  “Will Mitch be okay with that?”

  Leo snorted. “Mitch won’t even notice I’m not there.”

  “That’s okay, then? For the whole weekend?”

  “Yeah,” Leo said, stupidly endeared. “I’ll drive out when I finish work.”

  Jackson smiled, and Leo felt it light him up inside.

  Chapter Nine

  JACKSON DIDN’T always shift on the full moon. Sometimes he wasn’t in the mood for it, and sometimes work or other commitments got in the way. He knew that made him unusual, that his family wanted him with them when they headed down to the designated parkland and waited for the moon to rise.

  He’d never felt that pull.

  In college, his friends and frat brothers would do the same thing, all gathered together ready to lean on one another and run, snapping at one another’s heels and playing rough while Jackson stayed curled up in his room, on his own. They thought he was weird for not joining in, for not wanting to.

  In truth, Jackson much preferred to shift and run on his own. He could refuse the pull of the full moon and the deep, pressing urge to shift if he had to, which he’d always seen as a good thing. While his family were out losing a night’s sleep, Jackson studied. Or worked. Or fucked.

  Knowing he was going to spend the weekend alone with Leo made him want to shift in a way he’d never felt before. He wanted to embrace the side of himself that had dragged Leo into his life, like maybe that would help with accepting Leo as his soul mate.

  He ran for hours, passing the boundary of the forest and into the sparsely populated scrub land, relishing the burn in his muscles and the dirt under his feet. Being this far away from protected land was dangerous; technically, if he was spotted he could be shot without any penalty for the hunter. Jackson knew this land, though, and was confident in his ability to outrun a predator.

  A few hours later, he was feeling slightly less nervous as he paced the house, waiting for Leo to arrive. But still nervous.

  When Leo knocked on the door, Jackson almost jumped out of his skin.

  “Hey,” Leo said, smiling at Jackson.

  “Hey. Come in.”

  Leo was still wearing what Jackson assumed was his work clothes, and he smelled like the hospital and the hundreds of people he’d come in contact with throughout the day. He only had a backpack with him and a reusable grocery bag tucked into his arm.

  “Could I use your shower? I feel gross.”

  “Yes,” Jackson said, probably too quickly. “Sure. The bathroom’s right through there. You can leave your stuff in the bedroom if you like. Should I put that in the kitchen for you?”

  “Jackson,” Leo said, letting both bags slide out of his hands and to the floor. He stepped up close, put his hands on Jackson’s cheeks, and kissed him gently. “Breathe.”

  “Sorry.”

  Jackson tipped their foreheads together. “I guess I’m nervous.”

  “You’re fine,” Leo said, rubbing his thumbs over Jackson’s stubble. “I’ll go shower.”

  “Yes, please.” He winced.

  Leo laughed. “Don’t,” he said, holding up his hands. “I can take a hint.”

  Jackson pressed his lips together to stop from saying any more stupid shit.

  He took the bag of groceries to the kitchen and carefully unpacked things into the fridge, surprised at the amount of fresh produce Leo had brought. Jackson could cook, but it was always low on his list of priorities, so he ended up reheating frozen dinners or eating bowls of cereal more often than not.

  Jackson was not prepared for the sight of Leo, still damp from his shower, barefoot in dark gray sweatpants and a long-sleeve shirt.

  “You all right?” Leo asked, ruffling his hand through his hair to separate the damp strands. His hair was a much darker color wet—more brown than auburn.

  “Hmm. It’s been a busy week. Want to crash on the couch for a while?”

  “God, yes.” Leo laughed.

  “Okay. Make yourself comfortable. I’ve got beer.”

  “I hoped you would,” Leo said, grinning, and disappeared back out into the family room.

  Jackson took a deep breath, grabbed two beers and a giant bag of chips, and followed him.

  THERE WAS a basketball game on TV, which Leo had apparently decided was a neutral enough thing for them to watch together. Jackson didn’t mind; he followed some of the state teams but hadn’t ever taken a specific interest in sports.

  They settled on opposite ends of the couch with the bag of chips between them, and Jackson almost immediately relaxed as Leo caught him up on the past few days.

  “Do you have plans for this weekend?” Leo asked after a while.

  “Not really. I still don’t know you that well. I guess I didn’t want to presume.”

  Leo nodded. He’d drawn his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them so he could rest his chin on top.

  “We should definitely get to know each other more,” Leo said, nodding. “Why do you live out here on your own?”

  “Wow.” Jackson laughed and rubbed his hands over his face. “Going right for the big questions, huh?”

  “You don’t have to answer,” Leo said. He looked a little embarrassed.

  “It’s okay.” Jackson swigged his beer, wondering how honest he could be with Leo. With himself. “A lot of reasons, I suppose. The house was cheap; there was the barn to convert into the brewery. I needed space, and I couldn’t find that in the city.”

  “There’s more, though,” Leo said.

  “You’re perceptive.”

  “I’m a therapist,” he said with a grin. “We can do this with the help of maracas and rainmakers if you like.”

  Jackson laughed. “I think I can manage without maracas.”

  “Go on, then.” It wasn’t spoken like a challenge, but Jackson took it as one.

  “This is kind of a long story.”

  “I’m not going anywhere.”

  Jackson sighed and fiddled with a loose thread on the couch. He’d never spoken to a therapist before, but he was self-aware enough to reflect on his previous choices. Sometimes it was a curse.

  “Okay. Well, when I moved back from college, there was a bigger group of us. Grant and Adam, their girlfriends, their girlfriends’ friends, brothers and cousins, a big ragtag group. You know how it is.”

  Leo nodded.

  “A lot of us had known each other since we were kids, but we split up and went to college all over the country. Then by Thanksgiving after graduation, we ended up back here. Broke and living with our parents.”

  “Oh boy, I know how that goes.”

  “Right. So a few years ago, back when I was still working at the bank, we decided we’d do a road trip up to Banff, go skiing or snowboarding for a long weekend. There was about a dozen of us. One night we were all drinking until pretty late, and there was this one girl….”

  He glanced over at Leo, who rolled his eyes.

  “You’re into girls. I get it. Carry on.”

  “She was really pretty. I only knew her because she was someone’s cousin who’d tagged along, but she’d been flirting with me, and I was flirting back. People had noticed, and I thought it was all going well, you know? So I asked her if she wanted to go for a walk.”

  He swigged his beer again. “And she kind of looked at me and laughed.”

  Jackson would never quite forget that moment, no matter how many good things happened in his life in the future.

  The way her expression went from tipsy to horrified amusement, laughing at him, not with him.

  “But you’re a werewolf. I couldn’t… I mean, it’s not safe.”

  And he’d realized that she didn’t see him
as a person, not as an equal, but as a guy she could use to flirt with danger and tell a good story to her friends when she went home, that she spent a weekend with a bunch of werewolves.

  “I guess I figured out that we weren’t this group of liberal millennials who could mix and be cool and it didn’t matter,” Jackson said. “It absolutely did matter, more to some than others, for sure. But a bunch of us were being used for some delayed teenage rebellion or some shit.”

  “That’s awful,” Leo murmured.

  “She did it in front of everyone.” Jackson picked at the label on his now-empty bottle. “And I kind of knew in that moment that I had to get away from it all. From the bullshit and not knowing where I stood with other people. By that point I’d already been looking around for space to build the brewery, and this was just perfect. I wanted to escape… so I did.”

  Leo edged closer and threw his legs over Jackson’s lap so he could pull him down into a hug.

  “She was a horrible person. I’m so sorry someone treated you like that.”

  Jackson pressed his face to Leo’s neck and inhaled deeply. Because he wanted to, and because it felt right, he wrapped his arms around Leo’s waist and squeezed.

  “It’s hard for me to trust people. I guess I’ve always been that way.”

  “And you’re wary of humans.”

  “Yeah.”

  Leo rested his cheek on the top of Jackson’s head. “I’m not going to tell you that you can trust me, because that seems patronizing. I’m hoping you’ll get there, though.”

  “Can you feel it?” Jackson murmured. He wasn’t ready to let go yet. “The bond?”

  “I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel,” Leo said gently.

  “Oh. Forget it,” Jackson said, pulling away.

  “No,” Leo said, his hand darting out to touch Jackson’s wrist. “Tell me. I want to know this stuff.”

  “It’s stupid,” Jackson mumbled.

  “Not to me, it isn’t.”

  “We should be able to feel it. The bond between us. I mean, that’s how I recognized you, the first time.”

  “What does it feel like?”

  Jackson shook his head and pulled away. “It’s hard to explain.”