Lone Wolf

by Anna Martin

  “Try me.”

  Jackson couldn’t help but laugh. Leo was persistent, that was for damn sure.

  “I guess, for wolves, we’re used to having these bonds with our family and people we’re close to.”

  “Your pack?”

  Jackson grinned. “We don’t really call it that.”

  “Oh.” Leo blushed. “Sorry.”

  “It’s not offensive or anything. Just a bit outdated.”

  “Okay.”

  “It’s how we stay connected, how we know that everyone’s okay. I’ve had those bonds my whole life, and then I met you and found another one.”

  “How do I find it, then?”

  Jackson muted the TV, put his beer and the chips on the floor, and shifted so he was facing Leo. “Close your eyes,” he said softly, and Leo did as he was told. “Take a deep breath. Just kind of concentrate on your body.”

  Leo breathed slowly, following Jackson’s instructions, and Jackson let himself tune in to the deep, resonating pull he felt toward his soul mate.

  “I’m sorry,” Leo said after a few minutes.

  “Don’t worry. It’s there. I guess it’ll come in time.”

  “Okay,” he said again. Jackson could tell Leo was disappointed, but wasn’t sure what else he could do. There wasn’t any easy, surefire way to identify a bond, and trying to explain to someone what it felt like seemed bizarre… like trying to explain what it felt like to have two hands. It just was.

  Leo shifted back to his side of the couch and reached for his beer. “Do you have any weird kinks I should know about?” he asked, easy as anything, then took a sip of his beer.

  “Define weird.”

  “Ooh,” Leo said, like this answer in itself was perfectly scandalous. “Well, one person’s kink is another person’s Thursday night. So that’s hard to answer.”

  “I really don’t know a lot about having sex with men. The entirety of my experience is what I’ve done with you. So it all feels kinky right now.”

  “Ooo-kay.” Leo sipped again.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “You’re definitely a vanilla one. That’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with vanilla.”

  “I am not vanilla.”

  “You think gay sex is kinky. Which is fine,” he rushed to add. “We can take it all at whatever pace you’re comfortable with. No pressure.”

  “No pressure,” Jackson mumbled as he grabbed another handful of chips.

  “Is talking about sex okay? Because if it’s not, I don’t mind.”

  Jackson tipped his head back and laughed. “Oh my God, Leo.”

  “What?”

  “I’m still trying to figure a lot of this out. I’ve never even been attracted to a man before.”

  “Are you attracted to me?” Leo asked, clearly fishing.

  Jackson shoved the handful of chips in his mouth and didn’t answer. Leo pulled a face at him.

  “Is sex a part of this?”

  “By this, you mean being soul mates?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Then yes. It’s generally accepted that soul mates will, you know. Mate.”

  Leo grinned, suddenly conspiratorial. “Do you want to?”

  Jackson shook his head, unable to stop himself from sharing Leo’s smile. “I’m trying to reconcile what my mind wants and what my body wants.”

  “Your body wants me?”

  Jackson was laughing again. “Parts of it does, yeah. Leo, I’m going to be terrible at this. I’m sorry.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I don’t know how to make you feel good. I’m going to be so bad at it. I hope patience is one of your virtues.”

  He tried to shrug it off, hiding the simmering embarrassment. With Leo, he felt like a teenager, fumbling and inept. Since college he’d liked to think he was good at sex. He had a reputation—not for being a player, but he was a good time. Girls knew that.

  Now… now it was like being sixteen again and he was about to get his hands on boobs for the first time. Except it wasn’t boobs, it was balls. He still had no idea what he was going to do with them. He was hoping that through regular exposure he’d start feeling less weird about the idea of sex with another man. Right now, he was definitely edging more toward curious and less toward grossed-out. It was a journey.

  “Don’t worry about that, seriously. And it’s not like there’s only one way to have gay sex, you know? We can work it out for ourselves.” He shrugged. “Don’t let anyone make you feel like we have—I don’t know—milestones we need to hit.”

  “Isn’t this our third date?” Jackson asked, teasing.

  “So you’re expecting me to put out?”

  Flirting like this was shockingly easy. Having Leo in his space, soft and comfortable, felt more right than Jackson could ever have anticipated.

  “I’m not expecting anything,” he said honestly. “I’m just glad you’re here.”

  “I’m happy to be here,” Leo said lightly, and Jackson believed him.

  “So now you’ve established that I’m both vanilla and a gay sex virgin, is there anything I should know about you?”

  “Oh, I’m boring,” Leo said. “Completely and utterly.”

  “I don’t believe that.”

  “I like….” He hesitated, reaching for the bag of chips. “I like to feel safe with someone, I guess.”

  That pushed at something in Jackson’s chest. Protection, security, strength—he could offer Leo those things. He was good at that. He could give Leo that.

  “Sounds like you’re about as vanilla as me.”

  Leo laughed. “I’m not convinced you don’t have a skeleton in your closet somewhere. You’re not into bondage? Spanking, flogging, restraints….”

  “Okay, I’m going to confess something now. Don’t laugh.”

  “No promises,” Leo said easily.

  “I have the lowest pain tolerance in the whole world. If I stub my toe, I’ll sulk for hours.”

  “Really?”

  “Oh, yeah. When I had to have my wisdom teeth taken out, I made my mom come with me and hold my hand the whole time. Then I spent the rest of the day recovering on her couch watching Disney movies.”

  “That doesn’t sound unreasonable. Dental work is the worst, man.”

  “This was last year.”

  Leo burst into delighted laughter. “Oh my God. I thought you meant when you were younger.”

  “Hell no.”

  “Which movies?”

  “Big Hero 6,” Jackson said. “Zootopia. Then I went old-school and found our DVD of Beauty and the Beast.”

  “Solid choices. I approve. So we’ve established that you’re a wuss.”

  “Hey, now. Did we establish that?”

  “You took your mommy with you to get your toothies fixed.”

  “You’re mean,” Jackson said. “You’re a mean person.”

  Leo laughed again and finished his beer. He stretched in his seat, wriggling into a new position. “Where did we get to on your kinks list?”

  “I think we were establishing that I don’t have any.”

  “Not true. How are your nipples?”

  “I beg your pardon?”

  “Do you like having them played with?”

  Jackson was laughing so hard he almost fell off the couch. “I don’t dislike it.”

  “You are impossible! That’s it. I’m going to have to lick your asshole and see how you like that.”

  “I’m not sure how those things are related, but sure.”

  “Was that consent?”

  “Yes, Leo. That was consent. Thanks for checking.”

  “Awesome. I have another question.”

  “Okay,” Jackson said, still laughing.

  “How many women have you been with?”

  “You want me to answer that question?”

  Leo thought about it for a minute. Then nodded firmly. “Yes.”

  “Upward of thirty. I’m not sure of the exact number. Bu
t I worked it out when I went for a STD check last year.”

  “Huh.”

  “Do I get to ask how many people you’ve had sex with?”

  “Sure.”

  After a second, Jackson sighed. “How many people have you had sex with, Leo?”

  “You’d be number twelve.”

  “Huh.”

  “Not sure what to do with that information?”

  “Nope.”

  “Me either.”

  It was a ridiculous situation; even Jackson could recognize that. He gave it a second, in case Leo wanted to keep the conversation serious, but Leo broke first and snorted with laughter.

  “This is so stupid,” Leo said.

  “Yeah. I feel like I should say something about not judging any of your sexual preferences.”

  “Dude, you’re the one who fucked thirty women.”

  “Hey. I like women.”

  “Oh, believe me, I know.”

  Jackson rolled his eyes. “I won’t….”

  “Go on,” Leo said.

  “I won’t do stuff while I’m shifted. I just wanted to put that out there.”

  The expression on Leo’s face was mildly horrified. Jackson didn’t blame him. He knew there were people who sought out wolves for a specific sexual thrill. Most of the time, they only came out online, but there had been a few memorable occasions in college where Jackson had been propositioned specifically for werewolf sex.

  He wasn’t into that. “I don’t judge those who do,” Jackson continued. “But I don’t want to.”

  “That’s okay with me.”

  “Glad we could clear that up,” Jackson said, grinning.

  Chapter Ten

  JACKSON ASKED for Leo’s opinion on pizza toppings, then slipped back into the kitchen to phone in the order and get them more beer.

  Leo still wasn’t sure where he stood with Jackson. They were talking easier now, getting to know each other as friends, as real people. Which was good. But Leo couldn’t get rid of the memory of the kiss they’d shared in the brewery the last time he was here.

  On the one hand, Jackson could be impulsive and passionate, throwing off the expectations that had been laid on him to just enjoy the moment. And he was starting to be more open, addressing his feelings instead of shying away from them. On the other, he seemed reluctant to take the next step in their relationship, no matter how much Leo reassured him they could go at their own pace.

  It didn’t help that Jackson looked so ridiculously hot. His beard was scruffy, and his hair was all over the place, like he hadn’t bothered to put any product in it. His jeans hung low on his hips, like he needed a belt, which meant Leo kept getting glimpses of skin on Jackson’s hips and belly.

  “Forty minutes,” Jackson said as he padded back into the room and sat down, handing Leo another beer. “This one is lighter. I guess you haven’t eaten in a while, and I don’t have anything more than chips to line your stomach.”

  “Thanks,” Leo said, touched by Jackson’s thoughtfulness. “I get drunk easily.”

  “I’m not surprised.” Jackson laughed. “You’re… you know. Compact.”

  “Short,” Leo corrected. “It’s okay, you can say it.”

  “I don’t mind.”

  “Hey, Jackson?”

  “Hmm?”

  Leo’s stomach fluttered with nerves. If Jackson wasn’t going to take the next step, maybe Leo could take it for him. “Can I kiss you?”

  Jackson’s gaze slipped from Leo’s eyes to his lips, then back again. His neck flushed a little. “Uh, sure.”

  “We don’t have to,” Leo said with a nervous laugh. “Just… if you want to.”

  “I want to.”

  Jackson set his beer on the floor, then reached for Leo and tugged at his T-shirt. Leo went easily, straddling Jackson’s lap. Like this, he could look down at Jackson’s ridiculously expressive brown eyes.

  Jackson made the first move, tilting his chin up so their lips brushed together. Leo braced his hands on Jackson’s solid shoulders and pressed his lips back, joining in the slow, easy dance. A little tingle shot down Leo’s spine, and he shivered.

  Kissing like this felt both too easy and an unbearable thrill. Jackson’s arms came around Leo’s waist and held him securely in place while he flicked his tongue over Leo’s bottom lip. For a few moments, they were curious, careful with each other; then Leo hummed and licked into Jackson’s mouth.

  He could almost feel Jackson’s nerves radiating out of his skin, but Jackson went with it, sharing slow, easy kisses like they were made to do this. Maybe they were. Leo nudged his nose against Jackson’s and carefully pulled away.

  “Okay?”

  “More than okay,” Jackson murmured. His eyes were a little glazed. “Do that again.”

  HALF AN hour later, right on time, the doorbell rang.

  Leo had worked up to a good old-fashioned hump-and-grind as they made out, slow and steady, and for the first time, he thought Jackson might actually be on board with the idea of the two of them having sex.

  When the doorbell rang again, Leo dropped his head to Jackson’s shoulder and chuckled softly.

  “You should go get that.”

  “Great,” Jackson grumbled as Leo fell to the side. He grabbed his own crotch and readjusted everything. “I get to go meet my regular pizza guy with a hard-on.”

  Leo laughed brightly.

  While Jackson picked up the pizzas, Leo straightened everything else out on the couch. Then he touched his lips. They were a little sore from Jackson’s kisses. Holy shit did that guy know how to kiss.

  “Here,” Jackson said, dumping three boxes on the table. Leo’s eyes widened a little. “You want another beer?”

  “Have you got a soda? Or water is good.”

  “Both.”

  “Then either is fine.”

  Jackson nodded and headed for the kitchen, then returned with two cans of soda and a pile of napkins.

  “Don’t wait for me,” he said.

  “I was being polite.”

  They used the pizza boxes as plates and turned the volume back up on the TV to watch the rest of the game. Things seemed easier between them now, lighter, even though a new fizzle of sexual tension had arrived.

  Leo was a-okay with sexual tension.

  When the basketball game ended, Jackson switched over to a movie and shifted into the corner of the couch. He raised his arm and beckoned Leo in.

  It was definitely new, but Leo was always up for cuddling. Especially when Jackson initiated it.

  He fell asleep for a while, waking up when Jackson kissed his head.

  “Hmm? Sorry,” Leo mumbled, straightening up so he could stretch his neck.

  “You were only out for about ten minutes.”

  Leo nodded, yawned.

  “I, uh, I didn’t ask where you want to sleep.” Jackson looked all shy and embarrassed again. It was adorable.

  “I don’t mind.”

  “I have a spare room,” he said, clearly soldiering on. “Or I could take the couch, or you could sleep in my bed with me. I don’t mind what you choose.”

  Leo thought he might have been practicing that. He decided to answer seriously.

  “I’d like to sleep in your bed. If that’s okay with you.”

  Jackson nodded, still playing it cool, but he looked relieved. “That’s more than okay. I’m just gonna go take a shower.”

  “Want company?” Leo offered.

  It was Jackson’s turn to blush. “I didn’t mean it like that,” he murmured.

  Leo leaned in and kissed his cheek. “We could definitely fit in there together. Your shower is enormous.”

  Jackson grinned, took Leo’s hand, and led him through to the bathroom. While Leo stripped down, Jackson fiddled with the dials on the shower until it roared to life.

  When he turned around, he gaped slightly at the sight of Leo naked.

  “I wanted to help with that,” he said, pouting a little.

  Leo laughed
. He gently tugged Jackson’s T-shirt up and off, then went to work unbuttoning his jeans. The water heated up quickly, and soon enough the room was filled with swirling steam.

  “Go on.” Jackson gently nudged him into the shower, then kicked off his boxers.

  Leo stepped under the water, immediately tipping his face up to the spray.

  “Are you getting in too?” Leo asked. “Or are you just going to stare at my ass all night?”

  Jackson muttered rude things under his breath as he hopped out of his socks and stepped into the shower, then pulled the glass door closed behind them. The water came out of the walls from a dozen different directions, meaning they were both soaked within seconds.

  “Leo.”

  “Hmm?”

  “I’m scared. I mean, I don’t want to lie to you here. I’m fucking scared, and I have no idea what I’m doing.”

  Leo turned and reached up to cup Jackson’s cheek. Jackson looked wrecked.

  “Don’t be scared. Are you warm yet?”

  “Getting warmer.”

  Leo smiled and rose up on his toes, leaning in for Jackson’s mouth. It was easy to curl his fingers into Jackson’s shoulders and hold on and just groan into the kiss, which was heated and wet and incredible from the first moment.

  Leo’s hands were in Jackson’s hair, tugging and insistent. They rocked their hips together, an unconscious action that made Jackson growl low in his throat.

  All Leo wanted to do was touch. Look and touch. Because when there was water sluicing down Jackson’s firm, flat chest, Leo didn’t feel entirely in control of his own emotions.

  “You’re so fucking gorgeous,” Jackson murmured, running his hands up and down Leo’s sides, over his chest and shoulders.

  “You’re not too bad yourself, hotshot. Want a blowjob?”

  The offer was accompanied by wriggling eyebrows, making Jackson laugh.

  “The floor’s all hard, though. It’ll hurt your knees.”

  He was still rutting up against Leo’s hip, delicious wet friction, and Leo was gripping Jackson’s shoulders so he could do the same.

  “My knees are just fine, old man.”

  Jackson slapped his ass for that.

  “Ouch!”

  “Watch it.”

  Leo leaned up on his toes again and took Jackson’s earlobe between his teeth. Tugged gently.