Unsound

by Chantal Fernando

I want to say that “serious” isn’t a word I’d use to describe our relationship, but I keep my mouth shut.

  “Why are you telling me this?” I ask quietly.

  She fiddles with the hem of her t-shirt. “You will be around Bella if you and Tag are together. I want us to get along, be friends at least. So, I just wanted you to know, Tag and I are friends and friends only. Like I said, I ruined what we had and… yeah.”

  “Okay, thank you for your honesty,” I say after taking a few seconds to process what she is telling me. She didn’t have to be so cool about her ex dating another woman, but she was. She was thinking about her daughter. She could have been a bitch and told Tag she didn’t want Bella around another woman, but she didn’t.

  “I’d like it if we were friends,” I say, nodding.

  She smiles kindly just as Bella walks back into the room. “Are you ready?”

  I giggle. “I’m ready.”

  She turns to her mum. “Mum watch me make Clara even prettier.”

  Kaley grins. “I have a few minutes, but then I have to leave.”

  Tag walks into the house about ten minutes later and stands in the frame of the lounge room door, watching me sitting on the floor, Bella doing my hair and Kaley laughing.

  His responding smile takes my breath away.

  *****

  His cock slides in and out, his pelvis brushing my clit with each stroke.

  So.Damn.Good.

  I could feel myself on the edge, knowing it wasn’t going to take much for me to come.

  “Tag…”

  “What do you need, Sweetheart?” he rasps, kissing my mouth. Rolling us over so he was on his back, him still inside me, he puts his hands behind his head. “Ride me, Clara.”

  I push down on him, my hands clutching his shoulders and my head falling back.

  “So sexy,” he whispers. “Fuck, the things I want to do to you.”

  I lift my head and look down at him, sinking my teeth into my lower lip. Grinding down on him, my orgasm hits with full force, the pleasure all consuming.

  Exquisite.

  “That’s it, come for me,” he rumbles, our eyes locking and holding. His fingers dig into my hips, his lips parting enticingly. I want a taste of them, so I lean forward and take one, moaning into his mouth as the last wave of pleasure takes over me.

  “Good girl,” he rasps against my mouth. Cupping my ass in his hands, he lifts his hips up, thrusting into me over and over again until he comes. Panting, I lean forward and kiss him once more, then tug gently on his goatee.

  “Normally hate women touching that,” he says.

  I let go. “Why?”

  He takes my hand and puts it back. “Not you, you can touch whatever you want on me.”

  My eyes widen. “Why don’t you like it?”

  He licks his bottom lip before he replies. “Kaley used to do it all the time.”

  Ah ha. Kaley really did a number on him, no matter how much he tries to play it off.

  Did he love her that much? Did she break his heart? The thought of him in pain makes my chest hurt.

  “Love being inside you,” he says, effectively changing the subject.

  “Love having you there,” I reply, smirking.

  Sliding off him, I lay my head on his chest, wrapping my arm around him. He kisses the top of my head and pushes away the hair stuck to my forehead.

  “Are you happy?” he asks softly, hand running down my spine.

  “I am happy. Are you happy?”

  “More than I’ve been in a long time.”

  I wait for it, for him to talk about us. Anything. But that’s all he says. And for now—that’s going to be enough.

  “I don’t want you to fuckin’ move out, Clara. Why can’t you just stay here? It’s the exact same thing, renting out a room.”

  “Are you asking me to permanently move in with you?”

  He doesn’t say anything.

  “That’s what I’m saying, Tag. Lines are going to get crossed. Am I just your roommate? I can’t keep depending on you,” I say, trying to explain how I was feeling. I couldn’t rely on him to bail me out every time. My world revolved around him so much. He got me a job with him, he took me to and from work. We did the damn grocery shopping together! He was all I could see, all I wanted. But what if suddenly he wanted to break up or end our arrangement? I would be screwed. I would have nowhere to live, nowhere to work. I’d be back where I started before I met him, and I couldn’t think of anything worse. “I’m so thankful to you for helping me, but now I need to be independent and help myself.”

  He sighs, and runs a hand over his head. “If it means so much to you fine. I’ll help you move.”

  “Really?” I ask, raising my eyebrows.

  “Really,” he says, not looking too happy. “I’m also going to introduce myself to this little fucker you’re going to call a roommate.”

  I roll my eyes. “There’s a girl there too, it’s not just me and the guy.”

  “Sweetheart, wherever you are, there’s only you in the room. The dude is going to see you, and he’s going to want you.”

  That was sweet.

  “Tag,” I say quietly. “You really think that?”

  “I know it,” he replies, eyes gentling. “I know you don’t want to rely on me. I don’t like it, but know that I’m still always here for you. Whatever you need. Even if there’s a bug in your new place you want me to handle. You call me.”

  I giggle at that. “I’ll hold you to that one.”

  “You’re still mine on weekends though.”

  “Okay, I’d love that,” I tell him, beaming.

  “And I’m still taking you to work.”

  “Tag!”

  “What?” he says, trying to look innocent. “These are the rules.”

  “If you’re still picking me up and I’m staying here weekends, I may as well not leave at all,” I say, hands on my hips.

  “Exactly,” he says, looking smug. “Just stay here. What are you scared of?”

  That when this was over I am going to be left high and dry? How do I explain that to him without offending him?

  “Nothing,” I reply. “We better get to work or we’re going to be late.”

  He nods slowly. “I want you to be happy, Clara.”

  I smile.

  I want that too, with him.

  *****

  I was having a shit night.

  The worst.

  From my side of the bar, I could see Tag talking to a woman, a woman who was sticking her chest out, her watermelon-sized breasts in his face. Okay, so I was exaggerating slightly, but still. He wasn’t flirting with her or anything, but he was talking to her.

  I was jealous.

  I didn’t like it.

  Sighing, I slide the man his drink and wait for my next customer. After everyone is served, I decide to get some fresh air and head outside to take the trash out. I throw it in the bin, taking my time walking back, something which turns out to be a huge mistake.

  “Clara?”

  I turn around in shock hearing my father’s voice.

  “What are you doing here?” I ask, taking him in. He still looked the same—handsome, with brown hair and pale blue eyes. My dad was a man who would always be good looking.

  “I wanted to see you. I had to,” he says, searching my features.

  “How did you find me?”

  “You mentioned to your mum you were working at a bar,” he says, shrugging. “This is the tenth bar I checked. I’ve been asking around.”

  “Okay, well, you’ve seen me. I’m here, and as you can see, I’m fine. So you can go now.”

  “How long are you going to keep punishing yourself for what I did?” he asks.

  I turn to face him. “What?”

  “You got the top scores in your class. You could have been in the best university right now, studying to be anything you wanted. Instead, you’re here, working in a bar because you hate me more than you care about your future.”r />
  I grit my teeth.

  He continues. “You know I saved money for your education. You don’t even have to be working right now.”

  “I don’t want anything to do with you,” I say, my voice hitching. I turn my back on him and walk back inside, back to the bar. When I see him walk into the bar a few seconds later, I curse under my breath. So much for me hoping he would leave. I glance at Tag who is still talking to that woman, then back to my dad. He walks up to the bar, standing right in front of me. His eyes to go where mine just were, to Tag.

  “That your boyfriend?” he asks, looking interested. “Looks like it’s true—daughters do find a man just like their fathers.”

  Oh my god.

  I can’t believe he just said that.

  That fucker.

  “So what, he’s talking to a woman and that means he must have a mistress and more kids that no one knows about? Not everyone is as much of a dirty bastard as you.”

  He flinches. “The girls ask about you.”

  Pain blooms in my stomach.

  My half-sisters.

  I’d never met them, yet they were somehow a part of me.

  I harden my heart.

  “Tell them I’m dead,” I reply without emotion. “Because that’s what I am to you.”

  He squeezes his eyes shut. “The issues I had with your mother have nothing to do with how I feel for you.”

  Except they impact me on every level. He wasn’t the man I thought he was, the one I used to look up to. He was selfish. He wasn’t a good man. He was good at pretending. He was fake. He broke my fucking heart long before it should have been broken.

  “If you ever loved me, please, just leave.”

  “Clara, are you okay?” Tag asks, putting his hands on my waist. “Who the fuck are you?”

  “I’m her father,” my dad replies stiffly. “Nice to see you’re done paying attention to other women and now focusing on my daughter.”

  Tag goes still behind me. “I was talking to my daughter’s teacher. No other woman means shit to me besides Clara. You don’t know me. I, however, have heard more than enough about you. You’re upsetting her. If she wants to contact you, she will.”

  He looks to me. “Do you want him gone, Sweetheart? Or do you want to talk to him?”

  “Gone,” I reply with ease.

  “You heard her,” Tag says, voice laced with steel.

  My father puts his card on the table. “Call me, Clara. We need to talk. Alone.”

  “Three seconds before I call security,” Tag growls.

  My father leaves.

  I lean against Tag, my eyes starting to water.

  Why did he have to come here?

  I just wanted him to leave me alone.

  “That was Mrs. Yale, Bella’s teacher. I didn’t mean to ignore you, Clara. Fuck, I’m sorry.”

  “She has big boobs,” I sniff.

  Tag makes a strangled sound. “She does, but I didn’t look at them once. She was telling me about Bella’s role in a play they’re doing next week. She’s going to be an ice queen from some kid’s movie.”

  “Have you ever slept with her?” I blurt out.

  “My kid’s teacher? Jesus, is that what you think of me?” he asks, sounding offended.

  I didn’t know what to think. I just wanted to go home and sleep.

  “Come on,” he rumbles in my ear. “I’m taking you home. I’ll call someone to cover our shift.”

  He carries me in his arms like a bride and takes me to his car.

  I fall asleep as he organises someone else to come in and cover for us.

  *****

  The next morning, I decide I have to face my problems.

  “Are you going to talk to him?” Tag asks as he butters some toast.

  “I guess so. I don’t think he’ll go away otherwise,” I say, looking down into my cup of coffee. “I think I need to try and forgive him so I can move on with my life, but that doesn’t mean I want him in my life.”

  Tag walks over and puts the toast down in front of me. “Do you want me to come with you?”

  “Would you mind?” I ask in a small voice.

  “Do you even have to ask that?”

  My lip twitches. “I guess not. Thanks, Tag. I mean it.”

  “You don’t have to thank me, Clara,” he says, bending down to kiss my head. “I’m jumping in the shower then going to drop Bella off. Let me know what you want to do.”

  He leaves the room, and I look down at my phone. Do I want to see him? No. Do I want this to end? Yes. I press dial his number, remembering it from the top of my head. Once upon a time, it was a number I called every day.

  “Clara?”

  “If I meet you, will you leave me alone then?” I ask, getting straight to the point.

  I hear him sigh. “I want to meet you so we can part on good terms. I want you back in my life.”

  “Not happening.”

  “Clara—”

  “No.”

  “I’m sorry okay?” he says, rushing the words out. “I’m sorry for what I did to you and your mother, but I love your sisters too, so I can’t exactly regret it.”

  Wow. Okay then.

  “Why don’t you just go and be a good father to them,” I say quietly. “Be there for them. I don’t need you anymore, Dad, and I don’t want you in my life. I’m sorry if that hurts you, and that isn’t why I’m doing it. I’m doing it for me because I just want to forget about everything.”

  He’s silent for a few moments. “Will you come and visit us for holidays? Your mother didn’t do anything wrong, and you’re punishing her too.”

  Now he cared about my mum’s feelings? How rich.

  “Fine, I’ll come for Christmas,” I say, relenting. “If you leave.”

  “Okay, I’ll leave,” he whispers.

  I hang up. Guess I don’t have to go and see him after all, but I do have to see him on Christmas. I could be civil, for my mother’s sake, couldn’t I?

  I could try, and it was a start. I couldn’t be okay with everything over night, but I could work on it, and I would.

  The time had come for me to move out. Tag loads my bags into his car, the silence between us filled with tension. I know he doesn’t want me to leave, but I want to do this for me.

  “Is that everything?” he asks, his tone subdued.

  “Yes.”

  He opens the door for me, and I get in while he walks around the car and gets in the driver’s seat.

  “It’s only five minutes away,” I say, twisting my body to face him.

  “I know,” he says. “You’ll call me if you need anything, right?”

  I nod, but I wasn’t sure that I would. Tag had done more than enough for me, and I can’t keep asking him for more. He reaches his hand over hand and rests it on my thigh, leaving it there for the rest of the ride.

  Tag parks the car then gets out and carries my bags. We walk up one flight of stairs, and then I look for room twenty-eight.

  “This way, Sweetheart,” Tag says, pointing to the right. I follow next to him until we walk up to the door. Knocking, I look at Tag’s face as we wait. Staring at the muscle ticking in his jaw, I turn when the door opens. A man stands there, dressed in nothing but a pair of basketball shorts sitting low on his lean hips. His body was toned, lithe. An athlete’s body. This was one of my roommates?

  His eyes widen. “You Clara?”

  I nod.

  He puts his hand out. “Brandon.”

  I shake his hand and then he raises it to his lips, placing a kiss there. “Nice to meet you.”

  Tag clears his throat and moves closer to me. Brandon takes him in and takes a step back.

  “This is Tag,” I say.

  Tag grins, all teeth. “My woman gonna be safe here?”

  Brandon nods, swallowing. “She will.”

  “Good,” Tag replies in a smug tone.

  Brandon gives us a quick tour. The apartment has three bedrooms and two bathrooms and is quite lovely and s
pacious. Tag carries my bags to my new room then sits on the bed, looking around.

  “I don’t like it.”

  “Tag—”

  “I know, you want to do this, but for the record Clara, I don’t fuckin’ like it.”

  “Noted,” I reply, my mouth twitching.

  “Don’t like the way that fucker looked at you either. He wants you.”

  “Tag, be serious.”

  “I am,” he grits out, like the admission kills him. “He comes onto you or hassles you in anyway, you’re moving out, Clara.”

  “Tag, stop being a caveman and fuck me in my new room.”

  That shuts him up.

  *****

  During the next week, Tag becomes distant. I don’t like it, but I don’t know how to fix it. He calls every now and again to check on me, and he picks me up for work even though I tell him I can find my own way there, but he’s not the same. On our day off, I catch the bus to his house in the late afternoon to talk to him about what’s going on. I wanted to surprise him, but it turns out I was the one who ended up being surprised.

  I knock on the door, fiddling with my hair as I wait for him to open it. When he does, my eyes widen as I see him dressed up, as if going out somewhere.

  “Clara? What are you doing here?” he asks, glancing behind him.

  “I want to talk to you…” I say, trailing off.

  Something is wrong.

  Is someone in the house with him?

  The thought makes my chest squeeze tightly.

  “Tag!” A woman calls out.

  My eyes bore into his.

  “Of course,” I whisper. “You’re always single.”

  I see him flinch. I wasn’t here in the house now, so he is moving on.

  Without me.

  And without telling me.

  So, what? I was going to be kept on the side as his personal sex toy while he did whatever he wanted? Did he truly think I was that pathetic to go along with it? Or maybe he thought I’d never find out. Either way, I’m disappointed. I’m hurt. I’m angry. But most of all, I’m heartbroken.

  I’d fallen for this man.

  He’d been my knight in shining armour on more than one occasion, given me hope when I need it the most. But right now, he wasn’t that man. He was Tag, the man who was afraid to commit and was going to ruin what we had because of it.

  The woman walks up behind him and puts her had on his abs. Tag looks down at her hand, scowling, but he doesn’t remove it.