by Ami LeCoeur
“I’m sorry, Sarah. Did I promise to call? I must have forgotten.” He didn’t seem to see anything amusing about it, or any reason to explain.
“Well, yes. You did. When you dropped me off on Saturday morning, you said you’d call today.”
“Right. Sorry.” I heard paper shuffling around in the background and wondered what was going on that was so important.
“Clearly, this isn’t a good time,” I said briskly, ready to get off the phone.
“Hey, don’t be like that,” he said. “I have a lot of work to take care of. I thought you understood how busy I am, especially with this upcoming court stuff.”
I sighed, letting the air and tension leave me slowly. “I do know that.”
“Then why does this suddenly feel like you want to break my balls over it?”
My eyes went wide. “I’m sorry you think I’m… being overbearing,” I sputtered. “I guess this isn’t the best day for you.”
“Good guess,” he said, his tone clipped. I could have been offended or angry, but instead, I chalked it up to overwork. I knew I hated interruptions when I was crazy-busy.
“How about Wednesday? Would that be better?”
“Yeah, probably.”
Well, that didn’t help anything. Talk about noncommittal. “So Wednesday then? Maybe we can have an early dinner.”
“Don’t forget the Board meeting tonight,” he reminded me. “It’s the last one before the Fourth, so it’s pretty important.”
“Oh, yes. I almost forgot. See? We both forgot something today. Good thing I have you to remind me.” I tried hard to joke about it, but he wasn’t in a joking mood.
“Yeah, Okay, see you later.” He was clearly distracted, so I decided to wrap things up. I wasn’t the type to overstay my welcome, and apparently, I had.
“I’ll see you tonight then. Maybe we can go out afterward?”
“Yeah, sure. Thanks for being flexible with me, by the way. I appreciate it.”
“Sure.” Well, that was something. We hung up, but I still wasn’t sure what to think. I was beginning to wonder if this segmentation was a normal thing for him. I knew men compartmentalized everything, but this was a bit extreme. Would I have to get used to him acting this way every time he had some work thing going on?
And could I handle coming in second in his life?
Chapter Seventeen
“I’ll take the second shift with Louisa,” Emma said. “And you guys are still up for the last shift? Once it’s over, it’ll be time for the fireworks.”
I looked across the table at Al, and he nodded. “Sure, we can do it. Me and Al,” I said.
“Great! You’ll have to break it down, everything just goes back in the same boxes as when you set up,” Emma said, making a note on her clipboard.
“That’s fine,” Al said, and I agreed. I was glad that we’d have a few uninterrupted hours together, and that I’d have somebody to enjoy the fireworks with afterward. He had said as much the day we looked over the park. It was always better to watch fireworks with somebody special, and I hadn’t done that in way too long.
All during the meeting, I’d tried to catch his eye across the table, simply to share a secret smile, but for whatever reason, he never met my gaze. Oh, well. I would remind him later of the fireworks we could create together after the event.
“Al, I know you have an update for us. Would you like to talk about that now?” Emma asked, turning the meeting over to him.
“Thank you. As you all know, we’ve been working on a suit against Grant Lancaster, one of our previous internship providers. Another witness came forward over the weekend. I’m expecting to depose her tomorrow.” I wondered if that was what the emergency on Saturday was all about and suddenly felt bad for being petulant over his buzzing phone.
Again, I tried to catch his eye, but he was busy looking around the room at the other members. “The stories keep jiving with each other. I also wanted to let you know I’ve made arrangements so that any fees I collect, beyond the necessary expenses, will go to the Shelter. I think this is just too big an issue, and I want to put the money back into supporting the women and children here—more toys, more supplies, maybe another computer or two. Who knows? We’ll have to take a look at what we’re most in need of. But the victims will still get the bulk of any money that may be awarded.”
I smiled. He was a good man with high standards. I was pleased that, for once, I had found a man I could be proud to be associated with. I couldn’t imagine him behaving anything like Jimmy, or Kris, or the other losers I’d been with over the last several months.
“If that’s it,” Em said, standing, “I think we can call this meeting adjourned.”
I looked up at Al, hoping again to catch his eye, but he remained formal as he gathered his things together. Friendly, but detached. As if we’d never been more than friends. My heart sank a little, but I understood the need to maintain a professional relationship on the Board. I’d learned the hard way not to mix my business with my personal life, and in the same way, it might not make sense to mix our personal lives with the Board and the Shelter. I could wait until we were alone to tell him how much I admired the work he was doing on behalf of Grant’s victims.
I didn’t say anything until we got to the car, and by the time I realized where we were heading I forgot all about Annie and the other girls.
“I thought we were going to dinner?” I asked when it became clear we were on the way to my place.
“Oh, sorry. That’s gonna have to wait. I have a ton of work to finish tonight in preparation for tomorrow’s deposition.”
“Gotcha.” I looked out the window, feeling lonely all of a sudden. So this was the way it was going to be. I didn’t know why it bothered me so much, and told myself I couldn’t pick and choose when it came to Al’s work. I admired him because of his dedication. It would be hypocritical for me to give him a hard time over it.
“You understand, right?” The car pulled up in front of my building. It wasn’t as though there was anything I could say to argue.
I turned to him with a smile and a shrug. “Yeah, sure.”
“That’s my girl. You get it.” He pulled me to him for a panty-melting kiss that again fueled the chemistry between us. I gripped his shoulders, holding on for dear life as he triggered my desire with his lips. His hands traveled over my shoulders, my back, pulling me to him while he teased my tongue with his. I could hardly breathe by the time I pulled away.
“A preview of what we have to look forward to,” he promised. Relief washed over me as I realized he actually did want to be with me, too.
“I can’t wait,” I admitted.
“Neither can I. I’m looking forward to having time in the booth with you also. I mean that. It’ll be a great day.”
“It will.” I gave him a quick peck on the cheek before jumping out of the car. That kiss was so sweet, and he was so hard working. Hell, I would have done the same thing in his place. I couldn’t turn around and use it against him.
And besides, we had the weekend to look forward to.
Chapter Eighteen
In between the demands of the swimsuit campaign, I kept thinking about Saturday and how much I was looking forward to seeing Al again, both during and after the event.
For once, I was happy for the short day on Friday. I rarely ever left at noon, even on a holiday weekend when everyone else did, but there was no point in sticking around when all I could think about was being somewhere else. I gave Tammy a quick call, making arrangements to stop by her gallery and catch her up on the latest details.
By Saturday morning, I was more than ready to see Al again.
I liked the man and what he stood for. It helped that he was fun to be with—socially as well as sexually. I thought about him while I showered and dressed conservatively in a red, white, and blue shirt and jeans to represent the shelter well and stay in the spirit of the day. I even packed snacks and a blanket in a bag with the hopes of cuddling w
ith Al during the fireworks. It would be so much fun. I felt like a kid again, genuinely excited to watch a fireworks show.
And then there would be the fireworks after the show, which I looked forward to even more. I only had to get through the rest of the day before I got my reward. Multiple rewards, if I remembered the prior weekend correctly.
I was early, planning to get everything set up and ready to go. I also hoped I’d have a chance to see some of the other booths, but that would have to wait until we were ready for the crowd.
The park was already jam-packed with vendors by the time I got there. Everyone was busy with their own setup, enjoying food and drinks from the dozen or so refreshment booths scattered through the park. Musicians were setting up so people could enjoy the live music. Clowns and jugglers practiced in anticipation of the kids who would start showing up soon. It was easy to smile when I saw how excited everyone was.
I was in a great mood by the time I reached the Shelter’s booth, and my spirits climbed even higher when I saw Al had beaten me there. He had everything organized just so. The pamphlets and fliers, a clipboard with spaces for email addresses of those interested in learning more about the organization. I stashed my bag under a table, set down my big bowl of candy, and handed him the bag we’d use to refill it later.
He looked delicious, too, in one of his typical polo shirts and a pair of tight fitting jeans. A little shiver ran through me as I thought about later, but I pushed the idea away. There was plenty of time to play later. Right now, we were on a mission for the Shelter and that’s what deserved my attention.
It turned out to be a very busy day, and I barely got any time to chat with him at all. That was okay, of course, since it meant a lot of people had an interest in the Shelter. My red, white, and blue bunting and balloons had turned the booth into an eye-catcher, and we capitalized on the traffic. We spent the time answering questions, taking email addresses, handing out information. Most of the people we spoke with said they had no idea such a place existed in the community, and many of them promised to become involved. If only half of those did—even just a third—we would be in great shape.
I turned to smile at Al after chatting with a group of older women who’d wanted to learn more. Alas, he was with his first love. His phone. I’d heard it buzzing all morning but had ignored it since he’d simply let it keep buzzing without him. He seemed genuinely committed to being present with the folks who stopped by to find out more, though I wondered why he hadn’t simply turned it off. At the moment there was a break in traffic, and I guess he’d decided it had been long enough since he’d last checked his messages. I was disappointed, but I tried to keep my mouth shut.
Still, I couldn’t help teasing him about it. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear you have a girlfriend.”
That got his attention. He glanced up at me, a half-distracted look on his handsome face. “Not hardly.” He laughed. “With everything I have to take care of, I couldn’t handle more than one woman at a time.”
I liked the way that sounded—especially if I was that one woman—but it didn’t ease my growing irritation every time the phone buzzed. If I’d had my way, I would have given the thing away to the first passing stranger. Or stomped on it until its guts came pouring out. Clearly, I was becoming more than a little resentful of the damn device. What did that say about me?
I was further disappointed when we were relieved of our booth duties by the next couple on duty, and he begged off to go take care of his messages.
I spent my time wandering around the dozens of craft booths, enjoying the hand-beaded glass jewelry, pottery, paintings, hand-painted silk scarves. Each booth’s crafts were beautifully displayed. I was amazed and intrigued by the quality of the handmade goods.
As I wandered through the crafts booths, I found myself thinking about Annie. She could do as well or better work than the paintings selling for hundreds of dollars at this festival. What if I could get the women at the Shelter involved in making crafts? The Board often had an information booth. Why not a crafts booth or even a combination? Something that displayed their works while also providing information?
We could participate in local fairs, and the women could make a little extra money. Even the women who couldn’t afford to work, since childcare cost so much, could work from home. It would give them a little boost of self-esteem once they saw that they could still be industrious and make a little money. And it would help fill their time. All things they needed.
I started taking photos of the booths and the crafts. I couldn’t wait to broach the subject with Emma. She’d love it.
Back at the booth by four, it was more of the same. Al was there, attentive to the visitors, but he seemed distracted. As the evening approached, I was looking forward to a break from all the talking. I liked being in the booth, but it was almost like being on stage—with little time for a break.
By six-forty-five, Al started taking the booth down. I got excited by his eagerness since it meant we’d have more time to be together. I was happy to help him, putting away the few pieces of printed literature we had left, taking down the signs and balloons. The event organizers were in charge of the tents and tables, so by seven o’clock, there was nothing left for us to do but enjoy each other. And I intended to put my focus on doing exactly that.
I turned to Al with a smile, telling him how much I’d been looking forward to finally being with him. He glanced up from his phone, frowning.
“I’m sorry,” he said, slipping the phone into his pocket. “I’ll have to take a rain check.”
I was stunned—too stunned to reply at first. When I did, I laughed shakily. “A rain check on the fireworks?” I asked, hoping for the best.
“I’m sorry.” He shook his head. “A rain check on the whole evening. Preliminaries start on Monday. You know how important this is.”
“But… it was always scheduled to start on Monday. Why would you tell me you’d have time to spend with me if you were never actually going to have time?” I didn’t understand it at all.
He sighed. “I was hoping, truly. But you never know what might come up. With this new witness, it’s put me even further behind. Besides, there’s no such thing as being overly prepared for a case. And you know how important this one is.”
“Yes, I know.” I bit my lip, not wanting to say more but disappointed that I’d put my trust in his word.
“I mean, God.” He laughed a little. “It might be different if I had a full staff to help me, but I don’t. It’s all on me and a couple of assistants. We’re working against the clock. I’m probably gonna have to work like crazy all the way through the trial. I’m sorry.”
He was sorry. I was disappointed. No one was happy here. I’d spent the past week looking forward to something that was never going to happen. And neither one of us was going to have any fun. Not tonight, and probably not for several months. In that moment, I was torn between my own disappointment and the sadness filling my heart.
But when I saw the sincerity and intensity in his eyes, my heart stopped hurting a little. He wasn’t just giving me the runaround. He wasn’t making lame excuses or lying. The man was seriously devoted to his career.
Suddenly, the full truth hit me like the proverbial ton of bricks.
This was never going to work.
It didn’t matter if he was the best lover ever.
If he was the most considerate partner in the world.
Even if he had the best intentions for everything.
He was a workaholic, just like me. He didn’t know how to relax, how to live his life.
He didn’t know how to not work.
And if I was going to be with him, seriously be with him, I would still only be second to his work. It would be just the same as being alone.
I didn’t want that. I wanted somebody who, when he was with me, was fully with me. I didn’t think that was selfish or asking too much. I worked like crazy, too, so I knew what that was like. But I knew that ki
nd of life was one-dimensional and not very healthy.
I needed and wanted someone who valued relationships as much as I did. I couldn’t come in second to somebody’s work, and our relationship couldn’t come third. I needed to be first. Even if that meant I ended up being by myself.
I stepped back, looking up at Al’s gorgeous face, the creased brow and intense eyes staring down at me. Then I reached up, pulling his face to mine, and I kissed his cheek, smiling. “Okay. You go take care of business. I’ll be fine.” There was no mistaking the relief on his face as he smiled back.
“I’ll make it up to you, I promise,” he said. I simply smiled, wondering if there was really anything he had the capacity to do that could “make it up” to me. I stuffed my sadness and disappointment behind my smile. This was my issue, not his.
Then in a flash, he was gone. Probably already running behind.
I put together the boxes left over from the booth, making sure to include the clipboard so we could add the new names to our email list. All the while I laughed at myself, wondering what it would be like if I never found the right guy for me. The sort of man I wanted was a successful professional. Someone on my level, so to speak. And that man would likely be a workaholic just like Al, just like I’d been. If I intended to be with someone like that, with someone I could respect as I respected Al, I would have to be okay with the interruption of personal wishes. The postponement of fun and relaxation to take care of business and work needs.
Just the thought of a life like that made me tired. Bone-dead tired. I slumped down on the stack of boxes, looking around me and realized that, in spite of everything that had happened, I liked myself, really liked myself, even without a man. Maybe it wouldn’t bother me anymore, the thought that I would remain single.
